Chapter 5

rain

«Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.»

— Bob Marley

♫♩ ♫♩ ♫♩ ♫♩ 

The rehearsal today went well, and now Dahyun’s sitting outside on the steps of the concert building. The roof above her shields her from the heavy downpour. The cracks in the pavement are flooded with water. She’s wearing her new Nike sneakers, the black ones she’s been saving up for. But they’re not waterproof. So Dahyun sits, patiently, waiting for the rain to end.

She takes out her phone, plugs in her earphones, presses the most recently downloaded song in her music library, and listens, waits, watches: The cars zoom past in a haze, the water splashes onto the sidewalks, drenching the people walking past. The stoplights shimmer through the thick curtain of rain — almost like a rainbow, just with the wrong colours.

Dahyun sighs, still watching. The song plays on, Dahyun tries not to listen to the lyrics. Instead, she sees them in her mind. Somehow, when the artist sings about love, Dahyun sees Sana. When the artist sings about heartbreak, Dahyun sees Sana. When the artist sings about home, Dahyun sees a white house in the suburbs, a dog yapping in the front garden, and… Sana… waiting for her by the doorway…

«Dahyun, are you going home now?» Dahyun jumps, nearly dropping her phone, one of the earphones falls out of her ear. Dahyun looks up, seeing Sana peering down at her.

Sana’s wearing denim shorts. And a light coat. She’s got her cello beside her. She’ll get wet if she tries to go home now, the rain’ll completely soak her clothes. And the rain’s probably not good for the instrument, either.

«Yeah.» Dahyun breathes, eyes wide. Her heart’s beating so quickly its about to jump out of her chest. «You?»

«Me?» Sana questions with a smile.

«You?» Dahyun says again, mind reeling. Suddenly she has forgotten. What were they talking about again? Home? «Are you going home?» Dahyun says quickly, looking away. She sees another car zoom by.

«No,» Sana sits down beside Dahyun, and Dahyun bites her lip, scooting over, «well, actually yes, but then it started to rain. My dad was going to pick me up, but then something came up.»

Dahyun nods, understanding. They sit together on the steps. Dahyun’s too afraid to put in her other earphone, scared she’ll do something embarrassing like drop the earphone, or drop her phone down the steps. What if it lands in a puddle? Her phone isn’t waterproof. What if? What if? There are so many 'what ifs’ going on in Dahyun’s mind that she doesn’t notice that Sana’s been watching her the entire time.

The music’s still playing, and Dahyun carefully reaches for her phone, trying to press the stop button.

«Oh.» Sana says, her voice light, perhaps a bit surprised. «Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.» She says quickly, then stands. 

«No.» Dahyun replies, sitting up straighter. «You’re not intruding, I’m just…» Dahyun swallows, thickly. keeps drying up whenever Sana’s around. All the words she wants to say get stuck in . «I’m just. Waiting. Listening to music.»

Dahyun feels like a fool. And she really wants to bury her face in her hands. She really just wants to go home, hide beneath her bedsheets and shout until there’s nothing left of her. She wants a lot of things right now, but everything is so out of reach. Sana, who’s right beside her, is out of reach. 

Then Sana smiles, not one of those charming smiles that turns Dahyun’s insides to mush, it’s a kind smile, one that warms Dahyun and makes her think of sunshine and light. But suddenly Dahyun thinks Sana looks scared, like she’s worried or overthinking something.

Slowly, Sana reaches out, brushing her fingertips against Dahyun’s hand. Sana, who’s usually so confident, so up-front about things, is nervous.

«What are you listening to?» She asks softly.

Dahyun, who’s words are still lodged in , picks up the fallen earplug and holds it up for Sana to take.

«It’s a song from a movie, the one that just came out a week ago… You wanna listen to it with me?» Dahyun asks, quietly, even though she’s been listening to the same song on repeat for fifteen minutes.

Sana nods, smiling shyly, and takes the earphone. Dahyun’s never seen Sana behave like this, so careful and shy, as if Dahyun were glass, and Sana’s afraid she’ll shatter her. Dahyun smiles at her, encouraging her, but for what? Dahyun doesn’t know. It just feels like the right thing to do, to show that Sana can feel safe around her, that nothing can hurt them.

The next thing Sana does surprises Dahyun, so much that it makes her jump: Sana leans her head on Dahyun’s shoulder. Dahyun hears Sana chuckle, and then Sana holds Dahyun’s hand.

They watch as the cars zoom by, the people walking along the sidewalks holding umbrellas. The rain continues to fall, those who’ve forgotten their umbrellas or are underdressed for the weather get wet, their clothes clinging tightly to their bodies.

The lyrics of the song tug at Dahyun’s heartstrings. She starts to feel these things that she can’t begin to explain. Whenever Sana’s around, her mind does a summersault, her heart wants to break free from her ribcage. Dahyun either wants to shout it all out or run and hide.

Raindrops continues to fall, Dahyun, even though she’s sitting underneath a roof, thinks she can feel it: Getting drenched by the rain, cold, shivering, that clingy feeling of clothes sticking to your body — yeah, all of that, Dahyun feels it now.

Maybe, Dahyun thinks with a smile, suddenly feeling a bit brave, that’s what this is? Maybe they’re the same thing?

«I’m glad you don’t have AirPods.» Sana says with a soft sigh. «I think they’re overrated.»

Dahyun turns to look at her, seeing Sana’s smirk, noticing how Sana’s hair frames her face perfectly, still hearing the song playing in her one ear, and Dahyun might have to agree with her.

Airpods are overrated. Sitting like this, listening together, is much, much better.