“Did something happen with Doyoung?” asked Dahee.

“No.” You really wanted to avoid this topic.

Basically you went home back to Seoul from your ‘trip’ with the strangest atmosphere ever on the road. You and Doyoung were in complete silence. Usually he would still try to make small talks to melt the ice. But he didn’t. Ever since then, either he gave you some space or he avoided you and simply didn’t want to talk to you. Either way, things between you and Taeil didn’t get any better as well.

You’d met Taeil, explained to him what happened on the day you two were supposed to meet. He seemed quite cool about it. More or less, trying to be understanding of Doyoung’s feeling was his ultimate reason for not being upset about you not showing up. He said that what Doyoung feels was valid and he didn’t have the rights to be against it. At the end of the day, you hadn’t settled things down with him. You just had to arrange another time to have a deep talk about your relationship.

“Ladies.” Suddenly a man joined you and Dahee; Taeyong. “May I borrow Jena?”

“Sure. I’m about to go home anyway.” Dahee then set off and left you with the pretty boy.

“Taeyong, I swear if it’s about Doyoung, just push me to the Han river.”

“Well, actually, yes it is. And no, I won’t push you to the Han river because there will be many people come looking for me and kill me.”

You groaned. “This better be good.”

“It depends on what good is.” He grinned. “Anyway, Taeil will join us too, if that makes you feel better.”

You sighed dramatically as you followed where Taeyong went, in which he brought you to his favorite bakery shop. He even paid for your coffee, moreover he bought a large one. Probably he knew your bad habit with alcohol although you were not even fond of drinking. So beer, rice wine, soju and everything containing alcohol was never his choice when you go with him. While actually this time, you sort of felt the urge to drink. You were not sure if you could take the upcoming stories from Taeyong.

“Doyoung has a reason, Jena.”

You nervously gulped your coffee.

Taeyong continued, “He had similar experience. Several years ago, there was this girl who he liked, but he never confessed because he knew a friend of him liked her too. He wished them happiness. He was happy for them. Until their relationship became toxic. It was unhealthy, especially for the girl. Doyoung wanted to do something. But she kept saying she was okay and she could save their relationship. It never worked. There was nothing Doyoung could do for her. It ruined himself mentally, knowing that the girl was depressed but wouldn’t even admit it.”

You were speechless. You took another sip of your coffee.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that your relationship with Taeil is toxic. I’m just guessing that’s what probably Doyoung sees in the ups and downs of your condition. That’s why, I guess, this time he wouldn’t let it go, he wouldn’t want to repeat the same mistake.” Taeyong paused as he looked at you in the eyes. “He wants you to be happy, and he wants to be able to see it with his own eyes. He just needs to make sure of it, by having you by his side. He simply wants to be the one who makes you happy.”

You furrowed a bit, still trying to digest the unknown stories of Kim Doyoung.

“I hope you understand, Jena. It’s not easy for Taeil as well.”

“Does Taeil know about this?” you asked.

“Yeah, we had a quite night.”

“Hey, sorry, I’m late.” Taeil came with a tray full of pastry.

“Hey,” you greeted him.

“Just in time, Hyung,” said Taeyong. “I guess now it’s your call. I’m leaving, okay?”

“Taeyong!” you half shouted calling the guy who was walking away with innocent smile. You drank the remaining of your coffee in a slight frustration.

“Are you okay?” Taeil asked in concern.

You sighed deeply.

“So, what do you think, Jena?” You could tell he was being careful asking you.

“I still want to try again with you,” you said, a bit whiny. “It’s not that I don’t care about Doyoung. You said it yourself that his feelings are valid. Then mine should be valid too, don’t you think?”

“Jena, I don’t want to hurt Doyoung anymore. I don’t want to see him crumbling down. He’s already on the edge of breaking down. One little push, he would drown in hopelessness.”

“What do you want me to do?” You started to cry quietly.

“Please, don’t cry. I’m sorry I have to do this for him.” He gripped your hands, his thumb carressing the back of your palm. “Jena, I’m sure you will find happiness as well with him.”

“What if I don’t want to?” you mumbled.

“If I knew his feelings from the start, I wouldn’t have tried to approach you in the first place.”

You really wished those words didn’t come out from his mouth.

“I’m sorry too for not being a gentleman I should be, for leaving you without clear reasons, for avoiding you.”

You shook your head.

“Doyoung can make you happy, Jena. Hyuck told me how you’re comfortable with him, how you can rely on each other. Jungwoo said he has the brightest smile when he’s with you, and Jungwoo could see the glow in you when you’re with him.” He spoke very softly. But still, those were not the words you wanted to hear. You even didn’t think you could bear to hear the rest. “Please, try to let 'us’ go, and try to make up with Doyoung?”

“I can’t do this,” you mumbled louder as you sobbed.

“Yes, you can and you will. You already had that sparks with Doyoung, you just have to find it somewhere deep down inside.” Taeil tightened his grip.

“I said, what if I don’t want to?”

“Jena…” Taeil just had to pull you into his embrace, where you in the end made his shirt wet by tears.

“Let me stay with you tonight,” you pleaded, still sobbing on his shoulder.

Taeil rubbed your back. Then he nodded, agreeing to take you to his place.

Reminiscing the old days, both of you rested in the living room, laying down on the couch. Taeil held you in his arms with Kyuhyun’s songs playing in the background. You snuggled your forehead against his neck as you shut your eyes.

“I’m gonna miss you. I’m gonna miss 'us’ too,” you mumbled. Your eyes were still teary and all puffy.

Taeil managed to put a little smile. He already missed you, your laugh, and the way you hugged him. He thought it was going to be easy. He was wrong. “Me too,” he replied with a weak voice.

“Why can’t we work this out? Why can’t you be selfish?” Another mumbling out of your mouth. You didn’t expect him to answer.

His hand softly brushed your hair. He didn’t feel like talking anymore. Knowing he had to let go of you completely, he just wanted to spend the rest of your time in silence. The silence you both always found comfortable. Even though in utter silence, you both can feel each other’s presence. You felt that you belong to each other. Yet the thoughts of Doyoung always had him overwhelmed.

“I love you, Jena,” whispered Taeil.

Tears dropped again from your eyes. You hugged him tighter.