19 Days Left | Seulgi

I ran like I had never ran before to Joohyun’s place.

Banging on the door, I desperately called out her name.

“Hyun! Hyun! Open up please!”

There was no reply. Fearing the worst, I forced the door open.

Only to be greeted by an empty apartment.

“Hyun?” I called out but all I heard was my voice echoing off the walls. I turned to her room and noticed her suitcase was missing. She wasn’t here. Had she gone back to Seoul?

I panicked. Where had she gone? I needed to talk to her. Bad.

Right on cue, my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Kang Seulgi. Your girl is here. Come and get her, now. You have a lot of explaining to do young lady.”

+

I pulled up outside Max and Jas’ house. It was 2am in the morning but I wasn’t feeling at all fatigue or sleepy. All I wanted to do was talk to Joohyun and apologise.

“She’s sleeping,” Max greeted me angrily as I got out of the car. “You ing idiot! What have you done!”

“I ed up,” I sighed, running my hands through my hair.

“Joohyun told us what happened. So what if she had dated the guy? Why does it matter to you?!”

“I-“

“No! You’ve been so stuck in the past you can’t see your future! She is your future! Stop hurting her! Stop hurting yourself! I told you to appreciate her, to take care of her and then you ing go and do this! Joohyun deserves someone better.

“You’ve disappointed me kid.”

To hear those words come out from Max’s mouth hurt. But it was the truth. I hung my head, trying to hold back the tears.

“At the very least you’re here now,” Max’s voice took a softer tone. “She’s upstairs.

“This is your last chance Seul. Please make it right. Sit down and really talk it out. It pains both Jas and I to see both of you in this state.”

“Thank you,” I hugged Max.

Quietly, I made my way up the stairs and pushed open the door. There, on the bed, was Joohyun, her chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. My heart lurched seeing her. She looked so small and tired since the last I saw her.

I missed her.

Making my way over to the bed, I knelt down next to it, brushing the strands of hair off her face. Joohyun began to stir as I moved her hair out of her face.

“Seul? What are you doing here?” Joohyun asked sleepily.

“Hyun. I’m so so sorry,” I let the tears flow freely now. “I’m a monster.”

“Don’t say that,” Joohyun cupped my cheek. “You were drunk.”

“It doesn’t excuse what I did!” I cried out, my hands gripping the sheets. How could she even find excuses for me after everything I did?

“If I had told you about Bogum and me sooner, this wouldn’t have happened,” Joohyun began tearing up as well.

“And I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore. You’re here with me. You’ve come here for me. That’s what matters. No more hurting each other. This is it Hyun. I want you. I want a future with you. Do you still want to be with me?”

“To be honest with you Seul, I’m very tired of everything. These three months with you have given me the best ups of my life, but also the worst downs I have ever experienced,” Joohyun looked away. What was she saying?

“The question that I have been wondering is are the highs enough a reason for me to stay?”

I stayed silent, looking at her intently for a response. Both of us were crying over this hell of a relationship, one that tortured us from the inside out, one that had eaten away at us for nine years.

“And then I close my eyes and I remember waking up next to you in the morning, seeing your face as you sleep. I can still remember how you kissed me under the sky full of stars, how you traced the scar on my palm after it had healed and pressed your lips to it. These five days of not seeing you hurt me so much here,” Joohyun brought my hand to her chest. I could feel her heart beating. It was so strong and so rhythmical.

It was so powerful.

“And I realised that I have reached the point where I can’t live without you. No matter how much you hurt me, I find my heart aching for you.”

“No more. No more hurting. I’m done too. All I want is to be happy again. Happy with you,” I interlaced our fingers. “Please, let me make it up to you.”

“Seul,” Joohyun rasped, her voice raw from crying, her eyes red from shedding tears. “Let’s talk.”

Spring 2017 | Seulgi

“!”

My attention immediately turned towards the owner of the voice and I panicked realising who it was.

Joohyun.

“What happened?” The PE teacher rushed over. I knelt down and carefully took her socks and shoes off, all while the discomfort was written on Joohyun’s face.

“Hyun, can you wriggle your toes?” I asked gently, rubbing her shoulder to calm her down.

“Yea, I think so,” Joohyun replied and I saw some slight movement of her toes as she attempted to do so. All my past experience of injuries as a basketball player helped me quickly realise that she had sprained her ankle.

“I think it’s just a sprain,” I replied to the PE teacher.

“Ok, bring her to the medical ward.”

“Come, I’ll help you up,” I brought Joohyun’s arm around my neck and supported her waist. “Can you walk on your good foot?”

“Yea, I should be fine,” Joohyun gasped as I helped her to her feet.

“Alright. Easy does it. I’ve got you.”

+

“Seul, I’m a bit busy at the moment. What do you have on your hands?” Nurse Park asked, attending to a student who was currently retching.

“A sprained ankle.”

“Can I leave you to take care of that? You have enough experience dealing with sprains, right?”

“Sure.”

“Have a seat, I’ll grab the stuff.” Gently, I helped Joohyun to a chair before heading to the medical corner to grab some ice and tape. Propping her ankle on a stool, I pressed the ice pack to her ankle and looked at my watch to make sure I iced it long enough for the swelling to go down.

“Sorry, I know it’s cold but bear with me. If we do this right, you’ll still be able to walk well enough tomorrow,” I apologised, watching Joohyun’s face closely for any discomfort as I iced her ankle.

“No worries, do what you have to,” Joohyun assured me and I tried to make small talk with her to take her mind off the cold on her foot. It was nice, having a conversation with her, watching her smile and laugh.

My heart skipped a beat.

“Alright, let me just tape this up for you so you can get through the rest of the day and we’re done.”

Autumn 2017 | Seulgi

I woke up feeling drowsy and nauseous.

“Hey, you feeling fine Seul?”

“Sooyoung?”

“The surgery was a success, don’t worry. You’ll just be out for a while and some rehab is in order.”

Right. I had torn my ACL.

“I’ll just go along with whatever it takes to get me back on court.”

+

“Hey, I’ll help you get to the next class. Come on,” Sooyoung slung my bag over her shoulder and grabbed my books as I got up onto my crutches.

“Thanks man.”

It had been two weeks. And Joohyun hadn’t even bothered to ask me how I was.

I was walking around with an obvious cast on my knee. I was on crutches. If this didn’t make my injury any more obvious, I didn’t know what would.

My eyes darted towards Joohyun and Bogum. Laughing, smiling and talking.

An uncomfortable feeling settled in my chest but I pushed it away.

I thought we were closer than that.

Autumn 2017 | Seulgi

“Hey you heading to the library to study for the upcoming test?”

“Yep! Bogum’s coming along too!”

“Right, sure,” I mumbled. Every single time we headed to the library, it would be the three of us. Joohyun, Bogum and me.

And every single time, without fail, Joohyun would always approach Bogum for help on questions. I would be left alone and silent for the entire duration we were at the library.

I felt the unsettling feeling in my chest rise again seeing the two of them discuss the question intently. I looked back at my computer screen. I didn’t understand. My grades were better than Bogum, and the question they were discussing? Well, I had already figured out the answer two days ago. Why didn’t she want to ask me?

My computer screen was getting blurry as I felt some wetness in my eyes.

Why didn’t she treat me like she treated the others?

All the other friends in the group, she would ask them questions. Ask them about their day. But never me.

I wasn’t focussing on my revision any longer. It was time