girls like tiffany (i): still

In her many years of working in her parents’ small convenience store, she’s often imagined being held at gunpoint. Not that she’d wish it on herself, but she supposes, standing behind the shop counter with a till filled with money before her, it was only natural to wonder.

Staring down the barrel, would her life flash before her eyes? And if it did, what would she see? Her mother’s smile, bouncy castle birthdays, poolside family holidays, her first kiss, leaving that white rose in her grandmother’s casket? She can only imagine.

“Taeyeon, remember to stock up the milk and bread up before your Dad gets back.”

Taeyeon draws herself out of her unsettling musings to look over at her mother. “Oh, yeah. I’ll go do that now.”

They share a brief smile before Taeyeon moves to get the storeroom keys from a nearby drawer and stalks away from behind the counter.

* * *

Love looks so good on her best friend’s face, so good. So good, in fact, that it almost bothers Taeyeon a little bit. She takes a hard sip of her iced coffee and tries to think of other things.

“Bye, babe.”

Taeyeon turns her head away awkwardly, catching the sound of lips on lips as she stares at the steady stream of traffic flowing through the town centre.

“Love you.”

“Love you.” There’s a shuffle and an increase of distance as Jessica’s fingers slip through his. “See you later, Taeyeon.” He calls.

“Later.” She swivels her head back around in time to give a perfunctory wave and a half-assed smile. She and Jessica stand there for a moment, only upon Jessica’s insistence that she wave goodbye to him as he drives away.

Taeyeon tries not to roll her eyes and saunters ahead slowly. It’s been nearly 5 months since Jessica got into a relationship and Taeyeon knows there’s that ugly part inside of her that is still a little bitter. It’s a hideous feeling that she never wanted to surface, but it somehow always does.

“Hyoyeon says they’ll get us in the car park around the corner.” Jessica says, falling into step with her, staring at her phone with a smile. Taeyeon glances at her, noticing a lip gloss smudge at the corner of her pretty mouth.

“Awesome,” Taeyeon responds, looking ahead as they traverse down the busy street. She continues down her coffee distractedly.

“It’s finally summer.” Jessica sighs happily, pocketing her phone and stretching her arms out under the sun’s glow. “Can you believe our first year of university is over?”

Taeyeon can’t believe it, actually. This time last year, she was fresh out of high school, hopeful and excited to start a new chapter at university with her best friend. But the reality of university compared to the fabricated fantasy she had conjured up in her daydreams were very far apart; a true learning curve that taught Taeyeon to never get her hopes up too high.

“It’s flown by, hasn’t it?” She finds herself saying thoughtfully as they round the corner into the car park. She scans the parking lot with her eyes, trying to seek out Hyoyeon’s baby blue Kia amidst the other vehicles. She clucks her tongue in annoyance. “Trust Kim ing Hyoyeon to be late, eh?”

“When is she ever on time?” Jessica folds her arms, and when Taeyeon looks at her, she’s still smiling. Jessica’s smiles are always so soft; the gentlest of smiles that Taeyeon has ever seen.

“What’s up with your face?” Taeyeon voices after a moment.

Jessica lifts her eyes from the ground. “What about my face?”

“You’re smiling.” Jessica has been smiling a lot for the past 5 months, though. It’s not a new occurrence, really.

“I’m just,” She shakes her blonde hair out of her eyes, casting her gaze to the clear summer sky, exhaling. “I guess…I’m just happy. For once.”

Taeyeon nods in understanding. As strangely bitter as she is that Jessica is in love, she knows that there is no one else on this planet who deserves to be loved more than Jessica.

“My dad texted me the other day,” Jessica begins. “And you know what?”

“You told him to off.”

“No. I wish though.” Jessica laughs lightly. “But he texted me the usual, you know, complaining about how much money he has to give my mum and blah blah. And usually, that would upset me. But it didn’t this time.”

Taeyeon raises a brow at her best friend in pleasant surprise.

“These past 8 months, I found love, Taeyeon. And I’m not gonna let my dad ruin it.” She purses her lips slightly, staring out toward the parking lot with an air of determination. “Like you said, him.”

“ him.” Taeyeon echoes with a smile.

With an alarming screech and the hooting of an obnoxious horn, a blue Kia pulls up in front of them in true Hyoyeon fashion. She and Jessica drop into the back seat, shaking their heads.

“Sorry for the delay, Sooyoung had to take a .” Hyoyeon greets, lowering her sunglasses from her eyes.

“You’re vulgar.” Sooyoung gasps, turning around in the front seat to smile at her friends. “But she’s not wrong. I had Mexican last night: bad idea.”

After a few more crude greetings and equally crude jokes, Hyoyeon circles the car park and pulls out onto the busy road. Through the laughs and anecdotes, Taeyeon takes a moment to look at each of her friend’s sun-kissed faces, and when she looks at Jessica she pauses.

I found love, Taeyeon. And when Jessica turns to her and grins, belting out the lyrics to whatever song is playing on the radio with abandon, Taeyeon thinks that the summer is young, so young that she might yet find love too.

* * *

At the end of the academic year, Taeyeon was the first to move out. Living in university accommodation did not seem to suit her very well. So, once she’d submitted the last of her assignments, she packed up what she could and went home for the summer. She didn’t even bother to say goodbye to the other students living in her hall – that’s how much she had loathed it.

Okay, maybe she’s being a little too pessimistic. Her first year of university wasn’t all bad – she did make some great friends, got to watch Jessica fall in love (although slightly begrudgingly), learned some semi-cool stuff in her classes. But, her first year of university, ultimately, was a very lonely time. And maybe that’s where her real sadness lies.

When she and Jessica got accepted into the same university, for the same degree, and were put into the same accommodation building – Taeyeon went through a myriad of thoughts. Because, of course who wouldn’t want to go to university with their best friend, right? It’s just that things tend to get a little complicated when you have feelings for said best friend.

Now, pay attention to the language used here – Taeyeon has feelings for Jessica. Feelings that she can’t necessarily explain. She wouldn’t say that she’s ever actually been in love with Jessica. No, that seems a tad too severe. She just knows that she’s always cared deeply for the girl, cared in a way that differed from how she felt about her other friends.

She can’t explain it, really. Part of her wants to chalk it up to the fact that Jessica is so darn pretty, so darn pretty that any poor soul could fall in love with her. It just so happens that this time around the poor soul was named Kieran and Jessica managed to love him back.

* * *

“So, how was everybody?” Her mother asks as she lowers herself onto the couch, drawing Taeyeon out from her musings. “Sooyoung still dating that guy?”

“Nah, she broke up with him a few weeks back.” She flicks through some music channels, eyes trained on their unnecessarily large TV screen.

“Thank god for that.”

“I think it dawned on her just how much of a low-life he was.” She stops on a particular channel that’s playing a song she likes, pressing the top of the remote to her lips in a moment of thought. “She deserves like a smart, medical student guy – not some bum who sits around and smokes weed all day.”

Her mother hums in agreement. “And everyone else? They’re good?”

“Yeah, they’r