heights(i): enter athena

Looking at people and wondering whether or not they’d hate her if they knew what she was - it’d become a habit. She knew she should stop, but bad habits became habits for a reason.

The studio engineer looked at her; she gave a repressed smile and looked away again.

The end of her pencil tapped against the table, tapped and tapped. She rested her head against her knuckles, vision and thoughts swimming - unable to stay in one place.

“Ready to try it again, Taeyeon?”

She wasn’t, but got up anyway.

She entered the recording booth, pencil and paper in hand. The headphones hugged her head tight. The engineer gave her the thumbs up; music filtered through and seeped into her ears. She really ing hated this song.

It’ll be a hit, an all-kill, we can assure you that. But not much really felt assuring anymore - she thought, a breath through her nose - no, not at all.

There was never a sure thing. Everything hung in the balance, and that sentiment was one that petrified the most veteran of performers.

Taeyeon especially.

* * *

The pleasantly cold fingers that ran across her nape were all-too-familiar. The solid heat pressed against her, the lips that fitted into her own, the tongue that uttered words like melodies, caused Taeyeon to loosen a little, to forget a little.

in a breath, she pressed deeper. The mouth on her pulse point bared teeth, and the wrists in her grip stuttered and flexed.

They weren’t the same age – Taeyeon and the woman she was having with. Taeyeon was younger – four years younger to be exact. Which made the hands running up her inner thighs something like twenty-five years of age.

After the third , they collapsed down beside each other, hearts pounding.

“You’re gearing up for a comeback.” Jiyeon said after catching her breath, rolling over.

“I’m always gearing up for a comeback.” Her eyes fell shut.

“You make it sound like you don’t enjoy it.”

“I don’t.” She rubbed at her face.

“You’re lying to yourself, and to me, Kim Taeyeon. I don’t appreciate it.”

There was a pause on Taeyeon’s part. She removed her hands from her face, and looked over at Jiyeon as the pale afternoon light rested on her skin. Jiyeon was really pretty, and Taeyeon almost smiled.

“Who told you?” She attempted to soften the edges of her voice.

Jiyeon’s fingers filled the spaces between Taeyeon’s fingers, their palms lying atop one another. She didn’t pull away. She didn’t want to hurt Jiyeon.

“Lawrence is your manager. And managers talk.”

“Lawrence has a big mouth.”

“You’re saying that I shouldn’t believe him?”

“I’m saying that he should learn when to stop talking.”

Jiyeon laughed a little bit, rocked their linked fingers back and forth on the mattress for a moment. “I’m guessing you wanted it to be a surprise?”

“I just didn’t want the fuss.” Taeyeon let go of Jiyeon’s hand and got to her feet. She pulled on her underwear before hunting for her jeans. Jiyeon watched her from the bed with hazy, brown eyes, her head propped up on her hand.

“Leaving already?” Jiyeon sounded unfazed; it wasn’t new.

“I have a schedule.”

“Like always.”

Taeyeon slipped her phone into her jacket pocket. “Like always.”

* * *

Lawrence was an .

“You’re an .”

“Taeyeon, I’m your manager, not a donkey.”

“I told you I wanted my comeback prep to be a small affair.”

“Your comebacks will never be a ‘small affair’.”

“When people catch wind of what I’m doing they get intrusive.”

He responded, only, by turning the radio on and tuning it to his favourite station. They rode silently, listening to Crown Girls’ latest hit. She honed in on Jiyeon’s voice among the six others.

They crawled to a stop at a red light. Lawrence deflated slightly. The bill of his cap was low, casting a shadow over his small eyes. “I’ve been your manager for how long?”