trigger warning for suicide and ual abuse. double update read the previous chapter before this one.

It was a sunny day. And Chaerin hated sunny days. She liked them windy and cloudy sometimes rainy. The sunlight felt like it was burning on her skin as she retracted her hand from where it was spread on a sun dipped spot on the ornate rosewood table. The sheer white curtains floated in the wind bringing in the chill from the outside. She had asked the maid to keep the windows open in the morning even though the maid was complaining about her catching a cold in winter.

Chaerin never got sick nowadays. It was different before. She was a sick infant when she was born but then her mother dowsed her in medicines until her taste buds numbed with the bitter taste of the Chinese herb concoctions. She had to exercise and eat healthy food until her mother was sure she was not getting sick anymore. The habits stuck with her and her maids though the woman who initiated it isn’t here anymore.

She left her all alone in this dog-eat-dog place to die.

But she survived, much to the dismay of the other inhabitants of the house. And she plans to continue it, sticking out like a sore thumb among them. She plans to continue to remind them of their inability and inefficiency, their failure at controlling or killing her.

The thing is if you ask people they would say Lee Chaerin was born with a golden spoon in . She was a modern-day princess born in one of the most influential families. Or so they thought.

But it was all bull.

She was indeed the eldest daughter of the main family but she was just a disposable pawn in the eyes of the other. After all, she was a girl and hence the only use she has is to bear children and at the most govern the house. She can never be the head of the house. That title is for her prodigal half brother to inherit. Because only sons are entitled to that role, daughters are useless even if they are much more able and powerful than the former. That has been how they had existed for years and continued forward.

Chaerin’s fate is exactly like her mother.

Chaerin’s mother was the legitimate daughter of another old family, maybe not as much influential as the Lees' but they were rich. That is precisely the reason why his father entered in an arranged marriage with her. Though it is a custom in the family that they should marry within the family but Chaerin’s mother was a pureblood and the Lee family was in a financial crisis, hence they ended up so.

 While other people congratulated her mother for being able to marry higher up on the social ladder, her mother clearly knew she was being sold to a life of a trophy wife to the Lees’. Money exchanged of social standing.

And she was right. She loathed the fact she was right.

Though Chaerin’s father, the Lee Patriarch looked all strict and upright, he had a horde of mistresses.  Specifically five of them, three from the branch family of the Lee’s and two from the brothel he used to visit frequently.

 Chaerin is disgusted with the prospect of having a relationship within the family, marrying cousins or god forbids half brothers but she knows her fate all too well.

But she is not somebody who will go down easily.

Her mother wasn’t also. She was a strong person. She had her own ideas and beliefs and soon she created a foundation of her in the family. She had a noble unapproachable aura that kept people even as snobby at the Lees’ at bay. Within two years of their marriage, Chaerin was born.

A girl child and that also sick, she received little celebration for her birth. A fortune teller predicted that she won’t live past 3 years of age. But her mother was adamant about saving her and here she is at the age of 11. The woman indeed proved everybody wrong but while she was caring for her daughter, her fickle husband was stolen by his rumored childhood sweetheart of a cousin, apparently with whom he grew up with. He even had two children with her, the eldest of whom was born before Chaerin. But they were illegitimate children and hence not given a legal position.

Her mother’s foundation in the family which was built on her on her own capabilities got shaken up badly.

When Chaerin was 8 summers old, her mother had been diagnosed with some unknown illness. She had grown weak and weary with passing days, her graceful front was no more. She can barely climb down from the bed hence confined to her room.

One day during the autumn months when the leaves have gone caramel-colored, red sweet berries hang in bushes, as the cranes build their nest in, it is than her mother called for her.

 Chaerin remembers it clearly as yesterday. Her mother sat on a mahogany arhat bed, sipping medicine from the jade bowl, her face hollowed out, body reduced to a skeleton, lips dry, and buried under layers of blanket. But her eyes were as adamant and fierce as she remembers them to be.

“No matter what happens, Lee Chaerin you must remember to remain strong. Never show your weakness.”

“Ye Omma.”

Chaerin is used to hearing such words from her mother like she is drilling them into her.

It wasn’t until later she realized the importance of such an action.

“There are eyes and ears everywhere, remember to be cautious. Bite the soil and hold your ground so even if they knock you over they can’t remove you from your standing. Remember always hold your head high; don’t bow down no matter how bad the condition is. Once you bow down they will get over your head and make sure you are never able to raise it up again. Concede where needed but never too much.  Ask for help only when you are sure of the other person. Be strong Chaerin-ah, your Omma won’t be able to protect you any longer.”

“Why? Are you going somewhere?”  Chaerin had asked, fear in her voice.

“Yes, even if I am sick and useless, I would not do as they want. I have lived my whole life according to my parents then according to this family; never had I had the opportunity to live by my wishes. The least I can do for myself is to live according to myself now, not directed by them.”

She coughs after talking for long. Chaerin passes her a glass of water. She gulps it down and looks at her solemnly before continuing. She grasps her little hand in her bony palm in a strong assured grip.

“So yes, I am leaving. And I am sorry for leaving you here alone. Just know whatever happens it is not your fault. Omma……loves……l-loves you very much.”

She had hugged the little girl. Her sickly bony arms went around her, pulling the smaller body closer to her savoring whatever she can of the moment. Chaerin buries her nose in her mother’s crook taking in her scent of magnolia flowers. A scent she has come to associated with warmth and comfort yet of utmost strength, powerfully overwhelming for a frail person like her mother. But it suited her temperament so much.

I also love you so much.

The next time she saw her mother she was hanging from the ceiling, her feet dangling in the air, pretty face distorted in pain and blood dripping out of her orifices.

She didn’t get to scream and cry because she was shielded away from the scene. There were people crying and screaming and she just stared at those suspended bony white ankles of her dear mother.

Whom she would never see again.

Her father remained passive about it, no grief in his eyes like it is not his wife of 13 years has died but a stranger. In fact, he looked a bit happy. That was until an investigation for the death was carried out.

There was some note found in his desk at the office dedicated to his mistress of a childhood sweetheart, Sunyeong.

To Sunyeong,

If you are reading this then that means I am already dead. I hope your wish came true. I did what you wanted. You wanted me removed and let you become the Lee matriarch. So here it is your advanced birthday gift. I hope you like it. I know you wanted me to die of the poison you were feeding me and then tell people I died of sickness naturally. Ah! What a pity! That would not be possible now, unfortunately.

Anyway, I hope you keep the end of our bargain and keep my daughter Chaerin safe. Her life for mine you said.

                                                                             From the First Lady Lee

P.S. I wanted to write my name but I felt like that would be anticlimactic so I signed my name like this because no matter what my name is I will remain as a First lady Lee. Keep my discarded ty title if that makes you happy, but you will always be just a replacement.

I didn’t write this letter to my husband because more than you he is worse so I thought it would not be worth it.

The letter was shocking and dripping with loathing per se and was witnessed by a large number of people hence no matter how much the Lee’s bribed people they couldn’t keep the rumor that ‘the mistress of the Lee patriarch drove the Madam Lee to death’ under the covers.

I want to die on my own terms at least. I am sorry but this is the only way I can protect you Chaerin-ah. Omma is sorry for leaving you alone. Leave this house when you are able. Don’t make the same decision as I made when you have children. I am sorry. I am sorry, my baby. I love you so much; I really wanted to see you grow up. I am sorry. I am sorry Chaerin-ah. Your mother is sorry.

Amidst the chaos, Chaerin sat by her nanny in her room. The piece of paper with her name written on it clutched in her hand.

“Did she really die because that woman told her?”

“No. She did because she was indeed poisoned and the woman did it. She wanted Madam to die naturally but Madam wanted to expose her yet keep you safe and there was no other way. She knew they wouldn’t investigate her death if she were to die of poisoning and take it as a natural death. There would be nothing preventing Sunyeong from getting the matriarch position and then as her daughter, you would be the target of the vile woman’s torment.”

Telling this to an 8-year-old was cruel but her Madam has instructed her to tell her the truth so Chaerin knows what kind of life she will have to live from now on. There is nobody in the house who will be on her side. She would be all alone in a house full of people who are looking for an opportunity to harass her.

Exactly like how her mother was tormented and targeted. She was so helpless, so driven to the edge by the inhabitants of the house that she can only come up with this plan.

Nanny’s heart ached for the little girl. Surprisingly those gray-green eyes remained cold and calm. But the seething anger was obvious the way her little hands were clenched in tight fists leaving bright red nail marks on her palms.

Chaerin didn’t say anything for a long while. She stayed quiet thinking and pondering. Then she finally opened after coming to a decision.  Her nanny patiently waited for her to speak.

“It’s okay. I will survive. I promised my mother after all. I will demolish these people to dust and make them bow down to her grave one day. For that day I will stay alive at all cost.”

The older woman was surprised at the words that spilled from . Tears gathered in her wrinkled eyes. But those eyes were resolute very unlike a young girl and something in them made her believe.

“Yes, I will wait for that day young miss.”

2 and a half years passed by then.

Chaerin’s father wasn’t able to promote his mistress to the head wife due to the scandal. He somehow saved her from getting legally punished by bribery and bringing in somebody to blame namely an innocent maid who was accused of poisoning her mother.

Hence, Sunyeong survived the scandal. She is the unofficial head of the house though she would never receive the social or legal acknowledgment because of that incident. And Chaerin makes sure of reminding it to her as often as possible.

Not that there are no repercussions.

There are, obviously.

Sunyeong hates Chaerin and rightfully so. Though she can’t attack her upfront, she does try to harass her quite often.

Just like presently.

Chaerin was in her room studying when her nanny who stuck by her calls her for some matter. Turns out the main kitchen sent a bowl of bird nest porridge for her. The maid who seemed to be carrying it was someone she hasn’t seen before.

Chaerin felt sorry for the new maid.

“Take it away. You don’t need to bring food.”

“But Madam said…..”

“Whatever your madam said I am not interested in hearing.”

The maid didn’t go away. She stood there stubbornly staring at the young girl in front of her. Chaerin stared back at her taking in the other’s appearance.

“What is your name?”

“It is Minji, Young Miss.”

Chaerin gives a look over of the maid, practically a child. She is probably around 10 yrs old, around her age maybe younger.

“Go back. I don’t want you to be in trouble.”

The girl suddenly sat down on her knees with a thump and bowed down head touching the ground.

“I beg of you Young Miss. Please have some or else this servant would be beaten by Madam and starved to death. Please have mercy.”

Chaerin just smiled. How very apt a ploy for that vile woman.

“Bring a silver needle.”

Minji saw with wide eyes as the needle turned black of the poison that was mixed in the porridge. The Young Miss Lee, who was a young girl dressed in a black hanbok and mourning pin looked on impassively at the dish and the blackened needle. She turned to her and those grey-green eyes seemed to pierce to her soul. Minji shivered involuntarily in fear.

“Do you get it now? I am sparing you. Isn’t it better to be beaten than ending up dead framed for trying to kill me?”

Minji sat there stupefied and when she regained her senses from the initial shock, she knocked her head on the floor in a desperate gesture. The tears spilled over forming a wet patch on the carpet.

“I will die either way.”

Chaerin looked at her amused. The girl seems to have realized that she has spoken out of place.

“I am so sorry! Please forgive me, Young Miss! This servant knows her wrong, I’ll do anything please spare me…”

She knocked her head on the grey stone floor until it bled as she shouted for forgiveness until it bled.

“Stop! Get up.”

Minji stilled at the voice. She tentatively looked up to see the Young Miss Lee sitting back in her chair as the nanny poured her a cup of tea.

“Minji is it?”

“Yes, Young Miss.”

“How did you end up here?”

Minji remembered something and held back a sob.

“This servant (referring to self) was sold here.”

“By a slave trader? Are you an orphan?”

“No…no. I was sold here by my f-father.”

The cup in Chaerin’s hand stilled.

“Oh...”

“It’s not like that, young miss, it was just that the situation in the family was not good, the loans had increased and our shop was closed down….”

“Do you know how to read or write or calculate?”

Minji was a bit surprised. Normally girls in her neighborhood only learned housework maybe some primary education before they were married off.

“I d-do.”

But she was different, she used to help out in the shop with her father and elder brother, thus she learned how to read and write and calculate, though at a very basic sphere.

In the Lee household, human servants are used, mostly Muggles rather than house-elves.

“Inferior beings like house-elves are not fit to serve us”, an elder had said to Chaerin.

The house is charmed with a memory charm so that once you leave your job at the house or get ousted neither will you be able to find your way back nor remember the events that took place in that house. Such a system is pretty convenient to handle Muggles workers with.

Chaerin observed the girl closely. She was frail and sickly with a bony frame covered in oversized clothes that shouted she was not being fed properly. There were a few bruises on her wrist and nape of her neck where the cloth has ridden up to expose the pale flesh. Hungry and beaten, Chaerin mused no wonder she was as desperate as to even deliver her food.

The thing is, everybody in the manor knows Chaerin to be a gloomy, cruel, and emotionless individual who spells bad luck. The effect is even more severe as Chaerin after her mother’s death, only wears black clothes or dark colors with no accessories but a single mourning pin. The servants revered and feared her. Most people in the manor avoid her like plague including her own father.

She gestured for the old nanny.

“Get her some food and clothes. She can be my personal maid. And you, Minji, from now on you can work under me if you want. It will be hard but the rewards would be good if you persevere. There are three things I want from you can you obey that?”

Minji was elated. In the kitchen, she was mostly a sit-in and where you are paid according to your work she is neither paid nor fed and she is helpless because she has no place to go to. Beating is overkill.

So when the opportunity presented her she caught it without a thought. She nodded in response eagerly.

Chaerin hummed.

“Three conditions.

Number one, no matter what I ask you to do you do it without any questions.

Number two, you cannot chat or talk to people about us in any way among the other maids or servants even your Madam, in return, I will protect you from them if things turn against you.

What I want from you is unconditional loyalty. It won’t come instantly but I hope I will not regret taking you in or it will be your last day here……or anywhere in fact.”

There was a dangerous glint in those eyes and Minji dare not look up.

“Third, cut off with your family. From now on this is your home and I am the only family you can have at present. I hope you can get that message across. I will be giving you two days to think it through. Come to me when you have decided, don’t bother if it is a negative answer.”

Two days later Minji stood in front of the porch of Chaerin’s courtyard.

After all, survival is finding the right one to side with. Hunger and fear can make people cut off relations, much less a family that has abandoned her.

Minji, Chaerin found out was a loyal girl who was not the only street smart but also a quick learner. After she came under the elder girl’s care Minji was well fed and soon she regained her health.

The Madam tried to snitch her and bribe her even went as far as threatening her with her family but she calmly replied that she had none. The moment they sold her off they were no longer family, the only family she has is Young Miss Chaerin whom she will never betray.

Madam was disappointed while Minji got pork belly and a bonus as a reward. No matter what happens in the house Chaerin although rarely leaves her room gets to know about it.

“How did you know?”

Chaerin just smiled at the girl.

“Let’s say….. magic” Chaerin chuckles. “You forget I am a witch. It is what I do.”

Minji looked enlightened, while her nanny laughed.

At 12 summers old Chaerin met her maternal grandparents for the first time. She always thought them to be strangers because they cruelly abandoned their daughter in the midst of this jungle and didn’t even try to pursue the cause of her death and took everything for face value.

And then suddenly they barged in on her birthday and gifted her some precious presents like jewelry and silk. They also gave her some money.

“When the old man died he left a 40% of his asset for his granddaughter. He really loved your mother, when she died the assets went under your name.” her grandfather talked about Chaerin’s maternal great grandfather and how much he loved her mother and left his fortune to Chaerin. He rubbed his hands in an attempt.

“You are just a young girl. And you don’t have much of a need for that much money now. How about letting your grandfather and grandmother handle it for you? When you grow up I will hand it over to you.”

Chaerin looked at them amused. Even pigs have better common sense than these people.

“No.”

“What?”

Chaerin called for Minji to serve some pastries.

“I need that money. I can’t hand it over.”

“What do you need that much money for?” the anger has turned the old man’s face red, his neck veins popping. He is a step away from shouting or hitting Chaerin whichever comes first.

“I need to pay for my schooling since my father isn’t gonna pay for me neither are you.”

Her grandfather spluttered.

“I know that for a fact; please don’t try to deny it. You can have the land if you promise to bear my expenses, but I can guarantee it would be your loss there.”

Chaerin smiled innocently at them.

Her maternal grandparents left cursing; they made no offer to carry out her expenses even knowing her father isn’t on her side. Chaerin never expected them to but it didn’t hurt less. At least her hurt didn’t show in front of them that is the only consolation she has.

The assets were delivered to her the next day after she drove them out which had a quiet large plot of land, a few buildings, and three shops under her name. Her maternal grandparents had left in fury and didn’t look for her again. She was silently glad.

At the age of twelve with somewhat of a consent from her father Chaerin left for Iwo Jima to study in Mahoutokoro.

It’s not that her father was concerned anyways; she paid her own tuition with her money from an inheritance. Her father was more concerned with their eldest Lee son born of that woman. Chaerin has one older brother who was born just a few days before she was, to Sunyeong, and a younger sister who was also born to her.. Apparently her father was very upfront about his sleeping around with his sweetheart before Chaerin’s mother while they were married. He impregnated Sunyeong in a hurry even before taking her as a mistress and had Chaerin with her mother a few days later.

Chaerin was disgusted.

It’s okay, I’ll leave this place soon. Hang on a bit more Chaerin-ah. You are almost there.

She also had other siblings, all illegitimate children of her father but they were rarely of any impor