Stupid, stupid, stupid.

That was what you've been muttering to yourself for the past two hours on your way back home and basically ever since you turned your back on him. Literally. Because you are that bad at controlling your emotions for some reason.

So as a way to punish yourself, you ended up popping into the nearest convenience store to your apartment and getting chocolates and sweet bakery because you… needed it. You had been dying to put something sweet into your mouth, so it could be hardly taken as a punishment, but you did find it as unnecessary expense, plus you were already halfway through looking like an elephant. But wow, what a y day, yucks.

It was one thing to be a little jealous about that girl, and a completely different thing to become cold towards Baekhyun and not even tell him what was bothering you. He didn't deserve that and you felt extremely guilty, to the point that you just entered your quiet, loving home and felt like crying like a baby.

Changing into comfy clothes, you didn't even bother with folding them, instead throwing them into the laundry basket, too preoccupied with your own guilt. Plus, your sweat pants felt tighter and uncomfortable around your thighs. How annoying. You needed to spend even more money now for the stupid XXXXXL size that you were slowly becoming.

You could bet that Jiyoung girl had the smallest size waist-

“Ah, stop it!” you shouted into nothing, tired of yourself and the whirlwind of emotions that you became. How was it possible to switch between emotions this fast? Your period wasn't the kindest but thankfully it was rarely painful and you only had terrible cravings instead of mood swings but this pregnancy was too much.

And in that moment, everything was getting on your nerves. You losing your job. You wanting to surprise your boyfriend. Him smiling like that at another woman. Him smiling. Seriously, why was he even smiling?! You weren't even there, so how dared he smile? Oh, and yeah that woman next to your man! You declining his request to stay until he was done. You should have stayed. You should have stayed and support him, enjoy the way he was doing his passion and maybe you would have understood what that Jiyoung girl was doing. Was she even a student?

You sighed. You wouldn't know. If she would have been a student, you didn't think she would dare to come collect him from his girlfriend like that.

You threw yourself into the softness of your pillows, chocolate bar in your mouth as you took a small bite and let your angry tears fall. This was so not you. This wasn't the strong, independent woman and if you would keep up this game, Baekhyun would notice too. He would see the faults in you.

“Stop thinking, you brat,” you warned yourself. “Stop it! Don't think! Just don't!”

And the worst?! You couldn't even touch your bump in that moment, you were that disgusted. It was all fault of the babies; they were making you like this, creating problems where there weren't any!

Before you could wallow even more, your phone rang. Scrambling quickly to get it in hopes to see Baekhyun's photo as your caller ID, you were surprised to see your mother's name dancing on the screen. That could only mean some bad news as you rarely talked. The last time you talked was nearly a month ago when she was checking up on you and your pregnancy and making sure Baekhyun was there for you.

Ignoring the way your hands were shaking, you answered the phone, feeling a bit of adrenaline rush in your blood causing slight dizziness. It'd been a while you felt lightheaded like this.

“Mum?”

“Hi, daughter,” she gasped, her voice gentle as always. “How are you? It's been a month almost, thought I'd check up on you.”

And there it all went. You started to wail at that question right away, unable to bear your mother's gentle voice. You didn't even realize how much you missed having a mother figure in this period of life, when she could give you advice, guidance and especially deep understanding.

“Are you crying?” she quipped, surprised at the sniffles that would soon follow with stifled sobs. “Oh, my, why are you crying? Is it the hormones?”

Well, was it the hormones? you asked yourself, but you were so incredibly clueless and so incredibly frustrated because of everything that you couldn't get a proper reply. “Ye-yes,” you hiccuped as hot tears streamed down your face. It was that type of crying where you just couldn't stop, the hysterical sobs needing to be let out, tears seeming to have an infinite storage somewhere inside of you.

Your mother sighed, but you imagined her affectionate gaze. “I understand. Although I don't know to what extent is having three babies burdening, any pregnancy is extremely difficult on your body, honey. Just let it all out and don't dwell too much on what is the reason. You don't need it now, so just let it out.”

At that you had to hide your face in the pillow and let out a little wail, because her words were warming you up so much, yet she was far away from you. Oh, dear, she had no clue what a rollercoaster of a ride you had put yourself and your boyfriend through, so you basically had every reason to have these feelings. She didn't even know you had been sacked. That was the reason you were crying, right?

“Is Baekhyun there?” your mother kept on going when she knew you wouldn't give her a coherent answer.

You hiccuped again, trying to make your mouth move. “N-no. Wo-worki-ing.”

“It's almost late evening, though,” she muttered to herself.

It was just 6pm, but the elders always had the specialty of saying “it's late in the night” when it was barely 8pm. You tried to smile at her antics, but it was painful. Because your boyfriend wasn't home. He was at that stupid training of his with stupid women that had to take the stupid hapkido class.

“What did you have for lunch-”

“I got sacked today,” you blurted suddenly and sniffed back big time, not even listening to her words.

“What do you mean you got sacked today?”

“Just exactly what I said. I am jobless.”

“How did you get sacked? You were promoted not long ago.”

You let out a loud breath, your lungs aching from all the crying. It just made more tears well up in your eyes again. “I had an idiot of a boss.” You should have definitely said it was all your fault, but currently you were feeling like the biggest loser in the world. “So it was better like this anyway. I can't even do much, soon I will be huge and… useless.”

Your mother tsked disapprovingly as you heard some shuffling in the background. “What is this silly talk, daughter. What did Baekhyun say?”

You gritted your teeth. “Why do you always ask about him?! He was happy I got sacked, okay?”

“Alright, alright,  no need to shout at your mother.”

“But I don't want to talk about Baekhyun right now, so stop asking me!”

“Oh, I understand now,” she replied back nonchalantly, and some creaking noise provided just the perfect background. “As long as you think you can manage…”

“Yes, I can manage.”

“You and Baekh-”

“Don't.”

She sighed and you heard fire. She was probably warming up dinner in the kitchen. “Did he do something?”

You opened your mouth to retort but were stopped, because YES was your personal answer but NO was the fact. You wiped your tears quickly. “No. I mean... “ you trailed off and rolled yourself on your back, staring at the ceiling. “No.”

“Well then why are you so sensitive? I am trying to see what is wrong and you clearly have an issue with him. You can tell me honestly. Or don't.”

Just then you heard the code being typed in the entrance door, sign of Baekhyun arriving. You groaned loudly and stood up quickly to close the bedroom door before he could get in and have an easy access to bedroom but it was a wrong idea. Seeing black spots everywhere, you felt like your entire body just gained another 40 kilograms as an invisible weight pulled down on your shoulders making you stumble back into the mattress, the world spinning with along with you rather fast.

“I'll call you back,” you murmured softly into the phone and threw it away into the blanket somewhere, trying to make your head calm down.

Baekhyun called out your name, announcing his arrival but you felt like throwing up. You groaned as quietly as possible, scrunching up your face in hopes of stopping this terrible attack. Cold sweat made its way down your neck and you shivered as you felt a huge bulge in your stomach. But you were so extremely disoriented you could barely open your eyes let alone make it to the bathroom in time.

“Baekhyun,” you called out, “please bring me the bucket from the-” gulp, gulp, gulp.

Baekhyun walked into the bedroom but when he saw you his eyes went wide. “What is wrong? Hey, hey, what's- ,” he cursed when he heard the familiar noise, and ran to the bathroom to get the little pink bucket as you gagged, trying to get on your fours, looking extremely shaken up. Tears were streaming down your face, your knees and arms trembling violently before you saw two feet clad in white socks and then bucket pushed into your face as Baekhyun reached for you with his other hand to keep your balance up. “Shh, c'mon, let it out. Don't keep it back,” he murmured urgently and sweeped the hair that was plastered to your forehead and cheeks away, noticing the snot and flushed cheeks. Just then, finally, you let it all out. Your throat was on fire but your head kept pulling you in one direction into which you would have easily fell if it weren't for the safety of Baekhyun's arms. “Shh, you're doing well.”

Although not seeing his face, you knew he was tense and probably wondering what made you this terribly sick when food and spit kept constantly coming out until it became just violent gagging, nothing able to come out anymore, only caused by your head spinning so much it triggered your stomach. Wasn't it just today that you were thankful for not having to go through this again?

You calmed down after another couple of minutes, completely spent. “Baekhyun,” you murmured, afraid to open your eyes. He hummed as he took the bucket to the side, and looked at you closely as he brought his other hand to your pale face, wiping the tears away. “I'm very dizzy.”

“Look at me, baby,” he murmured, frowning a little and wanting to check the focus in your eyes.

You shook your head ever so gently before your lower lip trembled. “I can't… please,” you said just as you were about to crash on him again, the invisible pull still there.

“Okay. Lay down for me, can you do that?” he asked gently. “I will help you move now, don't get startled.” And he did so, pushing on your shoulders a bit, helping you lie down. He took all the pillows on the bed and put your head under them, by then knowing very well what to do when you got into this kind of situation. “Keep your head up for me, and your knees too,” he whispered and patted your straightened-out legs. You did as he said and heard him move around the room before he came back with the little machine, pushing your arm through the hole to measure your blood pressure.

“Don't cry, sweetheart,” you heard him whisper as he tried to catch every single teardrop while the machine was working. He looked around for a glass of water which, of course, you didn't have.

“I feel like hell,” you said, your voice raw.

Baekhyun was thankful your eyes were closed, for he didn't want you to witness how worried and scared he was. Yes, you did get dizzy and many times sick, but to this extent? Never. He was already thinking three steps ahead, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Beeping sound brought you back to the reality and Baekhyun checked, murmuring the results out loud, his frown now deep. “We are going to the hospital,” he decided.

“No!” you shouted, opening your eyes to look at him but you almost saw three Baekhyuns. Usually, you wouldn't mind but it made you want to throw up again. You were fast to close them, scrunching your face. “Please,” you sobbed, scared. “Make it stop! But don't call anyone!”

Baekhyun was already calling ambulance, leaving the room in case you would have a tantrum. He knew your blood pressure was skyrocketing and it made him worried sick; he didn't know what to do. Plus, he was told by your doctor that if your blood pressure reaches a certain level, you were eligible to call for ambulance.

As much as he hated you crying and going through this, he was there with you, every single step at a time.

-

“She will be alright,” said the doctor that was in the emergency room, checking your vitals on his clipboard. “She needs to rest for now, but,” he shook his head gently and looked up at Baekhyun whose eyes were bulging in fear of what was to come. “Her blood pressure was too high. It isn't good for the patient, neither it is good for the pregnancy.”

“What does that mean?”

He shrugged. “Well, it is very likely that she will have to endure this until she gives birth. Triplet pregnancy is a bit different than the usual ones. Since premature birth is highly possible to happen, which also may affect the health of the children,  her not monitoring stress levels or taking good care of her body may also influence the health of the kids.” He sighed. “She is bearing a lot right now, so there are high risks of her fainting if this continues. As you told me, she had been struggling with high blood pressure this whole time, correct?”

Baekhyun nodded quickly.

“Well, she is in the fifteenth week which means almost half-way through till due date… It should have subsided by now but we can't do anything to change it; only give medication, unfortunately. Multiples' pregnancy is full of surprises.”

Baekhyun felt so helpless in that moment. Why did he get the feeling the doctor was clueless in a way too?

“Will she survive?” he asked seriously.

The doctor smiled gently. “She is completely healthy, so there is no risk of her losing her life, but this was definitely a dangerous situation. She shouldn't be left alone for too long as this occurs unexpectedly. It is rare anyway to have such strong reaction to high blood pressure, but this is what it takes to live for three more lives, I suppose.”

Oh, how Baekhyun wished he could take at least half of the burden you were bearing.

The doctor patted him twice on the shoulder before leaving. He looked at you, your sleeping figure so peaceful compared to couple of hours ago when you looked white as death and just about to pass out. 

Sighing, he reached for your hand, gently squeezing it before murmuring a soft I love you. You were going through all of this because of him. He made you pregnant and now here you were, fighting for four lives: the unborn babies and your own.

His phone vibrating was what interrupted his train of thoughts. Quickly searching for it in his winter jacket, he saw your mother's name flashing on the screen, bad feeling already eating him away. Should he tell her where you were now? He would only make her worried.

“Hello, mother,” he answered, trying to make his voice