For 4 years already, Minseok has lived as a No Name.  Usually looked down on with pity, No Names were rare, only being diagnosed after a long period post-puberty without a mark on the body.  But Minseok doesn't really mind.  It's hard to miss something you never had.

In fact, these days, it's difficult to differentiate a No Name from a Name Holder due to the rise in popularity of tattoos.  And though a true Name mark looks distinct from a tattoo, it's enough to mask it from the general public - like hiding a single diamond in a pile of cubic zirconias.  This is one reason why his friends and family find it odd that Minseok has kept himself "clean".  Not an inch of his skin is covered with ink and his skin is so pale that people sometimes stare when he wears something revealing in public.   

Minseok doesn't dare admit to anyone that he keeps himself pristine in hopes of one day finding the name of his soulmate clearly demarcated on his flesh.  In this way, Minseok is a bit of a closet romanticist.  And though he's waiting for the day when reality all comes crashing down on him, for now, he doesn't quite know how to give up the dream of discovering his very own Name.  

When others ask about his mark or give him sympathy after learning the truth, Minseok always shakes his head.

"I don't mind" he tells them.  "In fact, sometimes I think it's scary how a Name can brainwash you to fall in love with a complete stranger."

"But, isn't that how it starts?" Jongdae had argued.  "You're always strangers at first, but then you grow to love someone that you know is going to love you back.  I think it's true even before having a Name."

Minseok hadn't had a good comeback for that one.  Jongdae had always been a smart kid.  And in reality, Minseok's heart beats just imagining that someone out there could be the perfect person for him.

It's not like he's without love, however.  He still has his friends and family.  And though Minseok lives a relatively quiet life, still commuting from home to school and back again with rarely any deviation, there's a familiar group of friends that put some variety in his life. 

For starters, there's Jongdae, who has been like a younger sibling to him since growing up in the same neighborhood.  Still living in the house next door and occupying the room with the window directly across from Minseok's, Jongdae has been a constant in his life since the age of six.  And when a name starting with the ㅂ character had started to arise on the left side of Jongdae's ribs, Minseok had been the first one to be excited for him.

And then there's Kyungsoo, a serious boy who had moved into the house across the street at the age of fourteen.  Minseok had always had a soft spot for Kyungsoo ever since Kyungsoo had come running to him, eyes wide and scared at the pain his Name had caused him.  Minseok had been the one to reassure him.

"It's normal, I promise" Minseok had told Kyungsoo.  "I've been told that the pain is a perfectly normal thing when you start getting your Name, Kyungsoo-yah."

There was also the sleepy kid down the street who was always losing things.  Every time Jongin visited Minseok's house, one thing or another was always left behind.  Even yesterday, when Jongin had come over to borrow an English to Korean dictionary,  Jongin had somehow left his socks behind - a pair of blue bear patterned ones that looked too small for the growing boy.

Then there are his friends from college - Junmyeon and Yixing - who Minseok had both met during orientation, only to find that they lived in a apartment complex one street down from Minseok's place.

 

 

They're all at an age when their Names are starting to appear or grow, so it's no wonder that when they meet, the conversation steers to the topic.  Only Jongdae and Kyungsoo know that Minseok is a No Name and though they both look a little apologetic when the subject comes up, Minseok waves their worry away.  Just because he doesn't have a Name doesn't mean Minseok isn't just as curious.

"I heard the mark becomes excruciatingly painful" Kyungsoo says worriedly.  "More so than when it first appears.  Do you think that's true?"

"After my Name finished growing, it's been pretty quiet" Junmyeon tells him.  "It just feels like regular skin."

"But I've heard it's different when you meet the owner of the Name" Yixing insists.  "Like, it should tingle."

"I heard it's like a magnet and it draws you closer to the other person" Jongdae whispers.  "But that's probably an exaggeration, right?"

Jongin, the youngest of the bunch, scrunches his nose in thought, fingers above his collarbone at where his Name mark rests.  "I think it should be different for everyone" he muses in a low voice.  "Just like falling in love is a different experience for each person."

There's a beat of silence before the boys yell out in awe, clapping Jongin on the back.  "Our little Jongin-ee has grown up, huh?" Kyungsoo laughs.  

Jongin flushes, looking down at his hands in his lap.  "It's just what I think" he says quietly.

"Jongin-ah, isn't your Name painful?" Junmyeon asks worriedly.  "I remember when I was your age, mine felt like it was swollen all the time."

Jongin shakes his head.  "No, not that much" he shrugs.  "All I can see is what looks like a ㄱ."

"Nearly everything looks like a ㄱ at the beginning stages though" Junmyeon remarks.

"I've heard the pain is different for some people" Yixing interjects.  "The growing pains aren't... ah, what's the word?  They aren't the same quality for everyone."

"Mine was like little bursts of electricity shooting into my ribcage" Jongdae comments, cringing from the memory.

"My first character felt like someone was carving my skin with a blunt knife.  It got better after that first one though."  Kyungsoo gives a meaningful look to Minseok, who rubs soothing circles onto Kyungsoo's back.

"Mine" says Yixing.  "Was like a white hot heat at first, but then as it got more detailed, it was soothing.  Felt almost like a menthol rub."

Junmyeon rubs his neck, where his own Name is.  "I felt like my neck was swollen all the time.  Like all the fluids in my body were rushing up there to suppress the heat from the mark."

"And I-" Jongin starts to say.  Everyone looks at him expectantly.  "Well, I have to go and do my homework now.  Sorry hyungs."

 

Even though Jongin's the first to get up, he's actually the last to leave Minseok's house.

"Sorry for always hanging out at your place, hyung" Jongin says at the door.  "I'll remember to bring some snacks next time."

Minseok laughs.  "It's not anything new.  My house has always been the midpoint between all of us.  Besides, my parents are rarely home, you know that."

"Still..."  Jongin puts on his shoes slowly as if he has something more to say.  But in the end, when he finally says goodbye, Jongin just smiles, leaving with nothing but a lingering look.

It's only after the door closes that Minseok spies Jongin's scarf, lying forgotten on the back of the couch.

 

 

 

Other than with his close friends, there's not really a lot of instances where the subject of Names comes up.  Most people just assume Minseok's Name is hidden somewhere under his clothes.  Talking about your Name mark is not quite taboo, but it is similar to discussing your awkward journey through puberty or your first time having .  It's a personal topic so when the subject comes up and Minseok choses to bow out of the conversation, most chalk it up to Minseok being shy.  More often than not, Minseok finds it easy to hide his bittersweet smile.

Today is one of those melancholy days where it's hard to be optimistic.  The weather is gloomy without proper rain and one of the girls in Minseok's class announces publically that she's found her soulmate - someone who bears her Name.  It's not quite jealousy, Minseok thinks.  But the pretty way the girl blushes and the shy, but pleased smile lighting up her face, really drive in the fact that Minseok will never look like that - not as a No Name.

Before going back home, Minseok stops at the park.  Though the sun is setting, Minseok just wants to be alone in silence, doesn't want to risk being approached in a place where everyone knows he can be found.  He carefully sits on a tree stump in one corner of the park under a wide spread of foilage from a expansive neighboring tree.  He watches as the colors of the sunset paint the sky a glowing orange, then a flamingo pink, finally blending into a shade of purple that reminds him of Korean grapes.  He sighs and remembers how the girl in class today had shone bright like a gem, making her stand out of in the classroom.

"Hyung" comes a voice from behind him.

Minseok startles, spinning around in his seat.  He finds Jongin standing there, looking a little lost and sad - just like Minseok's feeling.

"Coming back from school?" Minseok asks, getting up from the tree stump and walking closer to the younger boy.  He tries to act like everything's fine, but knows he's failing because it's hard to arrange his face naturally.

Jongin nods and when they're not a foot apart, Minseok notices just how tall Jongin is - almost as if he's growing an inch a day.

"You've grown so much" Minseok says smiling easily now, reaching up to pat Jongin's head.

Carding his fingers through Jongin's hair slowly, Minseok stifles a sigh.  He is in no position to console the boy, whatever his problem.  So instead, Minseok chooses silence.  It's when he's softly Jongin's head for the third time that Minseok suddenly feels an icy cold pain running down the middle of his back, as if splitting him in two.  It's almost as if he's pulled a muscle, the way he freezes, but the pain is a hundred fold and before Minseok has time to react, Jongin is suddenly crying.

"Hyung" Jongin cries, voice almost pleading.  "What should I do?"

Even through his excruciating pain, Minseok wants to comfort the kid.  Jongin is tall and older than he was before, yes, but Jongin's still that shy child in Minseok's eyes.

"What should I do?" Jongin repeats.  "I think-  I think I'm falling in love with you.   Kyungsoo hyung told-  He told me that you're a No Name."  

Minseok's vision wavers.  The icy hot pain that had been there just moments before, envelops his whole body and it feels like he's sitting in a fire so hot that it's a freezing and searing pain.  He doesn't even have the leisure to be upset at the fact that Kyungsoo has blown his cover as a No Name.  Minseok tries his best to hold onto his consciousness, fearing that fainting in front of Jongin would make the kid panic even more.  As he's concentrating on staying cognizant, Minseok focuses on the smattering of freckles above Jongin's collarbones.  Quite abruptly, they don't look like freckles anymore.  Minseok's eyes widen as Jongin calls out Minseok's name.  The freckles almost look as if they spell out a name.

'Kim Minseok.'

The pain on Minseok's back disappates when the Name on Jongin's skin becomes legible and Minseok feels a viscous sort of warmth radiating from his back, spreading to all parts of his body.  He takes a deep, gasping breath, fingers reaching out to hover above Jongin's skin.  Jongin still looks overcome with emotion, confused and scared.

Minseok holds onto the sensation a bit longer, letting his fingers curl slowly over Jongin's clavicle and then reaching back toward the middle of his back.  He opens his mouth slighlty, lips forming a little 'o'.  The diffuse pain scatters now, each pin point of pain dropping like snow flakes into various spots of Minseok's back. 

"Jongin-ah, it's okay" Minseok tells him, voice oddly serene.  "It'll be okay."

Minseok smiles, cheeks flushing and lips curling into a grin.  He's fairly sure that he's glowing at this moment, just like that girl in class today.  Shining, the way Jongin was now - like a diamond.

"Hyung?  What-?"

Minseok wipes the tears from Jongin's cheeks before tiptoeing to place a small but firm kiss onto Jongin's cheek.  Jongin's eyes grow impossibly large as Minseok tugs on Jongin's arm, suddenly in a hurry.

"Come on, let's go to my room" Minseok urges in haste.  "I have something to show you."

Somehow, Minseok's sure, that, if he looks in the mirror the patterns on his back will spell out none other than 'Kim Jongin'.