There was once a saying that ‘If it burns, you’re getting closer’. Each time they feel this sensation of deepening affection towards someone, the more it hurts, it gets more complicated as they know more of these feelings, and things get tougher, especially when there are doubts and secrets hidden behind the growing fondness. Because they cannot stop it and dictate their scared heart not to go further, they still get closer to this love however. And because they try to fight it and they keep lying to themselves, every day feels like a battle within themselves but how long will their denials last as they get closer each day?

It’s a breezy night in the town that’s lighted up by the Christmas lights and kissed by the snow that started to free the ground. The streets are filled with people, family and friends, hanging around together as they enjoy a joyous night for they feel the Christmas coming. It’s almost same to everyone because all have smiles and enthusiasm in them. However, the lonely and troubled Jisoo isn’t on the same swing as everyone else, differing herself from everyone’s mood with her own.

While everyone goes in and out of stores with their shopping bags and gifts wrapped for their love ones, Jisoo being one of the fewest alone in the town, she makes her way not to any stores but to a classic bar located out of the shopping district. It’s dim and only yellow lights brightens up the place and jazz music playing in the background. The temperature is good for her to remove her thick coat and relax her body for a warmth as she takes one of the vacant seats in front of the bartender, together with some few lonely people like she is from seats apart.

“Do you want Margarita or just some Gin and Tonic?” The bartender offered, smiling at Jisoo’s pouty expression as soon as she sat down.

Jisoo looks up on him and groans, “Mino-oppa… stop smiling at me like that. It’s creepy.”

“It’s creepier that you came in here spacing out.” Mino giggled and served just water to Jisoo for her to compose herself first before anything else. “How did you know I’m working here now? From the other staffs?” He then asked and Jisoo nodded. “I have to keep grinding and earn while the café is still closed you know. But don’t worry, when Jennie finds a way to reconstruct the café, I’ll make sure to come back no matter how long she’ll take.” He further said as she reassured.

“I know oppa.” Jisoo replied short and even let out a sigh.

Because Jisoo’s mood isn’t changing at all and aloof with what he’s saying, Mino has to ask her after serving Gin and Tonic, “Why are you alone? Where’s Jennie? It’s unusual for you to be grabbing few drinks on your own.”

Jisoo stares at her drink, watching the ice cubes melting as they move and pronounces low, “She’s with Chaeyoung right now. I think they’re going to the hospital to visit Jennie’s mom and so she can introduce Chaeng to her mom too.”

“So Jennie’s babysitting the lawyer’s sister, huh? I heard a bit about Alice being Jennie’s lawyer for the café’s incident too.” Mino stated.

But Jisoo snorts, “Jennie seems to be enjoying it too much though. They’ve been hanging around too much and Jennie brought her one time to music stores too. She’s so into it that she’s forgetting that she has problems too which is good actually. At least Jennie is finding her ways to distract herself from being drowned on thinking about one problem to another.”

“I see. Our precious Jennie found someone she can trust other than us. That’s good.” Mino nodded satisfied but seeing Jisoo having the opposite day as her best friend, he leans closer to her as he sincerely asks her, “So, how about you, what can I do about to the troubled you? You know both of you are like my sisters so you better tell me like how Jennie always opens up to me too whenever she’s troubled. I may not say good advises but you know you can tell me anything just to vent it out.”

Jisoo takes one huge gulp of the drink for her to gain a bit of confidence to tell, “I cannot tell Lisa about Seulgi. I cannot bring myself to tell her that I’m in a relationship yet. I tried but I just can’t. It’s hard especially when she treats me like that. She treats me the way I wanted to be treated. She takes care of me the way I’ve always wanted from Seulgi that she cannot give me. Lisa does things for me even if I’m not saying it as if she knows how bad I need it. Then our latest vlog just came out and people start liking us being together. As days go by, it’s getting harder for me.”

“I saw the vlog too. You have so much fun visiting each café in the town that it feels like I haven’t seen you smiled that good for so long. Lisa looked like she enjoyed it too and she’s very responsible on letting you adjust with the cameras around you. To be honest, you surprisingly do look good together and you have great chemistry, way better than you whenever you’re with Seulgi before.” Mino commented as he gave her a cup of peanuts.

Jisoo drops her head defeated, “I think so too oppa. I also think we do connect so well.”

“What will you do now?”

“Jennie has been telling me to break up with Seulgi to get out of this toxic relationship and set myself free from all the burdens with her. Yet, I can’t because I’m scared of hurting her if I leave her. I know she’s always strict and unreasonable but I cannot deny the fact that she has good sides that made me fall in love with her before. Here I am also hurting myself because I’m scared to make a move first and tell her it’s not working anymore and at the same time I’m feeling guilty that I’m starting to like Lisa while I’m still in a relationship with her.” Jisoo whined as she confessed, taking another shot of her drink in hopes to keep herself brave.

There’s no way out but to admit that her heart has fallen for Lisa. Jisoo cannot pretend blind anymore of these feelings because each day she sees Lisa, it only grows stronger. However, while it does feel so good to be feeling this again for someone, it also terrifies her because of this secret she’s holding in, this secret that might change everything once known. Jisoo is stuck in the middle not knowing which is right or wrong and for this same reason she’s been distant and lonely in the recent days.

“Does Jennie know you feel like that?” Mino kept on questioning just to let Jisoo release all these frustrations inside her.

“I haven’t told her but she probably feels it already. She’s been teasing me quite a bit too about Lisa so there’s no way she doesn’t know I feel like this. Maybe that’s also why she’s letting me do things on my own so I can think. She’ll come around if things get worst. I know her. And I don’t want to disturb her with her own love story going on with Chaeyoung.” Jisoo said confident and smirked at the thought of her best friend having the best nights with Chaeyoung.

“As expected from the two of you…” Mino remarked and placed another drink for Jisoo to spend this long night alone.

Jisoo’s deep thoughts while she enjoys her cocktail were interrupted when her phone started ringing for a message. It could be anyone from her family or friends for she’s always in contact but of all people who can think of her tonight, it’s Lisa. And because it’s Lisa, that constrained smile on her lips immediately formed and with just this one message from her, it puts brightness in her face which has been gloomed and stressed throughout the morning.    

“Hello to the person who made another million views with me!” This is what Lisa wrote in her message and as always, with those unnecessary emoticons in it.

Jisoo plays cold and aloof in her message but grinning as she taps a quick reply, “What do you want?”

“Just wondering what you’re doing right now and what you’ll be doing later on…” Lisa returned so fast she didn’t give time Jisoo to take another sip from her glass.

Jisoo didn’t mind for she also answers immediately, “I’m just chilling at Mino-oppa’s new workplace, at a bar then I’ll go back home right after. Why do you ask?”

“I’ll be doing a live broadcast later on because a lot of fans are asking for it after I released our vlog together. I haven’t done it in a while so maybe you’d like to watch it so I’d feel better. Please watch it later on once I’m on it.” Lisa requested using more emoticons to soften Jisoo.

Jisoo raised an eyebrow on this and so she grills, “And why would you feel better if I watch?”

Lisa took a lot of minutes before she replied straight and serious as seen from how she sent, “Because I need you to be there.”

Jisoo blushed at her honest message and helplessly listened to her heart exploding that she also needed minutes before responding, “Okay. I’ll watch but don’t tell your fans that I’m watching. I don’t want them to be bothering me and I don’t want to see them freaking out on your comments just because I’m there.”

“Yay! Thank you! I’ll be expecting you!” Lisa sounded so eager in her message for she attached a lot of hearts in it.

Lisa can be annoying and too playful or happy-go-lucky type of person but mixed within these traits are her personalities that successfully captured Jisoo’s heart. Her charm is something that perhaps her fans already know of but what others didn’t see in between the lines that Jisoo did is her generosity and authenticity of making someone, especially to her, feel so needed and feel so light to make her troubles vanish and make a dark and gloomy day to a glorious one.

The night is young and while the town is covered with snow and people appreciating the season, there’s Jennie happily walking through the hospital’s corridors to visit her mother and together with her is Chaeyoung feeling a little anxious as they get closer to the mother’s room. Chaeyoung dislikes the scent of antiseptics of the hospital for it pulls her back to that day she woke up with nothing around her but this smell. Adding to her anxiousness is having to meet Jennie’s mother for the first time and she’s afraid of her first impressions of her, thinking that it might be bad for she is blind.

Jennie has been eager for she kept her promise to her mother to bring Chaeyoung and introduce them to each other. She waited for this day to happen and it’s finally here, holding Chaeyoung’s hand so comfortably as if it’s already a normal thing between them. Neither needs to ask permission who gets to hold the other’s hand first as they let it flow and whenever they do, they always find their way to hold each other’s hand.

“Hi mom!” Jennie greeted her mother sitting up on her inclined hospital bed.

“You’re here again?” The mother playfully acts bothered but then she sighted a tall figure hiding behind Jennie’s petite body and so she notices, “Oh, you’re here with someone? That’s rare. Who is she?”

Jennie guided Chaeyoung in front of her as she formally introduces, “Mom, as promised to you, I brought Chaeyoung with me. She’s Park Chaeyoung, the one I told you about before.”

The mother gasps and smiles so thrilled, “Oh! So you’re Park Chaeyoung that my daughter has been talking about! Oh my, it’s finally nice to meet you! You’re such a beautiful young lady!”

“Jennie talked about me before?” Chaeyoung had this thought but she shows a shy grin as she responds to the compliment, “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am. I’m Park Chaeyoung and I think I’m not really that beautiful but thank you. Jennie has been talking a lot about you too and I’m so excited that I finally got to talk with you.”

“What are you talking about? You are beautiful and stop doubting yourself.” Jennie giggled and led Chaeyoung to sit on her mother’s bedside for them to talk closer.

Instead of giving her a handshake, the mother pulled Chaeyoung gently for a hug to let her know she’s very much welcomed while Jennie stood there delighted at what she’s seeing. It has been quite long to see her mother being so glad to meet someone aside from her closest friends who came to visit before. For some reason, Chaeyoung brings this joy to anyone she meets and perhaps Jennie is one the victims, for being lovely and generally just a beautiful woman like her mother said.

“I’ll let the two of you have some talk. I’ll just go to the doctor’s station and ask them for your lab results then I’ll go ask some staffs to change your bed.” Jennie settled and excused herself real fast so Chaeyoung wouldn’t be able to complain.

As soon as Jennie left, the mother extends her gratitude towards Chaeyoung as she expresses, “Thank you so much for taking care of my daughter in the midst of all these problems and issues going on lately. Thank you for watching over her and not leaving her side. You know, my daughter cannot handle problems well on her own that’s why I’ve been so worried since the café was ruined. But then you’re there for her.”

“It’s actually the opposite.” Chaeyoung returned in a reserved laugh. “Jennie has been the one taking care of me while my sister isn’t around. She’s very kind and she makes me feel so comfortable around her. I’ve always been worried too that I might be just a burden to her but she made me feel that I’m not. I’m lucky to have her around me.” She then said honest with her smile that got wider at each word as she thought of Jennie’s care for her every single day.

The mother can only feel so relieved hearing this from Chaeyoung for she knows her daughter is doing well without her around to constantly check on her life’s happenings. She recognizes her daughter very well in and out and the way Chaeyoung tells about her, she just distinguishes that Chaeyoung is indeed someone special after all these treatments she’s rendering to her. Jennie is actually almost the same to her other friends but because Chaeyoung is giving such thrilled beam, she knows her daughter is doing it extraordinarily for her.

And so the mother moves on with their conversation as she asks, “By the way, holidays are just around. Aren’t you going back to Australia with your sister and be with your family? Your parents must be expecting you too, no?”

This time Chaeyoung’s smile was replaced with an instant grimace as she replies short, “I’m not going back there yet.”

“I see. You’re not in good terms, huh?” The mother guessed it right and Chaeyoung lowered down her head in guilt. “I know. I have a daughter too and she acted like that once when I and her father got divorced.”

“It’s just that I don’t want to talk to them yet. I’m not ready to be with them again.” Chaeyoung openly said. “I just… hate them… and besides my sister will also stay here for work so I’ll stay too…” She added and bit her lip to contain her sadness.

The mother reached out for Chaeyoung’s hand for a comfort, “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe you’d like to tell a mother like me about your problems with your parents.”

Jennie had actually came back from a quick errand but she signalled her mother not to tell her and stay quiet. And as quiet as she can, she walked behind Chaeyoung but resisting herself to give her a caress to add comfort, whatever’s making her feel so down by the thought of her parents. She let her mother do the talks and so she will let her mother do more the moment Chaeyoung decides to open for a disclosure.

“Our parents have always been busy at work that’s why we don’t celebrate any special days that much, not as much as any other families. They are lawyers too just like my sister, I’m the only one who’s not. They’re always comparing me to my sister and ever since they are forcing me to be a lawyer too when I just wanted to become a musician. We had a fight about that matter too before I became like this. Now I’m blind. I can’t either be a lawyer or even a musician anymore.” Chaeyoung explained her part and the mother felt her grip tightened on her hand, a sign she is containing her emotions and covering it with her silly smile.

Chaeyoung didn’t say a single lie. However, she did cut some relevant parts of her story that she isn’t ready to tell just yet. Thinking of these only gives greater anxiousness inside her for she cannot stop her mind but to flashback from those last few days before she started living in the darkness, before her life turned upside down. Thus, as much as she can, she bothered not to speak of these things anymore but surely, she feels comfortable opening up to Jennie’s mother about a part of her life.

Jennie cannot stand watching Chaeyoung being emotionally wounded, hence revealing herself by putting her arms around Chaeyoung from behind, standing as she embraces the sitting Chaeyoung on the bedside. The mother isn’t surprised to see her daughter being this intimate to Chaeyoung in front of her, rather she just winked at her and let go of Chaeyoung’s hand. Chaeyoung on the other hand flinched and immediately knew it’s Jennie, because who else would give her this embrace and it’s only Jennie who has this fragrant scent.

“Y-you heard everything?” Chaeyoung stuttered but her hand found its way to hold onto those arms wrapped around by her shoulders.

Jennie nodded against her head, letting her chin rest on top as she hums, “Yeah. I did.”

“W-well… it’s embarrassing…” Chaeyoung sighed.

But the mother uplifts, “Don’t be embarrassed pretty one. I’m glad that you’re opening up to us because it means you trust us. Telling other people about family problems isn’t easy that’s why you’re braver than you think you are. But let me tell you one thing as a parent to a hard-headed daughter…”

“Mom I’m not like that!” Jennie defended herself as she interrupted.

The mother ignores her as she conveys to Chaeyoung, “Parents, sometimes they want to lead by example and sometimes they tend to sound very controlling because they think they want the best for you. For once, I also felt I was controlling Jennie because I want the best for her. But I want you to know that don’t ever think they don’t love you because surely, they do a lot. They would have abandoned you the day you said you don’t want to follow what they want for you but look at them, they are still around despite everything. You may not feel it because you don’t like the way they love you, but trust me, someday sooner or later you’ll feel it. Give yourself a time to understand them and give them chances to understand you more too because when everything around you crumbles down, it’s only your family who will be there for you.”

“I don’t know if I’m in the place to say this but… you’re lucky to be still having both of your parents with you. You’re lucky that your family is still whole despite the arguments. That enough is a blessing because there are people out there who are also hoping they have a good and complete family and they envy those that who have one.” Jennie seconded her mother as she hugs Chaeyoung tighter.

Chaeyoung wanted to cry on the spot because of these truthful words coming from a broken family themselves. While it’s true they may not know everything she’s going through and they don’t know the real story behind her hatred towards her parents, at some point Chaeyoung finds them right, realizing they have a point. She has always taken her parents for granted and she has always been spoiled by them no matter how rebellious she was. She got everything she needs despite it being against her parents’ will. They have providing, and they still do, anything she needs even though it’s far from what they want for her.

“I’ll think about it…” Chaeyoung responded late and low.

“Anyway, stop with the drama…” The mother decided to change the topic to uplift the mood around the room. “What are you planning for this Christmas? We used to celebrate before Christmas Eve at the café after selling cakes and coffee. But since you might not be able to do that this year, what are you planning?” She then asked her daughter.

Jennie let go of Chaeyoung from her embrace which the latter immediately missed as she sat on the other side of the bed. “I’ll find a way to make that still happen mom. The café is still active though we’re just closed because we don’t have enough funds yet to rebuild it. I don’t want to break our tradition of selling our best cakes and coffees before Christmas Eve. I couldn’t protect the café better so this time I don’t want to break this one too. Christmas only happens once a year too. I’ll ask our friends later on for some suggestions.” She expounded.

“Will you be helping Jennie too, Chaeyoung? It would be good if you can accompany her since I won’t be there to be around helping her.” The mother asked the other, beaming not to her but to Jennie who is blushing as she waits for a response.

Chaeyoung also appears blushing as she nods shy, “I don’t know if I can be any of help especially when she’s baking but I’ll be there.”

The mother applauded at this for she felt she did a matchmaking and her daughter can do nothing but to grin so introverted without Chaeyoung knowing anything. ‘You caught a good one. I like her for you.’, the mother mouthed to her daughter and further by pinching her shoulder while keeping as low as possible so Chaeyoung won’t get suspicious of their little game. And because of this open talk they had, Jennie can only keep on falling deeper but panics internally because she cannot stop it, though she wants to, building up stress on herself.

On the other hand, also spending a night inside her place instead of going out to enjoy the snow is Lisa setting up her cameras for her live broadcast. She has always done this and it’s nothing new for her to be preparing for this. However, what’s new tonight for her to be preparing extraordinarily compared to her past usual live broadcasts is because Jisoo will be watching her as promised. Facing cameras and talking as if she’s on her own is her expertise, but this skill wavers when knowing there’s someone special also looking at the camera for her.

Lisa set her cameras by her pantry area which she learned to love as her background ever since her first vlog with Jisoo. Apart from her usual white background or from her usual casual living room, she is showing a new side of her as she settled on the pantry with everything set, thanks to Jisoo’s influence. If before she’s all fine having a live broadcast with her bare face and looking like she just woke up, this time she groomed herself to look good, putting additional make-up and made sure her hair is neatly done, especially her bangs which is her best asset according to her followers.

As soon as everything’s set, Lisa took a deep breath then starts the broadcast by awkwardly and nervously greeting, “Hi guys…”

It hasn’t been a minute and her fans are starting to enter the broadcast so fast. Majority of the comments are the usual compliments she always sees and just a bit of haters trolling around, yet she cares not. The most eye-catching comments she can see today are those that noticed she’s nervous this time, those comments that involve Jisoo, and those that are demanding for more contents from her and Jisoo as they are asking them to have more dates like the last time.

“Tonight, I’m doing my live broadcast in my pantry area. How is it?” Lisa started saying to kick off. “It’s my first time doing this and I hope it looks good but anyways, I’m back again to talk to you guys and answer some of your questions. Please go easy on me and I’m sorry if ever I cannot answer everyone since the comments are going too fast.” She continued and flashed her eye smile that never failed to melt the hearts of her fans.

“You latest vlog with Jisoo was so cute! You guys look so good together! We want more! Will you release more vlogs with Jisoo?” One of the comments said which Lisa picked to answer.

Lisa acts thinking then she replies, “I’ll see what I can do about it. It would be cool if I can and as long as Jisoo agrees to do more with me. She’s a busy person too and I have to match my daily schedules with her while I’m here. But we’ll see…”

“Will you be going back to Thailand for Holidays?” Another commented.

And Lisa replies willingly, “I may not be able to go back this year. My parents will be travelling as well and I decided not to go with them. I have friends here and this place is very cool too so I’ll spend my holidays here and enjoy as much as I can. But don’t worry guys, I’m not lonely at all. It’s a new experience for me to be spending my holidays far from home so I’m more excited about it.”

“New friends you mean Kim Jisoo? Will you be with her? Are you and Kim Jisoo dating? You look like a couple to me.” These are the other follow-up comments that caught Lisa’s eyes that came bombarding the comments section.

To which she immediately answers collectively, “Just to clarify guys, Jisoo and I aren’t dating. We’re just… friends.”

Saying they are friends somewhat caused an ache on her chest as if she’s against her own words. Lisa became so attached to her she’s lost of how she should label their bond. She’s always been there as a friend as far as she wants to believe it herself but deep within her heart she has done so much for being just friends with her. She has done things for Jisoo which she never did to someone else, not even to her parents and closest friends back home. She never felt this excited before being with someone and only now because it’s Jisoo. She never felt connected to anyone she has featured so far in her vlogs, only with Jisoo. Everything she’s experiencing for the first time is all with Jisoo.   

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