There's always a day when the eyes refuse to close, brain refuse to shut and heart refure to calm down. At that particular night, someone will toss around fighting the urge to stay awake or give up and leave the comfy bed. That night happen to me right now. After parting with Sohyun, I realize that the lingering scent in my car remind me of her. I have doubt about my view towards her, but I realize piece of her never left my mind since the day I saw her.

Two hour ago I just ask her to be my girlfriend and she reject me right away. Well, my confession is somewhat irrelevant at the moment it blurted out. Still, when I feel the urge to hold her close and steadily build her crumble desire to fight her demon, I just think that I want to be her boyfriend.

"why you want to be entitled with boyfriend label?" 

It just, the moment she asks the question later left me baffled. I don't have any good answer. For the time being, I just fancy this tittle. It suits our current condition. The condition where two stranger want start spending more time together, without barrier when they desire physical contact and with the commitment to spend some journey in the close future. Isn't it how romantic relationship mean?

Then, I realized never once I though why I want to be entitled with the status. Afterall, relationship is unsteady but soothe the heart that fell in it.

Still, what makes me think this tittle will grant me better relationship than what we have now? The exclusiveness which can be betrayed? Or just the lust that doesn't really need compassion? Or maybe I just get brainwashed by the society? About how a man should be a boyfriend and be husband then become father?

In the end there are more things I don't understand and just like I brush her question off by saying

"just because," 

I end up spending all night to find better excuse to have her time here and there in the future.

••••

"This is awkward" Sohyun talks after we just sat in my car for long time. Usually we spent the night longing at the bench, but by my sudden act last week, the papparazi been swinging around and searching for a big fish to bait.

"Things been chaotic lately" I answer

"sure it does. Are you really alright to meet me, I mean It's just been a week ago?"

"I feel like we have unfinish conversation back there"

"oh um.." She fidget. We text for the past days, brushing the awkwardness. But I need to address the elephant in the room.

"I have been thinking lately. But regardless how much time I spend, I still don't have good reason as to why I want to be a boyfriend. But I fancy become someone that has special place in your journey for the future that seems limitless"

I look sideways, we aren't driving and park in seclude area which makes I can't really see her face in the dim light.

"she has beautiful profile"  that's what I thought, again and again from the first time we've been meeting. At the end, I might also like the fact that I can have this beauty by my side.

"do you love me?" She looks at me

"If this love you mean is something like fondness I feel towards you, I have it" I ask her

"Not just curiousity?" She adds

"That might be curiousity" I answer honestly

"so there's a chance that you actually want to satisfy your curiousity using the excuse to be in relationship with me?"

"I don't have any objection. But I swear that I am passionate about what I am curious about"

"The problem is, curiousity died down. In my opinion, that's mean it won't end well" she mumbles, taking her eyes to the front, sighning

"I can't say otherwise. But curiousity is something that attract sailor to left the shore and turns out someone discover our land, it may turn out well I guess?"

"Wow, now I know why you have many hits song. Your way of thinking" she laugh silently and I like seeing her laugh.

"Do you think is it a good trait?"

"Plus point beside your handsome face"

"You are also beautiful" Right now she find my eyes and gleam with those uncertainty eyes

"Is it time to hear my answer yet?" She says

"Well sure. But don't hurt my feelings, I might lef