Hyukjae staring blankly to the creature in his arms. The precious creature. Her small hand that holding his index finger weakly feels so warm and endearing, the chubby cheeks that look alike to a certain someone adding to the point where no one can resist to not peck it. Sometimes, she will pout cutely and in the other times she will frown and snuggle closer to seek for more warmth.

Hyukjae smiles and tracing his finger to brush it lightly to the baby’s nose. Lee Haru –the baby’s girl name– opens her eyes a bit and close it again. Hyukjae has no idea how many times he pecks the baby’s cheeks that day but one thing for sure, he loves his babies.

He turns his head to the only bed in that room. The only bed which has someone sleeping there. Hyukjae’s smile vanished when it reminds him to what the doctor has said and his face becomes gloomy in short time.

Lee Donghae has passed his critical but now… no one really knows why Donghae hasn’t waken up. Since around two weeks ago, the male lying on the bed weakly with no sign of him will open his eyes. Hyukjae believes Donghae will wake up soon but he won’t lie that he also has fear inside his chest.

After making sure the baby girl is sleeping, Hyukjae slowly walks to the bed. The usual red cheeks are gone, replaced by the pale which Hyukjae doesn’t like eventhough Donghae still looks as handsome as before.

Please open your eyes, Hae…

It’s been around two weeks since the babies greeted the world and Hyukjae has decided their names.

Lee Haru and Lee Donghyuk.

The names that Donghae wrote in the small notebook. The names that Hyukjae doesn’t even want to change because he wants Donghae to know it’s beautiful names that has great meanings too. Because Hyukjae knew Donghae must be prepared these names since long time ago.

Two weeks since the babies born, Donghae’s mom and Hyukjae’s family take turn to babysit them in the afternoon when mostly at night, the babies will be with Hyukjae and Donghae’s mom. Yeah, Hyukjae choose to stay in Donghae’s apartment rather than his own.

Furthermore, Hyukjae does his activity like usual. He will check his email, he will think about how to direct other groups, he will discuss with the groups about their concert, and he will do meeting after meeting. He still function like he was before –a professional and talented concert director– but everyone who is close to him notices how different he is.

He becomes more quiet. He rarely skip his meal and eats lesser. Above all, he spends his time mostly in the hospital.

He used to hate hospital. From all place in the world, he would avoid hospital as much as he could but now, Hyukjae seems like he is ready to move to the hospital because he wants to stay beside Donghae.

Because he wants to make sure Donghae’s heart is still beating. Because he wants to be the first person who knows when he opens his eyes. Because he wants to make sure everything is fine.

Because I miss you…

The hospital’s smell doesn’t bother him anymore. He never complained about how uncomfortable it is to sleep on the chair or the couch because the most important is Donghae’s condition.

Hyukjae’s family and Donghae’s mom not only taking turn to babysit his babies but also to take care of Donghae. They will match their schedule so there is no time where Donghae doesn’t have anyone beside him. Sometimes Kyuhyun or Ryeowook will help too.

Two weeks as the only dad of the babies… Hyukjae could say it’s not easy. Especially they are new born babies, they like to be carried and feeling safe when they’re in the familiar arms especially Hyukjae’s.

It’s both funny and lovely to know the babies can sense who is their father since they will automatically becomes calmer when Hyukjae is with them. And that day also the same. He doesn’t have much work so he planned to go to the hospital earlier. Just when he was about to go out from the apartment, Haru crying loudly. She didn’t even calm down when Donghae’s mom carried her but when it was Hyukjae, she immediately snuggled. That’s why Hyukjae brings her to the hospital while Donghyuk is staying with Hyukjae and Donghae’s mom since the boy was calmer and didn’t cry when Hyukjae left.

The hospital’s smell doesn’t bother him anymore but the silence in the room is. Even the ticking clock can be heard clearly.

Hyukjae raising his hand to touch Donghae’s head. He really wants to hear Donghae’s voice and look at his smile. He really misses his beautiful eyes and those blushing cheeks. He wants to see how happy Donghae would be when he sees their babies. Their cute and charming babies.

He wants Donghae… and still love him.

“Are you having a nice dream?” Hyukjae asked and smiles bitterly because there is no answer comes.

Donghae still lying there, eyes-closed, and looking so weak. Hyukjae carefully reached his hand and rub it lightly. The hand that usually felt so warm and will grab his hand back but now… everything is different.

“When will you open your eyes again, Hae?” Hyukjae whispers softly. He shifts his head to the couch where Haru is sleeping soundly with her white bunny blanket. She inherits Donghae’s looks a lot while her brother looks alike with Hyukjae. Looking at her feels the same as looking at Donghae and Hyukjae silently knows that their babies actually feel more comfortable when they are near Donghae eventhough the man who gave them birth never carried them.

“Don’t you curious how our babies look like?”

Hyukjae sighs when once again, there is no answer. Almost everyday he would stay or even sleep in the hospital (after making sure Haru and Donghyuk were good and can be left for a while). He would stay until dawn just to see Donghae’s face and telling him how his day passed. He would also talk about their babies, how many bottles of milk they drank or how their mood that day.

Though his family and Donghae’s mom had said he can sleep in his apartment because they will take turn to stay and watching Donghae, Hyukjae barely does it.

“Haru was crying a lot before I brought her here.” Hyukjae continues, never leaving Donghae’s hand. “But she is sleeping now and looks happier when she is around you. I let Donghyuk stays with our moms yet you have to know, he loves you too.” Hyukjae chuckles when he remembers how the baby’s face when he smiled during his sleep but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he whispered, “I… love you too.”

“And I miss the food cooked by you, Donghae.”

He doesn’t lie about it. The fact that he really missed Donghae’s homemade food is just making him compares to every food he was going to eat. He doesn’t feel like eating other food. Not even from his favorite restaurant or café. Not even the food made by himself could be compared with Donghae.

He misses Donghae’s food. He misses Donghae’s strawberry smoothie.

He misses the man.

After months of mostly being together, Hyukjae can’t accept the fact he has to face. Hyukjae never know watching how Donghae would beam because of their babies or hearing him humming through a song would be the things he missed.

He never realised he would miss the other’s smile, voice, and warmth that much until the day the doctor told him to be patient. He never noticed how being together with Donghae for months will make him feel comfortable.

Hyukjae never know he would regret what he had done to Donghae. From yelling to him until forcing him to sign the divorce form… How hurt Donghae must be felt?

Hyukjae is lying if he said he doesn’t know that Donghae still love him. No, he can feel  eventhough he declined it. He noticed how Donghae always paid attention to him and even wanted to cover his pregnancy because he thought it would be burdened him.

Though Donghae returned his ring, Hyukjae knows deep inside his heart, Donghae still loving him and wishing them to back as husbands.

“I am a jerk, right?” Hyukjae smiles bitterly while caressing Donghae’s hair. He wants to see the fluffy hair blowing or moving due to the owner’s moves. “I made you cried a lot and hurt you non-stop yet you didn’t even complain or curse me. You treated me nicely eventhough I… made you suffered.”

Hyukjae feels his chest tightened. The air suddenly feels hot with the tears that urging to out from his eyes.

“Now I realise how stupid was I to treat you badly. It’s not your fault to forget something or being childish. It’s not your fault to be cried-baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Hyukjae brings Donghae’s palm to his lips, kisses it while closing his eyes. He used to do it often in the past because he liked how Donghae’s hand fit to his and how warm it was. “You must be bored to hear this but Donghae, I miss you.”

Hyukjae doesn’t care how his tears starts to wetting his cheeks. It’s been countless time of him being in this mode. He doesn’t care if after this his eyes would be swollen because what he needed the most is Donghae to be sober.

Because what he wants is Donghae staying by his side.

.

.

.

“When she saw her beloved, the man from the forest, she smiled.” Hyukjae holds himself from chuckling when he saw how his baby boy starts to yawn while his baby girl already asleep. He bends down to place a soft peck to Donghyuk’s forehead as the baby boy slowly closing his eyes.

“Now the prince and princess could live happily ever after.” And another soft peck on his chubby cheek.

Hyukjae pressed the button to dim the lights. He sits himself on the chair that faces the cribs, watching the two babies sleeping peacefully is like another healing for him. He keeps the book to the bookshelf beside him which contains a lot of story books.

Story books… reminds him of Donghae.

He remembers weeks before the babies were born, Donghae was busy to buy the books because the pregnant male had read an article said it’s best to read story books since the kids are babies. Sometimes he would go with him and they would spend a long time to pick interesting books. They were not talking much but Hyukjae gradually enjoyed the silence with Donghae. He liked to see how Donghae would frown while reading the books before he decided to buy or not.

And they arranged the room together.

Hyukjae remembers how Donghae asked for his opinion about the bookshelves and the room layout. Hyukjae never realised how many times he smiled when the sight of Donghae pouting while thinking what to add for this cozy room. He might be not as perfectionist as Hyukjae but for certain things, Donghae would love to spend hours to make it perfect.

Hyukjae looks around the room. It’s different when it has Donghae and when it is not. Something is incomplete and Hyukjae definitely knows what it is.

Their babies might be smiled and seemed alright when he plays or simply carrying them, they are good babies after all but Hyukjae knows Donghae’s presence is needed too.

He draws a small smile when he closed the door and finds Mrs Lee is in the kitchen, cutting fruits which is surely for him. Hyukjae has to say he is so thankful to his mother-in-law (yes, she is his mother-in-law and will be like that forever –he believes it) who keep supporting him and paying extra attention to his health.

Hyukjae can only nods when Mrs Lee puts the plate on the table and gestures him to eat it. Obviously, the woman feels worry and scares for her son’s condition. Hyukjae can see the dark circles under his eyes clearly and she looks so tired. No, it’s not because she is babysitting her grandchildren. Hyukjae knows what the cause.

“Eat a lot of fruits, Son.” She puts a glass of strawberry juice beside him and snorts when she notices Hyukjae’s face. “You have to take care of yourself, don’t work too much and skip your meal. See, your body getting thinner day by day.”

Hyukjae laughs softly because eventhough the woman said that, she can’t hide her endearing smile which Hyukjae likes since it is calming him.

“You have to take care of yourself and get enough rest too, Mom.”

The woman nodded. “Yeah, we have to.”

She grabs Hyukjae’s hand and squeezes it. There are mixed feelings she feels right now. The mix of sadness and happiness. The mix of worry and comfortable. The mix of ready to cry because of anxiety while of joy, too.

As a mom, she is worry of her son’s condition. It’s a big lie if she said she is okay with everything and believes her son will wake up soon. No, it’s not as easy as boiling an egg. There is time where she will find herself being anxious which leads her to stay awake for the whole night to pray for her son’s condition.

From the bottom of her heart, she hopes her son will be alright but as a human, doubt is always exists and comes anytime but then, she feels happy because of her grandchildren who are smart and cute and her son-in-law who calm her heart almost everytime when she started to have anxiety. Yeah, son-in-law.

Son-in-law.

How nice is it, right?

When she said she felt happy, it’s because of her grandchildren and Hyukjae. Not just because Hyukjae is by her side and keeps assuring her that everything will be alright but because he finally admits that he still loves her son and will cancel the divorce.

I love Donghae.

It supposed to be the best news she heard. It supposed to be the most touching moment because his son’s divorce won’t happen and she ables to see him live happily with his little family. She should be smiled widely or cried because of the overwhelming feeling but no, she couldn’t do that.

She just sat and draw a small smile when Hyukjae knelt in front of her on one night, asking if everything was fine, how was her condition, and would she accept him back as her son-in-law. It was unexpected but Hyukjae said he loves Donghae and for months, he was just an absolutely fool who kept denying his own feeling.

I still love Donghae…

I regret what I had done to him…

Love.

Imagine if Donghae hears this. Imagine if Hyukjae says it in front of Donghae. Imagine they talk about this when their babies around. Imagine if they exchange love confession not only as husbands but as a family. Two husbands with their son and daughter.

How beautiful it would be…

Two of them would smile together. Donghae would have his grin plestered on his face or even tears in his eyes because… it’s just unexpected. Overwhelming. Wonderful.

It was 3 A.M when Hyukjae went out from his room (he still sleep in the guest room while Donghae’s mom sleep in Donghae’s room) and realised he was hungry. This is not a new thing for him to still awake at this hour and feel hungry. His eating schedules has been messed up for God knows since when.

And Hyukjae chose to go to the kitchen rather than stay on his bed and starved himself. He doesn’t know what to cook other than a pack of instant noodle he found in the cupboard and once again, eating instant noodle at this kind of hour is not a new thing for him.

While waiting for the water to be boiled, he walked to the babies’ room to check on them. The babies still sleeping soundly with the blanket cover their body to make sure they won’t feel cold. After re-assured himself that his babies are okay, Hyukjae returned to the kitchen and opened the pack.

He tried to stay quiet since he doesn’t want to wake up anyone. Not his babies or Donghae’s mom. And there he is, once again sitting alone with a bowl of noodle, staring out the window just to see the dark sky and a lamp that shone the park.

Rather than peaceful, Hyukjae would describe it as lonely.

Sitting there and staring at the kitchen is just another slap for him. Every side of this house reminds him of Donghae. Start from the living room where Donghae loved to sit and massaging his swollen feet when he was pregnant while watching music show, the kitchen where he liked to cook or baking, the dinner room where he always served Hyukjae the food and urge the man to eat more, the babies room where Donghae fond to spend his time there because he felt excited to welcome their babies, the guest room where Donghae would tidy up or change the bed sheets.

Every side reminds him of Donghae. Every single things makes him wants to hug the latter.

Donghae…

Can I stay?

No words can describe how much he wants to express that feeling to Donghae. No words can describe how much he desires to see Donghae’s smile and reaction when he muttered that sentence.

Hyukjae leaned his back to the chair and exhales. He has told Heechul that he wanted to cancel the divorce, which not only made his family and Donghae’s mom surprised but the lawyer too. Hyukjae remembers how Heechul pulled him to the empty side and advised him.

“Are you sure you want to cancel the divorce? Why? Is it because you feel pity toward Donghae?”

Pity? No. Absolutely no.

Hyukjae doesn’t cancel the divorce just because he felt pity or guilt towards Donghae. It is because he loves Donghae. It’s because he wants Donghae to be the first person he sees when he wakes up in the morning and the last person he stares at the night. It’s because he wants to spend time with Donghae and pampering him with all the love he has. Because he wants to be with Donghae until the end of his life.

He doesn’t want to deny what he wants anymore. He doesn’t want to be cold and shrugged everything off easily. He doesn’t want to lie. Moreover, he doesn’t want to lose someone as precious as Donghae. 

Hyukjae explained all what he felt to Heechul but what came next from the lawyer’s mouth was a surprised for him.

“I can understand you but Hyukjae, will Donghae accept your decision? We need his opinion too and if he is agree, he needs to sign the form. It’s not only you who can decide on this.”

It’s not only you who can decide on this.

Suddenly, he doubts himself. What if Donghae doesn’t love him anymore? What if Donghae insists to divorce? What if… it’s his turn to suffer now?

Hyukjae ruffles his hair as all his questions leads him to nothing but more doubts and questions. Though Donghae’s mom has assured him that Donghae still deeply in love with him, he can’t be that confident. In short, no one can really assure him except Donghae himself.

Hyukjae stirs his noodle with his face that accentuated that he is in deep thought. Once again, he is left behind in the darkness of the dawn, just a shine from the lamp and his thought accompanied him that night.

.

.

.

However, Hyukjae managed to look as fine as he could. Just like now, he sits opposite from Henry, writing something on his book, and watching attentively to every person who talks.

Henry shook his head when Hyukjae shifts his laptop as if he wants to cover himself from Henry which is useless. Henry can see how dark the circles under Hyukjae’s eyes are and his slightly pale face which indicated he is not in good condition in which makes the younger wonders what has happened to Hyukjae.

“I think we have to add more properties on the stage when you guys performing this song,” Hyukjae didn’t raise his head from the laptop, continuing, “Stairs would be classy. So all of you can start from the stairs and as all of you sing, at the same time going down to the stage too.”

“Oh… that’s nice too. What about adding some standing lamp?” One of the group’s member asked.

Hyukjae nods and answered shortly, “I’ll consider it.” And he scribbles on his book again.

The meeting lasted for two hours. They decided to change some parts like the arrangement of the songs, the properties, and how they would lead the situation. It’s not really much, they will see how this new arrangement will go on next week practice.

Hyukjae quickly dismissed the meeting when everything has settled well and keep all his things to his backpack. Luckily, this is the last meeting he has to attend which is means he has his free-time to rest for a while from his hectic schedules.

Hyukjae is too busy with his own things that he doesn’t realise there is still another person in the same room, standing with crossed-arms with eyes never left him. The other man approaching quietly and clears his throat when Hyukjae still doesn’t give any attention. Well, his way works because Hyukjae raising his head and gives him a small smile after stunned for a good three seconds.

“Hi, Henry. I thought you already went out from this room.” He said and shoved in his book –the last thing to pack– then pulls the bag to his shoulder. “How are you?”

“…Good.” Henry shrugged his shoulders and hissed when once again he caught Hyukjae’s dark circles. “You look tired.” He reached the paper bag that was hidden between his table and chair then give it to Hyukjae. “I made a box of brownies. Hope you like it.”

Silently, Hyukjae wishes he can reject Henry’s gift. He really doesn’t want to eat anything or craving some sweets, he eats just because he feels hungry and to support his body, not because he wants to savour the flavory taste. But rejecting Henry’s gift is not a wise choice because he doesn’t want them to fight like before.

Despite the battles in his heart, Hyukjae muttered, “Thank you, Henry. I’ll eat it soon.”

Henry hummed, taking all his belongings and facing Hyukjae again. “Get enough rest, Hyukjae. Don’t force yourself too hard.” Henry smiles as he pats Hyukjae’s shoulder. “Do you have time for this weekend? There is a new café I wanted to visit. Maybe we can go… together?”

Hyukjae was about to reject but seeing how Henry glances at him, he smiles and nods. He needs to straight some points to Henry and maybe this weekend will be the right timing.

He is a man and although he doesn’t really observing other’s habit or behaviour frequently, he can feel and know the change of someone’s stares and its meaning pretty well. In this case, he doesn’t want to bring any false hope to the other man. He has planned something inside his head.

Little did he know that Henry actually has that hope in his heart since they met and keep in touch regularly. A hope that unconciously given by Hyukjae.

He bids a goodbye to Henry and quickly turns his body to his car before the younger can ask him something. And as always, he drives his car to the hospital because he wants to see a certain someone.

With a hope glittering in his heart, Hyukjae smiles.

The hospital is not a foreign place now. The scent doesn’t annoying him and almost all the nurses and doctors familiar with him since he always went there mostly every day and no one asked him who he wants to visit because all of them have known who the person is and from which room.

Lee Donghae.

Hyukjae opens the door, going in, and trying to not make a noise because he doesn’t want to disturb Donghae who still lying on the bed with eyes-closed. Doctor Park –the doctor who handled Donghae during he was giving a birth to their babies– trailed behind him and smiled when Hyukjae made a gesture to let her come in.

Nothing much has changed. The doctor just checking Donghae’s heartbeat and making some notes of his condition. That’s what she always does. Doctor Park never forget to pats Hyukjae’s back, cheering the director like a mom cheering her son.

As soon as Doctor Park leaves the room, Hyukjae grabs Donghae’s hand and caressing it. The sky turns darker, Hyukjae sighs as he knows what it means.

“I think it will be raining soon.” He starts with his soft tone while propped his chin with his other hand to stare at Donghae more intense. “Don’t you curious with how beautiful the rain is today, Donghae?”

Hyukjae caressing Donghae’s cheek. The rain just making him feel lonelier but at least in this kind of situation, Donghae’s heartbeat that echoing inside the room is the most relieving thing. The sign Donghae is not leaving him. The sign that there is still a hope the man will be back.

.

.

.

As long as he wants to stay with Donghae, Hyukjae doesn’t forget he has two babies he has to take care. His role is not just a husband or director but also a father. A father of cute twins that are waiting for him at home.

Tonight, the one who will stay with Donghae will be Donghae’s mom and his brother and it makes him has to take care his babies since Donghae’s mom won’t be at home.

Of course, Hyukjae doesn’t mind. He has learned how to take care Donghyuk and Haru. Such as changing their diapers, making milk, how to carry them in a right way, what they want to do when they can’t sleep, and other things.

When Hyukjae arrives, Donghae’s mom is ready with her coat and beside her, there is Donghwa. They have a small talk for a while and Hyukjae immediately goes to the babies room when they finally go.

Hyukjae has to hold his chuckle when his baby boy looking at him cutely while his daughter is still sleeping in another crib. Hyukjae coos softly when he stares at them attentively. Donghae’s mom dressed his babies in cute pyjamas tonight. Haru with her strawberry jumpsuit while Donghyuk with avocado pyjama.

He carefully carries Donghyuk and swing his body slowly. Donghae’s mom said she has fed Donghyuk half an hour ago. Seems like his son woke up because he had been sleeping for hours.

Hyukjae pecks his nose and giggles when his son just looking at him, bewildered by his act. Hyukjae sits on the chair and with his soft voice, he whispers, “Do you know Appa and Papa really love both of you?” He rubs Donghyuk’s small hand, kissing the palm, and sighs. “He sacrificed a lot for all of us. Including being hurt… by me.”

Their eyes meet. Though his son is still so small, Hyukjae believes his babies will grow up to be smart and he silently wish for them to inherit Donghae’s behaviour rather than his.

“Appa is very kind, humble, and really good at drawing.” Hyukjae takes the small frame beside the table –their pre-wedding picture which has Donghae smiling widely facing the camera while Hyukjae was backhugging him– and show it to his son. “He has a very beautiful smile and handsome face, right?”

Hyukjae caressing the frame for a while, letting his son to lean on his chest. His mind lingering to the time when they had the photoshoot. Where it was filled with Donghae’s laughter and clumsiness. Where it became one of their best moment.

Hyukjae puts Donghyuk back to the crib when the baby yawned and starts to close his eyes again.

“Sleep tight, Son. We love you.”

He walked to the kitchen to make him a dinner. Of course, just a simple meal such as instant noodle because he is too lazy to cook other food and he knows the taste won’t be as tasty as Donghae’s food.

Hyukjae smiles bitterly when he stares at the dinner table. He really wants to have Donghae there, sit beside him, and constantly talk to him. It might be not important for other people but for him –especially now– he misses that moment.

“Hyuk, I’ve cooked your favorite chicken soup, bulgogi, and strawberry smoothie. Come here and wash your hands!”

“What do you think of having fruit salad for tomorrow’s dinner?”

“You have to eat healthy food rather than stuffed a lot of noodle everyday, hubby. I will make you a healthy and delicious lunch.”

All those words were said by Donghae when they still in a good relationship as romantic husbands. Donghae who would remind Hyukjae to eat healthily and get enough rest while Hyukjae who sometimes skipped his meal and liked to shove himself with works.

Remembering it making Hyukjae realised how perfect Donghae for him. He is not just handsome but also smart, kind, cheerful, and talented. He is perfect. Absolutely.

Just when Hyukjae was about to turn-off the stove, his phone rings loudly. It’s a call from Donghwa, Donghae’s brother. His heart suddenly thumping crazily. Something is wrong but he choose to not believe it immediately as he swipes the green icon and place his phone to his right ear.

“Hello, hyung?”

He frowns when Donghwa obviously panting so hard as if he was running. It took a minute before the older said with his shaky voice, “Donghae… his heartbeat… all of sudden…”

Hyukjae doesn’t know since when his forehead started to sweat. One thing for real, he feels his world has stopped and the feeling of something wrong is getting stronger. He turns-off the stove, walks to the living room and with his serious tone, he asked,

“Why? What happened? What’s wrong with his h—“

“His heartbeat dropped all of sudden.” Donghwa cut. His voice still shaky when he continued, “The doctor is still handling him.”

For a while, Hyukjae thought his breath has taken away. For a few seconds, Hyukjae felt he is not stepping on the floor. It’s like half of his soul has been thrown away.

Donghae…

Hyukjae quickly runs to the babies room and carried them to his car. He can’t just sitting alone and let himself to wait for a further news with the bigger opportunity of…

No!!! You can’t do this, Donghae!

Both of the babies woke when their father carrying them and running to the basement. Just a few minutes later, both of them started to cry because Hyukjae has disturbed their sleep. Still, Hyukjae didn’t give in. He makes sure he has secured his babies seat at the back. This is hard situation for him because on the other hand, he wants to drive as fast as possible to reach the hospital but he can’t because he brings his babies inside and they’re crying yet Hyukjae can’t spare any seconds to calm them.

Hyukjae clenches his steer wheel as he starting the engine and drives through the crowded street. It feels de javu and reminds him that he also ever in this kind of situation. Hyukjae curses under his breath. No, he doesn’t want to think of the worst right now.

Because he believes it won’t happen.

It won’t happen.

It won’t happen.

It won’t happen.

Hyukjae keeps repeating the same words, a way to calm himself. He clenching his fist and gritted his teeth to hold the tears that urging to roll down his cheeks. The fear is coming back. The uncertain situation becomes stronger.

Donghae… you have to be strong.

You can’t leave us, Donghae.

It won’t happen.

Or… it is just not yet happen but will happen?

Hello!!! After more than a month, I finally updated this fic hahaha^^ How are you guys? I hope everything goes well!^-^

A bit reminder that this is only fiction so it might not or might be happened in real life (but must be so rare) and the information might be right but not 100% because I modified it to fit the story. No, I'm not mad at a certain someone here, just feel the need to write this kkk^-^

I am sorry for the long wait and for the tears you guys had been shedT_T hope this chapter won't make you cry anymore (because how many boxes of tissue I've owed, right? Kkk, just kidding^-^). I would say thank you for reading, waiting, commenting, suggesting, and supporting me♥️♥️♥️♥️

Last, English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there is many mistakes and grammar errors. Stay healthy and stay safe! Have a nice day and happy belated 718 EunHae day! ^-^♥️