chapter fourteen

Our Beach

A/N: okay it hasn't been quite so long since an update this time?? but i REALLY REALLY want to get back into the swing of frequent updates so sorry for the wait?? maybe you all could leave some encouraging comments....haha, just kidding...unless??? well, really, just kidding. you don't have to comment but I do really appreciate it! now, lets get on with the story. 

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Haseul was not sure how to feel about Vivi and her being on the same page now, at least in terms of their ualities. 

Partly, it was reassuring. Of course, Vivi didn't have to and would never like her back, but at least she wouldn't get freaked out if she did realize how Haseul felt. They could probably remain friends afterwards. Well, Haseul was going to avoid Vivi finding out about her feelings if she could help it. But she didn't trust Heejin, Hyunjin, or Yeojin to fully keep it a secret. Let alone herself; her body language. 

Plus....Haseul truly felt there was a change, something in the air, something palpably different. It was her day off so she, Yeojin, and Vivi were at the beach, of course, Yeojin reading a copy of American Girl magazine from probably back when Haseul had a subscription. Interestingly, it wasn't Yeojin in the water for once: it was Vivi and Haseul beneath the cool waves, and Yeojin out on the beach, watching the stuff. Haseul only sort of minded. 

But today, doing her swimming lessons with Vivi, she could just feel something had shifted since admitting they liked girls to each other. It was tension and release all at once, an energy passing between them that had not existed before. Was it all in Haseul's head? Probably, she thought. But that didn't change it from building up her nerves, or her excitement. 

But that was exactly the reason knowing Vivi liked girls was so, so scary: it gave Haseul hope. This new tension she seemed to be feeling, the idea of Vivi at least possibly being attracted to her, or even just thinking she was pretty in that sort of way....it was ruinous, almost. She could really make herself believe there was a chance when there was none, that there was hope when it didn't exist. And then, she'd just love Vivi more, and Vivi would pull away harder, and Haseul would be completely, utterly, ed. 

Haseul could not resist, though. She could not resist feeling that tension mixed with release, could not resist staring at Vivi's perfect face as long as socially acceptable, accepting all of Vivi's help as she learned to swim. Simply, it was impossible. 

Especially when Vivi was just being so, so kind. It was her second round of swimming lessons and Haseul had decisively not improved in the slightest; they were still working on treading. Not even swimming, just...treading.

"Ugh, !" Haseul groaned when she simply couldn't keep herself above water any longer, puppy kicking her way over to where her feet could touch. She was humiliated and exhausted, and she hadn't even done anything. 

With a completely non judgemental sigh, Vivi followed. "What's up?" 

Haseul sighed. "I just...I just..." She sighed again. "I just can't believe I still can't get it down. This is the second session of just....treading water."

"Haseul-" 

"And counting both sessions, it's been, like, four hours." 

"That's still not very much time," Vivi mumbled, in her gentle voice. 

Haseul sighed, yet again. Not only was her total failure probably very annoying to Vivi, her pessimistic attitude and constant complaining was also probably equally annoying. How could she ever let herself have any hope when it came to Vivi? How the hell could someone like Vivi ever like her back? 

"I-I'm sorry," Haseul breathed out. 

Vivi smiled, brilliantly so, no hint of frustration on her face even though Haseul was sure it must have been there, buried deep inside. "What are you sorry for? You're frustrated. It's hard. It feels like you've been at it forever when you haven't. I promise it's not easy. I know that's not the best thing to hear but it means you're doing just fine. I promise you'll get it down, though. And picking the rest up will get easier." 

"Clearly I don't have a natural talent for it though." 

Vivi laughed. "Who does? Not many people, I promise. I don't. I just learned when I was little." 

Haseul exhaled softly. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes! Yes I am." 

Vivi put her wet hand on Haseul's shoulder and she shivered; her delicate, slight hand was cold but her touch felt like fire against her skin. It was fake, it was so fake it was her mind playing tricks on her but Haseul couldn't help herself, couldn't help but think there was something more behind that little touch. 

"Maybe we should take a break or something, eat some snacks and relax. Then we can go back in and try something else." 

Why why why why why was Vivi so perfect? A good, understanding teacher who just got Vivi. By god was she absolutely ed; her heart ached at almost everything Vivi said and did. 

"That sounds great," Haseul answered, barely managing to contain everything she felt in her heart. 

Vivi grinned and the two girls waded out of the water, Haseul following close behind. And if Haseul thought things couldn't get worse...they emerged from the water. 

Haseul's feelings laid with Vivi's mind, not her appearance, not her body. But her body...well, it was simply a masterpiece. Vivi emerged from the water, her long sunset fire hair following behind, like out of some cheesy movie. Muscular, feminine, curves in all the right places; made to be a lifeguard, could've easily been on Baywatch. Her petal pink bikini, one swore Haseul saw at Forever 21 before she came down to Egret Cove, looked like it was made just for her. Haseul was whipped; she was ed. 

Two feelings accompanied Haseul's thoughts about Vivi's looks: lust, and jealousy. 

It was the ultimate question of the woman loving woman- did you want to date her or to be her? 

Oh, Haseul wanted Vivi, but did she want that body too. Her one piece was made for someone else, and it showed, her frame like a boy or a girl child, it wasn't what she wanted. Looking the way she did, it was hard to feel pretty, especially stripped down like this. Luckily the beach was almost deserted, but the one person Haseul wanted to impress- and therefore did not want to see her body- was right here, in front of her, talking to her, teaching her. 

Walking back to their stuff, Haseul tried to surreptitiously cover herself- deciding her stomach was the worst part she rested her arms over her not so flat stomach. 

Luckily, Yeojin didn't notice. Upon hearing Vivi and Haseul sit back down on the old sheet, she lowered her magazine and her orange tinted heart shaped sunglasses. "What." 

"We're taking a break," Vivi answered. "Did you bring snacks?" 

Yeojin threw Vivi the bag of chex mix and smirked. "Have fun, ladies." 

Haseul winced but Yeojin didn't pay any mind, turning back to her magazine, as Vivi pulled open the bag. Pointedly, she held out one of those toast crackers to Haseul. 

"Have it." 

Haseul made a face; she'd have to move her hands to take it. Vivi just kept her hand up and Haseul, sacrificing her bodily dignity for social dignity. She stuffed the cracker in a little too quickly and reached to cover herself up again, but Vivi grabbed her wrist before she could do it. 

"Here- while we're out here, why don't we practice some of the arm movements?" 

Haseul flashed hot. "S-sure," she managed to answer. 

With a small grin, Vivi grabbed her other wrist and started making her arms move. The girls shared a simultaneous laugh. 

"What are doing?" Haseul asked between giggles. 

"This is the ." Haseul made a large effort not to look at Vivi's s. Then, she started making Haseul's arms do another move. "And this is freestyle." 

"Ooh! I've heard of those!" 

Vivi put Haseul's arms down but she just let them hang by her sides, reaching back for the bag of chex mix before remembering her earlier shame.

But wait-had Vivi moved her arms on purpose? Tried to make her laugh on purpose? Tried to distract her on purpose? 

Haseul heart thumped in her chest as she watched as Vivi grab some more food, her eyes glancing over Haseul's frame. There wasn't a single negative feeling in her eyes- only joy. And Haseul couldn't help but think Vivi had done it all for a reason, for her. 

"Ready to go back in?" 

Haseul gave her the biggest, brightest smile back. "Definitely." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Simply spending time with Vivi, let alone Vivi helping for her and maybe, possibly caring for her, gave Haseul a high that would last for hours. 

But that would have to come crashing down, eventually. 

After Yeojin and Haseul walked Vivi home the girls split up, just relaxing in their rooms, watching TV (on Haseul's part) or playing minecraft with friends (on Yeojin's part). It wasn't boring like it was when Haseul first came to Egret Cove; now that she had a job free time alone was all the more sweet. Plus, it gave her time to in her mind, rehash Vivi over and over: her prettiness, her kindness, the way her touch felt in the water and on land. Yeojin was absolutely right; she was a ing simp. 

But, all of was broken, easily so, with something as simple as a phone call. 

Haseul's eyes were distracted from the big TV screen to the little one beside her in bed, the black locked phone turning from her screensaver (a picture of Yeojin glaring at her for interrupting her playing minecraft) to the call page, showing the name Haseul almost dreaded: Jungeun Kim

It had been a while since her "friends" back home bothered to call, Haseul had disappointedly hoped they would give up. But Haseul hadn't picked up even once since she had been gone, and while she'd answered all of their texts, they had only gotten short responses back from her. 

Part of her felt guilty- the texts the girls had sent her had a sort of sad tone to it. But Haseul was probably overthinking; hell, she overthought everything. And why should she feel guilty? They only did this because they felt bad. Her not picking up would probably be a relief. 

But- she couldn't stop that nagging feeling in the pit of her chest that she should pick up the phone, just like that silly nagging feeling she got around Vivi earlier, like her affections were returned. Maybe she should pick up, even just to make that baseless guilt go away. And anyways- even if Jungeun and Jinsoul didn't like her that much, her not picking up would probably make them think she didn't like them. And that just wasn't true- Haseul did like them, a lot. Maybe if Jungeun and Jinsoul really thought Haseul didn't like them they would stop bothering to pretend to be her friend. 

And as complicated as Haseul viewed their relationship- she didn't think she could take that. 

So finally, right on the last ring- Haseul slid to answer. 

"H-Hello?" 

"HASEUL!" Jungeun and Jinsoul screamed at the top of their lungs. 

"Oh my god, we finally caught you! Yes!" Jinsoul squealed. 

"We miss you so much," Jungeun whined in a tone so sentimental, so unlike her. 

Haseul's heart panged. How could this not be real, how could this not be real, how could they be faking this- did they miss her? Actually, really? Truly? 

"Sorry, sorry. We know you're busy and so we don't wanna make you feel guilty," Jungeun spoke. 

"No, no, d-don't worry about it..." Haseul felt a little overwhelmed, with this outpouring of love. 

"We haven't wanted to bombard you with calls and texts because we know you don't like those that much but I hope you know how much we miss you!" Jinsoul cheered. 

"I...I miss you girls too." Maybe, it wasn't a lie, and guilt and affection in Haseul's heart intertwined and shot all the way through her. It was true, calls and texts did sometimes make Haseul nervous, especially from them. But she'd always thought Jinsoul and Jungeun didn't contact her that much because they didn't want to. But maybe...they were looking out for her. Just maybe. 

"How is it? You must be having so much fun!" Jinsoul said. 

"I am," Haseul admitted. 

"What have you been up to?" Jungeun asked. 

And then...Haseul told them about it. Normally with Jungeun and Jinsoul, she didn't like to share anything about her life; nothing was interesting, why would they care? But this time she told them: holding back about Vivi (that was too personal), she told them all about Yeojin and her grandma and Allison's 24 Hour and Allison herself and Heejin and Hyunjin. And to her surprise...they listened. With wrapt attention. 

"It sounds so nice, like a movie," Jinsoul whined. 

"I wish we were there with you," Jungeun added. 

"I do too. But how are you two?" 

"Agh, same old same old. Nightly y sleepovers, missing the worlds best third wheel..."

"Oh! And Jungeunnie dyed her hair blonde again," Jinsoul interrupted. 

"Again?" 

"Come on, we all know its my best look." 

And the girls all laughed loudly, be Jungeun's dead hair and their times together in high school. And while some of Haseul's nerves still remained, some of them had dissipated, going off somewhere to hopefully never reappear again. And while Haseul didn't think she could always give long answers to texts, and always pick up the phone...she could now, sometimes. She would have to. 

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minji_loves
#1
Chapter 30: I read all this in a whole night, I think I have dark circles haha ​​but it was totally worth it. It's a very nice story, good job.
ily_iloveyunjin #2
Chapter 30: gosh this fic had such a chokehold on me when the first few chapters came out.. and look at me now rereading it again :’)
but ur absolutely so talented and i hope you always enjoy making beautiful fics such as this one <3
CliveBenevolent #3
Chapter 30: This has been one of my absolute favorite fics of all times... I think I'm gonna have to reread it now, cuz omg I'm not ready for it to be over TT Thank you so much for writing this work of art!!
CliveBenevolent #4
Chapter 29: I'm always in tears after reading this story... but like good tears and it feels nice to cry about sth nice.
I hope that made sense lmao
CliveBenevolent #5
Chapter 28: Ok the last two sentences... I'm not crying there was dust in my eyes
highhihi #6
Chapter 28: Okay now I want vivi in my life too🥲🥲
bedofnails
#7
Chapter 28: This is too sweet i might die. Thank you for such a wholesome update and hopefully Haseul would reach out to Jinsoul and Jungeun soon
CliveBenevolent #8
Chapter 27: I love reading this so much, it's just so relatable and it feels so healing somehow to read what Vivi tells Haseul, it's crazy how much other people can impact the way you view yourself - both negatively and positively - in such a short amount of time, compared to how long it takes for yourself to disconnect your own feeling of self worth from others approval.
highhihi #9
Chapter 26: Miss you! But it’s okay to take your time to write ,, take care of yourself
highhihi #10
Chapter 25: Damn this story is beautiful😭😭 hope to see more of it soon!