It's already midnight when she got home from hanging out with her old friends in a local bar. It's a good night, they were talking about their works, some talked about their new lives with their own partners while others whined about why they were still single — it was a night full of catching up for it has been a while since they did that.

Throwing her freshly showered body on to the bed, she stares straight up at the ceiling and starts counting all the small lights she'd installed herself years ago, for what? For aesthetic, her young and carefree self used to be so obsessed with aesthetic  designs and this was one of the trends back then. 

All the other nights have been like this, spacing out which always leads her to a crying mess just like what she's doing right now. She's hopeless, she wishes all the pain could just go away, to leave her because it's suffocating but she doesn't know how to. All those years have passed by so quickly, Four? Five? She had lost count But the pain is still there, fresh and being cut day by day.

If only she didn't fall to her own best friend — mind you, she fell hard.

If only life isn't a big fat .

If only it's that easy to confess, to your own best friend, how much you love her.

If only her bestfriend could just love or like her back the way she wanted her to do so.

If only the world is friendly enough to abolish the prejudice that surrounds what love should be like.

If only..

It all started during that fateful night, roughly 8 years ago, when her friend forced her to come and hangout with her and the rest of her peers, which most of them were her mutual except for that one woman — no idea who among her friends had brought 'her' in.

Her friend dragged her to where the woman, a very beautiful woman she quoted in her head, was sitting down.

"Want you guys to meet. She's Jennie, Jennie Kim, she's my cousin. She just got home from studying overseas that's why I never had a chance to introduce you to each other."

A timid smile.

And oh dear God she felt like the world had swallowed her.

The woman is beautiful beyond words.

"And she's Lisa, Lalisa Manoban. A college friend and a roommate since our first year. Please talk, I don't want an awkward atmosphere here." and left to grab some drinks along with her friends.

Jisoo had been setting her up with random people during the entire span of their college years, sometimes Jisoo would drag her to a bar or library — literally everywhere because in her words, "You need to hang out with others and stop hogging your in this apartment all day long just watching drama series! If only the couch could talk."

That night, friendship bloomed. They were exactly the opposite but they clicked nonetheless. Lisa was timid at first but as soon as she found herself getting comfortable around Jennie, she let loose a bit meanwhile Jennie is somewhat an introvert herself. But her laughs were enough for Lisa to keep going. Jennie's laugh and her notable gummy smile made all the dumb s she did that night worthy.

It took several hangouts with friends until they did it on their own, just the two of them. Watched movies in cinemas — having silly arguments for one would not want the other one to spend a penny for tickets and vice versa, eat outside whenever they have time to do so after office hours, spent holidays together whether it's out of town road trips or just laze around in either of their apartments, they had fun. 

Until they started calling each others as best friends after about a year of getting to know each other. Lisa knows all the nooks and crannies of Jennie's moods, she knows when to bring a milk flavored ice cream and when to sit down with her — just her presence and without bribery because Jennie takes solace on that, she once told Lisa.

Lisa knows she's falling for her own best friend, it's a do or die for she knows Jennie is as straight as she could be. Jennie's not against same relationship, she has her own share of biual, gay or lesbian friends, but she once said she couldn't see herself dating a woman. It's a either turn around or die but Lisa chose to die — so now she is dying.

She could've sworn she heard her heart broke into thousands if not million pieces when her best friend dropped the bomb she had been dreading to explode. Jennie's dating, to a man which both of them thought was the one she's been looking for. He's good and loyal. It's hard to admit but Lisa couldn't lie to herself, could she?

So they dated for year or so until Jennie came knocking at her door step and cried as soon as she opened it. They broke up. She wanted to jump out of pure joy but she can't because she knew how much her best friend was hurting, she could see it. No, third party wasn't involved but the guy fell out of love and chose to end things before they start hurting each other.

He's a good guy after all.

After few months of moping around, consumed several pints of ice cream and multiple trips to gym, Jennie had f