Another day in Egret Cove, another day heading off to the beach. 

And of course it was fun because she was with Yeojin, and at a beautiful almost private beach, with the smell of the ocean and the bright sun shining down on them. 

But now, Haseul had her shining girl too.

She had spent the better part of three hours last night simply fantasizing. Everyone has their little nightly made up movie about themselves and someone else, imagining the romcom of their dreams. Haseul was just as guilty as everyone else of this. But inserting Vivi into her dreamland had been so wonderful and exciting that Haseul couldn't even fall asleep. 

, she was whipped. Already. 

The girls walked quickly to the beach, Yeojin yelling at her, trying to figure out what was Haseul's hurry? But as soon as Yeojin saw the little blush on Haseul's cheeks she turned relentless, only stopping when they were in earshot of the gorgeous lifeguard. 

But as soon as Vivi noticed them on the beach she looked just as excited as Haseul felt, running down from the tower to greet them as Yeojin set up their spot and Haseul stared dazedly. 

"Alright, I've got five minutes of break, and I'm here to spend it with you two. If you don't mind..." 

"No! No! We don't mind! We don't mind at all! We could never mind!" Haseul answered, noticing Yeojin making a face out of the corner of her eye. 

"Oh thank god," Vivi breathed out, sitting down on the blanket across from Haseul. "Oh, I like your outfit!"

Haseul looked down at the white crop top and loose workout pants she was wearing. She'd decided to throw on her bikini. Even though she was sort of terrified of it, she knew she wouldn't actually use it, and then she could wear a crop top properly. 

"Oh, um, thank you...um...I like your face!" Haseul eventually spit out. 

Yeojin snorted loudly and burst into laughter while Vivi gave her a little confused but still happy smile. 

"Well, thank you!" Vivi answered, and what Haseul said finally hit her. 

.  . If Vivi didn't already think Haseul was the biggest weirdo in the world, now Haseul was sure she thought that. 

"Uh..." Haseul looked down at the ground uncomfortably. "I-I'm sorry." 

"Don't be sorry." Vivi looked up at Haseul and rubbed her arm. 

Haseul immediately felt her entire face burning as Yeojin leaned over to whisper in Haseul's ear. 

"Simp."

~~~~~~~~~~

It was the worst part of the day in her summer thus far at Egret Cove, the incredibly boring time between the beach and dinner where Haseul had absolutely jack to do. 

It had been nice at first, having just a few hours of the day where Haseul could do nothing, just watch TV or scroll through instagram in peace while Yeojin played minecraft or whatever else she did on the massive old desktop computer in their grandmother's bedroom. 

But now it was so incredibly boring, when she had nothing to do but watch TV or scroll through instagram. 

She sighed. She needed something to do, and some hours of the day where she interacted with people her own age. Probably, she'd try to get a job soon. She was kind of afraid of how Yeojin would react to kind of being ditched by her. But she'd only work part time anyways, and then these free hours in the late afternoon and early evening would be so much sweeter. 

But in the meantime, all Haseul could do was open instagram, yet again, as the TV played an old rerun of Parks and Rec. 

Suddenly, instagram froze, and her phone began to vibrate in her fingers. The screen switched from her feed to the call page, showing a contact by the name of Jinsoul Jung on her screen. Haseul froze, anxiety bubbling up in her stomach, before tossing the phone back onto her bed. After a while it stopped, before beginning a few moments later. This time it was Jungeun Kim, requesting to facetime. Haseul ignored it again. 

Haseul let out a real growl when the phone buzzed again, Jinsoul's name returning to the screen, but still, Haseul did nothing. 

She felt anxious and uncomfortable, only slightly relieved when the buzzing stopped. 

And then, there was a knock at her door. 

"Come in!" She called. Honestly, Haseul was happy for the distraction, muting the TV. 

Yeojin pushed her way inside, shuffling across the white carpet and flopping face first onto Haseul's bed. 

"I'm bored," she whined in the voice of someone much younger than herself. 

"Same," Haseul groaned. Those phone calls made her a little less bored than before, but it was still pretty true. 

Yeojin turned herself over and saw Haseul's phone light up. "Ooh!" Without asking permission, she picked up the phone and stared at the screen. 

"Why do you have so many notifications? You never have notifications." 

"Gimme that," Haseul grumbled, snatching her phone out of Yeojin's small fingers to see what she was talking about. The missed call and facetime notifications blared bright against her default phone background, along with a voicemail from Jinsoul and a text from Jungeun. 

howsit at the beach???? we miss u!!! Jungeun had wrote. 

sorry, im busy w my cousin, Haseul sort of lied.

miss u too

"Who's Jinsoul? Who's Jungeun?" Yeojin asked. 

Haseul sighed. Jinsoul and Jungeun were....her friends, technically. She had met the pair at the beginning of freshman year of high school, in their PE class: she was the odd one out for pairs in tennis, but Jinsoul and Jungeun had taken pity on her and invited her to join their group. 

Haseul remembered that day in freshman year PE like it was yesterday. She felt so awkward that first day, being the last one left over, her heart sinking, knowing that high school was probably just going to be another repeat of her middle school experience. But she'd almost felt more awkward when Jinsoul and Jungeun invited her over: two gorgeous blondes that had gone to the nice middle school, far taller than her, good at tennis, taking pity on her to join their twosome. 

And things had been like that ever since: when they brought her into their group for tennis, they brought her into their group as a friend. And Haseul just felt more and more uncomfortable: they were both beautiful, and smart, and proud that they were dating, proud that they were lesbians, always trying to include Haseul despite how different she felt she was from the two of them. 

Now, it was the same: neither of them were blondes anymore but they were still dating, still smart and pretty, still not getting flustered when they got teased or saw a cute girl, still beloved by the whole high school, not being afraid to apply, early decision, to good colleges. 

And Haseul, too, was still the same: single, spacy, not pretty, not eye catching, awkward and easily flustered, always an outcast, lingering from her years of exclusion in middle school, terrified of the future and the past and the present. 

So, yes, technically, Jinsoul and Jungeun were Haseul's friends, all the way back from freshman year. They were the people she spent the most time with, other than her family. Sometimes, they hung out, and they'd get each other gifts for birthdays. 

But Haseul knew the truth. Jinsoul and Jungeun were kind girls who took pity on a loner in that damn PE class, and they were kind girls who took pity on a loner through all of high school. Really, Jinsoul and Jungeun didn't like her: how could they? They were kind of perfect and Haseul was on the other end of that spectrum: not perfect was far too light of a way to put it, Haseul thought. She was more like, far from perfect. Jinsoul and Jungeun just felt bad for her, and kept her around so she wouldn't be alone, kept her around so they could feel good that they were doing something nice for a poor pathetic loser like Haseul. Probably, they were secretly excited she was gone, and they could have fun just the two of them, as equals. The texts and calls were obligatory. 

But that was far too much explaining to give a little girl like Yeojin. Yeojin, for one, actually thought Haseul was cool. And Haseul wanted to keep it that way. 

"They're...my friends," Haseul finally just ended up saying. 

"Why didn't you answer their calls then?" 

"I...just didn't want to..." 

"Why wouldn't you want to talk to your friends? You haven't seen them in a few days, and you weren't doing anything until I came in...you even said you were bored." 

"It's hard to explain, Yeojin." 

"Try me," the ten year old firmly answered. 

Haseul hummed. "I just don't think they like me very much. That's all." 

"Why? Are they mean to you?" 

"No, never..." 

"And do they hang out without you all the time?" 

"Not really. They always invite me places..." 

"Do they make fun of you?" 

Haseul shook her head. "Only friendly teasing." 

Yeojin snorted. "Then they like you! Ugh, grown ups are so weird. They always say, like 'oh, it's hard to explain', but whenever they say that they're just being stupid." 

"I'm not being stupid." 

Yeojin suddenly scooted around the bed and looked over Haseul shoulder, turning on her phone screen and staring. 

"They left you a voicemail? What is this, 1952?" 

"Actually, I think voicemails didn't even exist yet in the 50's, Yeojin..."

"Whatever. I thought voicemails were for old people. Grandma made me set hers up and I tried to tell her nobody uses that anymore, but she still made me do it...anyways. I guess I was wrong. The only reason you would leave a voicemail I think, instead of just text, is if they don't have a texting phone, or if it's more important. So I guess what they said must be important." 

"I don't know what they would say that would be important." 

"That's why we have to listen!" Yeojin cried and snatched the phone out of Haseul's hand. With her nimble little kid fingers she punched in Haseul's password, and went to her voicemail. 

"Wait, wait! How do you even know my password?" 

"I've been watching you unlock your phone; I have it memorized. You shouldn't bother trying to change it. I'll memorize it again. Don't worry, I'll use my powers for good, and not evil!" 

"You're using your powers for evil right now!" 

Yeojin ignored her, pressed play, and suddenly Jinsoul's tinny voice was playing through her phone's speaker. 

"Hi Haseul!" Jinsoul cheered. 

"Hi Haseul!" Jungeun added. 

"Hiiiiiii!!! We miss you so much. We're on our fourth sleepover in a row right now and it's be really fun to hook up all the time," Jinsoul spoke. Yeojin's eyes widened and Haseul flushed on behalf of her young cousin. While Jinsoul and Jungeun had been dating as long as Haseul had known them, neither were out to their parents yet, so they could have sleepovers and do stuff without anyone being suspicious. "But we miss you!" 

"Yeah, it's just weird not having you around," Jungeun added.

"Our life of the party Jo Haseul! It's kinda boring without you making us laugh all the time. Anyways...this is getting pretty long, so we'll leave you alone now. But please call us back! We wanna chat!" 

"Call us!" Jungeun whined into the speaker. 

"Alright, hope you're having fun at the beach with your cousin. We have to catch up later! Talk soon!" Jinsoul finished, and the phone clicked. 

Haseul's heart ached. She wished so bad that what they were saying was true. The truth was, if Haseul could pick any real friends to have, out of anyone in the world, she would pick those two. Haseul only wished their friendship was for the right reasons, was real. 

When the to be high school senior looked up, she got an eyeful of Yeojin staring at her, deadpan. 

"What?" 

"You think they don't like you?" 

"Um..." 

"How could you think that? They...they really like you. You guys are best friends. I know, because I have best friends." 

"Yeojin-" 

"Is this because of middle school? Even though I was really little I remember when you were in middle school you were really weird and sad a lot and dressed in all black and stuff, and you hid the picture of you from middle school..." Yeojin turned to the bedside table where the photo of thirteen year old Haseul and six year old Yeojin stayed face down. Yeojin reached to flip it back up and Haseul's cheeks flamed, her heart pounding, her stomach lurching. 

"Yeojin, could you...leave me alone for a minute?" 

Haseul grimaced but her heart cracked when she saw Yeojin's forlorn expression. Clearly, the ten year old was just trying to help. She hadn't meant to touch a nerve. 

"A-are you mad at me?" 

"No, no, no, Yeojin, I'm not mad. I just...wanna decide what we're eating for dinner. I'm starving. I wanna try and find a recipe with what we have in the kitchen." 

Yeojin perked up immediately. Haseul thanked god for her childlike inability to hold a grudge. "Actually, grandma's making spaghetti! That's what I came in here to tell you." 

Haseul grinned. "YUM!" 

Yeojin giggled. "Well, I'm gonna go sneak in a few more minutes of minecraft time before dinner." She slid off the bed and went back to the door. "Have fun! Doing...nothing." 

Haseul laughed. "Will do." 

As soon as Yeojin left, shutting the door tight behind her, the smile came off of Haseul's face. She looked at her phone, turned it all the way off, and turned back up the volume on the TV.