Baby I’m So Lonely

Against The Grain
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Pursuant to the attempt on the Queen’s life, Yixing was incarcerated in a cell in the dungeons. His hair and clothes were unkempt, as expected of a prisoner. If he were a stranger, Nongyu would probably want to stay as far away from him as possible. But here she was, solemnly visiting him.

“I feel grateful that Your Highness is still willing to have a word with me, even though I have been but a disappointment to you. Not only to you but also to the Crown Prince. His Highness has shown more trust in me than in most of his other followers, but I let him down,” said Yixing grimly. “I admit, I messed this up really badly. I wish I could have done more for you and him. But I’d ask you not to bother to try and save my life, otherwise it would make you look suspicious too,” he added, only daring to say these things because he was still foolishly confident that the guards here in the dungeons would not be able to understand their language.

“I know you spent a big part of your life in my brother’s service. If you don’t make it out alive, is there any message you'd like me to convey to him on your behalf?” She asked, wondering what else she could do for him. She was not at all happy that he had done so many things without her approval, but at the end of the day it was still her loss.

“Nothing special. I just wish him a very prosperous reign. I most likely won’t be around to see it, but knowing that I played a part in helping him get there is already good enough for me,” he answered with strong conviction. “I may have failed him, but I have confidence that he will not fail me. Or us. Our sacrifices will not be in vain.”

“Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

“Princess, never forget what you came here to do,” he replied, his tone becoming more and more stern. “I will find a way out on my own. You must remain in the palace and finish what we started. No matter the cost.”

“Is that all that you wish to say to me?” She asked quietly, already lamenting this loss.

“I am too ashamed of myself to say this, but if Your Highness wishes to hear more, then I’ll say it.” He paused for a moment, wondering if he should go ahead and reveal the feelings that he had been harboring. This would have been his last chance to make known his affections for her. Though ultimately he decided against it and instead just said, “please take good care of yourself. I know you’ve got maids and other attendants who can help look after you. But without me around, any guard that gets assigned to be around you would be someone who answers to Captain Kang, therefore none of them will really genuinely care about protecting you.”

“I’m sure my brother and I will be able to find a replacement for you, if that’s any reassurance.”

“I don’t doubt that at all. There are so many men who would willingly die for you.”

“I would much prefer it if they would live for me instead,” she uttered bitterly.

“Anyway, Your Highness mustn’t waste any more time on me. Please, return to your residence. You have more important things to do than worry about me.”

She had no choice but to resign herself to the fact that this was the last time she would ever get to see her guard. With a heavy heart, she her heel and took her leave.

Now that Yixing was once again on his own, there was only one thing left for him to do. He knew that Nongyu wished he would get to live, but he also knew that he would not be able to do that for her and he only had himself to blame. So when it was mealtime and the servants entered the dungeons to deliver food to the inmates, Yixing grabbed a bowl and smashed it into pieces. He picked up the piece that had the sharpest edge — and pierced it into his veins.

The next morning, Moonbyul once again ran to the Queen’s residence on an empty stomach.

“What happened?” Joohyun asked, sounding quite sleepy. She was not fully awake just yet as it was still so early. Way too early, in fact.

“Majesty, both Yixing and Sowon are dead,” Moonbyul announced worriedly. “I found out just now. It seems Yixing committed suicide, while Sowon…” she gulped. “It was the Queen Mother’s doing.”

“What?!” Joohyun gasped. As if it was not already shocking enough that two key players in the poisoning attempt dropped dead overnight, somehow her own mother was involved in this as well. “How?!”

While Moonbyul explained, she was also in so much shock that she was inevitably jumping back and forth in mentioning the details. The account that Joohyun gathered was that her mother, albeit under house arrest, still took the liberty to leave her residence and visit the dungeons. Of course, her guards tried to stop her, but she carried on walking, knowing that they would want to do their job but also would not dare resort to violent or aggressive means to deter her. If they brought even the slightest physical harm to a royal, they could lose their heads as well. Using that as leverage, unabashedly she exited her own residence.

Those guards, upon the failure to do their job and make the Queen Mother stay where she was supposed to be, were supposed to report this mishap to Captain Kang. Yet, Seulgi was on leave and was supposed to be resting because of her injury. This made the guards even more worried, until Moonbyul came along and chipped in. Hastily, she rushed to the dungeons just in time to see the Queen Mother on her way out. When Moonbyul went in, she found Sowon lying dead in her cell, surrounded by puddles of her own blood and other liquids.

“It’s not difficult to understand why she’d want to kill Sowon. That maid played a major role in putting Prince Jooyoung in a coma. If someone were to do that to a family member I cherish, I might not show mercy either,” Moonbyul went on. “Personally, I suspect that the Queen Mother was going to kill Yixing as well. But then he beat her to it, according to the guards stationed at the dungeons who found him unconscious not long ago.”

“Does she really think that I wouldn’t dare have her executed on multiple charges of murder?” Joohyun was seething, much angrier than Moonbyul had ever seen her. “She didn’t even bother to pretend she didn’t do it, or to destroy the evidence or whatever. She just strode right in, murdered someone in cold blood, and walked back out as if nothing happened. And I hate it. It’s the same way her attendants marched in and fed the bowl of papaya soup to my sister that ended up killing her and her baby.” She shook her head and paused to take deep breaths in an effort to stay composed. “I might’ve seen emotion on her face, but I don’t see a single shred of humanity. She’s taken plenty of lives before, even her own daughter’s, her own grandchild’s. If I weren’t quivering in fuming rage the way I am now, I ought to be quivering in fear!”

“I wouldn’t dare doubt Your Majesty’s authority, nor would I question the law, but...are you really going to do it?” Moonbyul asked hesitantly. “You may still call her your mother for lack of a better word, even though she has lost all the love and respect you’ve ever had for her. At the end of the day, though, a death sentence for a member of the royal family...throughout the history of our dynasty, it’s only ever happened because there was very solid evidence of treasonous intent, so serious that nobody was even able to come up with a lie or ruse for it. If you put your mother on death row, this decision could mar your reign forever. You might lose favor with the common people, who unfortunately won’t understand all the ways she’s wronged you. This might not be what you want to hear, but…”

“No, you know what? It isn’t what I want to hear, at all, but it’s what I need to hear. So carry on,” she demanded. “Justify it to me. I need someone I can trust, to be a voice of reason, and to make up for the sanity that I am gradually losing. I need you to play that role, Moonbyul. So continue.”

Moonbyul gulped, sad to see the state that her friend was in, but did as she was told anyway. “What I’m saying is that even though you would like to have your mother executed, for revenge or for safety or whatever, this move is not wise. I know that you do care at least a little bit about how you will be remembered in history, so a shaky reign is the last thing you’d want. With all due respect, presently — in fact,

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dtaylorz
#1
Chapter 14: Ow, what happened with the actress? :o
Jensoo4everlove #2
Chapter 30: Please update Author!!! This is so well written , please don't leave it incomplete😭
Oct_13_wen_03 #3
update please author nim 🥺🥺
Oct_13_wen_03 #4
update please author nim🥺🥺🥺🥺
Oct_13_wen_03 #5
update please author nim 🥺
lalalalisa13 #6
Chapter 1: awesome story! hope to read more soon🥰
Xa1jie11 #7
Chapter 30: Always hwaiting otornim. 👏
hotdog007 #8
heheheh still here authornim 😌😌 waiting with respect pi😎
LassKicker03
#9
Chapter 30: i have a horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen between joohyun and jooyoung. jooyoung's mother is deviously smart in that aspect but i just hope that jooyoung doesn't turn on his sister. thanks authornim for another great chapter
hotdog007 #10
still waiting pi, hope you are doing alright authornim🤩🤩