Waste It On Me (III)
Waste It On MeOh crap.
Of all times to wake up late, why now?!
I looked for my phone under my pillow fortress and opened it. And holy cheeseballs! I got ten phone calls and five messages from manager-nim! Oh Lord...
My fingers scrambled to type some sort of alibis, but before I could come up with a reasonable response, another message popped in and it took my sleeping heart to jolt.
Oh shoot. Got to prepare, got to prepare... I nearly stumbled out of bed because of the blanket wrapping itself on my leg. Oh curse you blanket!
I went outside of the room only to find Yerin with her phone again. I rolled my eyes. God, first thing in the morning and she's talking with someone already.
I straightened my back and took a run to the bathroom. I need to take a quick shower! But I was stopped in my tracks when she called my name. The almost cutesy voice was enough to make my bad day go. "Yes?"
Yerin looked at me and grinned. "I planned on waking you up but Manager-nim said not to. And you looked cute hugging your pillows."
I blushed. Oh damn. "Y-You should've wake me! You know how strict Manager-nim is!"
Yerin chuckled as she showed me something in her phone. It was me, sleeping snuggly and with a pillow on the side.
Oh mother effing Christ.
Just how many photos of me are there in her gallery?!
"Yah! Why did you take pictures of me!" I ran to her and tried to get the phone out of her hands but she just tackled me on the couch and laughed.
"I took good photos of you, see?" Yerin teased me while scrolling her gallery pictures. And I swear to God, she took so many.
I tried to squirm away and fight for the phone but she started tickling me which sent my sleepy cells into overdrive. "Y-yah! stop it!"
I'm kidding, I don't want her to stop. Uhh... just the tickling part, I guess.
I love it when I have her whole attention. It feels like, she knows what I'm feeling towards her and she feels the same.
Only if she really feels the same way.
"Yah Sinb!" We both jolted out of the couch to see red face Manager-nim in front of us. Oh crap. "I was hoping you're getting ready when I come here."
"I-I was! I'm actually going to the bathroom right now, see?" I said as I ran to the bathroom. Geez. My alone time with Yerin got interrupted again.
And I know there's no making this right, this right (Yeah)
And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind
And I know there's no changing your mind, your mind
We're at Idol Room as part of our comeback schedule and everyone was getting ready for the program. I was anxious the whole time when I got see some of the questions. Why these kinds of questions anyway?
I don't want anyone from the group try and answer some questions which will make them uncomfortable. Especially Yerin. I don't want her to answer what she always does when she looks at some negative comments about her.
I mean, seriously. Even if we're four years in the industry, it should be understandable that not everyone copes with negative comments or hate. I learned about that. Because the longer and successful you are, so are the hate about you.
It's true that we're entertainers. But we can't please everyone.
And even if there are idols like us and tv personalities who talk openly about depression and anxiety, it will always be a cycle. We live in a loop where preferences were built by the audience which we are bound to follow.
It's a sickening loop.
We have developed own ways on how to cope with it. And for Yerin, she'll just stay silent about what she feels and cries alone in her room.
And it's not like we are letting it happen, it's just that, sometimes, people wanted to be alone. And I fully respect that.
That's why, I don't want her to think through these things if this question goes to her. I really don't want her to reminisce the bad times.
"You're serious over there," Sowon asked me. I was still holding the paper containing the questions. "Is there a problem?"
"I just don't think these questions are any funny. That's all." I said trying not to worry.
"I thought so too, so the hosts are trying to come up with another batch of questions. " Sowon said.
Sometimes, I thank the heavens that Sowon was our leader. I mean, she knows what's appropriate or not.
But most of the times, I hate that thin-legged woman. Especially when she nags us like a mother.
But I didn't expect one question coming through our way.
"Yerin, out of all the members, who do you like to be with?"
Our members tried to compete for her attention. Yuju even danced in front of her with one leg and swaying weirdly. Yerin laughed at the movements and Eunha squealed, Sowon had to slap her thighs.
"Why is that everytime she laughs, she needs someone to slap with?" asked one host that sent us laughing.
That's a good one!
Sowon glared and laughed at the same time and admitted that it was her reflexes and Eunha just got to be the unlucky victim.
"Ouch unnie," Eunha said, pretending to be hurt. "Kiss it, kiss it."
I rolled my eyes when Sowon tried to kiss Eunha and Umji had to separate the both of them while laughing.
Yuju laughed on the floor and the hosts couldn't believe their eyes on the sight.
Oh Lord.
"I didn't knew Sowon could be this aggressive!" Another host commented. "But let's get back to the question. Who would you like to be with Yerin?"
"I'll pick Sinb," Yerin said while containing her laugh.
Oh brother. The answer just made my heart race.
"Why did you pick Sinb?"
"She's fun to be with and she always go out with me when I'm on hunger strike."
What. Hunger strike?
Oh. She meant the times she wanted to eat pork belly. Gosh, why did she need to put it that way?
Everyone laughed again and the show ended successfully. But my heart still raced.
What if... she really liked me? Can I change the way she looks at me?
Why am I even thinking these kind of things after a simple answer?
I was running back to the waiting room only to be stopped in my tracks. I tried to pretend that I was talking with someone over the phone and tries to walk slowly so Yerin and Sowon wouldn't try to change the subject. Good enough, they didn't seem to notice my presence.
Then it bothered me.
"You don't have to say that it's her," Sowon said sternly. "Look at what you made her react while being filmed."
"What? I thought it would be a good time to say it since she's not acting her beagle character," Yerin answered. "Besides, it's true that she always go out with me. What's wrong with that?"
"You know how much she likes you," Sowon fired back. "I put much trust in her that she knows we're here for work, but remember that a heart who looks fondly to another, can't put one's mind to rest."
Yerin just stayed silent after Sowon. And it really bugged me, more than ever. "I just thought that I was making a friendly gesture."
"I told you to distance yourself a little bit so Sinb can forget having feelings with you. You could've picked Yuju on the show." Sowon said.
"But I missed her Sowon," Yerin finally said. And it made my heart race again. "I just wanted to be close."
"I don't want to sound overprotective to our maknaes," Sowon said before taking a sigh. "It's true that I couldn't control her feelings towards you, but I just don't want her to be hurt."
Yerin stayed silent again and just tapped her foot.
"Try to straight things out, Yerin. Before you can get any closer to her, at least open this up and tell her what you really feel."
"Sowon, you know it won't work. I can't just get close and say I have feelings too. You know I don't."
"Then, say it to her. Say to her that you still want to remain friends and wait for Sinb to talk to you again without forcing her." Sowon snapped. "Because the more you stall it, I could guess Sinb will just get fonder and fonder about you. And you know what that means. I don't want to be in a group of five. We're a family here, and as much I want to support Sinb's feelings towards you, work comes first."
Then I heard it. A crack. Inside me.
I never knew that something pulverized can crack. Guess I was wrong this time.
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