(A/N): Well, this story is inspired by Taylor Swift's BACK TO DECEMBER, my all time favorite TS song. 

Uhm, enjoy? Or idk lol. You know how this collection works.

 

 

***

 

 

Incheon Airport is jam packed more than usual when the news of Jennie Kim finally going home after almost two years of hiatus started circulating. News outlets, fans and even casuals are all waiting for the celebrity who’ve been travelling and jumping from one country to another without a single photo being leaked yet alone being captured. How did she do all that is still a mystery to everyone.

Blinding flashes from multiple cameras welcomed Jennie back in South Korea after so long. Being literally away from the limelight made her crawl back to her shell of crowd fear and anxiety. Jennie has never been good at handling crowd pressure ever since she debuted, she never got used to it despite all those years of glory and the growing number of fans. The noises, the humidity and the movements of the crowd felt like a cage to Jennie and those could instantly drive her straight to her panic attacks.

YG Entertainment had to hire two dozens of body guards on top of having the airport security to safely Jennie to the waiting van. Jennie could hear people calling her name from all different directions, she could hear one of her managers screaming at one of the fans who was so persistent to get a good glimpse of Jennie. She starts shaking and it’s getting so overwhelming after two years of being away from this commotion.

Despite the crowd, Jennie felt a hand gently and slowly ushering her inside the van and instantly slides the door to a close as soon as she’s fully in. Her hands are shaking, is dry and her eyes are dilating — her panic attack is coming.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Jennie chanted that in her mind like a mantra, it’s been a long time since she had her last episode and this felt like ten times worse than her usual.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

 

“Breathe in.”

“Breathe out.”

 

Jennie didn’t even notice the figures sitting close to her and also telling her to do what her mind is chanting. The only time she finally realized her current surroundings is when a hand held onto her shaking ones.

 

She looks up.

It’s blurry.

She blinks.

She sees a smile.

She sees opening and closing. Probably saying something but her head is ringing so she can’t hear a single thing.

Not wanting to be rude, she concentrates her attention to her breathing until the muffled noises are becoming clearer. She’s no longer sweating, her heart finally goes back to normal beat, her hands have stopped shaking and her eyes could finally see clearer.

 

 

“There you go, Jendeukie.”

“Welcome back, Unnie!”

Ah, finally.

Jisoo let her hand go hand without removing her gaze from the younger while Chaeyoung extends her arm to hand Jennie a bottle of water with a smile. Jennie takes her time gulping the water down until finally feels fully functional to use.

“No one told me you will be fetching me.”

Chaeyoung grins. “And where’s the element of surprise in that?”

Jennie chuckles, twisting the bottle cap close and leans her back against the chair. “Who leaked it?”

Jisoo shrugs. “We have no idea. The agency had to call an additional number of bodyguards after we saw the crowd when we got here more than an hour ago.”

“They’re currently working on finding who leaked it. The important thing is, you’re back home and you’re safe.”

 

Jennie smiles, it feels good to finally be able to see them again. Though they’ve sneaked their way out of the country to meet Jennie few times, could be in Maldives, Morocco, or any place where she was, it is still different to finally be reunited with them in the City where they gathered, cried and grew up together to make their dreams come true.

Two years ago, December, when Jennie decided to get off and out of the stardom, two years ago when Jennie decided to get her life back away from the stage, two years ago when Jennie decided to leave everything behind. Two years ago was the last time Jennie saw her face.

She’s not going to lie, she somehow had a little percent of expectation to see her too but she should’ve known it’s not going to happen. After all, what she did traumatized her.

 

“Sajangnim wanted to see us first then we will all be free to go wherever we want.”

Jennie looks at Jisoo. “You have no schedules?” then to Chaeyoung.

Both of them shake their heads. “No, I am free all day today. No schedules.” Says Jisoo.

“And you?”

Chaeyoung smiles. “Same, cleared out my entire appointments today.”

 

As the entire group went on full blown hiatus because of Jennie’s decision, Jisoo prioritized her acting career, receiving multiple acting awards and had only released one all-time hit full solo album since. Chaeyoung however had several releases of mini and full albums after finally having all the liberty and freedom to produce and write her own songs — she too received awards and recognitions through them. She just recently accepted small acting roles after being persuaded by Jisoo to give it a try. In Jisoo’s words, Put that great music video acting into a new source of income.

Jennie of course felt guilty, they were in their peak, they were fulfilling their dreams, they were happy — she was happy for them but never for herself. Everything became too much, the pressure and expectations were too much for Jennie to bear on top of constantly being berated with hates she and the girls absolutely didn’t deserve. It was too much.

She collapsed.

She broke down.

She wanted out but none of her members want the group to disband so they held on, and went on hiatus.

Not only their fans were devastated about the news, but there was one person that Jennie broke so much.

December.

All of it happened in December.

 

Jisoo, Jennie and Chaeyoung went back to the van after meeting the company’s CEO for a short welcome back discussion. They briefly discussed the possibility of a group comeback but will have a proper touch base when Jennie have finally settled back in. It could wait, after all, she requested an indefinite leave.

 

“Where to?” asked their driver.

“Made a reservation.” Chaeyoung replies and told him the place.

While Chaeyoung and Jisoo are talking about a variety show they’re going to participate the following week, Jennie’s mind drifts away again. Drifted straight to the event two years ago.

 

 

Suffocation.

That’s all Jennie could feel physically, emotionally and mentally the night after their last encore concert in Seoul. Everything became too much for Jennie, the cheers of the crowd used to energize her yet at that moment, on that stage, in that very concert, she felt bursting and not in a good way at all.

Jennie saw dark, nothing but darkness. She had no idea how she was able to get through and finish the concert without passing out, without breaking down, without giving up. Another testament and proof that everything she did were just becoming out of reflex, out of doing it mandatorily. She used to enjoy performing and yet it became a burden.

She can’t even catch a break. Whatever she did and does will not be enough. She used to tell herself that despite the hate, there are a lot of people that love and adore her for who she is and yet, one has limitation and everything became too much.

And the hate became too much.

The cheers became noises.

The smiles became nuisances.

The stage is slowly becoming a death bed.

Jennie got lost.

She started pushing people away, she started pushing her away.

She opted out.

 

Jennie’s leaning her head against the chair with her eyes looking at the view outside of the moving van. Two years and Seoul went through a lot of changes. She changed too, for the better she hopes but as the van comes to a halt because of the red light, it was only the time she noticed the huge billboard sporting across the street.

Jennie’s chest suddenly feels heavy, her stomach feels weird and her body heats up — all of it don’t feel good.

Lisa.

Lalisa Manoban.

Used to be her lifeline.

Used to be her best friend.

Used to be hers.

Used to be.

.

 

 

“Will you be okay?” Jisoo’s voice snaps Jennie out of her reverie.

She turns her head to face the reality of truth and meets two pairs of worried eyes. Of course they know. They were there that night when Jennie decided to be selfish and destroy whatever single thread Lisa has in their relationship. The last thread of Lisa’s sanity.

“Huh?”

She noticed Chaeyoung looking at Jisoo and when the oldest didn’t say a thing, Chaeyoung sighs and says. “Lisa will be there.”

 

 

Will she be okay?

Two years of making herself better and two years of carrying that regret.

Will she be okay?

She had been longing to see her.

Will she be okay?

Lisa had blocked her out in her life, rightfully so.

Will she be okay?

Maybe.

Will she be okay?

She has to.

 

 

“I see. I’ll be fine.”

Jennie even noticed the sad stare in the rear mirror coming from their driver, Jangwon, their trusted one who witnessed their story. The one who would do everything to keep them together whatever happens. The one who drove miles and miles to find where Lisa was when the youngest ran away after that night. He was there. He was there when Lisa broke down on a daily basis while heading to her schedules, of course no one knew about it.

“I will be.”

 

 

Jennie looks away to stare at the billboard once again before the van starts moving. It’s another jewelry campaign of Lisa.

It’s not like Jennie doesn’t know what Lisa has been up to, not so much compared back then but she knew bits and pieces of Lisa’s career after the hiatus, after their breakup.

Lisa landed more brand deals on top of being one of the most successful k-pop idols to date. Lisa became the first k-pop idol to land a modelling contract, she graced multiple Celine fashion show runways throughout the years. Other than that, Lisa spent most of her time in US, China and Thailand, working on music and other opportunities she had landed for herself. She became a brand of her own, she went on a higher scale than any other solo idol has ever done. She set herself bars higher than anyone.

And Jennie couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s always proud of her.

Lisa stays in contact with Jisoo and Chaeyoung, uploading pictures or videos with them when they meet up — mostly Chaeyoung because somehow, Lisa became very much more attached, clingy and expressive towards the other young woman.

Jennie would be lying if she’d say she’s not jealous because she is. But who is she kidding? She has no right to be. Absolutely none. She revoked that rights herself two years ago.

Jennie could no longer stand exchanging stares between the two because those eyes knew something that Jennie fears to face. Jisoo told her once, albeit glad to know that Lisa is no longer suffering, it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Lisa had moved on, her? Caved in regret and longing.

To make it easier to understand, she has not moved on.

 

Jennie tears her gaze away from them and looks outside instead, they passed by huge glass windows of clothing displays and that’s when she realized that it’s already summer in South Korea.

Oh it’s summer.

And summer reminds her of Lisa.

The younger loves summer more than anything else. Jennie remembers several instances when Lisa would either beg her to go out so they could visit vintage shops or literally drags her out of her room to help her choose clothing for her cats which means, Jennie has to be exposed in a scorching heat of summer — she’s exaggerating but it makes absolute sense when she easily gets affected by hot weather. Jennie would most of the time suggest Lisa to bring the other members instead but Lisa would always reject that, Jennie clearly remembers all her answers.

 

Other than the fact that you’re being boring by staying home most of the time, I want you to come with me.

But unnie! I want you instead of them. Jisoo unnie will just complain about it and Chaeyoung would most likely just makes me buy all of them to have ‘varieties’. I want your honest and selective fashion mindset, okay?

Unnie, how many times do I have to tell you that I want to spend time with you. Has your age caught up your memory?

 

Despite the snarky lines, Jennie had never forgotten the feeling of being all gooey inside. Lisa says all of them so casually, so comfortably that she wasn’t even surprised when she realized she has a growing romantic feelings and attachments towards the younger. Part of Lisa’s entire character is being flirty, so she had good months’ worth of run trying to conceal her feelings thinking that it might be unrequited but boy she was wrong.

Lisa told her everything one night after their concert in Thailand when Jisoo and Chaeyoung decided to end their cat and mouse game and booked two rooms, taking one room for themselves and the other for Jennie and Lisa. It was awkward at first but as soon as Lisa started feeling comfortable and brave — with the help of booze — Jennie found herself under the soft and warm sheets with an equally Lisa, cuddling her in the morning.

The only persons who knew about their relationship were Jisoo, Chaeyoung and Jangwon, aside from being their assigned driver, he’s also one of the main managers of two senior groups of the company but when those groups went on hiatus, he was then assigned behind the wheels for BLACKPINK. Definitely one of the most trustworthy persons they truly value.

It was also summer when the group went out of the country to shoot for their annual summer diary collection in Hawaii. Unbeknownst to the other staffs, Jisoo, Chaeyoung and Jangwon snuck the couple out of their hotel rooms to restaurants or romantic tourist spots throughout their stay in the island to give them the privacy and well deserved get away while they’re still working. Of course Jangwon made sure they’re safe and not get caught by anyone.

All of that and a lot more happened in Summer.

 

But after few months of dating, Jennie realized one thing.

No one had ever made her feel so safe like Lisa does.

No one had ever made her feel so happy.

No one had ever effortlessly made her laugh and smile.

No one had ever made her feel comfortable of who she is.

No one had ever made her feel so perfect despite the morning eye crusts, the disheveled hair and snappy attitude in the morning.

No one had ever made her feel things the way Lisa does.

No one made her fall so easily and quickly before.

It was fall season when she realized that she had fallen in love with Lisa.

It was fall when Lisa said she loved her too.

It was fall when they bought their first ever promise rings.

It was fall when they made promises of not letting anyone and anything break them apart.

It was fall when Lisa introduced Jennie to her parents as her lover instead of being her friend.

It was fall when they had their first fight, it was solved right immediately though because Lisa hated sleeping having disagreement with Jennie no matter how small or big those were.

It was also fall when Jennie had he