“Who goes shopping in the morning? I am barely alive right now.” And it was freezing cold outside, she wanted to add, even if the car had really good heating inside.

Taeyeon smiled a little. “I am sorry I woke you up early, but we need to hurry, the wedding is tonight.”

She huffed, drinking the Frappuccino full of whipped cream that the lawyer bought for her. It sugared things up a bit but she wasn’t going to admit that.

“So we are going to my usual shop, I always go there for ceremonial or special occasion, but if you don’t like anything it’s not a problem. We’ll look elsewhere ok?” She was sipping her iced americano while watching for the traffic light to go green.

“I don’t know really, I don’t shop for fancy stuff really, usually the staff from the company buys things for me if they have to.” And mostly didn’t get what she’d like, most of times she thought she looked horribly in these things but the clients never complained so neither did she.

Taeyeon side eyes her and locked her jaw, it gave an angry shade to her face and something fluttered inside her tummy. “Well, now you can choose whatever you want so think about it.”

She smiled at the gentle sarcastic tone and watched the trees go faster behind the window, a warm feeling in the stomach that warmed her up from inside.

“Good morning.” Taeyeon waited for her to enter the shop before closing the door and placing an hand on the small of her back, her spine twitched with thrills.

“Oh Good morning Miss Kim, it’s been a long a time. How’s the family?” The girl in a styled pantsuit, she was very tall, had a big smile on her face. It showed they were familiar to each other as the other returned the gesture and nodded beaming.

“They are all well, thank you Mrs. Choi. Actually we are to get dressed for a wedding.” The hand on her back was fidgeting with the material of her blouse. “Oh this is Sunny, my- my girlfriend.” It still felt awkward to hear but she could get used to, and that was what scared her the most.

“Oh pleasure to meet you then.” The woman extended her hand and she shook it with a tight smile on her lips. “Now do the both of you have some ideas?”

She watched sat on a really soft and expansive pouf as Taeyeon changed multiple times, observing her serious stares at the mirror, examining herself in different suits. She really liked one with a warm grey vest, or the one with the skintight dark night trousers. But she bit her lip when the blonde would scowl at what she saw in the mirror and changed again. She was so hard on herself, it had to be perfect, and it took so much time for finding the perfect choice.

Sunny observed worried, it didn’t seem like an healthy habit or lifestyle. Well, it’s not like she lived better.

In the end she chose this Bordeaux suit with a long blazer, that left the collarbones and a line of chest in the open, she liked that one too.

“So you like it?” She mostly wanted to spread kisses on the free skin at the top but nodded, nevertheless.

Taeyeon smiled, her eyes shining under the powerful lights in the changing room. She wanted to jump on her like a panther on a prey, flashes of warmth were making her neck red.

“Come on now, it is your turn.” She swallowed hard to get rid of dirty thoughts and got up.

She had already scrolled the shop and decided for a cocktail dress, it seemed appropriate, maybe not long because she doesn’t have the legs for it. “You saw something that you like?” Mrs. Choi was next to her in a jiff smiling warmly, she didn’t know what to say.

In that moment Sunny realized she didn’t know what she really liked for herself, it felt empty, watching and not knowing your own taste. Taeyeon reemerged from the changing room back in jeans and get to her other side.

“If you’d just give us a moment Mrs. Choi.” The tall woman hummed and went away. “Remember if you don’t like anything we can go to another place.” Her hand on a tensed shoulder relaxed her a bit, she felt weird and excited.

She shacked her head still watching at the dresses.

“So a dress? Long or short?” Sunny tilted her head back a little, just to meet curious black eyes staring back at her.

“Not too long I think, or I just look short.” Taeyeon chuckled in her ear and she relaxed some more. It was like a wormhole, falling into was scary but you didn’t want anything else but to found out what’s at the other side.

“I think you’ll look good even in a long dress. You are already short anyway.” She glared at her but thought about it.

She liked bright colors right? All the shades of pink and red, yellow for sure. She could do it. There was a pastel pink dress with a long tight neckline, skin tight and finished just before her knees. She could try it. She took it in her hands and showed to the other girl, still unsure if she liked it or not.

“I like it. Let’s ask for your size ok?”

Taeyeon’s hands brushed against her hips and she wanted to be held really hard, a tingle in her belly won’t shut down. She liked the way the blonde couldn’t stop zooming on her cleavage even if she knew she was trying hard not to. It was a mild cleavage too, she was used to deeper cuts but those eyes made her feel ier than she ever felt.

Taeyeon cleared while she was watching herself in the mirrors, twirling around to look at 360 degrees. “Are you okay with the hmm the skin show…?” She had to laugh at the blush on Taeyeon’s cheeks.

“Are you? Should I cover it?” Sunny raised one eyebrow toward the mirror, she quite liked what she was seeing.

Taeyeon coughed in her hand, maybe suppressing something embarrassing. Mrs. Choi was looking at them funny. “No, no hmm only if you want to. It looks great on you.” And then she was just behind her, shoulders straight and chin up, like she was proving something. The blush still making her cheeks pinkish destroyed the imagine anyway. “Do you like it? Want to try something else?”

She waiting long seconds, expecting arms embracing her, but was disappointed and scoffed a little at the back of . She hated how needy she was feeling these days. “I don’t look like a barbie right?” What if she wasn’t fancy enough?

Taeyeon giggled and this time wrapped her arms around her waist, she almost let out a sigh of relief but held it in. “Not at all, you are not blonde silly.” And she slapped one of those arms, but kept them here with the other hand. The body behind hers creating a bubble were the world could rumble against but couldn’t enter, at least it felt like it. “You look perfect.” Was the whisper that made her do doe eyes.

Her hands sweated every time one of her brothers started to talk with her parents, gulping sips of champagne to calm her nerves. It was unlikely that they’d do something like this now, in the middle of a wedding, a really pretty one too. Hyoyeon looked radiant in her long white dress, her smile putting everyone in the shadows.

Sunny never left her side changing flutes likes they were filled with mango juices, watching with big eyes the Kim family interact, it wasn’t pretty or warm, it looked like business.

That was because she always dreamed to be a mom one day, a good caring and dedicated mom. She wished for unity and laughs, for complicity and watery glances.

So when one of her recently married cousin plopped her newborn baby in Sunny arms her heart clenched hard. To see the big happy smile on the others lips while she cooed the baby hurt deeply, she remembered Sooyeon promising her a dozen of those, promising her the world when she didn’t even saw her once with a kid.

Probably she didn’t even like kids.

Taeyeon was about to excuse herself to the toilets because it was too much, but Sunny glanced at her with glee in her eyes, playing with little Agatha’s fingers. She looked soft, so soft, the baby trying to grab one of the drop earrings and she was in that old dream all over again.

“She likes you or your shining earrings perhaps.” She managed to say, already making faces at the baby who watched her with round innocents eyes.

Sunny chuckled when Agatha tugged on her hair instead. “Yeah she doesn’t have a great aiming thought, but all babies love me. Some girls at my dorm have already a baby and mostly they let them with me, because they adore me, apparently.”

I can see why.

She nodded faking real impression and let the baby take her finger instead of Sunny’s poor loose hair. The tiny fist made her smile, feeling giddy, and staring at the other girl concentrated face she let her brain take a picture, for sad days, for desperate times.

“Do you want kids?” It slipped from and she regretted it immediately.

Sunny didn’t even flinch and nodded. “A dozen of them.”

God that hurt so deep she had to take a breath to feel her heart beat again. Humming she traced with the free hand a pink wrapped hip feeling like was swallowed in something bigger than herself. “Me too, well maybe not a dozen but some, yeah.”

The brunette glanced at her, the smile making her nose crinkle. “I can see it, you surrounded by babies, not a single one of them listening to you.”

“Hey, they’ll listen to me! I have good sense of leadership.”

“Oh you’ll be so soft on them, you are a softie.” The audacity to say that to her, the Kim heiress.

Her jaw locked when her little brother passed by and smirked like the snake that he is, unconsciously her arm tightened around Sunny’s body and he just ing waved. She was going to fix that damn situation so that her mind could finally handle her own problems.

The brunette was still cooing the baby, her jaw softened immediately.

“I am not a softie, I am a Kim.” She scanned the perimeter in the meanwhile, trying to use her brain in more ways than one.

Sunny almost laughed in her face, pursing her lips in a mocking way. “Sure thing, so scary, such an alpha.”

She raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice few octaves, taking the opportunity. “When I really want to be.”

The other girl actually returned her raise of the eyebrow and blinked fast. “Oh really now?” Her voice too was low, so different from her usually high tone.

She was just meditating to kiss those pursed lips or at least to nuzzle into her neck, but she refused to drop the deep cross of stares. So she nodded. “Want to find out?” Maybe the wink was overdoing it because she got a push against her shoulder instead of the kiss she wanted.

“Get your mind out of the gutter please.” But she could see she was smiling while watching Agatha play with her fingers still in her tiny fist.

Taeyeon did get her kiss, the smacking sound resounding against Sunny’s lips, who glared at her playfully.

“Such a softie my God, how do I stand you? Eh what do you think sweetie? How do I stand her?” She was baby talking, crinkling her nose at the newborn in her hands, it was all very adorable.

“Oh please shut up you like it. You are the clingiest person I know.” She got another glare in return and a scoff.

Unfortunately, the little banter was soon interrupted by the mother who got her baby back.

“She must really like you, didn’t even cry.” Sunny smiled so softly that her eyes started to sparkle. “When are you going to marry this adorable girl? Eh?” That stopped the turn of the events like heavy snow on a road, it iced her heart too.

She coughed hard, the champagne almost going into her lungs.

“Oh I have to test her for a bit, you can never be too sure.” Her cousin laughed at Sunny schemer wink and turned to the sweets buffet, something her too had being eyeing for a bit.

But the atmosphere changed already, it felt cold again, the reminder of what they were really doing a very effective blocking device.

“So cake?” She asked unsure, waiting for the memory to go away, to her brain to reprocess and restart to act as if Sunny was her girlfriend and all of it was normal.

As the other girl nodded and started to go toward the buffet she thought about how much restrain, how tall she had built her wall just for it fall so easily, crumble on the ground without her permission. She tried so hard to close herself, to protect herself from being hurt and now she put it all on the plate, fooling her own self with an illusion that was going to pain her so deep. And yet her she was, trying to forget it all for the sake of few days in the light ignorance of the future.

“Don’t think too much about it, there’s red velvet muffins, there eat.” And she took a bite of the red muffin that Sunny had in two hands, munching and trying not to think, it was very hard.

It was so hard looking into those dark amber eyes and not consider who they’d be staring at from Monday, believe that she wasn’t going to look into them every day, wake up into them and go sleep saying goodnight to them.

So what if…

 “Do you like me?” Sunny blinked at her, getting the muffin away. “Do you like me?” she repeated even if it sounded infantile.

“I-I think so, yes.” It was the stuttering answer, and maybe it was enough, she wasn’t sure but maybe it will suffice.

She smiled a little, her heart a bit lighter. “I like you too.” She kissed those pouting lips again, this time with a little bit more of determination and Sunny closed her eyes slowly like she was trying hard not to. That made her smile bigger in the kiss and cup her nape, to keep her a bit longer, to taste the sweet mouth before gasping for air and leaning away.

The girl blinked again, eating another bite of the muffin. “You are weird today.”