A slow love song was playing in the hallways from the speakers installed in every corner, courtesy of the broadcast club. This Valentine’s day, they’d taken it up a notch higher and had accepted anonymous love letters, and during the breaks, there was a segment being aired called Stranger in Love on which, after every song dedication, an anonymous love letter was being read.

Jonghyun was waving a huge box of chocolates that had been left on his desk, putting away the other three he had received inside his desk. Taemin knew exactly who had given those chocolates to Jonghyun. The brand was an easy giveaway. Taemin chuckled at Jonghyun’s excitement and took his seat, not at all disappointed that he had gotten absolutely nothing for Valentine’s Day this year.

Jonghyun passed over the note he had gotten and Taemin read it over.

“For idiot #1. PS Share with idiot #2 cuz I ran out of allowance.”

Jonghyun shared the chocolates, chuckling, “And for once, I thought he’d be romantic.”

Taemin picked out a couple of them and then another when Jonghyun told him to try the one in green wrapping, and he had foolishly unwrapped all of them, which he had to stuff all at once into his mouth because the teacher had walked in. He lowered his head, trying to finish eating them before the teacher noticed… and that was when he found it.

A white rose inside his desk.

He pulled it slowly by the stem, smiling as he touched the soft petals. He knew it was not from Minho, but it was only Minho he could think of now, looking at the flower. He sighed, feeling a little guilty that someone’s effort for him had been in vain… because this heart of his could now never be swayed by anyone else. The irony of it all was that it had been swayed for good by someone who hadn’t even been trying at all.

“Lee Taemin!” 

Taemin shot up at the stern call of the teacher, realizing that almost the whole class was staring at him. He was sure this wasn’t the roll call otherwise Jonghyun would’ve elbowed him at least. He looked sideways and Jonghyun pursed his lips, mouthing something which Taemin couldn’t understand… which the teacher affirmed for him.

“You must’ve gotten a lot of chocolate today but that doesn’t mean you eat all of it during class.” The teacher sighed, “Detention today… and wipe your face.” She turned to write something on the board, “Such a mess.”

Taemin felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment when he felt the skin around his lips, finding it a little sticky with chocolate. Jonghyun passed him a tissue immediately and Taemin cussed under his breath, finding one of the drama club members smirking at him after having taken a picture secretly.

At lunchtime, Jinki caught up with them and he immediately noticed Taemin’s pissed off face, “What’s up with him?”

“He finally opened his detention account this year.” Jonghyun explained, “Detention for eating chocolate in class.”

“Terrific.” Jinki smirked, he turned to Jonghyun, “Have some left?”

Jonghyun pulled out the huge box from his bag, “Plenty.” 

“Lucky me,” Jinki whispered, taking one and unwrapping it right away. 

“Detention isn't gonna be so bad, Tae.” Jonghyun took a bite of his sandwich, noticing how down Taemin still seemed, “You’ll just be doing your homework in class while listening to music like we used to in the extra hour last two years.”

Taemin just sighed, looking back to his lunch, unwrapping his sandwich.

Jinki played with the wrapper for a few short seconds before he glanced at where Taemin’s gaze had been before and turned back, sighing. Jonghyun had noticed and followed Jinki’s gaze, his eyes settling on the chaos on the other side of the cafeteria, where Yuri was sitting next to Minho, a little closer than anyone else at that table.

“Taemin…” Jonghyun began, “Just because they are sitting close and hanging out doesn’t mean that they are together. I mean… if it was, wouldn’t it be everywhere? That jealous , Haneul, would be the first one to rub it in.”

Taemin didn’t say anything.

Jinki watched Taemin while Jonghyun continued, “We’re third years now. Exams are early for us. They start in a couple of weeks. A month later, we’ll have our farewell and be done with school. We’ll be home prepping for the college entrance exams instead.” he sighed, “Point is… you might not see him anymore in a month or so, Taemin. Who knows where we end up later on? We still have a reason to see each other… but him...you might never see him again when school ends.”

Taemin felt his heart clench at those words. He knew that. He had always known that but it was only now, that his friend was laying it out before him, that he could feel the gravity of it. His resolve to only keep his feelings to himself was beginning to break as Jonghyun’s word sunk in further, making him ask, “What… what do I do, then?”

It was Jinki who asked back, “What do you want to do?”

Taemin couldn’t answer him. 

The question lingered in his mind the rest of the day, throughout detention, his books laid open with not even a single word written as he just blankly stared at the textbook.

The weight of it all was still sinking in. The time that had passed. Everything that had happened. How despite the ticking time, despite everything that changed, he was still where he always was. How nothing had changed after all.

He was still a guy hopelessly in love with someone out of his league. He had changed everything for this love. A love that was so stubbornly unchanging… and he knew well what could maybe change it… and maybe then, he could finally move from the spot he’d been stuck in for three years. The spot he had never, ever wanted to move from, too afraid, too scared to ruin it. Just like everything that he owned in white that he preserved. 

He was still afraid, he had totally given up on wanting more than his own feelings, totally given up on wanting to overcome this fear. Because whenever he thought of his heart being revealed, all he could imagine was Minho losing his handsome smile, the kindness of his eyes. Looking at him with discomfort, with remorse, speaking an apology. All he could imagine was that Minho would never smile at him as he does now, he wouldn’t talk to him even in passing and would see right through him. 

When that happened, he would have to stop. Stop noticing Minho everywhere, stop keeping the moments they shared close to his heart, stop hoping… stop feeling. It would be too painful to do… because it wouldn’t be just a bullet he’d recover from… it would be a poison arrow through the heart.

“Taemin, time’s up dear, you may go home.” The teacher called out and Taemin broke from his daze, looking at his blank notebook. He sighed as he began to pack up. He headed straight to the parking lot, glancing at his watch, realizing that the teacher had dismissed detention fifteen minutes early. Maybe because it was Valentine’s day. 

Jinki’s car had covered the distance he was yet to walk but Taemin hadn’t gotten in, making Jonghyun roll down the window and call out to him.

Taemin broke from the sight of Minho’s car passing by, Yuri in the passenger seat, changing song after song, the faint beats of which were fading from the space as they drove away.

Taemin finally got in, rested back in the seat, and closed his eyes, wishing that it were that simple to not let everything he could see not affect him. 

But even behind his closed eyelids, he couldn’t shake it off. How he was both satisfied with loving from afar but also felt the regret of both time and opportunities slip by him. It was all he could feel, all he could think of. Everything that he was feeling… it was beyond all of his senses, after all.

Exams started and Taemin threw himself into studying, pushing everything else to the back of his mind. It was hard but he got the hang of it once he removed everything that could remind of the chaos resting within him. The very first thing he locked away were his headphones and his stereo, he hid his memory card that had all of his songs, he removed all music apps from his phone and his laptop. 

His mother was a little worried as well, because not hearing music coming from her son’s room was an anomaly, especially during exam season because music had always helped Taemin study better. But his heart was heavy, it was far more susceptible to even the tiniest little thing. And Taemin just didn’t want it. He didn’t want to spiral down and lose himself in his thoughts, even a single word or lyrics, triggering his heart.

He avoided every place he knew Minho frequented. He never studied in class and studied in a different corner of the library. He never stayed the extra hour after school and took a winding path to the parking lot, just to avoid passing the soccer field.

So much