“Seungwan-ah, do you want to eat this?”

“Seungwan-ah, happy birthday!”

“Seungwan-ah, where do you wanna go?”

“Seungwah-ah, i miss you…”

“Son Seungwan!”

“Seungwan-ah…”

“Seungwan?”

“Seungwan!”

I felt myself being pushed and before i could realize it, i was already sitting on the floor. I looked up to glared at Seulgi. The girl put her hands up and i could saw her eyes widened, maybe she didn’t expect me to glare.

“Don’t look at me like that, i tried calling you several times but you ignore me!”

She sighed and lent me her hand. I took it and stood up with her help. “Were you thinking about her?” She looked at me right in the eyes, worried was evident in her face. That made me sigh.

“Well, if i should tell you the truth, i’ve never stopped thinking about her.”

“Seungwan…”

“It’s okay, Seulgi. I’m okay. I just… I miss her, but i’ll get over it. Don’t worry about me.” I showed her a small smile, i was pretty sure that was enough to assure her. “So, how’s the dorm without me? Are you feeling lonely already?”

She chuckled and nodded her head. “Everyone has been going out a lot. No one barely home, well except for me.” I saw her sitting back on the bed and i followed. “I miss you in the dorm, Seungwan-ah. We miss you in the dorm. You should come back with us.”

I was silent for a few moments. ‘Coming back to the dorm? It’s like suicide.’

“No, not now at least. But don’t worry, i’ll come back when everything’s fine.”

“And when is that, Seungwan-ah? You’ve been saying that for almost a year now but you never come back. I miss you, Yerim misses you, Sooyoung misses you.” She stopped for a few seconds and took a deep breath before continuing her story. “You see, i kinda eavesdropped the maknaes few days ago. They were having their usual heart-to-heart talk, one thing we all used to do before. Yerim was crying, Seungwan. She said she miss you. She miss your presence in the dorm. She felt safe when you were around, and now…now she’s not sure anymore. Can’t you see, Seungwan? Can’t you see that we need you?”

I closed my eyes, guilt started creeping up in my heart. “I…i’m so s—sorry. I’m sorry for ruining everything. I’m s—sorry for ruining us, our bond… I’m really sorry for being selfish, Seul.”

My fist clenched up tightly and tears began seeping down my cheeks. I felt Seulgi hugged me as she shook her head. “No, you know that’s not what i mean, Seungwan. You’re not selfish, you are hurt and i understand that. We understand that. But, we just miss you, Seungwan. Things are not the same without you around.”

“No, Seul. Things would never be the same, with or without me around. It’s my fault that i ruin everything. If I hadn’t been so selfish, things like this would not happen.”

“But we never blame you, we would never. It’s not selfish to fall in love, Seungwan. I understand that and i know that you must be hurting now. We all do understand that, but it’s just harder without you around. Call us selfish for wanting you back in the dorm. But Seungwan, with you being there, that would put an ease to our hearts. We can’t help but to be afraid of the possibilities of you leaving us, leaving Red Velvet… I don’t think