Donghae shakes the hand in front of him and smiles widely when the client offers her hand. The air is so clear and fresh but that’s not the main source of his happiness today. It’s from the satisfied grins the client showed him and the compliments he got for many times that day.

“No wonder my boyfriend kept recommended you, Donghae-ssi. You’re really amazing.” She sips her hot coffee and taking out her phone from her expensive handbag. She was busy with her phone for a while, typing something for two minutes and smiles again when her eyes met with Donghae’s. “I’ve transferred the payment. Please check it.”

Donghae nods and fished out his phone. His eyes widened when he saw the amount is more than she should be paid.

“I-I think you transferred too much. I’ll return the re—“

“No need.” The red-haired woman laughs and waves her hand. “Consider it as your bonus, okay? I really love your work, Donghae-ssi.” She looked at Donghae and smiles happily. “I’ll call you again when I need something to add to my room.”

Donghae can only muttered thank you for the kindness she gave. They chatted for a while about how to maintain her new decorated room before the woman bid a goodbye because she has to pick-up her cousin from the tuition and Donghae… well he has another thing in mind to do after this.

Donghae walks to the bookshop acrossed from the café he just met his client. It’s still to early to come home and he will be bored if he doing nothing. After all, he just wanted to buy a new cook book because these days, he is really attracted to cooking and making some cakes. He even succeed made cupcakes and rainbow cakes –he asked Ryeowook to keep watching the progress– and the result wasn’t bad. At least Ryeowook and Jongwoon liked it and Kyuhyun asked him to make it again next time.

Next time… when he feels better and in a good condition to stand for a long time.

Donghae looked at his tummy which is still can be seen how round it is eventhough he has worn thick jacket to cover. It’s not the first time where people keep watching him in narrowed eyes and questioning look as if they guessed is it because of the fats or he is carrying baby.

Well, it’s still rare to find a male pregnant so Donghae didn’t surprise at all and just like what Kyuhyun said, the babies are the gift and blessing for his life.

Talking about Kyuhyun, he is a very nice friend and neighbour. He even introduce himself to Ryeowook and Jongwoon when they met for the first time and getting along with the couple easily. Jongwoon described Kyuhyun as such a funny and mischievous because he loves to imitate the way all of them talked or doing something.

He also very good at making pizza thus Jongwoon always asks him to make that everytime they had movie time together. Sometimes they’ll meet at Donghae’s apartment, sometimes at Ryeowook’s, sometimes at Kyuhyun’s, and sometimes in Jongwoon’s.

In addition, Kyuhyun has known about his special condition and making him as another person that knows about the babies journey. His pregnancy. When Donghae told him that he has twin babies inside his tummy, he remembered how Kyuhyun smiled widely and clapped his hands, kept saying that is amazing and he is so excited to meet the twin soon. And yeah, they finally let him know about Donghae and Hyukjae and they’ll have divorce soon.

Kyuhyun didn’t ask further when Donghae didn’t talk about the details, he knew his place perfectly and didn’t want to invade their privacy. Why should they talked about sad things?

Donghae takes the newest book and started to see what’s inside. He stays and looking for a few pages before deciding he will buy it or not but unpredictable, his mind wanders to Hyukjae. He remembers Hyukjae didn’t say much about his cakes but a smile and a word ‘great’ were enough for him.

Oh, talking about Hyukjae…

The director is so busy and they last met was about six weeks ago. After that, Hyukjae went to Los Angeles and Shanghai because he has work at those countries and have to stay for two months. It means they can meet in about two weeks more.

If you asked Donghae how he felt about this, he will find it hard to give a proper answer. One side, he feels relieved because the chance to heal himself was big. He didn’t have to meet Hyukjae and didn’t have to spend the time with him around. He didn’t have to witness how the man being so sweet and paid full attention to him but his heart is not for Donghae anymore. He didn’t have to silently wish for Hyukjae to stay by his side.

But in another side, Donghae misses him so much. They do video call several times in a week. Hyukjae will spare a few minutes to talk with Donghae but making sure he is not disturbing the pregnant male because of their different time zones. They will talk for five until ten minutes. Just a small chat about how Donghae’s day –more like making sure he is not overwork–, how he was feeling, and babies condition. Well, Hyukjae will ask more about babies condition and giving advices actively.

Donghae could see how Hyukjae felt guilty to not coming and stay by his side for a few weeks. But Donghae kept convincing him that it’s okay and told him that he could handle it by himself.

Although, it’s not easy for him to do so, actually.

In his 26 weeks of pregnancy, the babies growing into the super active babies. The doctor said they’re in the size of a bunch of scallion per each baby and sometimes it’s hard for him to stand in a long time but sit also not an option. It’s getting hard for him to walk and the baby bumps also getting bigger. On some days, it will also feel hard for him because he can’t find the right position.

Donghae touches his back and feels so sore. See, it seems so hard for him to find a nice position. Every position he used to like seems just wrong. His back will easily sore and sometimes he feels exhausted eventhough he didn’t do anything that one day his mom even asked him to walk around the park for a few round but he can’t. And it’s even harder when he is about to sleep.

But a nice thing aside of the soreness, his hair growing healthily and even looked so shine. Donghae didn’t change his shampoo nor added some hair care routine but doctor said it’s common because of his hormone which made Ryeowook whimpered because he wants to have his shining hair too.

Donghae breath a sigh of relieve when he finally sits in the taxi. With his big tummy and unstable condition, it’s hard for him to drive by himself, that’s why he mostly using taxi if he needs to go out and Ryeowook can’t go with him. His best friend still loves to sleep over in his apartment and even more often these days because he knows Donghae is getting hard to sleep or walk and Hyukjae is not around.

Hyukjae’s family still keep in touch with him. Several times in a week, Hyukjae’s parents or Sora will come and give him the best homemade food and talk with him, they will talk about the babies and his condition but avoiding mentioned Hyukjae’s name. It’s like they have unspoken deal with this.

Ryeowook and Jongwoon barely mentioned about Hyukjae, too. Jongwoon will throw silly jokes when they met which makes Ryeowook rolled his eyes but laughing because of his boyfriend. In the end, they’re a very cute couple that Donghae always wants to see them together.

And since Hyukjae in Los Angeles, Ryeowook and Hyukjae’s family take turn to accompany him to check on his babies. It’s just felt like he is going back to the months where Hyukjae didn’t know about his pregnancy. But not really same though because Hyukjae still calling him to ask the babies almost everyday and he always send the ultrasonography pictures to Hyukjae.

Donghae gives his money to the driver, humming when the driver thanked him, and walk carefully to the building with his new recipe books in his right hand. He will read and choose what cake he will do next time and buying the materials soon.

Donghae quickly hanging his coat and sitting in his living room with another book in his hand. A book about pregnancy that he had bought a few weeks ago with Sora. Lists of babies’ name completed with the meaning. He knows maybe he is later than other parents, how come he hasn’t found his babies’ names when his pregnancy has reached more than 25 weeks?

But well, it’s not like he hasn’t decided at all. Actually he already have the names in his mind but still hesitant to tell Hyukjae. Anyway, they haven’t discussed about the babies’ names too so when Hyukjae called him that night, Donghae smiles and trying to sit straighter and shifts the laptop to catch more of his tummy.

“Hi. How are you?” Hyukjae asked.

Donghae can see the sight behind him. A plain white wall and his white shirt just indicating him that he is in office now. Donghae wants to ask how is he, did he get enough rest, did he eat regularly yet he knows his place. He has no right to ask about their personal matter.

“Fine. The babies are so active day by day. They can kick me more than seventy times in an hour.” Donghae laughed and showed Hyukjae his phone which has an application about babies and pregnancy installed.

Hyukjae chuckles when he saw the numbers. “That was a lot. Is it hurt everytime they kick?”

Donghae indeed never told Hyukjae how he feels hard nowadays. He keeps it by himself eventhough Hyukjae asked the same thing everyday, it’s just he doesn’t want to add the other man burden.

“Not really.” Donghae answers shortly.

Hyukjae stares at Donghae in unreadable gaze for a while and it succeed to make Donghae feels nervous. Eventually, Hyukjae sighs and asked, “Are you alone?” And when Donghae giving a nod, he continued, “No Kyuhyun?”

Another thing about Kyuhyun and Hyukjae is… yeah, Donghae realised that Hyukjae dislikes Kyuhyun from the beginning, from the first time they met. No matter how many times Kyuhyun tried to talk to him –several times before Hyukjae going to Los Angeles– and asked him to join their movie night with Jongwoon and Ryeowook, Hyukjae would just nod and didn’t say anything but constantly giving a death-glare to Kyuhyun.

Donghae won’t assume it as jealousy because it sounds so over. Let’s say Hyukjae just uncomfortable around Kyuhyun eventhough no one knows what exactly his reason is, Donghae thought but he keeps remind himself it must be not revolves jealousy. He is not that meaningful for Hyukjae, right?

“I’ll try to finish my work faster so I can back to Seoul earlier.”

Donghae doesn’t know how to react. He only gives a small smile and muttered, “Yeah.” And ignoring the dark circles under Hyukjae’s eyes while holding himself from giving the director a complain about how he should prior his health, they ended the call.

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Hyukjae really finished his work earlier than he supposed to be.

He returned to Seoul when the babies reached their 27 weeks 4 days, feeling so excited to finally meet that baby bumps again until he can’t help but singing a cheerful song through the ride to Donghae’s apartment and keeps thiking to feel their kicks soon. 

He has texted Donghae, told the man that he has arrived in Seoul and on his way to his apartment. Hyukjae didn’t even bother to change his shirt or rest in his own apartment because he really misses his babies. He didn’t even bother to bring along his three big suitcases.

Hyukjae leans his bag and squeezing his forehead lightly. He has slept for just three until four hours these days because he wants to back faster but still, his body can’t deny how tiringful it is eventhough he has slept through his way back to Seoul.

Hyukjae waits patiently outside of Donghae’s apartment. When the owner finally opened the door, Hyukjae unconciously smiles widely until he shows his gums. Both of his hands are packed with many paper bags filled with many things and behind him, there are his suitcases.

Donghae a bit surprised when he saw the big suitcases which not only big but looked heavy. He was about to drag the suitcase but Hyukjae hold his wrist and shook his head.

“It’s too heavy. You don’t have to move it.”

“But—“

“I’ll do it by myself but can you help me to take this paper bags?” Hyukjae remembers all the doctor advices including to not let Donghae takes heavy things by himself. That’s why he gives the paper bags which contains a lot of gifts for the babies. Yeah, work is important but now, since he will have his babies soon, shopping for his babies also including to an important activity to do.

Donghae is wrapped in blue knitted-sweater and black short but it is not enough to hide his big tummy. Hyukjae immediately touches his tummy when they are inside the apartment and arranged the suitaces close to the door, caressing the tummy in an affectionate way, and kneel to stick his ear and cheek.

“Are they fighting inside?” Hyukjae chuckled when he feels the babies suddenly kick. Hyukjae pulls away to look at the kick and he feels a goosebump when he can see obviously they moved inside Donghae’s tummy.

Donghae laughed, Hyukjae’s expression is way too funny to miss. They looked at each other with a smile tugged on their faces. The mixed feelings comes once again but none of them dare to say a word.

I miss you.

Hyukjae smiles and takes the paper bags from Donghae. He didn’t say anything, just walked to the living room and put his backpack on the couch.

“Do you want to rest?” Donghae asked carefully and points to the guest room that Hyukjae always used everytime he comes. “I’ve changed the bed sheets and clean the room.”

“I’ll move later.” Hyukjae smiles.

Donghae doesn’t say anything in return. He looked at the clock and decided that it’s time for him to prepare for their dinner. Hyukjae sitting on the couch with his eyes fixed to his phone, even just by that Donghae feels his heart pounding again.

Donghae doesn’t have any idea what to cook for their dinner so he just made a simple omelette, chicken soup, and chrispy salmon. He didn’t forget to put a small plate filled with chocolate cookies –he made by himself this morning– beside the chicken soup.

Being pregnant doesn’t mean he only has to carry the babies in his tummy around but also bear with the tiredness and soreness which growing day by day. As he reached more than twenty-seven weeks now, everything he used to do easily seems so slow now and he can’t even stand too long or his feet will be swollen. But another funny thing is his crave for food also growing bigger but Donghae doesn’t want to think about his weight.

He has wishes to go to swim or doing any sport now but his condition isn’t really supporting him to do that.

“Is it still hard for you to sleep?” Hyukjae asked when he eventually sit across from Donghae. He muttered a small thank you when Donghae gave him a bowl of rice but his eyes stopped when he looked at how thick Donghae’s dark circles are, thicker than his. “What do you feel now?”

It’s still awkward for them to be in the same room but Hyukjae doesn’t want to leave. He misses their babies and looking at Donghae’s big tummy it’s still a surprise to him. He will be a father soon. A father of twin. How endearing it is for him?

“Not really. It’s getting better now.” Donghae touched his tummy and felt the babies kicked him, making him startled but giggled when Hyukjae’s worry expression come in his sight.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“The babies kicked my tummy again.” He giggling while rubbing it softly. “They’re more active when I played happy songs.” Hyukjae smiled. From Donghae’s eyes, he can sense how Hyukjae is happy and actually welcome the babies.

Hyukjae secretly looked at Donghae when the man drinks his water before eat. His eyes wanders around from Donghae’s hair until his lips and smiles with the thought. There are several times he thought about how the babies would look like. Will the baby boy looked like him? Or Donghae? How the baby girl would look like? Will they take a lot similarity from Donghae’s face and habit or they will take a lot from him? Hyukjae doesn’t know.

He will love the babies eventhough they looked like Donghae or have many similarities to his habit.

“Let’s go to the beach tomorrow morning.” Hyukjae suddenly said, making Donghae turned his head in surprise. He thought Hyukjae was talking to the person in his phone or misheard but no, Hyukjae’s gaze on him and he looks serious.

Donghae knows Hyukjae doesn’t have any intention other than to make him feel better and strolling around the beach while also sunbathing is a very great idea. Although he wants to refuse, he didn’t. Instead, he replied, “That’s great idea.”

They didn’t say anything afterwards but spending time at the balcony with two cups of tea. He keeps staring at Hyukjae secretly and smiled widely. It’s still feel unreal for him but also real because in that second he also reminds himself that Hyukjae won’t be his any longer and the divorce will happen soon.

He really wants to touch Hyukjae’s face and placing a peck on his nose but he knows he doesn’t have any right to do so. They are different. They are not a pair anymore.

There is a pang in his heart when he caught on Hyukjae’s lean fingers and seeing no more their wedding ring in those fingers. Eventhough he has told himself to not raise his expectation and moving on from Hyukjae, it’s still fails many times.

They are just sitting down in the balcony, looking at the beautiful lights spreading from the street below them and relaxing with the night breeze. Donghae caressed his tummy and feels relaxed because of the cold air and his sweater is enough to warm his body. While Hyukjae is quiet, drowned by his own thought.

The silence making every single things can be heard but Donghae didn’t mind. He keeps looking at the lights and his tummy.

It’s getting closer to the due date. Donghae started to feel excited but also afraid. He knows giving a birth is never easy but the expectation to meet the babies making him feel ease and enthusiast eventhough the question of can he be a good father for the twin also keeps appearing. At least for now, he can say he feels excited rather than worry.  He can’t wait to feel those small bodies in his arms, hearing their cries, feeding them milk, strolling around the park with both of them in the stroller, bathing them, reading story book for them, and many things he wants to do with the babies.

Having a babies between them will be a whole new world for them. It might be tiringful but Donghae is sure the twin will bring a lot of joy for him.

All of sudden, Donghae remembers about something he almost missed. The babies’ names.

“Hyuk—“

But he can’t ask immediately as Hyukjae’s phone rang loudly. The older quickly takes it out and slightly from his seat Donghae could see the ID caller. He smiles bitterly as he drag to the reality about how their condition is. Just when he wants to talk, when he wishes they can casually chat, something appears and reminds him again.

Henry.

“Just pick it up, Hyukjae.” He smiles when Hyukjae looking at him hesitantly which he doesn’t understand.

Why you have to look at me like that, Hyukjae? We’re not husbands anymore… right?

In the silence of their surrounding, he can vaguely hear what Henry said eventhough Hyukjae didn’t turn on the loudspeaker and it makes him shift his head to the other side, avoiding Hyukjae. He knows he shouldn’t feel like that but… am I really worthless?

“Hyukjae… am I disturbing you? I just want to inform you, I’m at Seoul now. Are you busy?”

“Hi Henry. No, you’re not. Oh, really? When did you arrive?”

From the corner of his eyes he can see Hyukjae with his usual charming smile and sweet tone. Hyukjae looked so happy but not because of him. The fact that he is just a babies father and they won’t sit like that if it’s not for the babies making him feels suffocated. Donghae remembers he never felt broken-hearted years ago. He didn’t feel betrayed when his friends turn their back because he isn’t as smart as them, he didn’t feel sad when his phone was broken, he didn’t cry when Ryeowook cancelled their movie-night because he wanted to see Jongwoon who was sick.

But Hyukjae is more than that. He is meaningful. And he is the last person Donghae thought would ever hurt him.

“I just arrived half an hour ago, hahaha. Anyway, you’re not busy right? Let’s meet up, then!”

Hyukjae looked at Donghae who is playing with his own fingers and lowered his head. But as if he knows that Hyukjae is staring at him Donghae makes a gesture that said he can go. Donghae drew a small smile and once again, Hyukjae can feel it’s a forced smile but he choose to not pay a lot of attention.

“Hello? Hyukjae? Can we?”

And even he has known that was a forced smile, Hyukjae still muttered, “Yes. Let’s meet at our favorite restaurant.”

Our favorite restaurant.

How sweet is that? They even have their favorite restaurant to eat together. Henry… Donghae wonders how good is he to make Hyukjae smiles happily and wants to go out eventhough the air is too cold?

He knows he shouldn’t expect more from Hyukjae. He always remind himself that Hyukjae only cares for his babies, but don’t have any feeling for him. He knows Hyukjae doesn’t love him anymore but even until now, he silently wishing for him to comeback. To hug him and whispered that he won’t go anywhere.

When Hyukjae finally out from his apartment, Donghae can only stares at the sky blankly. He wants to hug Hyukjae but everytime he tries to stepping closer to the man, he feels afraid. He knows Hyukjae doesn’t love him and he fears that Hyukjae would snap at him. The words Hyukjae been said during their quarrels oftenly haunting him and unconciously that is the reason he feels insecure nowadays. How those rejection and sentences ripped his heart.

Donghae lets his index finger to caress his tummy. “You know… Appa will try to make both of you happy, right?” Donghae closed his eyes, letting his shoulders shaking due of his tears and sobs.

Hyukjae…

Do you know you’re the best gift for me?

But now… I have to let you go because you’re not belong to me anymore.

Donghae spent the night to tidy up the babies’ room with the new hats and shoes he bought a few days ago and things Hyukjae gave. He finally opened the paper bag one by one. There are clothes, shoes, toys, all of it looks expensive and in a very good quality.

Then, he feels his heart stopped for a while when another paper bag opened and he took out the things. Blanket with half moon pattern, half moon table lamp, half moon dreamcatcher, and a full shape moon stickers.

Moon…

Why did Hyukjae try so hard to make him remember about all these things?

Donghae doing it while having his eyes teary. He doesn’t care if someone will come and shout crybaby to him. He doesn’t care if he has to wake with swollen eyes and hoarse voice the next day. Donghae sits, leans his head to the cupboard behind him.

And in the same night, Hyukjae doesn’t back to the apartment. Leaving Donghae alone with all the sadness and loneliness.

Donghae doesn’t even know Hyukjae is still remember about their plan for tomorrow morning but maybe he has forgotten it. The clock keeps ticking and the last thing Donghae has to do is looking at his phone to find the night has past. One A.M and Lee Hyukjae hasn’t back.

The pregnant male rest his head to the giraffe plushie on the floor and pulled the blanket he has bought for the babies to cover his cold feet. His feet are cramp that makes him can’t stand up properly now and his back sore really bad. Donghae feels like his energy has drained out somewhere and ends up crying himself until sleeping on the cold surface.

.

.

.

“What do you think about Hyukjae and Donghae interaction now?”

Jongwoon stopped his hand from stirring his coffee. He stunned for a while, thinking what should he reply to his boyfriend question. He tries to remember the said men interaction and with a heavy breath, he only manages to say, “I don’t know. It’s just… hard to describe them.”

Ryeowook shook his head, still can’t believe how his best friend’s marriage can turn to such a bad way. He remembers how Hyukjae was sweet and love his best friend. He remembers Hyukjae always spending time together with Donghae, whispering nothing but sweet words. Countless times, the director would say he admired Donghae and found his best friend was adorable. In return, Donghae would laughed and giving him a light punch on the arm but behind Hyukjae, Donghae would talk about how kind and nice Hyukjae was and how they were appreciating each other.

Ryeowook taking his fork, cut the bread into small pieces and lay the fork in front of his boyfriend’s lips which Jongwoon gladly accept. That’s correct, hard to describe their situation now because Lee Hyukjae still as stubborn as before eventhough Kyuhyun comes oftenly to Donghae’s apartment and it’s clearly Hyukjae didn’t like Kyuhyun.

“He doesn’t want to admit that he still loves Donghae, isn’t he?” Ryeowook chuckled in bitter way, sarcasm can be seen through his eyes.

“No one knows the way he thinks, Wookie.” Jongwoon shifts his body and leans closer to Ryeowook, placing soft pecks to his lover’s head and inhales the scent.

Ryeowook looked at Jongwoon’s sharp eyes. From the beginning of their relationship, Jongwoon always treated him very well and sometimes it also made him feel uneasy because he thought he still lack on everything.

He feels he never treat Jongwoon like the other treat him. Often, he feels insecure because he knows Jongwoon has a lot of friends either boys or girls who are better than him. Jongwoon literally can meet and make a relationship with others better than him but here he is, giving all of his to Ryeowook like he is the only one. The only man he wants. And for Jongwoon, it’s indeed like that.

After witnessed how Donghae suffers, Ryeowook started to realise how love is actually precious and important. It can be changed like Hyukjae who changes his mind and habit as fast as light. Who ever thought the director will be like that?

“Jongwoon,”

The older raised his head and looking at his boyfriend while chewing his bread. Without any hesitation, Ryeowook said, “I love you.” He snuggles to Jongwoon’s side, closing every gap between them. “Let’s always be together.”

Jongwoon smiles after he shallowed the bread. With a firm voice and without any doubt, he replied, “I love you too, Wookie. We’ll always beside each other.” In addition, Jongwoon grabs Ryeowook’s hand, squeeze it lightly, before he leans in to Ryeowook’s face. Their lips met, and each other with eyes closed. Jongwoon moves his other hand to grab Ryeowook’s waist and pulls him closer as if it’s possible and their lips keep moving to each other, didn’t care with the TV shows that kept playing.

Now that he knows how precious and meaningful love is, Ryeowook feels thankful for every single I love you and affectionate actions from his boyfriend. For every single care Jongwoon always show him, for every single hug and kiss. For every single message he always got eventhough Jongwoon was busy.

The time getting shorter and all of them still don’t know Hyukjae will change his mind or not. No one can say anything to the other man but let him be.

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Hyukjae comes back to Donghae’s apartment the next morning at 8 AM, still wearing the same clothes but with a tousled hair and looked like he didn’t have enough sleep. He only nods to Donghae when the younger open the door and going to the bathroom, leaving Donghae standing quietly in the kitchen.

Donghae stares at his hands which are starting to shake. He can’t help but his imagination running wild. What happened last night? Why Hyukjae didn’t comeback to the apartment? Why Hyukjae had to stay outside until this morning?

And above all, there is the other name that made Donghae worries. Henry.

What were they… doing?

But he has no right to ask. Donghae keeps all the questions in his heart while eating his breakfast in silence. Hyukjae didn’t even realise his pale face and the fact that he doesn’t even seems sorry just making the atmosphere even more awkward.

Donghae stunned when Hyukjae only ate his toast bread and sip a bit of his hot chocolate. He stands and takes his backpack and place it above of his suitcases. Then, he walked back to Donghae’s side, kneeling to kiss his tummy.

“Be good, dear babies. Papa will visit both of you again, soon.”

Hyukjae glances at Donghae and smiles. “I’ll go now and will call you if I want to come. Thank you, Donghae.” Hyukjae really goes after that without explain to Donghae where was he yesterday, what was he doing, and why he just back this morning.

Of course, there is indeed no need for him to explain anything.

Who is he to wish for Hyukjae to explain? His lover? Husband?

But what hurts him more is the fact Hyukjae also forget about their plan. No more going to the beach on the morning and Donghae feels his heart crashed again.

“It’s okay, babies. Appa can go to the beach and spend the time with just three of us.” He pretends to be okay. To sound alright though his eyes could never lied. He feels disappointed but can’t hate Hyukjae.

On the other side, Hyukjae is frowning when he receives a phone call from Kim Heechul. What brings the famous lawyer to call him earlier in the morning? He has no idea but picked the call while keeps his eyes to the street.

“Hello?”

“Yes hyung, this is Hyukjae,”

Kim Heechul giving a small hum. “I heard from your sister, you decided to postpone your mediation with Donghae.” He begins, talk immediately about the point he wants to. “Any news that I don’t know yet?”

Hyukjae inhales as much air as he can. This is the first time they talked again after a long time they busy with their own schedules. “I have found out that Donghae is pregnant now, hyung. I know that’s my child.” He sits straighter when the light is red. “So I decided to postpone for our last session. I don’t want to give him more pressure since he is not in a right condition.”

Kim Heechul has stopped all his works he was doing since minutes ago to pay more attention to what Hyukjae said. Wow, this happened faster than I thought. But he is not really happy. It’s just a few seconds of him surprised by how consider Hyukjae to Donghae.

“Why postpone? You still want to divorce?”

There was long silence but Heechul keeps waiting. He knows Hyukjae is still there, heard his question, but maybe the other is preparing his words. Heechul smells something fishy but for now, he won’t tell.

Hyukjae clears his throat and turn his steer wheel to the right, entering another side of the crowded street. “I just care for the babies, Hyung. I don’t love him anymore but it doesn’t mean I’ll run from my responsibility as their father. I’ll help him to taking care of the babies and give financial support. And I also sleep over when I have time.” Hyukjae thought their encounter last night and sighs. “I’m not going back to him.”

Heechul rolled his eyes and hissed. Seriously, why Hyukjae is so stubborn and makes him want to curse?

“Are you really sure you’re not loving him anymore, Lee Hyukjae? Don’t you think it’s too early to say something like that?” He can’t relate with Hyukjae’s mind. Why on Earth he still wants to divorce when he knew Donghae is pregnant and even from just his voice, Heechul can sense Hyukjae is uncertain with his own choice. He doesn’t believe that Hyukjae just wants to taking care of the babies.

But once again, Lee Hyukjae is just too stubborn and maybe… a fool.

“My decision is still the same. I want the divorce.”

Heechul sighs. If Hyukjae’s family have given up, it means he has to follow them, right? Heechul can’t imagine how Donghae’s heart has broken by Hyukjae’s rejection. He hasn’t met the younger but from what Ryeowook and Jongwoon told him, it’s enough to know the other man isn’t in a good condition.

Heechul wants to give Donghae a hug and he will do it when they meet.

“Hope you won’t regret your decision, Hyukjae.”

That was the last sentence he said and he hang up the call afterwards. He doesn’t want to continue to talk with Hyukjae or he will curse the director for real.

Hyukjae exhales and puts his phone in his pocket. Just when he looked at the sun above, he remembers what he should have done that morning. What he has planned the day before. What he has told Donghae to do. Their plan.

“Let’s go to the beach tomorrow morning.”

Hyukjae parked his car on the empty side of the street. He pants unconciously, feeling his head suddenly throbbing. He hits the steer wheel and ruffled his hair. He literally screwed up everything.

the beer.

Yes, the beer. He didn’t meet Henry yesterday. He cancelled their plan on last minute, saying he has something urgent to do which was no more than buying three bottles of beer in the supermarket nearby. After that he drove back to Donghae’s apartment but just stay in the basement and inside his car.

He couldn’t forget how Donghae’s eyes looked like when he decided to meet Henry and somehow it made him felt guilty, completely lost the interest to meet Henry. Hyukjae didn’t know why he had to go that far, cared about Donghae’s feeling but still, he couldn’t bring himself to calm whenever he wanted.

He thought by going out with Henry, he could clear his mind but no. All of that was ruined. So he just sat in his car, drinking all the beers and slept at the backseat despite the uncomfortable position.

Going to Los Angeles and Shanghai, busy with his work, and shopping for the babies didn’t make Hyukjae stop thinking of his feeling to Donghae. Every single day can’t pass by him to not thinking about Donghae and his feeling. His doubts.

And eventhough Hyukjae knows he can turns his car and drives back to Donghae’s apartment, he choose to not. At least not that day. He can’t bring himself to look at Donghae now because of the mixed of guilty and doubt he carries. He knows he deserves to be called as coward but he doesn’t care.

Everything has become a mess. Everything feels like a torture.

I try emptying you out along with my trash can

I try spitting you out like bitter medicine

I try vomiting you by getting drunk

I try turning time back like a broken clock

Wow... what a long chapter hahaha^-^ hope you guys won't get boring kkk. Thank you for everyone who wait, reading, commenting, subscribing, and giving suggestions, and supporting me❤️❤️❤️ All the comments are so meaningful to me, I never thought this fic will get so many subscribers and good feedback❤️❤️❤️ 

Also, thank you to Kiwicolada who also sending me pictures of moon things (blanket, lamps, etc, all the things are beautiful and tempting T_T) and Achichi, your analogy gives me inspiration to the beer part^-^ I also want to say, happy belated Eid Mubarak for everyone who celebrate^^ Have a great day!^-^ Last, stay safe and healthy everyone!❤️❤️❤️