seungcheol stare at his phone probably a bit longer than necessary because it gain wonwoo's attention who's been silently watching him from the side. the man in glasses is taking a peek at what his best friend is seeing that made him as if he's being hypnotized. once his eyes saw the guy is on chat he look away, until he catch the name of the sender of message, he stop munching his fried fries.

"jihoon?" he ask carefully.

seungcheol smile fondly at the name and lock the phone before putting it back on the table.

"yeah,"

"why is he contacting you again? it's been years."

seungcheol take a sip of his warm green tea, eyes fixed on the throng of people coming in the restaurant. it's lunch time, the place has slowly filled with people on their break time, the quiet atmosphere long gone as it's now buzzing with patrons talking and joking. seungcheol is pressing his lips together at the question his friend throw at him. yes, it's been years

when was the last time he met jihoon?

university graduation he guess? the shorter guy then moved to australia with his boyfriend shortly after they graduated, a surprise movement if seungcheol had to comment when be heard it from a friend who accidentally met jihoon at the airport. knowing lee jihoon for a good 4 years he thought he knew the guy inside out, but probably that was what love could made you doing. the most insane thing. and since then he never had a news of the dear old friend anymore. until now that is.

seungcheol kind of missed him, his university life was filled with jihoon and their memories together. the eyes smile whenever seungcheol threw a joke at him, his hearty laughter. the stoic tone when scolded him from being an outsider and Boomer at the party with their friends. the night they shared together, talking and dreaming about the future.

a future he couldn't give him.

"he wants to meet,"

"he's here?"

seungcheol nod "he said he want to give me something,"

wonwoo's eyes never left his friend's face, which looks relaxed on the outside but he know deep inside he's been nervous judging how he keep pressing his lips together. a habit he adapt over the years. wonwoo didn't know in details what seungcheol had shared with jihoon in their university days, seungcheol was never an open person, he prefer to keep things to himself until the bottle is finally full and ready to be spilled. on another note, they took different course in university, it's harder to meet when your building is few kilometers apart. and without he knew, the tittle of seungcheol's best friend has gone to lee jihoon.

he knew jihoon briefly, but was not that close. they hang out together sometimes, and even in that short chance he could see the both of them shared this special intimate feeling toward each other.  wonwoo had never seen seungcheol so depended on someone like he was to jihoon, he often made a joke that they looked like an old married couple and seungcheol just accept it with a stupid grin, shrugging his shoulders and gave him a gummy smile. like it's the most neutral thing in the world.

and just like how seungcheol accept the tease like it's normal things, he expected seungcheol and jihoon to end up together until they're old and stinky. they looked good side by side and by how peaceful their relationship in his eyes, wonwoo sincerely wish them a happily ever after. but the world just didn't work like that, the surprise the world kept only to explode it later never ceased to make him wonder if there's nothing perfect in this universe.

he remember clearly that one time in their last year in university, when he didn't expect his friend came to him on one night, drunk. eyes red, body leaning heavily on the wall outside his apartment. greeting him with weak voice and a small smile.

when he ask what happened, seungcheol pat him lightly on the shoulder and enter his place with tumbling steps

"he finally found someone,"

wonwoo followed him after quietly closing the door. eyes worriedly watching his friend who find a solace on his couch. he didn't say anything, but he knew who's seungcheol talking about. sleepiness faded from his head as he took a seat beside the shorter guy and waiting, watching in silent when seungcheol let out a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"i think things won't be the same now,"

wonwoo didn't want to pry any further actually, he's never a busy body kind of person. he tried to give seungcheol his space, just want to be the ears the guy needed like usual. at all times when seungcheol came to him with this state, the other actually didn't want to be scolded or preached, he just want to spilled whatever it was that bothering his mind and wonwoo want to respect that. they know each other from very young age and they stayed as friends because they know how to treat each other preciously.

but seems curiosity win the best of him that night. maybe it's because the unbearably quiet night, or maybe the unseen sadness that lost from his friend's calm face that intrigued him.

"why didn't you fight for him then?"

seungcheol's gaze fell at him, expressionless, "we're never together from the first place, and jihoon, deserved someone better,"

"you're good enough for him cheol,"

seungcheol cackle, leaning on wonwoo's black couch. looking lifeless, yet, there's a trace of relieve oozed out from his friend. that's what confused wonwoo in the first place.

it always burdening him, the whatever relationship sungcheol had with jihoon. wonwoo has never understand the concept of "some", not lover, not really friends either. when you like someone, shouldn't you be lover? especially when the feeling is mutual, and yet, something just stopping seungcheol from doing so, hanging jihoon in the middle.

"i'm not, if there's one thing, i have become his obstacle for a better life. soonyoung is a good guy, and he's been treating jihoon like the most precious person in this world. i'm no competition."

"isn't he your most precious too?"

seungcheol let out a bitter laugh after seconds comprehending the question wonwoo thrown at him.

"Truthfully?" He muttered softly "he's not,"

wonwoo paused at the surprising answer. too stunned to react.

"jihoon is precious, but strangely he's not the most precious person to me, i also don't know why... i like him, I really do, but i just can't love him.." seungcheol stop talking,

"I just can't give him my all...I'm such a bad guy huh, wonwoo ya"

There's silence that accompany them after the confession. Wonwoo just quietly sat there as seungcheol's eyes fluttered closed before finally dozed off from drunk.

wonwoo was watching him fall deeper in slumber. sighing in disbelieve after he's sure his friends totally unconscious.

"are you going to meet him?"

seungcheol tilt his head a little at him, accompanied with a shrug of shoulders.

"i don't see why not, it's a mini reunion after all,"

wonwoo doesn't say anything further. he only give an agreement nod. some things just can't be redo, so whatever happens, it happened in the past. it's better to leave it as it is.

both jihoon and seungcheol has move on, it's not important anymore what happened before.

+*+*+*+

when seungcheol open the door to the cafe, he's greeted by the waitress on the front door. he gave the young woman a polite smile and walk inside. when he meet eyes with a familiar looking man sitting near the window, he's stopped in his track. fascinated by the sight of lee jihoon, looking the same as ever, like the last time he saw him on graduation day. the younger doesn't change, the way he looks, his hairstyle, his fashion, it feels like seungcheol return to their university days. where they're sticking together like twins.

being boys, playing games, hang out and meet up before and after class to eat. drunk together. seungcheol kind of miss that.

jihoon wave his right hand at him, and a fond smile appeared on his handsome face. feeling of relieve come to him like flood when the shorter one doesn't look awkward.seungcheol didn't realized that he's been holding his breath all along.

he take more steps until he reach their table, taking off his coat and sit across jihoon who's eyes never left him. it makes him a little bit nervous, being watched that intensely.

"you look great," he compliment the shorter guy as a waiter come to him and ask his order. he gesture to jihoon, to ask if he already order and the other nodded as answer.

"1 coffee please,"

"you don't change at all,"jihoon start.

seungcheol laughed, rubbing his nape awkwardly.

"i know, still the boring man, wonwoo said that countless time too,"

jihoon smiles wider, eyes move upward like a crescent moon, and the sight make seungcheol warm. he miss the eye smile.

"how is life? have you found someone already?"

seungcheol shakes his head with an embarrassed grin plastered on his face. his shoulder slump as he lean on the seat rest. his eyes unconsciously observing the still cute boy across him, feeling nostalgia all over again. it's been years, but it seems only seungcheol who grow older, while jihoon is still have the baby face that he always adored. his eyes unconsciously lingered on jihoon's hands and found something on his ring finger that's on the table and stilled.

there's something circling one of the finger. a ring. it doesn't looks too luxury or fancy, just a plain silver ring with something curved on the surface. just as jihoon's taste, simple. but it held so much meaning.

it's silent, but seungcheol was sure he heard some part of his heart shattered. it's been so long, jihoon has always been special for him, and he truly wish the boy's happiness with his boyfriend, and yet, it still sting.

he wonder what went wrong in their relationship. With him, and precisely think if he fought for jihoon that time, would it be him who put that ring on his finger?

"it's hard to find someone who understand me,"

"i agree," jihoon wittily answered back. seungcheol cackle again.
"where's soonyoung?"

the waiter come back to served their order, jihoon with his hot cocoa and coffee for seungcheol. a smile reappear on his lips at the sight, jihoon couldn't hold caffeine in his body system, so he never drink coffee and always prefer hot cocoa. that small detail sounded so melancholic now. they thanked the waiter when jihoon finally answered.

"he went back to the orphanage, send some souvenirs because we couldn't visit there on new year. supposedly we'll meet again this evening,"

a domestic life. it fit jihoon well.

"i'm happy for you." he speak softly, smile left jihoon's face after the words muttered.

there's closure in their history. a clean closure, yet each of them know that it still left hope of a continuation, a small sound of big IF.

what if they're still together?
what would happened if seungcheol held on to jihoon?
what would happened if jihoon persistently stayed with seungcheol?

Some feeling just couldn't be erased no matter how hard they moved and restart their life. Hearts may moved on, but memories stayed. Leaving traces that nailed into your whole being, sacred, but haunting. leaving an invisible scars.

"did he treat you well?"

jihoon take a sip of his hot cocoa, taking his time to reply, but a small content smile grace his lips and seungcheol smiles back. he can feel the happiness that radiated from the smaller guy.

"we fight sometimes, but yes, he treat me well,"

seungcheol humming his responds. eyes on his untouched coffee. they just stayed like that for few awkward seconds, doesn't know where to start. seungcheol wanted to ask, why jihoon suddenly want meet him, but before he could ask it seems the other know what he was thinking, because a small square envelope is presented before him.

seungcheol blinks as he stare at the purple envelope. then look up toward the one who give it.

"i think you know it already when you see this," jihoon lift his left hand to show him the silver ring.

"he proposed me last month,"

seungcheol doesn't say anything but his gaze never left the happy smile, the small almost invisible dimple that appeared whenever he smile widely. and he can see there's slight blush appear on jihoon cheeks. adorable, he want to pinch it.

"the ceremony and party will be held in canada in 2 months. you should come, seungcheol ah,"

"why canada?"

"that punk want to make it legally and official in a church. one of his friend know this priest who's willing to married us, the next thing i know he told me he already ordered invitation, planned the party, booked the plane, hotel. everything. i was this close to choke him when he told me after his proposal. can you believe it??" The shorter guy rambled on and on seungcheol almost can see fumes coming out of his ears. He let out a hearty chuckle at the change of atmosphere.

"typically soonyoung,"

"i know right? sometimes i regret knowing him," jihoon huffed and crossed his arms.

seungcheol let out a louder laugh at the remarks. he shakes his head at the adorableness.

they're like water and oil, one is compassionate, one is passive. one filled with emotion and energy, the other is expressionless and quiet. and yet they filled each other weakness perfectly, it's a miracle itself they could last this long. judging by how easily soonyoung ruffled jihoon's fur in the past he thought soonyoung would be murdered in less than 3 months.
but taking a look at the evident now, it's proven to be the opposite.
what a unique couple.

it felt like yesterday when jihoon came to him and complaint about a certain annoying kid who kept flirting with him name kwon soonyoung they met at the club on one of their friend's birthday party. world is small after all when the next day they met again at school. soonyoung turned out to be a student too at their university. it was also the first time seungcheol ever saw someone able to pull out all kind of emotion off jihoon's usually expressionless face. it's weird, seeing his calm friend bursted out with anger every now and then, talking miles per minute and become sensitive whenever soonyoung's name was mentioned.

"do you like him?"

it was one night after their fooling around when the question rolled out of seungcheol's mouth. his eyes watching jihoon's bare muscle clench when he reached for his shirt and boxer on the floor.

"over my dead body," was the shorter guy quick response.

it's far too fast in seungcheol's opinion. over the last few months since soonyoung appeared in their life, jihoon has become more feisty and it's adorable. how can he not think that way when whenever jihoon complaint about this certain kwon, his cheeks would turn pink, lips pouting and sulking on his own.

he felt envious to be honest, how soonyoung could changed his friend that fast.

"you didn't sound annoyed though," he sit up, turning jihoon's face around to kiss him on the lips, the younger one's response was as aggressive.  eagerly climbing back to his body and he let him. he tilt his face to have more access on the cavern, enjoying every small noises jihoon make.

"if he confess to you, will you accept him?" he ask after pulling away, nuzzling his nose on the other's neck.

jihoon is someone who barely showed any expression and mostly gave no reaction to anything, but he's always expressive and active on bed to seungcheol's pleasure. they always said the calm one is the dangerous one, and it perfectly describe jihoon. while jihoon doesn't talk much on daily basis, the shorter guy was always honest with his wants on bed.

when they first did it, it's an accident. they're back from a party held by their friends, and jihoon's place was too far so he's stranded in his apartment. it's purely due to high level of alcohol in their system, their brains were hazy and all they wanted was to satisfied each other.

one thing led to another, the relationships continued, but with consciousness attached. they didn't know what to call it, but they decided not to make the relationship official as if they're both afraid, that if they touched the topic the bubbles will burst, the relationship wouldn't be the same anymore.

but seungcheol can see it, beyond the willing body and wild composure on bed, jihoon was not one who likes to fool around with someone without feeling.

jihoon loved him.

but unfortunately seungcheol was not on the same page.

seungcheol himself was not the type who like without string, he didn't play around with others, only with jihoon. So at one point in his life he was seriously considering to make it official with the shorter guy, they matched, their mind works well together. jihoon know how to control seungcheol and seungcheol know how to indulge jihoon in his mood swing. they could make a perfect couple.

and yet they didn't.

this was not jihoon's fault, it's all on him, all the blame was on seungcheol.

no matter how much he tried to brainwashed himself and imagining the future with the other guy, it felt so wrong. as if he's betraying something, someone, it didn't feel right.

jihoon was not the one. he decided when he's stick to his own selfishness.

funny, considering he's not a romantic person, but there's some part in him that's stubbornly waiting for someone. waiting to hold someone dearly, to live with that person forever.

and this person was not jihoon. it's sounds cliche but no matter how he forced himself, he just couldn't. he felt sorry, but he knew jihoon knew about this as well although he said nothing.

"are you crazy? of course i won't." he got punished through a small bite on his left neck, he winced but cackle lightly.

that answer was not as fast as his first answer, there's a halt in jihoon's voice that seungcheol recognized so well. he's uncertain with his own answer.

And perhaps, jihoon had realized this too.

Thus why he couldn't say anything when one day on their last year in university jihoon came to him, hugging him tightly, only to say that he's finally accepting soonyoung's confession. His eyes were staring straight to seungcheol's soul, looking for approval and resignment. he wanted to make a new start.

that confession was like a light struck. Seungcheol remember clearly, how he managed to control his emotion, wishing jihoon a happy relationship. squeezing the man back. he knew it, among one of those days, jihoon had already fallen for kwon soonyoung. who was he to stop him from leaving? he's not one worthy of jihoon's love and attention. he didn't have the right to fight and hold jihoon back, because he realized, he didn't love jihoon as much as jihoon loved him.

and soonyoung was always loving jihoon despite knowing that jihoon only had eyes on seungcheol. he had no confidence to love someone so bravely, to compete with a man who loves someone unconditionally like soonyoung.

so on that day, he let jihoon go.

"you will come right?" jihoon's question brought him back from his trance.

"I will," he answer, taking the envelope and open the invitation. there's the address of the church, the party and a picture of the couple in the middle of the invitation letter making a heart with their arm above their head. Soonyoung's eyes was on his trademark 10:10 while jihoon was beet red seemingly want to hide from the world albeit joining to create heart above his head. seungcheol turn it around with an amused face.

"really jihoon ah?"

he loved teasing jihoon. seeing the stoic face turned red and the small eyes widened in embarrassment as if he's ready to dig his own grave and bury himself. it's so funny.

"that's his idea to put our picture in it," the younger guy face palmed himself. muttering his reply in a tiny font voice.

"he sure rub his personality on you,"

"i can't believe either i let him do it"

laughter ring again in the place due to seungcheol. jihoon is ready to whack him if not because his phone that's ringing rather loudly. seungcheol see him pick the phone and speak in a fond voice, he instantly knew who that was.

"i'm with seungcheol, are you finished already? that's fast."

seungcheol put the invitation back in the envelope nicely and insert it inside his coat while listening to jihoon's warm voice on the phone.he finally touch his coffee, stirring it lightly with the spoon before taking a sip of it.

"oh you're near? where? okay, wait i'll ask. cheol, do you want to go dinner with us?"

seungcheol raised his eyebrows, thinking for a second before nodding his head. it's been a while since he last see soonyoung. there's no bad beef between them, so he doesn't think it's a bad idea overall. Who knows when they'll see each other anymore.

"He said okay, i'll see you at the front,"

"let's go," jihoon stand up after he close the phone call. seungcheol nod again and stand up as well. he walk to the door while jihoon to the cashier to pay for their drink.

near the door, he took one last peek at jihoon, waiting for him to go out together. when the shorter guy approach him, he open the door and let him walk out first.

one step outside the cafe, seungcheol stop walking and crane his neck back inside through the glass windows. there are not many patrons in the place currently, as it's an awkward time between lunch and dinner. his eyes scanning the transparent glass door, just now noticing each of the customers. a couple of business men, an old lady and couple college students giggling while ducking their head on the table.

one of them had ponytail, a grey ash blonde. his eyes fixated on the back head for unknown reason. the person looks side ways and seungcheol barely able to see the face when jihoon called him.

There's a black sedan waiting on the road. soonyoung wave at him from inside the car and he wave back. grin ready on his face as he walk closer toward the couple.

the blonde head long forgotten as he climb inside the car.

+*+*+*+