The room was dead silent. SuA tried to cheer things up with her chirpy voice but even that wasn’t working on me.

“Did you guys fight or something before I came?”

She sighed when no one said anything.

“San and Siyeon, why don’t you guys go get some snacks and drinks for us. I’m thirsty.” She said out of the blue. 

“It’s okay I can go by myself.” I said quickly in an attempt to avoid everyone and leave the room. 

SuA held onto my arm, then stared me in the eye.

“You. And. San. Will. Go. To. The. Store. To-Ge-Ther.” Her tone sounded like my mother when she was mad. I trembled in fear.

“Okay,” I squeaked.

San and I walked to the convenience store in silence. We even bought the snacks silently. When I took my wallet out to pay he was already swiping his card. He did not seem to be in a good mood so I didn’t try to object.

“Aren’t you going to try and explain yourself?” San broke the silence in a monotone voice as we walked back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

I knew exactly what he was talking about, but something inside of me told me to doubt myself because if I was right then that would mean something scary. It would mean San felt something towards me, and that was scary because what if I’m wrong? I wanted to be right but I didn’t want to be wrong either. Wooyoung was right, San was perfect in every way but what was I?

San took a heavy sigh in and started walking ahead of me in frustration. When we got back to the room Siyeon and Wooyoung were happily laughing and getting along. I was glad they worked things out, sadly I couldn’t say the same about San and I. As soon as I sat down San grabbed his backpack.

“Something came up. I can’t stay. You guys have fun by yourselves.”

Wooyoung and SuA stopped their playing. After San left they began questioning me. 

“Did you guys fight?” SuA asked first.

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Then why is he still mad?” Wooyoung asked next.

“I don’t know.”

The feeling of guilt crept up my heart again. 

“Why don’t we call it a day today guys.” SuA said. 

“Yeah that sounds good.” I said half-heartedly. 

The next few days felt suffocating. All I could think about was San’s disappointed face. 

“AAAAAHHH WHO ARE YOU CHOI SAN TO BE MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY???!!!”

I threw myself onto my bed and squirmed around violently throwing my pillows off the bed. 

“What’s wrong with you?” My mom stood by my door lazily brushing her teeth.

“Uhsmnshaknjl” I said with my face connected to my bed sheets.

“Yeah sounds like boy trouble. Good luck sweet pea and don't forget to take condoms with you wherever you go.”

I popped my face up.

“Wow thanks for the advice mom.”

“NO AFTER MIDNIGHT IN THE HOUSE,” she yelled before leaving. 

I ignored her remarks and checked my phone.

SuA: Have you talked to San yet?

Siyeon: No… should I? I don’t think he wants to talk TT

SuA; You obviously know nothing about boys

Says the one who made Wooyoung cry.

Sua: Ask to meet up with him and talk about it. I promise you he won’t say no.

I nervously bit my lip as I contemplated the idea.

Siyeon: Hey San. Are you free today?

I threw my phone on the ground after sending the message. Did I really just send that? What am I thinking?! My phone buzzed against the floor. He texted back! I slapped myself multiple times before picking up the courage to look at the text.

San; Yeah I’m free, why?

“Oh my I’m really doing this.” I ran my hands through my hair.

Siyeon: Wanna meet up at the cafe in an hour?

I didn’t throw the phone this time and waited patiently on my knees for answer. My heart was pounding rapidly.

San: Sounds good.

“Aaaaaaaah” I let out a scream and threw my phone.

“What do I wear? I need to rehearse what I’m gonna say! Wait I need to tell SuA first.”

Siyeon: I asked to see him in an hour and he said yes.

SuA: what are you still doing texting me? Go get ready!

I threw my phone on the bed and started destroying my closet. After deciding on a decent outfit I put on my favorite lip tint which SuA got for me. I only wore it on special occasions because I didn’t want it to run out. 

As I made my way to the cafe I felt my heartbeat increasing. I was happy, nervous, excited, and scared all at the same time. I entered the cafe and my eyes fell upon the boy who I thought was perfect. Next to him was a beautiful girl who also seemed perfect in every way. They were talking about something and smiling. I wasn’t dumb to not see the intimacy in the way they acted around each other. My feelings dissipated and instead new ones replaced them. I felt so dumb, did I really think that this perfect golden sweet boy liked me?

San met my eyes and I immediately averted them. I turned around as quick as I could and grabbed the door. 

"Siyeon!" His voice rang loud and clear throughout the cafe. 

I let go of the door as I heard footsteps behind me. 

"Hey," I managed to say awkwardly while looking at his shoes. 

San was close to me now. I could smell his cologne and I just wanted to drown in it and disappear. 

"Where are you going?" He asked quietly, "I thought you wanted to meet me." 

I could hear the concern in his voice. He truly was just a nice guy. 

"Something came up," I looked past him and at the beautiful girl who was still standing where they originally were, "but you guys have fun." 

My voice almost cracked and tears were threatening to fall out. 

I knew San would try to stop me. He was nice like that, so I booked out of that place as fast as I could. 

"Wait Si-" 

The wind outside suddenly seemed colder against the hot tears on my cheeks. What a waste of my special lip tint.