Pluie Mauve
Purple Rain

 

CHAPTER 1

 - Tristesse - 

 

 

"She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances.

She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum."

- Jonathan Safran Foer

 

"Is it... true?"

 

She asked that question right after. I can't figure out what she felt that time but then she shook me and I don't even know why I can't speak. I was torn between continuing what I was saying or maybe I could just say it's a joke...

 

"Eunbi..." Hearing her say my name made my heart skip a beat. I looked at her and tears started to well in the corner of her eyes. "Tell me... Is it true?"

 

All I did was to nod and then I felt a pair of warm hands pulling me into a tight embrace. Does this mean...

 

No, this is wrong. There's no way that she'll like me--

 

"Eunbi, thank you." That's what she said.

 

Just like what I thought, there'd be no way she'll like me. We're both girls, to begin with. Plus, I don't think I deserve someone as amazing as her...

 

I felt her arms loosen. She held my shoulder and looked straight at me, with a bright smile on her face. Her face was red and so are her eyes which are now drenched in tears.

 

"I'm glad we both feel the same."

 

"You know, it's okay... I'll be fine-- wait... WHAT?!"

 

Am I imagining things? Is there a problem with my hearing???

 

"Stupid!" She pouted and looked away. But then she looked back at me. "I said I lo--"

 

 

Her words are inaudible. I recoiled from fear and woke up from that dream. It was certainly a dream. Again. During the past weeks, I have always dreamed about her... I know why and maybe none of these make sense but I was somehow really happy that I can see her even just in my dreams.

 

I stared at the ceiling, not wanting to start the day crying again. Inhale. Exhale. I did my best to compose myself and shrugged off the weird feeling. It has been so long yet I still can't get used to this feeling. I decided to get off the bed and occupy my mind with something else.

 

It's still 4:37am, too early to prepare myself for work. I have no idea what I wanted to do but for some reasons, the silence of the place made me feel sadder...

 

I reached for my phone and opened my LINE account. Not having much friends to contact, I browsed through the list a few more times before closing the app. It's useless. I plugged in my earphones next. Maybe some music will help me calm down. The list was on-shuffle... The first song played and it must be another sign. It was her favorite song.

 

You're toxic
You sink into me
You play with my heart
I fall for you again...

 

I started singing with just her in my mind. We used to sing this song frequently before. She has always told me that she was hooked to this song right after listening to it for the first time.

 

The images rushing through my mind formed a bittersweet collection of memories. I can still hear her voice in my mind. It resounds, every note does. It was that moment when I once again shed tears. Every time I remember her, I just can't stop my tears from falling. Maybe I'm crazy? Because I simply can't get over her even after so long... Feeling lost in deep thoughts about her, I let myself drown in tears again.

 

Not noticing that I already fell asleep while crying, I woke up for the second time today. Just in time, I guess. I got off the bed and with my usual routine, prepared myself to work.

 

A tedious ritual of activities passed and now I'm finally ready to go to work. One last look in the huge full-body-sized mirror and I'm good to go. I need to make sure I put enough make-up so that my puffy eyes won't be noticeable. I guess.... everything's fine?

 

After I double-checked that I locked my apartment, I sighed and when I was about to go, someone called me out from behind.

 

"Eunbi unnie!" I know whose voice that is, one of my few friends, Kim Chaewon. She was smiling as she walked towards me so I smiled back. "Good morning!"

 

"Good morning, Chaewon."

 

I've known Chaewon since I moved to Seoul. She was a couple of years younger than me and we've treated each other like sisters. We live in adjacent units in an apartment building and we are working at the same place.

 

We talked about work-related things on our way to the bus stop. Somehow, talking to Chaewon diverted myself from thinking about her.

 

"Ah, Eunbi unnie! Are you free this Saturday? Minju asked me to invite you as well to her place to celebrate her birthday." Chaewon said out of the blue.

 

"Hmmm, well..." I just cannot reject Chaewon since she was doing her best to convince me with that cute face of hers. It was so irresistible that I pinched her cheek lightly. "...okay, I'll go."

 

The younger girl cheered triumphantly. "Thank you, unnie! Minju will be very happy~~"

 

That being said, I realized it has been weeks since I last saw Minju. She sometimes comes over the house to ask for help with her studies. So, I basically became her tutor for a short period of time. But she sometimes pays a visit too when she hangs out with Chaewon. They're good friends, I can say.

 

"I wonder... maybe we could do some shopping later?" I asked Chaewon. "I have no idea what could I give Minju as a present."

 

"Minju's a really kind girl. She'll be happy with anything. She always says it's the thought that counts..." She replied. "But of course, Eunbi unnie wouldn't be satisfied if she doesn't find the perfect gift for Minju. So, okay, we'll go shopping later."

 

She's really cute when she tries to