𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥
𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐦 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮
𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞
'𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞

                                                        

Me

mom, i’m going outside for a bit

u don’t have to bring me food

i’ll be back late

Mom

Okayy

Finally going out with your girlfriend, aren’t you?

Me

bye, mom.

Mom

Lol

Don’t come back so late

And use protection lol

Why was I born from such a cruel mother?

Shaking my head to myself, I pocketed my phone as I slipped on a pair of sneakers and walked my Fixie out of the front door. After making sure everything was safe and the house was locked properly, I put the key in my jeans’ other pocket and mounted the bike.

I couldn’t help thinking to myself about the spur-of-the-moment decision that I had made earlier. How everything had changed so suddenly from my having to pull out every methods I knew to comfort myself to being on my way to Irene Bae’s place to have dinner with her.

It wasn’t a surprise anymore that this truth only just now sunk in for me.

I was going to Irene’s place.

I was going to be in her place with her.

Alone.

Just us two because she said she didn’t live with her parents.

A uniform-clad Irene Bae was already a smack on my lesbian heart. How would I have stood a chance against her looking and smelling domestic in her own place?

I had half a mind to stop and turn my bike around to cancel our plan. I could say I suddenly caught a cold, or my cousin from the other side of the world just visited, or maybe my house was on fire and asteroids were falling from the skies and it was ‘the dinosaur tragedy’ all over again. I just felt like a disastrous storm was coming and I knew I couldn’t have survived this, but my hands were tied. I was panicking. There were so many things that could’ve gone wrong and I would have to have a repeat of the past again. I didn’t want that.

The anxiety only got worse with each pedal that got me closer to her. And by the time I would have finally gained enough courage to turn around, I realized I was too late. I was already in front of her apartment building with my nerves all over the place.

Keep calm, Seulgi. You got this. It’s okay. Everything's going to be okay. Just keep your damn hormones in check and don’t look at her. She’s as normal as any other girls. You’ve just got to stop thinking she's more than that. You'll be okay.

Taking a deep breath and preparing myself for the worst case scenario, I left my bike next to a pole  and chained it in place. I gave the chain some tugs to make sure the lock was secure before turning to walk towards the entrance of the building with a middle-aged man in uniform keeping guard dutifully.

“Good evening, Miss,” he greeted me warmly as he opened the door for me. Something about the way he smiled told me he probably knew everyone there like the back of his hands.

“Good evening,” I said, stopping in front of him.

“This is your first time here, isn’t it?” he quipped in interest.

“Yes, actually. A friend from school invited me over,” I answered. At least I hoped we still were after we had gotten through our misunderstandings earlier.

“Well, you can go to Ally over there,” he motioned towards a kind-looking lady behind a long wooden counter on the left side of the lobby. “And tell her your friend’s room number so she can confirm it with them.”

I nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Miss.” He smiled again.

When I stood in front of the counter, Ally matched the man’s energy as she greeted me even warmer than he did earlier. It wouldn’t be a surprise if Irene turned out to be very close to them both. She probably thought of them as her own family. The way the woman talked to her when she called Irene was a proof enough.

I didn’t realize how my nerves had calmed down a whole lot when I talked to Ally and that man earlier, because they weren’t really shy about coming back and hitting me full force throughout the whole elevator ride to Irene’s floor.

My limbs felt jittery, and the urge to stop the elevator and go back down was overwhelming. Surely Irene couldn’t have gotten mad at me if I told her I couldn’t come after she had made me wait for her earlier. But my feet were glued to the floor and my hands wouldn’t move from my side. There must still be a part—a pretty huge part—of me that was anticipating what the night would bring. What Irene Bae would look like in her home clothes and what her home looked like.

So when the elevator dinged and the door opened, I thought about what Sooyoung would’ve told me if she were here:

Just woman the up and get the out of here.

And with that I walked down the hallway looking left and right searching for the number ‘27’ on a golden plate with an eagerness that got my heart jumping to my throat.

Here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I knocked on the door.

I grew impatient as the door remained unanswered after more than six seconds, so I knocked again with a little bit more force. This time there was a clicking of the lock and the door was thrown open revealing one Irene Bae in a white Adidas shirt and some very short black shorts.

But I couldn’t have cared less about the shorts. What actually knocked the wind out of me was the round glasses on her little face framed by strands of hairs straying away from the bun on