this is gonna be a veeery long and emotional chapter, kind of like a rollercoaster ride of emotions so try to keep up and worry not if you have questions cause they'll be answered in future chapters ! happy reading, losers!

 21

“Hey, where are you going?”

Hara doesn’t pause and steps past her mother who quickly grabs her by the arm and stops her from running off like usual.

“College, why? I thought you wanted me to fit in with these snobs,” she snaps, and Sora quickly lets go off her arm and clears . 

“You should eat breakfast with us, I barely see you around.” 

Hara recalls Jungkook’s words from last night, a heavy sense of guilt settling on her shoulders when she realizes what her mother has been trying to do for her all this time.

Which makes Hara wonder, is the relationship between Sora and Yunho real at all? Sure, she appreciates her mother trying to do so much for her behind her back, but at the same time Yunho is an absolute sweetheart who does not deserve being cheated like this.

“Fine.” 

Hara can check for herself whether or not her mother is really putting on an act to get what she wants. She hasn’t seen the couple together for the past month and a half, she might as well do a quick checkup, and if that isn’t sufficient enough she’ll directly confront Sora. 

“Oh, that’s-that’s great,” Sora mutters, blinking in surprise before smiling and quickly turning on her heel, and Hara follows her, feeling a little out of it when she realizes the smile was genuine. She hasn’t seen it in a long while, and damn does it feel nice. 

“Hara, darling! It is so nice to have you back.”

Yunho is all smiles when Hara finds her usual seat at the dining table, and she feels her cheeks heat up when Jungkook arrives a few seconds later, sitting down directly across from her with a raised brow, probably surprised that she'd join them after the incident from last night.  

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with schoolwork,” Hara mumbles, reaching for the juice jug to busy herself with something, anything, but Jungkook’s hand beats her to it and Hara startles, quickly clearing and looking away before anyone notices. 

Sora is busy wiping the corner of Yunho’s mouth with a napkin, a small smile on her face all the while, and Hara is reminded of the main reason why she’s sitting there right now. 

Yunho has a sheepish smile on his face, but his eyes are full of love and adoration, and had there been any food in Hara’s system she’d probably throw it up when Sora laughs under her breath as Yunho steals a peck to her wrist. 

Jungkook looks like he’s used to it by now, probably because he has been dining with them this whole time, and Hara quickly averts her gaze when the boy shoots her a knowing look. 

Yeah, uh, she might have had a dream last night.

About Jungkook and his lips.

Which makes this whole situation ten times worse, and it really ing does not help that Jungkook looks like he knows everything, as if he really was there in her dream. 

“So, Hara, darling,” Yunho says, gaining everyone’s attention, “I’ve received a lot of positive feedback from your professors, you seem to be doing very well in classes.”

“Yeah, I’ve been working with Taehyung,” Hara replies, nibbling on a piece of toast, and she ignores Jungkook’s piercing stare from across the table. 

“Which seems so weird to me, you have yet to bring those boys over.” Yunho frowns, a confused smile on his face as he looks over at his son. “How come Taehyung and Hoseok never come around anymore?”

Hara bites her lip and looks away, mentally wondering if telling Yunho about her keeping her living situation a secret would make him mad or not. He’ll be disappointed, maybe hurt even, and Sora will be mad and annoyed, and honestly Hara does not want to deal with human emotions this early in the morning.

“Taehyung says it’s easier for him to focus at his place, we just go and work there.”

Hara looks over at Jungkook, frowning. Why is he helping her? 

“But you do not always go with them, son,” Yunho says, curious, “do you not have the same homework?”

“I finish mine at school sometimes, with Sunny.” Yunho accepts that as an answer and then laughs a little. 

“Yes, I keep forgetting about your girlfriend, I just have not heard from her in a while.” 

Hara’s eyes widen and almost drops in shock.

Girlfriend? Sunny of all people? 

Well, it kind of makes sense, they’re both so ing selfish and snobby.

But at the same time, why does Jungkook treat her so cold sometimes, and also why the hell did he kiss Hara last night if he already has got a girlfriend? Okay, fine, he did say it was due to Hara having a panic attack, but his words before he had left her room still ring in her head, only further complicating this whole situation. 

“Her mother recently opened an art gallery downtown,” Yunho muses, nodding as he looks over at Sora, “the show is on friday, actually. You said you wanted to visit one, remember?”

“But we have a corporate meeting at eight, honey,” Sora frowns, but Yunho leans over and laces their fingers together, a small smirk on his face. 

“I guess the CEO could make an exception for his fiance, no?” 

This time, Hara’s jaw drops. 

“What?” Her eyes are wide in shock and she can feel a shiver run down her back. “Wh-what are you talking about?” 

“Oh, we did not get to tell you last week, honey, you have been so gone lately-”

“What is he talking about, mom?” Hara has terror written all over her face, and Sora is very clearly faking a smile, eyes worried and anxious. 

“Honey, Yunho proposed to me. I accepted.”

She knew this was going to happen, heck they even moved in with the guy, of course this is going to happen. Hara has been mentally preparing herself for this since she met the dude back in high school, but now that they’ve confirmed it, now that she can see the stupid diamond ring on her mother’s finger - , it’s too much. 

“We are so happy, darling,” Yunho exclaims, grinning as he rubs a hand against his soon-to-be wife’s back, and Sora looks troubled over Hara’s reaction but she keeps smiling, and Hara wants to puke. 

“The wedding will be in December, at the Plaza Hotel, honey, I have already picked out a dress for you but you are free to change it.”

“I should have done this months ago,” Yunho muses, still grinning, and it looks genuine, ing real and honest, and Hara can’t seem to breathe. “I knew from the moment I met you that I wanted this, darling.”

“Oh, I love you, Yun-”

“Excuse me.” 

The chair makes a loud sound as Hara pushes it back and jumps to her feet, quickly walking out of the dining hall. Her eyes are full of tears threatening to escape, her heart is pounding in her chest, the sound reaching her ears, and she can taste blood in as she tries navigating through the maze of halls.

, this ruins her plans, this literally puts a stop to her plans of escaping.

Jungkook might have pushed her off path, but this announcement just downright erased the tracks and Hara feels stranded on a desert. 

How the can she escape this hellhole now?

Her mother is getting married, she will definitely force Hara to go to the wedding, and what the hell is Hara gonna do? Say no? Her birthday is towards the end of december, if the wedding is before that she just knows she’ll be forced to go, and , Yunho looked so happy, Hara doesn’t want to disappoint him like that, she doesn’t want to run off when he’s marrying her mothe-

Hara’s train of thoughts comes to an abrupt halt when a hand closes around her wrist and she’s pulled into a dark room. 

“Breathe.” Jungkook pushes her against the closed door, his eyes determined as they find Hara’s wide ones, and he cups her face in his hands, arching both eyebrows. “Breathe, Hara.”

And she does. 

She closes her eyes and drags in a shuddering breath, her lungs aching in relief when they’re finally filled to the brim with air, her thundering heart beating slower and slower with each minute that passes until it is a faint rhythm in the background and no longer a loud roaring in her head. 

The room is silent for a while, and Jungkook remains rooted to his spot, eyes worried and anxious as they keep examining Hara, waiting for her to fully calm down. 

“You okay?” he finally whispers, tilting his head to get a better look at Hara, and the girl nods, blinking rapidly, cheeks flushed in embarrassment. 

“Move.” Jungkook reluctantly drops his hands to his sides and takes a step back. Hara quickly wipes away the tears that have trailed down her cheeks, clearing . “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to,” Jungkook says, sighing. “I told you about the business deal, but I didn’t exactly have the opportunity to get to this part due to, you know, your unmedicated illness.”

Hara narrows her eyes. 

“It isn’t an illness.” 

“You just haven’t received a diagnosis yet,” Jungkook mutters through clenched teeth, “which is really foolish. There is medication for this type of illnesses, you can actually avoid having to suff-”

“It is not an illness,” Hara snaps angrily, glaring up at Jungkook who looks equally vexed. “It is a side effect.” 

“Of what,” Jungkook scoffs, “depression and emotional trauma?” 

Hara closes .

He did say that he read her therapist’s journal, but Hara was never fully diagnosed with depression, she did her best to avoid detailed answers during the sessions.

Jungkook has drawn this conclusion himself and , he’s spot on. 

“Your mother and father fought every day, Hara. Look at you," he whispers, shaking his head, "they ruined you.” 

Jungkook steps closer and slowly reaches for Hara’s hand, gently wrapping his big fingers around hers. Hara’s eyes follow the movement through a fresh batch of tears. 

"You don't trust people easily, you always look for dark corners to hide yourself, and if not that you're securing quick escape routes, as if someone, no, something is chasing you. Always on guard, always uncomfortable. And always ready to fight.

His jaw clenches, an expression of recognition and slight fear marring his features.

He seems angry, maybe even regretful that Hara lives like this. Lives with constant fear and anxiety because of her childhood. And now she's thrown into a world of money and influence, and her mother has zero intentions of letting her leave. 

Emotional blackmail has always triumphed over materialistic threats - Hara is ed. 

And judging from the expression on Jungkook's face, Hara wonders why he seems to understand exactly what she's been through.

There's not the usual type of pity she receives, no, Jungkook looks like he has witnessed every single fight, every single terrifying and heartbreaking shout, every deafening silence still haunting the hallways and rooms of the Kim household. 

He knows this, Hara thinks, he's familiar with this type of . But why?

“They were not happy." Jungkook's voice is barely above a whisper, thick and heavy with emotion that wraps around Hara's heart and clogs up . "But that gave them no right to ruin your childhood. I-I think money was the key factor in their quarrels, and , Hara, I now know how you feel. I now understand why you hate me so much.” 

Hara has to bite her lower lip to keep her repressed emotions at bay before she completely ing breaks down, and she looks up at Jungkook, feeling her heart almost stop because he looks pained, he looks genuinely guilty and choked up over this. 

This is definitely something new for him, because he keeps opening and closing his mouth, discomfort evident on his face, and he shakes his head and sighs in frustration. 

“I just- just tell me. Tell me how to fix this, Hara.”

Jungkook arches both eyebrows, his grip on her hand tightening slightly, and Hara frowns deeply, her heart pounding harshly against her ribcage.

“I know I at these things, I know you're probably very uncomfortable right now but I just can't keep standing on the sidelines, Hara. I can't watch while you suffer in front of me, so tell me what I can do. Tell me how to make you trust again, please, just-just let me help you."

Hara stares at Jungkook for a moment, just stares and takes him in.

She looks at his desperate eyes, his sharp features, the dark skin under his eyes, the dents in his lower lip from having bitten it too much. She thinks for a moment, considers all aspects of his words, and then, after a bitter conclusion, she pulls her hand out of his and wipes away the tears on her cheeks. 

For a split second, Jungkook's face falls.

There’s defeat in his eyes, painful rejection pushing his shoulders down, and Hara thinks that it’s good, it’s exactly what he deserves. 

“I won’t change my plans, Jungkook." She swallows thickly, inhaling a shaky breath before taking a step backwards. "I won’t stop until I figure out the truth about you and Yoongi, and I certainly will not stop until I have left this ed up town.” 

Jungkook’s jaw clenches and he looks down at his feet.

Hara does feel a little weird having seen him look so pained and guilty, especially given the fact that the only emotions she has seen on his face range from anger to cockiness. 

But these entitled people aren't exactly normal and Hara is not stupid enough to fall for Jungkook's act.

He seems to have forgotten his own personality. The dude has ed up lives left, right and center, all for his own benefit, and he really thinks Hara is gonna fall prey to his antics and become another name on that never-ending list?

no. 

“The wedding is a big obstacle,” Hara whispers, nodding, “but I’ve had to deal with worse before.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Jungkook mutters in disbelief, shaking his head as he looks up again. 

“Oh, I get it, okay, I know you and your habits, so don’t even bother with a stupid monologue.”

Hara pushes him away and turns around to leave the room, but Jungkook leans over and wraps his hand around hers before she can pull the door handle, and she freezes. 

“Why do you keep bringing my past into this, Hara?” he asks, his breath fanning her ear, and she suppresses a shiver. 

“Your past is still affecting lives till this day. When that changes, I will treat you with the respect you're so damn obsessed with.” 

Jungkook does not seem pleased with her answer, maybe because Hara completely missed his point, but she honestly just wants to leave this tiny room, and now that she thinks about it, she’s getting late to class. Taehyung must be waiting for her.

She tries the handle again but Jungkook’s hand won’t budge, no matter how many times she pushes it, so she groans and turns around, only to instantly regret it because Jungkook's towering body cages her in against the door.

“What the hell is your problem?” Hara snaps, glaring up at him. 

“You not acknowledging my point,” Jungkook barks back. 

“I don’t have time for this-”

“You’re really ing thick in the head-”

“I said, I don’t have time for this bullsh-”

“It’s probably because of all the emotional trauma you’ve suffered as a child, but you shouldn’t be this oblivious to social cues.”

Hara has had enough. 

“Move, Jeon.” 

“Not until you-”

“Move or I will ing scream, I swe-”

“I like you!” Hara snaps shut. Jungkook’s eyes are wide and his cheeks are flushed. “I ing like you, Hara. A lot. Why can’t you get that through this thick skull of yours?”

Hara has to take a moment to just breathe.

And then, she angrily shakes her head and pushes Jungkook, who stumbles backwards in surprise.

“You rich kids must really like doing this kind of , huh? ing with people and their minds, I bet it’s a genetic thing.” 

“I am being serious,” Jungkook snaps, frowning, and Hara scoffs and laughs humourlessly. 

“Sure, and I’m the heir to Inc Corporates.” She scowls. “ you, Jungkook.”

“Hara,” Jungkook warns, his jaw clenching, “you’re being childish now, stop-”

“No, you ing stop!” Hara pushes him again, her cheeks warming up in embarrassment when she feels tears forming, but she’s honestly beyond that point because Jungkook has seen everything, quite literally. “You selfish, heartless son of a ! You’ve been ruining my life from the day I met you-”

“I ruined your life?” Jungkook looks incredulous. “You were the one who disrespected my father the moment he met you, you were the one who made a ing scene and became the talk of the town - do you have any idea how much time I wasted on shutting all the rumours down?”

Hara’s chest is heaving with heavy breaths, her heart thudding loudly in there somewhere, and she shuts up, allowing Jungkook to explain himself. 

He scoffs, shaking his head.

“You decided to settle for my best friends and then made it clear from day one that you didn’t want to be associated with me, which resulted in me not only having to lie to Taehyung and Hoseok hyung, but I also stopped hanging out with them like I used to just so you wouldn't feel lonely at school."

Hara knows that was kind of stupid but it wasn't entirely her fault the two boys became her friends, her intention was to simply use them for her benefit before leaving this town, not to form deep bonds.

Uh, yeah, this realization only further elevates the guilt bubbling in Hara's chest.

"You said you didn’t wanna study but I knew you felt trapped in your room, and facetiming your friends from back home didn't really seem to help the loneliness you felt, so I didn't meddle when dad fixed you a spot this semester, oh, and you then went on to pick a fight with Sunny of all people. I still have headaches from the tantrum she threw that day, Hara.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Hara whispers, frowning in both confusion and slight terror.

Oh no. 

Jungkook steps closer, swallowing thickly, his nervous expression awfully genuine but also determined. 

“I am talking about my feelings for you, Hara. I knew who you were, I did my research when my dad told me about your mother, but no file included your personality."

Jungkook pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, scoffing lightly and Hara mentally kicks herself for thinking the thoughts that she thinks. 

"You talked back to me, you kept it real and reminded me of where I truly come from. You made it clear that you don't care about money right in my father's face. ed me up so good I just can’t get you out of my head.”

“Good,” Hara mutters, ignoring the tingling sensation in her belly, “I must have really bothered you.”

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” Jungkook growls, but Hara shakes her head.

“I’m sorry but I don’t really think I should care. You keep forgetting how you’ve treated me, Jungkook.”

Yeah, this seems to do the trick, because Jungkook shuts up and averts his gaze, his jaw clenching.

Also, now that she’s already on the subject, Hara realizes she might as well dig some more. 

“You called me and my mother gold diggers, you went behind my back and did extensive and illegal research on me and my family, you threatened and blackmailed me into shutting up about your past which is a whole other ing story.”

Jungkook looks up again, his stare hard and angry. Hara stubbornly tilts her head so she can stare directly into his eyes. 

“Since you’re so obsessed with my medical condition, I recommend you go and get yourself checked out as well.” She leans closer and arches an eyebrow. “I can help you out a bit, since you probably already know I have always wanted to become a doctor."

Hara swallow harshly and hates how guilty she feels for treating him so coldly when all he did was confess to her. But isn't that exactly why she's doing this? 

The thought of his words being true scares Hara more than him just saying that to manipulate her into submission, and she feels fear rush through her veins when she realizes there were zero signs of anything but sincerity in Jungkook's eyes the entire time they've spent in the small supply room. 

"Bipolar personality disorder."

Fear takes the reigns and ruins any chances of change, as always. And Hara allows it to wreck whatever hope Jungkook must have felt while showing her a side of him that no one knows of.

"Which, in case you’re not familiar with the term, means you’re ed. You’re tremendously ed in the head, Jungkook. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Jungkook’s jaw ticks, his eyes narrowed, but Hara can detect a hint of panic in them, somewhere behind all the anger, and she actually feels pity. A huge, painful pang of guilt in her chest for causing it. 

But Hara is equally troubled because Jungkook ing needs this, he needs a wake up call and he needs it now before he does something really ing stupid. 

So she takes a step back and opens the door, ready to haul and leave while she can, but before she steps past the threshold she stops and turns around, feeling pressured by her own mind to offer at least some form of an answer to his stupid ing confession that she knows will pester her sanity for the rest of her miserable life.  

“Look, I-," she starts, swallowing the guilt and pity she feels when he looks up at her with wide, red rimmed eyes, his mind most likely connecting the dots in favour of Hara's theory. 

And Hara instantly regrets staying and her dry lips, her eyes glossing over because she might have said those words out of anger, but Yoongi did mention something about Jungkook having troubling mood swings, and the horror on his face only further confirms her suspicions. 

Oh, . Of all ing things. 

“There is just so much in the way of whatever it is that you want, Jungkook," Hara whispers, looking down because it's impossible to look the boy in the eyes, "I don't want to start something that we both know won't work out."

"Hara," Jungkook says, voice strained and shaky, and Hara blinks away tears that suddenly threaten to fall.

She should have thought this through better, she should not have dropped such a bomb on him, but what the hell did she know?

Unlike Jungkook, she doesn't have unlimited access to people's medical records. 

And now she wants to apologize, for some reason, she wants to console Jungkook because he suddenly looks like a lost child, all alone and abandoned by his parents, and , Hara realizes that Jungkook himself has probably got a very personal sob story.

There is a reason why he turned out the way he is, why he obsessively controls everything surrounding him, why he's so possessive of the people in his life, why Yunho is his legal parent when Yoongi explicitly made it clear that Jungkook’s real birth certificate said another name before it was burned to ashes. 

And in that moment, Hara feels her heart break a little, because Jungkook just keeps staring at her, his expression lost and scared, and Hara feels her heartbeat quicken, her chest moving with each shaky breath, and she realizes she needs to leave before it’s too late.

Even Jungkook seems surprised by the sudden turn of events, as if his repressed past suddenly presented itself to him through Hara’s words.

There seems to be some kind of a bond forming there, between two ruined souls, staring at each other through tears and years of trauma and pain. Two souls that do not fit in with the perfect people surrounding them. 

A hint of hope suddenly presents itself in Jungkook’s eyes, maybe at the prospect of someone finally ing understanding him, someone finally knowing his deepest hidden secrets and fears, even if it is only one person in the whole wide world.

And Hara feels all the alarms in her mind go off at once because this is dangerous territory.

She does not know what this newfound knowledge might bring along, she does not know what accepting the new role she is being offered will do to her relationship with Jungkook, and she suddenly feels terrified. 

So, amid the loud roaring in her mind, the thunderous beating of her heart, the fear and hope in Jungkook’s eyes, Hara does what she’s best at.

She turns on her heel and runs.