Like most people, Jackson wanted to meet his soulmate. Growing up, he was blessed with watching his parents love each other entirely and teaching both him and his older brother to believe in the inexplicable love that came from crossing paths with your soulmate. Although he wasn’t expecting his soulmate to be the catalyst to making his life the best it could be, he had always believed that when he met the one destined for him, things would become that much better.

And they really did.

He met Janie in his freshman year of high school on the first day of the term. There had been the magic he had heard from his peers that you felt right before you saw the person that matched you best, and then when Jackson had actually seen Janie, he knew she would shape him in so many ways. It was crazy how much they had in common, both enjoying sports and music. She was bold in ways he wasn’t and pushed Jackson to be more than what he was already. He knew he could meet all of his goals because of her endless encouragement. Jackson now saw his entire future ahead with Janie at his side, and although they continued to enjoy the carefree nature of being teenagers in love, often they would sit together and talk about everything they wanted right up until they were old and grey. It was exciting to think of having such a prosperous future and knowing any adversity he would face, would be overcome with Janie at his side.

Or so he had thought. Jackson wasn’t ready for the pain of that future crashing down almost as fast as it had been spoken into existence.

“I’m sick,” Janie said through tears, her normally vibrant voice now barely a whisper.

“As in a cold? Baby, you should be in bed at home, not meeting me in the park like this!” he chastised, moving forward to comfort her. But Janie shifted back and shook her head, tears still falling from her eyes.  

It was hard watching her being admitted into hospital, her pallid complexion a far cry from her usual self. Yet, Jackson did his best to remain optimistic. He was always telling her she was in the best place for getting better, and there was high hope her illness would go away with surgery. Even though he was scared to let her go as she was wheeled into the operating room, he had sat with her parents, holding onto hope that she would return to him in better health. They could face this together, even if it meant being delayed in their studies. Jackson knew he would do anything to help her heal and move on from this moment in life.

When he had seen her eyes open for the first time in recovery, with a small smile playing on her lips, Jackson was immediately relieved. Janie grew stronger over the next month and was discharged from the hospital, both excited to return back to school, to learn more about the world they would live together in. But it was only a glimpse of happiness in his tragic love story. He knew something was immediately wrong, stirring awake in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes. Racing towards her home, Jackson arrived just in time to see the paramedics wheel someone out in a body bag.

His world collapsed then.

For some time, Jackson did nothing but sit in his bed. He couldn’t eat, sleep, or even think of anything to make him want to carry on without Janie. And then from sheer exhaustion, he collapsed, dreaming of the girl he loved with every fibre of his being. Janie reappearing in front of him, even as an illusion, was enough to propel him forward, to look into why she had died. She had been on the mend, and her checkups indicated her condition was improving, not deteriorating. Jackson searched for answers, and when he found things didn’t add up, he knew something had to have gone wrong within the surgery.

And they had. The doctor was soon charged with negligence, and for a brief moment, Jackson felt as though he had accomplished something.

It didn’t bring Janie back, however.

Eventually, he had to return to school. Everything he had been working towards had Janie laced into it, making it impossible to think of a career in music or sports. He lost his drive for those passions yet one day in science class, his interest was piqued on the topic of maintaining a strong focus on controlling the environment to allow no errors to occur within an experiment. It was then when he found a new calling. He couldn’t bring back Janie, but he could prevent others from suffering the same extreme grief and loss he faced.

And that’s why Jackson Wang became a doctor.

 

“How are we doing today?” he mused, looking down at his tablet for the vitals of the patient and then back up at the woman. “Still feeling a little bit of pain?”

“Not as much now that you’re here,” she claimed and Jackson shot her a wink.

“I think that might be the morphine you were administered a wee while ago, don’t you think?” he suggested with a chuckle, before leaning in closer. “But I’ll take it as a compliment to my good looks, shall I?”

“Doctors should be more like you,” she said with a giggle, soon wincing when the pain of her laughter took a hold of her.

“Making their patients laugh and hurt themselves?” He shook his head, pouting for effect. “I don’t want to be a doctor like that. I’d much rather be good at healing you!”

“You make being stuck in here that much better, doc,” another patient called out within the ward room and several hums in agreement followed.

Jackson grinned. “And you all make my job that much easier by getting healthy, so please, focus on that and not on me.”

“Can’t help it if you’re attractive on the inside and out,” another exclaimed and Jackson grinned, shooting a fake arrow in her direction before clasping at his own heart.

“Oh, you know how to make me feel good, ladies! I’ll have a skip in my step for the rest of the day!” he enthused, kicking up his heels for their entertainment before heading back out on his rounds. Once he was done, he stopped at the nurses’ station and sighed dramatically. “Another day where I’m just on top of my game.”

“And another day where we have to hear about your ego,” the fellow doctor filling in a file beside him mused, and you smirked from your seat in front of both of them. His colleague turned to face him. “Did someone insist you have the best in the business again?”

“Jealous they haven’t said it about yours, Doctor Park?”

A ghost of a smile played on the doctor’s lips. “They’re too busy getting sound medical help from me. Not cupid’s arrows.”

“You saw?! It worked, didn’t it? You can’t say my patients aren’t comfortable!” he stated proudly and then glanced down at you. “Right, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes but let your head nod once. “I’m with Doctor Wang on this one, sorry Doctor Park. The patients in Doctor’s Wang’s care are definitely cheerful.”

“You just keep the morale up, and I’ll keep healing everyone, shall I?” Doctor Park suggested, picking up his files and smirked before stepping away.

“As if you’re the best at being a doctor just because you get more surgical opportunities than me, Park Jinyoung!” he cried after the departing doctor and then glanced at you with a huff. “Always thinking he’s better than us all.”

“He is better than us all,” you mentioned with a smile and Jackson gaped at you. “He’s renowned for being the best doctor in his age group and field; you just can’t compete with statistics like that.”

“He’s also known for being an uptight too,” Jackson murmured, and you reached out to pet his hand encouragingly. He smiled brightly down at you. “At least I have you to back me up.”

“Only because your patients are the liveliest in the ward.”

“Happiness and laughter are some of the best forms of medicine,” he said with a nod in your direction, pressing away from the counter and heading off to his office. Jackson’s smile remained on his face right until he was alone again, sitting at his desk and staring at the computer screen in front of him. No matter how much he laughed, he could never find the cure for his own pain.

The heart was a hard organ to heal.

 

When Jackson first became a doctor, he hadn’t been as jubilant. There was a lot to remember and he realised the first day on the job that what he had learned in theory now affected real, living people. The fear of making a mistake hounded him for weeks, whilst his colleague Park Jinyoung was acing every test placed in front of him. He hated feeling inferior to someone who had a severe lack of social skills. To Jinyoung, being a doctor was clearly calculating and methodical, and he had a vast knowledge to lean upon. For Jackson, his heart was deeply invested in making the right choice. And sometimes his rational thoughts weren’t listened to as quickly as they should have been.

“Are you really making such a rookie mistake six months into your placement here?! What were you thinking, Wang? A mistake like this could cost someone their life!”

You had found him crying on the stairwell, offering him a drink and then sitting down. “You need to find your place here, Jackson. You’re a fine doctor in the making, but sometimes you hesitate too much. It doesn’t give your patients confidence in your ability.”

“Maybe it’s because I don’t have any of my own. What was I thinking of becoming a doctor? I can’t save everyone. And then others will face the grief of losing someone like me and I can’t bear that weight,” he managed to say through his tears and you had reached out slowly, rubbing his back until his emotions stemmed.

“Did you lose someone?”

He nodded. “My soulmate.”

From that interaction, Jackson learned you hadn’t met yours yet. It seemed to ease him somewhat, finding someone within the workplace who understood how life felt without that special someone. Although he was certain Jinyoung hadn’t met his either, he couldn’t see himself opening up to the man. However, your advice did help Jackson find himself in the workplace. His confidence grew and he found his patients responded better to him if he was light in mood and full of smiles. He quickly gained the reputation of being the happy virus of the department, which helped Jackson move from strength to strength, enabling him to become the doctor he always wanted to be – someone who ensured every patient felt heard, treated with precision, and left after a good experience.

He also started a movement in the hospital of speaking up about being a minority. It gave Jackson another sense of his identity in finding fellow workmates that could understand the struggles of being in a world where everyone was searching for their fated partner. There was never any attention on those who didn’t get that happy ending, and the pity anyone sent his way always angered him. He supported those who hadn’t yet found their partner or had lost their soulmate, and a social club was quickly formed, meeting up at least twice a month.

It surprised him when you didn’t join. “I admire what you’re doing, but I’d be lying to myself if I was okay with not meeting my soulmate yet. Maybe in a couple of years, I’ll join in. Then I’ll have to register as a minority anyway.”

“I’ll welcome you with open arms if you need to join us, Y/N.”

“I know, and that worries me. Will you ever let go?” she teased, but there was a hint of something there, and Jackson would be lying if he didn’t find you attractive. You always held that barrier in place though, and some days he would be consumed with wishing you could accept him to love instead. He knew Janie would want him to move on with someone, but it couldn’t be just anyone in Jackson’s eyes. It needed to be someone who he felt he could choose to be happy with.

And that was you for him.

But he respected your stance and for a couple of years, you remained as good colleagues, working with each other well in the department and even out as friends. You never joined the social club outings, but you did go out with him for dinner or a movie now and then, giving each other that small window of relief from the loneliness that followed you both. After spending those nights with you and getting nowhere with how he felt, Jackson had a cycle of hitting up the clubs a lot of minority folk went to for a week after any time he spent with you in attempts to find someone to take his mind off of you. It never worked, no matter how much he tried to do so.

It surprised him when Jinyoung joined in for a change, however. “You’re truly a minority then!”

“What is so good about the hype here?” Jinyoung asked, sitting formally in his chair and eying the scantily clad women in poor taste. “Is this what is to come of my future?”

“Loosen up, doc, it’s just a bit of fun.”

Despite his protests, Jinyoung started joining Jackson and his friends on further outings and for a while, Jackson was able to forget about that last date he had with you. The one where he wanted to take you home but felt too gutless to ask you to come with him. He knew you had been registered as a minority recently, yet you didn’t talk about it with him and he didn’t really broach the topic with you either.

“Same time, tonight?” Jinyoung asked as he approached Jackson standing in his usual late morning spot, leaning against the nurses’ station counter top and discussing patients with you.

Jackson glanced at you before turning to the doctor. “Wow, you’re really getting into the swing of things, huh?”

“I just want to know if we’re on or not. It’s fine by me if we don’t go.”

“Go where?” you asked, your curiosity piqued. “Since when do you both hang out together out of work?”

“Since Jackson brought me dinner one time, I was impressed,” Jinyoung mentioned to you graciously and Jackson scoffed loudly.

“When did I buy you dinner?!”

“I didn’t think you wanted Y/N to know of the places we have been going to,” Jinyoung said with a sigh, shrugging lightly. You blushed at his directness. “You have no tact in saving face, Doctor Wang.”

“I’ve never needed to!” he cried after the departing doctor and grumbled under his breath. “Why has he started annoying me out of work too?”

“You and Doctor Park spend time together?” you asked tentatively, your forehead wrinkled as you attempted to figure what the men were doing in their free time. “You’re not still going to those strip clubs, are you?”

“No!” he exclaimed, darting his focus around the department at how loud your voice seemed. “I took him once, on my birthday.”

“You never told me it was your birthday then.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to know,” he mumbled and you stared up at him, your expression confusing him. “Did you?”

“Well, it’s too late now,” you admitted, your face falling. “Enjoy your night out with Doctor Park, Jackson.”

 

He wasn’t enjoying the night out. In fact, Jackson had been replaying the morning scene over and over in his head, and nothing that the club had to offer could settle him in any way. Jinyoung was already well on his way to becoming intoxicated and so were his other friends. The alcohol in Jackson’s cup sat untouched, unwanted by him. Even though he needed the image of you to fade from his mind, he knew getting drunk wouldn’t take you away. It would only make him want you more.

Jackson craved you like no other right now.

“I need to go,” he stated, standing up, only to sit right back down again when his motivation wavered.

“Then why did you sit down?” Jinyoung asked, grinning at him lazily. “Are you hesitating over Y/N again? Just admit you like her.”

“I do like her.”

“Why don’t you do anything about it? She’s a minority now. You told me yourself, it’s time to get a minority woman of my own. Why haven’t you bothered to follow your own advice? Too gutless, huh?”

“I am not.”

“Don’t be a coward, Jackson,” Jinyoung urged, sounding more lucid than he had all night long. “Don’t do things you’ll regret.”

Jackson stared at the doctor for some time, Jinyoung’s dark gaze sad and broken. He knew how that felt, but it also seemed different somehow. Like there was more to Park Jinyoung’s situation than Jackson knew about.

He stood up again and Jinyoung cheered loudly. “That’s it, go to her.”

Jackson didn’t stop until he was in front of your apartment’s door, in a deep breath before knocking on it loudly. He didn’t wait long before knocking on it again, desperation for you to appear taking over. He went to knock once more when the door finally opened, your eyes widening as you tightened your robe around your body. Taking in your appearance, he grimaced. “Did I wake you?”

“No, I was just watching television,” you mentioned softly. “Are you okay, Jackson?”

No, he wanted to tell you. But the word wouldn’t fall out of his mouth. He stared at you, trying to understand why you kept pushing away from him when he wanted to hold you. When he wanted to make sure you knew how he felt. Without much more thought, he grabbed at your face, kissing you hard. He knew it was unfair of him to make such a move without asking you first, but he was done waiting for you. Tonight, he’d find out if you truly felt something for him or not.

And with the way your lips started moving against his, he soon knew the game you had both been playing over the past few years meant something. Deepening the kiss, he slowly pushed you backwards, kicking the door closed behind him. Jackson had only been in your apartment one other time, yet he had no problems finding your sofa, both of you sitting down on it without breaking the kiss. He started tugging at the belt on your robe, the buttons on his shirt somehow already undone by your swift fingers, which now dragged over his skin hungrily. It was when his own started on your pyjama top when you pulled away, panting heavily. “We need to slow down.”

“We’ve been moving at a snail’s pace for years, Y/N. I can’t keep letting you go anymore.”

“It’s not like I want to stay away from you either.”

Jackson frowned. “Then why do you?”

“I haven’t met my soulmate yet,” you told him, turning to look away from him. “I don’t want to fall in love with you and then stumble across this predetermined human who will make me forget all about you. You’ve already suffered from one loss before.”

Although Jackson hadn’t gone into great detail about Janie with you, he knew you were talking about her. He blinked rapidly, his gaze falling to the carpet beneath his feet. Logically, he knew you were trying to save his heart. But he was sick of others, and of some fate that kept trying to decide for him. He knew he wanted to be with you. The future was never set in stone; he’d learned that the hard way. Why couldn’t he be happy now, with you?

One look in your direction showed your barrier was back up again. He got to his feet. “Why don’t you just admit you’re too scared to give yourself to me?”

“Jackson, you know it’s not…”

He didn’t wait to hear the rest, shutting the door on his way out with a bang.

The next morning, he didn’t come to rest at the nurses’ station after his rounds. And the following day, he was quieter than usual. His patients picked up on his mood, all asking him where his smiles were. Whenever he tried to smile, it felt faker than usual on his bad days. And so he just went about his work quietly, opting to study for his thesis instead of assisting one of the head doctors of the department in the operating room.

There was a knock on his door and he didn’t look up until you were standing in front of him. He diverted his gaze back to the textbook he had been reading. “Yes, Nurse Y/N?”

“Several of your patients are concerned about you today,” she mentioned quietly. “They’re wondering if there’s something they can do to cheer you up.”

He didn’t answer, though the thought of some of the ladies in one of his wards sitting there worrying about him did make him let out a small breath of air.

“I’m sorry if I’ve-”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself any further than you already have,” he intervened, attempting to smile at you. It sure didn’t feel like he had succeeded but he pressed on anyway. “If you have nothing work related to discuss with me, Nurse Y/N, I’d like to be alone.”

“Right, of course,” you replied too quickly, heading for the door to his office with haste.

Jackson hung his head, wondering if Jinyoung had been right at all in pushing him. He couldn’t tell if he regretted his move with you or not.

 

It was tense between you for the next few weeks. Sure, Jackson had returned to his jovial self in front of his patients, his loud voice and laughter heard from all corners of the department. Work-wise, he was on fine form. But those who knew him could see it was all for show.

“Didn’t it work out?” Jinyoung asked as he came into his office, searching Jackson’s stack of textbooks for the one he required.

“The surgery went exceptionally well. Patient-”

“Between you and Y/N,” Jinyoung corrected and Jackson bit back the rest of his sentence.

“You know how it is, not everyone is meant to have a happy ending.”

“She likes you a lot though,” the fellow doctor mentioned, his brows furrowed as he tried to figure it out. Jackson felt exhausted by the conversation already. “Why is she holding back?”

“Because she hasn’t met her soulmate yet,” Jackson announced, sounding too airy with such a sentence. Jinyoung sighed heavily. “Could you imagine being our age and still thinking you had someone out there?”

“Some people do,” he said in a small voice, causing Jackson to look in his direction. Jinyoung plucked out the book he was looking for. “I wouldn’t give up. Feelings can overcome adversity, you know. If I had the chance you do, to show the person I thought of often, I wouldn’t let her slip through my fingers like this.”

“Big words for a guy who…” Jackson trailed off when he recognised that same pained expression in Jinyoung’s eyes. “You did something stupid, didn’t you?”

“The worst thing you could do to another person is reject them when you have the opportunity to make something work, Jackson. I’m just saying Y/N has feelings for you. Don’t let her back away from you because of someone who hasn’t arrived in her world. Ask her questions; see if she really has a soulmate to wait on.”

“Questions like what?”

Jinyoung smiled, reaching over to pat his colleague on the shoulder. “You told me about Janie one night when you’re drunk. You know what a soulmate feels like and the inexplicable feeling you were consumed with when you lost her. Maybe she’s experienced something like that and didn’t know what it meant. Fight until there’s no room left to express yourself. If there’s anyone I know who is ruled more by their heart than their head, it’s you.”

Jackson mulled over Jinyoung’s encouragement for the rest of the day. By nightfall, when his shift was over, he found himself standing in front of your door again, this time knocking with much less force. He was prepared tonight and would hold his physical desires at bay until he knew they were reciprocated by you.

“Jackson,” you said, staring at him wide-eyed when you opened your door.

“Can I come in?”

You nodded softly, stepping aside and then closed the door behind him. Unlike last time, he waited awkwardly before you offered for him to take a seat, whilst you went into your kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Only if you are going to,” he decided and you returned with two glasses of juice. Taking his, Jackson smiled after taking a sip. “Did you switch to organic?”

“It is crazy that you can tell so easily,” you mused, nodding your head all the same. “I like this brand.”

“It is good juice,” he agreed, taking another sip and feeling the conversation peter off in doing so. Jinyoung’s words resurfaced, and he took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you would be open to hearing about my life story. If you would like to hear about my soulmate?”

You blinked and then placed your glass down, pondering his suggestion for a moment. You then nodded softly. “I would like that.”

Jackson told you everything. He mentioned how it felt when he first met Janie, some of the great things about being with her, and some of the small nuances that he never quite liked about having a predetermined partner. At the time, Jackson had loved Janie with his entire heart and soul. With time to review his experience, and with age, he had discovered some aspects about having a soulmate that he didn’t quite like. He told you it all. By the time he reached the part about Janie’s death, he was crying, and so were you. It was still hard to speak of the person he had thought would be his everything forever. But Janie had been gone from his side for so long now. He deserved to have the chance to move on.

When he fell silent, you wiped back your tears, biting at your lip before shifting over to the sofa and sitting beside him. “That feeling… of knowing something was wrong before you found she was gone, I think I felt it.”

“What?” Jackson stared at you, blinking several times. “You said you were waiting for your soulmate. If you felt it, then you would know you wouldn’t see them.”

“I knew,” you admitted quietly. “I’ve known for a year now.”

“Then why did you…”

“You were right. I was scared. Of course, I took my time to grieve. Doesn’t everyone? We’re all raised to believe our lives are only right if we meet our soulmate. And I failed to meet mine. I didn’t like the idea of not being able to succeed in life. Then I realised after my initial grief that I was living the life I had always wanted to. I have a great job, and I see miracles performed around me all the time. I’ve helped give new leases on life to many patients, and I have the best support system in my family and friends. And I have you.”

Jackson’s eyes widened when you finished on him, yet he waited for you to continue.

“I liked being around you at work in the beginning. You’re so much fun with the patients, and you make everyone smile. But you’re also very competent. You discover things that other doctors don’t straight away. I’ve always felt a sense of pride in seeing you succeed and find yourself as a doctor.”

“I didn’t realise you paid so much attention to me,” he told you and you nodded weakly.

“Because I paid so much attention, I realised I was starting to like you. But at that point, I hadn’t felt that loss of a soulmate so I just told myself I was lonely. And all the occasions we went out together, I would convince myself it was okay to have fun with a friend. But deep down, I was viewing them as dates.”

“Me too.”

“When I realised there was no soulmate for me, I was insanely happy. Because it meant there was you. I could finally reach out to you and not worry that someone would take you away from me. I wanted to choose you, and not live by some fated life where a stranger would become my everything. I already felt strongly about you. But then I realised how scary it was to make a choice. With a soulmate, you can’t avoid those feelings. What if how I felt now somehow died off over time? What if something happened to you and I lost you too? The difference about losing my soulmate was I never saw him. But I know you. I see you; I can reach out right now and touch you. I can tell right now how much I like you, for being you and not because my soul craves you. I crave you. And losing you would be devastating since I chose to like you.”

Jackson shifted closer, cupping your face in his hands. “You know we can’t control the future. Look at us both; we never got to keep the people we were meant to have. I’ll always cherish Janie, and I’m sure you’ll always wonder who that person was for you. If we allow them to define us forever, isn’t that more of a tragedy? Not allowing ourselves to love someone for who they are, or to seek our own happiness whilst we still can. Don’t you think that’s a bigger waste than worrying about the what ifs?”

It was you who kissed him this time. Jackson was stunned when he felt your soft lips upon his, yet it didn’t take him long to reciprocate your approach, a fever taking over you both. Hands roamed and skin was exposed with ease. When your lips fell away from his after the bountiful kisses that had followed one after the other, you climbed to your feet, reaching for his hand and tugging him along to your bedroom. He hovered above the bed that you got onto; hesitating despite the beautiful view he had of you right now.

“Are you sure about this? We just admitted to our feelings tonight. I don’t want to rush you.”

“What, should we wait five weeks?” you teased, before moving onto your knees and reaching out to pull him closer. “I’ve waited over two years for this moment, are you really going to make me wait longer?”

“It was you who turned me down the last time,” he reminded as he climbed onto your bed, his confidence returning.

“So call me a fool,” you breathed, gripping at him tightly. “At least we got here in the end.”

After unbridling the pent up passion, Jackson held you in his arms, his hand running through your hair over and over. You snuggled into his bare chest and placed a small kiss on the skin by your mouth. He sighed in content. “Who knew it would feel that good?”

“You mean, even with all those years of partying-”

“I waited for the right person,” Jackson confessed, leaning down to kiss the crown of your head. “I wanted to choose someone I knew would love me in all the right ways.”

“And do you think I’m that person?” you asked, sitting up so you could look him directly. Despite the room being only illuminated by the moonlight filtering in through the curtains, he could see the warmth in your eyes. He noticed the hope that resided alongside the passion and excitement that made your gaze glisten. You were so beautiful in that moment; he couldn’t help but take your lips in his and claim them for the umpteenth time that night.

“Mm,” he hummed when he pulled back, brushing your hair away that had fallen into your face. “For as long as we have together, I know it’s only you for me now. I’ve chosen you.”