*ping pong*

Yongsun started humming her favorite melody while waiting for the door to be opened.  

She had woken up this morning in a good mood, when the early morning sunlight, soft and diffuse, gave way to the first strong rays of the day, the ones that brought true warmth. The weather was so nice that she could not help but walk down the street. The wind was blowing branches and tousling the hair of pedestrians - but no longer stealing their warmth. New buds appeared everywhere, the promise of spring blossom and new leaves to come.

Spring had come.

“Yong-mommy”

A silvery voice welcomed her as the door was opened. Yongsun looked down to find a small figure struggling to hold the heavy door for her. She wasted no time to bend down and pick the little one up carefully.

“Yong-mommy, Minhee miss you a lot.”

Her heart melted at those words.

“I miss Minhee too.” She rubbed Minhee’s soft and silky hair gently before kissing her chubby cheek. The toddler grinned happily, her bunny teeth popped out as well as her Indian dimple.

“Minhee! How many times have mommy told you not to open the door by yourself?” A nagging cut their lovey-dovey moment. “What if it was a bad guy?”

“But Minhee only open the door for Yong-mommy.” The toddler replied innocently while resting her head comfortably on Yongsun’s shoulder.

“How can you know?”

“Telepathy,” the little one said firmly and lifted her face up. “Right Yong-mommy?”

Yongsun chuckled at the where-did-you-learn-that-word look on Byulyi’s face. She was amazed too. Sometimes she forgot that Minhee was only 30 months old.   

“You’re right Minhee-ah.” Yongsun put a gentle kiss on the little one’s hair. “But next time you should ask Byul-mommy to open the door for me okay?”

“Okayyy”

“I bought your favorite strawberry cake.” Minhee’s eyes immediately sparkled as she showed the cake box. The little one had got Byulyi’s bright eyes.

“It’s almost lunchtime.” Byulyi announced coldly.

“Mommy~~”

Yongsun could know without looking. Puppy eyes, pouting lips, cute voice

“Just a small slice.” Byulyi gave in with a sigh. “But you have to clean your toys first.”

No one could reject that look.

The little one clapped her tiny hands in excitement before slipping off her arms.

 “Minhee really loved the concert. She has been carrying the green onion around the house since we got home.”

“I’ve seen the videos you sent me.” Yongsun laughed.

“How could I give birth to one of your biggest fans?” Byulyi faked an upset voice.  

“Are you jealous?” She asked playfully and the younger woman shrugged her shoulders. “It would have been better if you had joined us.”  

“I wanted too. But-” Byulyi replied awkwardly as if she was hiding something.

“I know.” Yongsun said simply with a smile, which gained a confused look from the younger woman.

“Right unnie, we’re having a picnic next weekend. Would you like to join?” Byulyi asked excitedly when they were walking to the living room. “It is gonna be Minhee’s very first picnic.”  

 Yongsun’s feet suddenly stopped. She finally remembered the main reason why she came here today.

“To be honest-”

“Minhee! Use your fork, don’t use your hand.”

Yongsun smiled when she looked at Minhee’s messy face. The little one already got a whipping cream mustache.  

“How long are you going?”

The smile on her face faded when she met Byulyi’s eyes. Those eyes

“I haven’t decided yet. Maybe six months, one year, two years or more.” She replied while looking away. Those eyes would make her feel weak. “I’m going to travel in Singapore for two months first, and then I will decide the next destination.”

Byulyi became silent.

“I have always traveled with clear plans, but now I want to do something different. It will be a good chance for me to learn new things, and maybe it might help me to decide what I should do next in the future.” She forced a smile.

“Yong-mommy,” Minhee abandoned her unfinished cake and climbed on her lap. “Where are you going?”

“You will not play with Minhee anymore?” The little one stared at her curiously.

Those eyes

Please don’t look at me with those eyes…

------------

“Unnie, isn’t it time for you to move on?”

“What are you talking about Wheein-ah?” Yongsun innocently asked before she scooped a piece of chocolate cake. The cake melted as soon as she brought it into . She hummed at the taste, bitter but sweet. It was good, she didn’t know this coffee shop also had great desserts. She would buy some for Byulyi and Minhee.

Yongsun glanced at the clock, only 4 p.m. The practice for their last concert had finished much earlier than she had expected. She still had a lot of time. She had promised with Minhee to come and sleepover this evening.

Minhee loved having her sleepover so much as the little one could hide under her Yong-mommy’s blanket and fake sleep to evade her nighttime tooth-brushing routine. The toddler was so proud of herself whenever she peeked out and saw her Byul-mommy walk out of the guestroom helplessly with the scary toothbrush in her hand.  

Little did Minhee know her milk teeth were always cleaned after she had fallen into a deep slumber with the help of her trusted Yong-mommy. Even though Yongsun felt bad for betraying her little partner, she did not have another choice. She did not want to see the toddler’s shiny bunny front-teeth being damaged by bacteria monsters so soon.

Her eyes focused on the cake cabinet with several kinds of pretty and colorful cakes inside it. She wondered what she should choose for Byulyi and Minhee.

“Your feeling for Byulie-unnie,” Wheein’s serious voice cut her thought. “Isn’t it time for you to get rid of it?”

Her heartbeat rushed, so it was the reason why Wheein asked her to go out for a cup of coffee all of a sudden. “What feeling?” She managed to keep a poker face.

“You still like her, don’t you?” Wheein’s voice softened.

“I don’t like her.” She shook her head without hesitating for a second. Wheein raised her eyebrow and gave her a suspicious look. She knew what was in the younger woman’s mind now. Her lips curved into a smile before she continued.

“I love her.”

Wheein flinched at her unexpected confess. Yongsun found it funny to see the awkward expression on the younger woman’s face. She took another spoonful of cake into while waiting for Wheein’s response. Her face contorted at the bitterness, too much cocoa powder.

“But…you know…”Wheein faltered with wary eyes. Whatever the younger woman wanted to say seemed to get stuck in . “Byulie-unnie is already-”

“Byulyi is already married. She has a beautiful family. She has a perfect husband and a lovely daughter.” Yongsun decided to help when she saw Wheein struggling with her words. “You want to say that I no longer have a chance right?”

Wheein nodded while looking down to avoid her eye contact.

 “Of course I know. I know it so well.” She said calmly.

 “You don’t have to give me that look Wheein-ah. I’m not that pitiful. You may want to scold me instead.” She let out a chuckle. “I used to have a chance, a big chance. But I let my chance slip by.”

“I’ve had some feelings for Byulie since the day we were trainees. ‘If only she would be in the same team with me,’ I had that thought right after the first time we met. Her bright eyes, her nose muscles, her Indian dimple… I kept dreaming about them that night. I thought I was still dreaming when I came to the company the next day to find Byulie dancing in our practice room.”

“From that day we practiced together. We ate, gained weight and tried to lose weight together. We laughed together, we cried together. Even though sometimes we fought, those days were still perfect and I wanted them to last forever. ‘If only we could debut together,’ I had that thought when I was walking back to our rooftop house with Byulie in a late afternoon. Her exciting hamster face when she talked about the chicken soup Hyejin would cook for us that night helped me forget all the tiredness for a day.”

Wheein noticed the way Yongsun’s eyes twinkled at each word. They were all their happy memories, the older woman’s voice sounded happy too, but why her heart was clenching now. 

“The day Dohoon-samchon announced that we were going to debut, I cried a lot. I don’t usually cry much, but seeing you and Hyejin crying while hugging each other tightly when Byulie had already ruined my shirt with her tears and snots, I could not help but cry too. I think I had good reasons to cry. Our dream was fulfilled, and my wish came true.” The two unconsciously shared a smile.

“My wishes kept coming true, so I became more greedy with them. ‘If only Byulie would have some feelings for me too,’ I had that thought when Byulie was hiding her blushed face in my neck after doing aegyo for the fans. The way her nose brushed past my neck and her warmth wrapped my body, I wanted to keep them forever.” Yongsun felt her heart flutter just by thinking about it. “And somehow, Byulie stuck with me more, Byulie did intimate actions to me more, Byulie said greasy words to me more… I believed my wish was granted. I assumed that Byulie had some feelings for me.”

“Life was treating me so nice, all I had to do was making a wish and everything would come true. I used to believe like this. ‘If only Byulie would realize my feeling,’ I made a wish again, and I waited, like other times. I kept waiting. I waited for a day Byulie would ask me about my feeling. Sometimes I wondered should I make a move first or not, but then I still chose to wait. Byulie was always by my side and she would be, there was no need to rush. I believed in our fate, our destiny.”

“Days passed and she was still treating me nicely, coming to my house frequently, but what I expected never happened. Until the day she introduced him to us-” She stopped to let out a shaky breath as the feeling of that day hit her hard. “I finally realized what I had been waiting for was impossible.”

 “I expected her to know my feeling, but what I had done to her was trying to keep a distance. I enjoyed her intimate actions, her greasy words, her gentle care, but what I gave her was always a frown, a glare, a groan, a light slap or a light punch. I liked her a lot, but I kept claiming that I was treating her as a ‘sister’. I convinced myself that I was just trying to protect her, protect us. We were living in this country, we were working in this industry. It was too risky to show off our feelings in public. But gradually it became my habit that even when there were just the two of us, I acted the same. Gradually I pushed her away from me without knowing.” A bitter smile formed on her lips.

“I don’t know if she had ever had any feeling for me at that time or not, but I’m sure it was me who killed that feeling.”  

“After that day, I tried to fix my mistake. ‘He might make a mistake, my chance is not over yet’, I tried to hold onto it. I began to treat Byulie more affectionately. I started to react to her touch, her care more positively. I craved for her attention. How ironic that I used to think Byulie was the one who followed me, but after all, it’s me who always chases after her.” She smiled sarcastically.

“I would do anything for her. I kept trying and waiting for another chance. Because after all those years, three words ‘I love you’, I’ve never had a chance to tell her.”

“But Junghoon… He’s too perfect. He knows how to treat her nicely. He knows how to take good care of her. And he knows how to make her feel loved, which I failed to do. He never gives me a chance.” She chuckled. “There’s no chance for me, unless I can turn back time. But I don’t want to turn back time-”

“M