Over and over again, the scene replayed in Dongwoon’s mind. The mess of people converging upon the three figures, the wail of the ambulance; it was all he saw, and he looked up, searching for something, anything else to see.

Silence was all around him. Doojoon sat wearily next to Yoseob, head in his hands. The latter leaned just as wearily against him, face drawn with worry and guilt. Gikwang perched on the armrest of the couch, a lifeless statue. Junhyung paced the narrow hallway like a madman, headphones around his neck and fingers tugging on the cord.

Suddenly, a man appeared in Dongwoon’s sight. Doojoon looked up at the sound of footsteps and stood, rushing forward. “Excuse me, we’re Hyuns-“ He broke off, face paling at the expression of sorrow that took the doctor’s face.

He looked around at the four boys, sighing. “My deepest regrets to you. Your friend didn’t make it, I’m sorry to say. He passed away a few minutes ago…”

Junhyung’s fingers twisted and he snapped the cord, removing the headphones and dropping them on the floor. Without saying a word, he walked out of the ward.

“But what about-“ Gikwang fell silent.

Just when he thought he didn’t have anything left to feel, what was left of Dongwoon’s heart gave an involuntary jerk and he stood abruptly. “No,” he shook, fists clenched. “No.” Turning, he bolted after Junhyung. Almost crashing into another doctor, he continued blindly on his flight, not stopping.

***

Junhyung stared down at the street, eyes dry and knuckles white on the railing. He couldn’t feel anything. It was sort of nice, actually, the numbness. Nothing could hurt him while he was up there. But he had a choice to make to himself. He could live with the pain that was bound to come back, regret every day the time he’d lost, or he could end it all now. Just like the headphones Hyunseung had given him, he was laying in there, broken and lifeless.

Footsteps approached, full of hurt. Dongwoon leaned silently against the railing. He didn’t look at Junhyung. “Do you want to?” The question came quietly.

Junhyung regarded it for a while, turned it over and examined it from every angle. Did he want to? A moment ago, he would’ve said yes. What had changed?

Without waiting for an answer, Dongwoon continued on, emotionless. “I do.”

Something stirred in Junhyung, something that felt different. He finally looked up and really saw Dongwoon. He wasn’t the maknae they had all known and protected. He’d changed. No longer was his expression filled with charming naiveté; it had been replaced with pain. It wasn’t right. Junhyung still felt the urge to pull Dongwoon back, to make him laugh with those innocent eyes again, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Thinking of those long-lashed eyes that would never smile at him again, the scale tipped a little more towards what he couldn’t choose. Still wordless, he gazed once more at the street below. He knew his thoughts were bordering on suicidal, and the shattered pieces of his heart floundered for a reason, any reason, to pull him back.

“Da Eun?” He asked, voice hoarse. “Da Eun?” Desperation cracked in his voice.

Dongwoon didn’t say a word, but the silence was all the answer Junhyung needed. He closed his eyes tight and listened to his heart scream.

***

“What is going on here?” A familiar voice inquired.

“Dr. Kibum,” Doojoon greeted him in a monotone.

The doctor nodded, acknowledging his greeting. “Dr. Woohyun, what is going on here?,” Dr. Kibum repeated.

“These are the friends of Park Hyunsik. He passed away just a few minutes ago, and I was just breaking the news to them,” Dr. Woohyun explained.

“W-wait.” Doojoon’s brain struggled to catch up. There was something wrong with what the doctor had just said, but grief fogged his perception. “Park… Park Hyun…sik?”

“Are you not the friends of Park Hyunsik? He was admitted yesterday-“

Doojoon began to shake his head slowly, then with vigor. Speechless, he looked at Gikwang and Yoseob, wide eyed.

Yoseob’s guilt stricken face offered no answer, but Gikwang jumped up and answered fervently. “No! We’re not, we’re not!”

“Nam Woohyun, please report to my office after hours today. For now, attend to Park Hyunsik’s relatives,” Dr. Kibum sighed. “They’ve been waiting outside for quite a while now.” He watched his junior pale and scurry off before turning to the three boys. “Mianhamnida. My colleague is overly impulsive. If I’m not mistaken, you’re here with Da Eun?”

“Y-yes. Also our friend, Jang Hyunseung-“ Doojoon tried to explain.

“Jang Hyunseung?” Dr. Kibum inquired quizzically. “Ah! I presume he’s the man who was with Da Eun in the ambulance?”

“Yes! How is he? Is he okay?” Gikwang asked in a barrage.

“Hold on a second. Why are you asking about him? I thought you came in with Da Eun?” The doctor held up a hand, confused. “Also, how come you don’t know any of this? Weren’t you there when it happened?”

They hung their heads. “There were too many people, and we were too far away. When it happened everybody ran up in a rush so they disappeared from our sight. We have no idea what happened.”

“When I went in to see her, Hyunseung was very worried about her. I saw nothing wrong with him; he’s absolutely fine. The one you should be worried about is Da Eun, whom I haven’t heard a word of inquiry about. I’m disappointed in you. Isn’t she was living with you now?”

The three boys’ mouths gaped open. Hyunseung was fine? But…

“The car didn’t hit him?” Yoseob ventured tentatively.

Dr. Kibum stared at him, disbelieving. He shook his head.

Gikwang’s eyes widened. If this kept up, he would be able to close them again. “Does that mean the car hit Da Eun?” He gasped.

The three of them froze and waited for an answer.

“No-“

There was a collective sigh of relief.

“They were very lucky; the drivers saw them in time. But-“

There was a collective intake of breath.

“Da Eun fainted again.” The doctor stopped and gave them a disapproving look. “I told you to take care of her, not traumatize her further!” He hesitated. “Though I did see you took her shopping. What happened?”

They didn’t question his involvement in the matter, being a complete stranger, but looked guiltily away.

“We were just about to have lunch when…” Doojoon gestured vaguely at the air. “That happened.”

Dr. Kibum just shook his head and changed the subject, knowing it wouldn’t help to upset them further. “Before I let you in to see her, since she still hasn’t woken up, where are the other two?”

At the mention of Junhyung and Dongwoon, an ominous silence dropped over the group as they looked at each other, afraid of what might have happened. Gikwang pointed in the direction the pair had  gone and the three tore off, leaving Dr. Kibum alone in the middle of waiting area, disoriented.

***

You were supposed to see flashbacks of your life right before you died, but Junhyung had never heard of having to voluntarily remember each and every moment by himself. He thought they were just supposed to come by themselves. He’d been standing there for quite a while now, and he wasn’t sure his legs would be up to the jump by the time he was finished. There were just too many, and he just couldn’t wait any longer. His eyes swam a bit as he opened them, and he looked over to see Dongwoon contemplating the street below. Seemed like he was having the same problem, Junhyung thought apathetically. Immediately after the thought, he snapped back from his detached state and grew remorseful. What was he doing, setting such a bad example? He almost heard Hyunseung scolding him in his head, and his heart squeezed again painfully. He couldn’t let Dongwoon just follow him like this, no matter how he felt himself. He had to take Dongwoon away from what he’d become, drain away his cold experience and make him happy again.

“Woonie,” he forced himself to stand up. “Woonie, look at me.”

Dongwoon didn’t react. Junhyung took a step towards him, then another.

“You have to get over this.” As he spoke, he felt the rightness of what he was saying and his resolve hardened. “If we jump, Doojoon, Kwangie, Seobie, and-“ He choked before he could say Hyunseung’s name, but continued. “They’ll be losing four, and we’ll be the reasons for those two extra losses.”

Dongwoon’s voice came, weary and stricken. “But we’ve already lost two; what’s a couple more?”

Junhyung took a breath to answer, but Dongwoon didn’t stop.

“I have to go anyway. I have to tell Da Eun I’m sorry. I told her I wouldn’t let her down… but I did.” Dongwoon ended in a whisper. “So you see, I have to jump. To say I’m sorry.” He straightened and pressed his lips together.

Junhyung watched, powerless, as Dongwoon began to step up onto the ledge.