Taemin yawned, pushing his round, oversized glasses up his nose, returning from the vending machines empty-handed as it didn’t have any snacks and only energy drinks. He pushed open the door to the music room and the moment he had done so, there was a loud crash. He just stood at the door, finding Jinki on the ground, slumped against the piano bench and Jonghyun barely holding on to the bench, almost about to fall off from the other side.

“Oh,” Jonghyun pulled himself up and sat better on the bench, “It’s just you.”

Taemin chuckled, stepping ahead and giving Jinki a hand. “What if it wasn’t me?”

“Then… we were just fighting and,” Jinki took his hand, getting up, “Jonghyun here… pushed me. Which he did, in fact.” He sat back on the bench, “It ing hurts, babe.”

“Then stop provoking me in school.” Jonghyun grumbled. “And it’s not me who wants to keep this a secret! Why does your cousin have to go to the same school!”

Taemin just shook his head in laughter. It was kinda tragic because Jonghyun and Jinki had started dating over the summer but there had also been a huge spat between their families (they were neighbors) and both of them were now forbidden to associate with each other. 

“Why did your uncle push my grandma in the community pool?” Jinki asked back.

“Your uncle wasn’t looking where he was going and besides, that is not when it started, it started when your cousin Joon–”

“Guys, guys, guys!” Taemin interrupted them, laughing, “Why are you guys fighting?”

Jonghyun pursed his lips, “I hate this. This is stupid.”

Jinki shifted closer to him, “Babe, you know there’s gonna be a huge fight if they found out we aren’t just friends and then they’ll explicitly stop us from seeing each other. Even Joon won’t turn a blind eye on us hanging out together the moment he finds out.” He barely suppressed his chuckles, “The poor guy got beat up by your grandma and he’s still salty about it.”

“He deserved it,” Jonghyun frowned and Jinki laughed, agreeing, “Yep, he did.”

“Okay, so now that all’s well,” Taemin grabbed his bag, “Let’s go home.”

“Taemin…” Jonghyun started, “It’s been a week since we signed up for the club… won’t you play the piano?”

Taemin looked from him to the magnificent piano and reluctantly looked away, smiling, “No, I quit playing.”

“Hey, Tae,” Jinki got up, “Are you sure you’ll be fine just being backstage help for the club? They’ll have you running errands all year.”

“I’ll be fine.” Taemin said, “I run fast, after all.”

Everyone had secrets that they kept. Taemin kept Jonghyun and Jinki’s. And Jonghyun and Jinki kept his. 

His secret of why he no longer played the piano.

He had changed his club of choice from the broadcast club to the music club at Jonghyun’s request as the music club was short of members and could be disqualified as a club. But it was a temptation, seeing the piano in one of the corners of the music room.

He remembered it so well, the time he played the piano like it was the only thing he was wired to do. It was in the last year of middle school, he’d be sitting on the piano bench of the attached nursery every free second of the break and between classes. He had practiced so hard, so hard until he couldn’t lift a finger, despite having exams. Heading straight to his aunt’s music shop after school only to play the piano again. 

He was sillier back then, thinking that he could qualify for Johwa, an elite music school with only a few months practice, futile obsession, and false hope. He had taken piano lessons briefly as a kid and had self-taught himself some songs which he sometimes played for the teachers’ kids in the nursery. But after watching the modern music festival that was hosted by the music school in their campus that year, listening to the many pianists, how one of them had covered a rock song on the piano so seamlessly, all he had wanted to do was to learn to play like that. 

Johwa was doing campus selections in their school and the selections were after the final exams. 

He had about only three months and needed only one classical piece, one perfect piece to get selected and he was determined to get in, to work harder, to match the level of the other pianists after getting into the program. 

The music teacher, the nursery teacher and even his aunt had advised him to try next year and though he thought that made sense and had also settled on it… he just couldn’t stop feeling restless, as if he’d not only just miss an opportunity… but also let this feeling pass. The feeling that was bursting at the seams of wanting to try harder, of wanting to grab the opportunity. He was unsure if it would fizzle out by next year and he may not be this motivated, this inspired. He may not want to do it then, at all.

So after a long haul, he finally decided to go for it, no matter what it took.

He had chosen Ode to Joy, which he had learnt mostly by ear, since he wasn’t very strong with sheet music yet. His aunt had simplified it for him a bit, the nursery teacher also helped him whenever he was playing there. Jonghyun had been beyond impressed when he had played it for him before the selection. He knew he had done a good job the next day from how his mom and his friends were cheering at the end of it. But,

“That was a rather simplified version. Can you play us something else?”

Taemin had prepared for the worst– in case he was asked to play something else. He had perfected a couple of his mom’s favorite songs, they weren’t classical pieces but still had been hard to learn and he was about to play one of them when another judge went,

“Since you chose Beethoven, how about Fur Elise?”

Taemin nodded, he had heard it a few times, especially when choosing a piece for his selection but he had never played it. His heart had been thumping in fear then, his fingers shook but he had gone ahead. It was okay, he focussed himself, to remember how it went precisely, but the moment he got into the second half, it went astray. He stopped when one of the judges gestured to him.

“I’m sorry.”

Taemin’s heart had sunk when he had been gestured to leave but he didn’t want to give up, “I can play you something else– the piano cover of Imagine–”

“The requirement to qualify is a classical piece, Mr. Lee. It is a uniform way of judging everyone’s skills and yours, I’m afraid is not at the level we are looking for.”

They were about to stamp his form but Taemin stopped them.

“The selections are till the end of the week, please let me have another chance on Friday–” 

“That would be unfair. Besides, four days will not be enough to perfect the complexities of Fur Elise. Or any other classical piece, Mr. Lee. We need an advanced background to be able to teach you modern music reform… and it is obvious you lack it. You need years of practice… and a lot of lessons before you can grasp our techniques. I’m sure some other place in the future will love to have you.”

Taemin had left the stage then and was walking to where Jonghyun and Jinki were standing, but stopped short, overhearing the students next in line talking.

"I can’t believe he performed a simplified version. And messed up Fur Elise. Such an embarrassment for our school. Now they’ll judge us at his level."

"Exactly! How could he even think of trying out when he’s so incompetant? He should’ve just stayed where he was– in the nursery playing rhymes for the teachers’ kids."

Taemin walked faster, not wanting to hear a word more… because all of it had been the truth. The cruel truth that he had taken lightly, too blinded by being so hopeful.

“They are nuts,” Jonghyun had said when he had reached them, “This is nuts. Bloody hypocrites! What will be left to teach if they want you to know everything?!”

“I don’t believe it for even a second that you need years to–” Jinki handed him his coat, he was angry as well, “You can show them next year–”

“No, I’m not trying next year,” Taemin managed a smile as he took his coat, “I just wanted to try, for the experience, not because I wanted to get in.” He waved at his mom who had just got up from her seat, “Gotta go, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” And he walked away, turning back to wave at them.

He smiled when he reached his mom and she knew what he was feeling despite him not showing or telling, and she said nothing, asked nothing. 

She hadn’t said anything even when he had stopped playing altogether.

Nor had Jonghyun and Jinki breached it after that one time, when they had joined their high school's music club..

Not even when he stood