Some people bad at giving compliment, the others bad at receiving them. That's me, the later case. By the huge compliment, I always wonder when they will be dissapointed. The things they don't know, will they still praise someone knowing the bad side that secretly hidden?

Hearing his thankfulness is a burden . But I can't deny the joy that spark receiving it. It's scary and dreamy at the same time.

Every here and there, I afraid about how our relationship just going smoothly. No big argument, no misunderstanding, no demand. To the point I afraid that his interest decreasing and the me right now just hold small mistery and become no more. 

I am not saying that I want more. I don't want to bind him. Not at all. He is such a big shot and he worth everything that comes to him. Still, the comfort he rediance, I wonder if it will left big hole when it dissapear. Thinking like this is scary.

Thinking what happen if we are meeting the crossway? What happen when the time finally come? When we are just not attracted to each other, when leaving seems better than staying. Thinking like this have tolls on some part of my brain.

I know I am being overthinking. Projecting the pain when it's not even here is hurting me. No matter how much I run, it still there.

This thought always away from me when I am living the moment. But at night like this, eventhough he hold me close to the point I can hear his unsteady breath, it happens.

Just like storm, I can't predict when or where it happen. No matter how joyful the day, stillness at night make me feel the emotion that I never think stay within me.

"not going to sleep?" Taehyung says

"trying.... go sleep" I hold his hands which on my stomatch. Giving it good pat and assurance.

"Everything is okay"

"what?" I try to ignore what he says. It's hard to accept the fact that I am just "being me"

"you can pass that phase. Take your time" he kissed my hair, I can feel he strengthen his hug.

"I have good time. Really" I answer, afraid he thinks that the day is not a good one so I start the hallucination of mine.

"Take it easy. I don't know how that's works. Your anxiety. But the girl I see this past months is someone strong, I can assure you"

"I don't know how a happy day with you still makes me wonder the worst" I laugh grogilly

There, only tranquil sound of his breathing answer me. He kiss my nape that it tickle but the anxious feeling is still there, subside but not going away.

"Should we just work our body? It will make your mind can't work and wonder anything." he throw quirk remarks, leaving a longer kiss.

I suddenly think of unappropriate things. At night, working our body when he held me close. The only thing I can think is "".

I don't really think this before. But the way we are so close together now register to my mind. My anxiety has been eating me up to the point I am oblivious with this kind of things.

"sleep!" I said firmly to him. Hiding my face on the pillow with the turmoil in my heart. Feeling ashame that I provocate him when I know it won't do any good at the moment.

Trying to make my point, I scoff a little away from his embrace. An inch or two, not really working with his hand tightly around me. 

"at least don't run away" he chuckled. He doesn't budge.

I know that he try to make me forget the unecessary things. Good tactic but not the best.

"don't open your mouth or I will kick your " I add, won't give u