after

at some point in time over the past year, i really wanted to hate you. i wanted to hate you because if it weren't for you, i wouldn't be in this much pain. if i had never known you, none of this would be happening. 

i wouldn't be left here, so heartbroken and a wreck. i wouldn't be crying these tears that had never existed before you. 

only afterwards i realised i could never hate you, and because of that i hate myself even more. i hate myself for loving you like this, i hate myself for holding on to you for so long, you who was never meant to be mine in the first place. 

i knew i would lose you at some point, even though you were never mine to lose anyways, but i didn't think it would hurt this much. i didn't think that even after six months i would still be hurting like this. is it bad that even the thought of you brings tears to my eyes? 

you've probably forgotten about me by now, after all, in your eyes i was probably just that girl whom you talked to a couple of times. but i still think about you even if i don't want to, and i still hope that some day, you can find your forever happiness. it won't be with me, but that's okay, as long as you are happy. 

i don't regret loving you, but i just wish it had been easier. 

- love, wheein.