after

i miss you. 

i want to see you again, but at the same time i never want to see you again, does that make sense? 

sometimes i wonder if i've gotten over you, just because the feeling seems so disappear whenever i don't see you for a long time. but then i see you again, and everything comes back. waves of hurt and pain, of love and happiness, they wash over me once again, exactly like when i first realised i loved you. and i wonder if i'll ever be able to get over you.

i still can't believe you're really gone. you're not here, with me, and i'll probably never see you again. the day i feared the most has come, this day one year ago when i just couldn't seem to get the thoughts of you out of my mind. 

to say i'm fine would be a lie. i'm not okay, and that's okay. today i miss you more and more, without really knowing why. i just wish you were here with me, as selfish as that is. 

i don't know how long more i'll love you like this before finally being able to forget you, but as long as i do, you'll still be my first love. you probably don't even remember i exist, nor should you care about me as much as i would like you to, but that's okay. i'll still love you. i'll love you like this, painfully happy. 

- love, wheein.