Jungeun’s POV :

I’m sat down on the bleachers, watching Jiwoo and Hyunjin practicing all kind of tricks and running after the ball. Sooyoung and Chaewon are off to somewhere, probably dancing their lungs out. Clearly, I need a break but I’m this bored I could nearly fall asleep there, it’s already past dinner time which explains the growling in my stomach.

Wait, I could send a text to Jinsol ? Why am I thinking about her now ? Gosh, stop overthinking she gave you her number for you to text her, so do it, .

I unlock my phone and scroll through my contact list, Jinsol ;), there.

My finger hovers on the keyboard, what could I send ?

Just send hi you weirdo.

Hi

No No No, that’s lame.

I quickly delete the text before typing something, I hope, more interesting.

Hi Jinsol, it’s Jungeun, sorry for the late text

No, that’s not it, why talking about the lateness of the text, you could have just sent something earlier you coward.

Hey Jinsol, hope you’re having fun with everyone

No, it’s like I’m thinking about her having fun, she could smell jealousy or envy. I delete again but a wild Sooyoung appears in front of me and snatches the phone away from my hand.

“I saw you texting like crazy from there, who you texting ?” She wiggles her eyebrows before looking at my phone herself. She gasps and looks up at me, “You actually are going to talk with her ! I’m impressed !”

I wince and go for my phone but she takes a step back, effectively changing my attempt into a fail, she clicks her tongue, “ Although, no text was sent yet, what takes so much time as saying hi ? Want me to help ?”

Uh oh, her tone feels like it’s not up for discussion and my instincts are right as she types something.

I go for my phone again and this time she doesn’t oppose, I flip it and read in horror.

Hi Jinsol ;)

“What the Sooyoung a winky face ?! And you didn’t even write my name ! I’m lucky if she doesn’t block my number !” I whine. Maybe I could delete the message before she reads it ? No, who am I kidding ? It doesn’t work like that.

Sooyoung shrugs, “What ? You weren’t going to send anything.”

I scoff, my eyes rolling to the back of my head, “You could have sent something less...cringe-worthy.”

She’s about to answer when my phone vibrates next to me, I grab it with eager fingers.

Jinsol ;) : Who’s this ?

Oh what a mess, now whatever I use to answer, I’ll look dumb, thanks Sooyoung.

The brat looks over my shoulder while I’m clumsily mustering a reply and laughs, “you .”

My head swipes so fast my neck hurts and I snap back, “ Whose fault ? Why don’t you get lost while I’m talking to her ?” 

I hit the send button when she stands up with a chuckle, “See you later grumpy !”

Grumpy, my .

Oh, it’s Jungeun, sorry aha, didn’t mean to sound like a ert aha

Yeah, that wasn’t so smooth, whatever, I think she knows I’m awkward already.

Jinsol ;) : Jungeun, better late than never ! ;)

My breath catches in my throat. , so now we’re both embarrassing, is she using the emoji naturally or on purpose to tease me ?

Yeah, sorry about that

My phone’s taken away from me yet again but to my surprise, it isn’t Sooyoung. Will you look at that…they are meant for each other, there’s no other explanation.

Jiwoo snorts as she shamelessly reads our texts, “Why are you so awkward ? You’re not that awkward with me are you ?”

I raise my eyebrows, staring at her, “Well, maybe because I don’t have your number ?”

She looks at me, realization hitting her, “Oh right ! Well here you go !” She beams and taps away on my phone.

She hands it back to me after some seconds, “ Here, and don’t be awkward like this or I won’t answer !” She sticks her tongue out before climbing down a few stairs. She looks back at me out of nowhere, “And you should send this to her instead !”

I look down on my phone, a frown painting my face.

Oh sorry, didn’t know you were waiting for me to text you that much ;)

hum, it does sound chiller, but it feels like flirting doesn’t it ? I glance back up, unsure, “Hm, you sure ? Isn’t it flirty ?”

She giggles, her loudness echoing in the gymnasium, “ It is you being out-going ! You used the word, not me ! Come on ! Instead of staying there alone, come down with us, Sooyoung and Chaewon are dancing to cheer us on, we’re having so much fun !” How did she say all that so fast ? It nearly gave me a headache. Without thinking, the message is sent and I get on my feet. Yeah, I wonder why Sooyoung is swaying her hips and -dropping so much.

 

Jinsol’s POV :

As I wait for Jungeun’s response, I go back to answer Jaehyun’s text. It has been minutes already, hopefully, I didn’t offend her in any way.

I’m not on campus, I’m out with friends for the week end, let’s go another day

The answer comes out instantly.

Jaehyun : Oh, which friends ?

I frown, he isn’t going to get jealous, is he ?

You know, the girls

Jaehyun : Alright, and that’s it ? No other person ?

He’s so annoying when he tries to pry things out of me, can’t he just straight out ask me ??

Other person as in…?

Jaehyun : Idk, dudes or whatever, I don’t trust them at parties

Oh, so that’s what it’s about. Did he forget once again that I swing both ways as they say ?

No dudes don’t worry.

I decide not to give him a piece of my mind because he would most-likely forget again, or worse, don’t take me seriously. The sigh that leaves my mouth alerts Heejin and she leans closer to me in the couch, bumping my shoulder to get my attention.

“What’s up with the sigh ?” She asks, brows furrowed.

I scroll through our conversation, upset, “ I don’t know, I feel like Jaehyun’s never listening to me.”

She doesn’t say anything, only staring at me to encourage me to develop, which I do, “ He forgot that I’m biual again, I guess ? I must sound so childish to pester for this but I had so much struggle coming to terms with it, I don’t want to erase my identity when I’m dating him.”

She hums, taking a second to think, “Well, if you ask me, I’d say don’t bother because men don’t listen, but it’d be a little biased.”

It actually makes me smile, “ I just don’t want him to think he ‘turned’ me straight or something.”

She laughs at that, leaning away to look at me better, “Wow ! Is that still a thing ? People be obsessing over biuals, geez !”

I laugh with her and rest my head on her shoulder, “Thanks.”

She snorts, my head moving with her, “I didn’t do anything though ! No but really, talk things down with him, it’s going to eat you away if you don’t.”

“Not now though.” I mutter groggily, cuddling on her shoulder while she pets my hair. My phone going off halts her movement and I sit up to check it.

Jungeun : Oh sorry, didn’t know you were waiting for me to text you that much ;) 

Excuse me, what ?  I read the text a second time, where did flustered Jungeun go ? Is it another person talking ? Although, she’s not going to beat me at that game.

You wish, I’m a busy person, I have many people texting me already, so much you slipped my mind

I smile at my phone without realizing and Heejin scoots closer, “I take it’s going better with him ?” She stares at my phone.

Thinking about him somehow drops my mood all over again, “Nah, I’m texting Jungeun.”

She scoots closer if that is even possible, “Oh she’s the one getting you all happy ? What are you talking about ?” She takes my phone from my hand before I can stop her. Her smile turns into a grin, “ Oh my god ! You girls are totally flirting ! Didn’t know you had it for the new girl you secretive little thing !”

What is she talking about ? We are just talking.

“We are not flirting though, she’s not even gay.”

She raises one eyebrow, “How do you know if she’s not ? You asked her ?”

I roll my eyes, “Of course not ! But she can barely bear me near her, she’s so awkward and I feel like everything I’m doing repulses her, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually a little homophobic.”

She bursts out laughing, making me even more confused. What's so funny ?

“Do you hear yourself for a second ? Homophobic ? She’s just some good panicked gay ! I’ve seen her, there is absolutely no way she's straight.” She manages to say while calming down her breathing.

Is she not straight ? I would have bet money on it. Well it’s not like it’s gonna change anything, I still want to be friends with her.

“Trust my gaydar on this.” She adds.

“G-Gaydar ? Do you seriously believe in that ?” I choke on my words.

“Why wouldn’t I ? It helped me get my beautiful girlfriend.” She says proudly, her eyes shining at the mention of Hyunjin.

I pinch my lips in a thin line, the sound resonating from deep in my throat, “ I call that on luck.”

“Alright ! Let’s ask the girls !” She retorts before clapping in her hands.

Everyone is staring at her in either curiosity or mild annoyance at this point, “What do you guys think about gaydar ?” She asks excitedly. Silence greets her at first. That is what we call a flop.

“ I don’t think that’s accurate, you can’t tell someone’s ual orientation based on the way they dress or talk.” Hyejoo remarks, then looks herself down, “Take me for example, I barely wear any color and my complexion’s as white as snow, do I actually drink blood and play ouija every night ? No.”

Everyone looks at each other, she’s weirdly talkative.

Haseul steals her cup and peeks inside, “I knew it !” She glares back at the culprit, “That is not ing lemonade !”

Yeojin snickers quietly from where she is sitting “And we’re not supposed to curse ? What a model.”

Haseul gives her a look that is enough to shut her up, making her shrink back in her seat and Hyejoo giggles tipsily, “oh, isn’t it ? I must have taken the wrong glass.”

Haseul shakes her head disapprovingly, “Yeah, you took the wrong glass...” She pushes Hyejoo to lay back down in her armchair.

“ Hyejoo made a point but I do think that’s a thing, my sister told me about it. It’s like gays can find each other.” Yerim interjects.

Yeojin sits up straight, “Why did you guys talk about this ? Are you gay ?”  Oh, curious suddenly ? Is there something this little shrimp isn’t telling us ?

Yerim shrugs, smiling brightly, “ How would I know ? I’ve never even had a crush yet !”

“ You’re right, you will know when it’s time.” Heejin assures like a protective bigger sister. What did we do to deserve this angel ?

I notice Yeojin nodding slightly in the corner of my eye, did she think the same thing ? It’s true that it’s hard to assimilate Yeojin and love in the same sentence. It’s like she only cares about games and food.

Kahei that has been quiet until now, decides to speak, “ I think your sister’s right, I do have an excellent gaydar.”

Haseul tilts her head at her, “Hm no you don’t, straights don’t have one.”

What the is she on ? Since when is Kahei straight ? She's like the gayest of us all. I have to laugh, well everybody has to.

“What ? Why are you laughing at me ?” She asks impatiently, her face going from one person to another.

Kahei is still giggling, her eyes shining with tears, “ Haseul, I am gay, so I have a gaydar.”

Haseul frowns, “What ? No you’re not.”

I hear Yeojin comment on my left, “Are they really going to argue about that ?”

“Yes I am, I would know.” Kahei wipes her tears, her laughter dying down.

“But then, what about the other day at the party ? You made out with some dude !” The other girl exclaims.

“Haseul, she was totally drunk out of her mind ! And that guy is gay if I remember well.” I voice out, she can get so stubborn.

Her face falls and she literally whines, “Then why didn’t I know you are gay ? We’re attached to the hip !”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who notices the way her cheeks flushes after she finishes that sentence. Haseul, sweety, your filter is thinning out with alcohol…

Kahei reaches out and squeezes her shoulder soothingly, “It’s alright, now you know.”

She looks back at Heejin and I, “Anyway, do you need my gaydar to know if someone’s gay ?” She twists her eyebrows.

I shift in the couch, blood rushing to my cheeks, “Hum no I–

“–Do you think Jungeun’s gay– ow !” I poke Heejin in the ribs to make her shut it but too late, Kahei is already thinking about an answer. Jeon Heejin I'm going to ing kill you.

She stares into space, “ She...could be ? I don’t know, I didn’t talk much with her, what do you think girls ?”.

“I’m not going to give my opinion as I must have the worst gaydar among all of us.” Haseul grumbles and gulps down the rest of her glass. Woah, what got into her ?

“I – have no say in the matter.” Yerim teases and goes for some snacks, munching loudly afterwards.

“Honestly...” Heejin catches our attention then turns to give me a look, “You already know what I think.”

“W-What–” I scoff, unable to meet her eyes, “It’s not about me.” Why am I getting self-conscious ? Can we drop this conversation already ?

I cast a glance at Hyejoo, hoping for yet another of her logical reasoning but she’s long gone, passed out and snoring from time to time.

“If you want my opinion, I’m convinced she’s hella gay.” Yeojin chimes in shamelessly. Her eyes stop on me and she clarifies, smirking, “At least for Jinsol, she totally ran away from her earlier.”

Ugh-why is she talking like I’m not here ? Brat. She could be right though.

The others don’t seem to buy it, which is good news as I don’t want them to pry on my non-existent ‘relationship’ with Jungeun.

“Or she could just be awkward with new people, but she seemed fine with us ?” Yeojin adds on. Okay there Sherlock Holmes. I have this urge to get on my feet and stuff with food so she would shut up. Jungeun doesn’t have a crush on me, there’s no way, why would she ? Then, maybe she doesn’t like me ?

I tune out of the conversation as my phone illuminates my face. I have one text from Jaehyun but I totally ignore it, going straight into the more intriguing conversation.

Jungeun : oh cool, then you can ask one of them to pay for your coffee ?

Shh, this girl.

Nah, I’d much rather have it with you

Jungeun : Alriightt, so stubborn geez

I actually decide to settle a date because I have the feeling she’s going to try and slip out of it.

Monday after school at this new coffee shop by the campus?

She answers right away.

Jungeun : Deal, have a good night Jinsol

She’s definitely more relaxed over text than in front of me.

 

+++

 

Haseul’s POV :

I slip out of the living room, needing a little calm to gather my thoughts. Kahei is gay ? Why didn’t I know ? I feel so ridiculous, putting that show in front of everyone, in front of her. At the second try, I do find the restroom and shut the door quietly behind me, I don’t need anyone checking up on me and finding me hunched over the sink in tears.

I have no idea why now, but I would die for a smoke, is it finally having the concrete confirmation that I am indeed missing on my friends ? Although I’m constantly wishing I’d get more air, Yeojin is always under my feet, why do I feel myself slipping away from them then ?

I take abnormally long and painful breaths, my whole body trembling, no, this is not the moment to breakdown. I thought it would have stopped with the end of school but I found myself some other roots to nurture my anxiety, work, my longtime infatuation with my closest friend, Wong Kahei.

I look up into the mirror, goddamn, I’m a wreck. My eyes are bloodshot for the little tears I allowed myself to shed, my dark circles are even more visible now that the concealer is gone and my cheeks are as red as poppies, though the refreshing feeling around the flower is missing.

I bend over the sink and splash some freezing water onto my face to regain my composure. You always regain your composure, don’t you need a break ? The little voice in me talks and I gulp down yet another sob when the door bursts open. Great timing. 

Kahei clumsily makes her way inside, kicking the door shut with her leg. I look away, my heart tight in my chest, she’s going to worry.

“You left so suddenly, I thought something happened.” She admits sheepishly. I look back into the mirror and see her walk past me and towards the toilet bowl. Is she going to–

“W-What are you– ” I stumble on my words and divert my eyes from her the moment black slide down her thighs to pool at her ankles. Thank the loose skirt hides her...you know.

She cackles and I can’t help but steal a glance, she is now sat down and I cower when I hear she’s shamelessly peeing in front of me.

I wipe my wet hands on my jeans and she clicks her tongue at me, “Oh come on, don’t act all shy, you see me puke every week end basically !”

Yeah, but this is not the exact same level of intimacy.

My body is burning so intensely it’s becoming suffocating, if I could just go up to her and lift up that ski–

Holy I’m out– I clear my throat so roughly it actually hurts and I flee out of there at the speed of light, slamming the door behind me.

Out. I need air right now, if I don’t go out this instant, this feeling is going to swallow me whole and I’ll pass out in this dusty corridor.

Kahei’s POV :

Haseul’s behavior is really questionable these days, can’t I empty my bladder without her making a fuss out of it as if I’m some cheap exhibitionist ?

Once my business is done, I wash my hand and scurry out of the bathroom, off to find her. I have this feeling I can’t leave her without surveillance, tsk, the irony of it is that she’s been the one keeping everyone under watch for months. I scan the living room but she is nowhere in sight.

“Have you guys seen Haseul ?” I raise my voice and fortunately, Jinsol hears me and looks up from her phone.

She nods her head in the direction of the french doors at the other side of the room, “I think she went out that door.”

I mouth a ‘thanks’ and make my way there. Oof, she’s on the deck, hunched over the railing–blowing out smoke–I thought she quit ? Well at least we didn’t lose her.

I slide the doors open and she jumps at the noise, busted. She’s quick to stub what’s left of her cigarette out under her boot. It kinda looked like someone crushed a firefly under their shoe but– let’s not spread ourselves.

I cross my arms over my chest in an attempt to be mad when she meets my gaze and relief floods on her face, “ , that’s you...”

“You could have said so...” She breathes out and stuffs her hand in her inside pocket, getting out a crushed cigarette pack.

Oh no, not on my watch. All it takes for me to move is her pinching yet another cigarette between her lips. She pulls out a lighter from another pocket but I grab her wrist, “I thought you quit ?” I try to make my voice as neutral as possible but I can’t help it when she’s doing that to her body.

She clasps the stick between her fingers half casually and ily and I don’t know if I want to yank it away from her or yank her towards me–Wong Kahei, now is not the time to fangirl.

She laughs or gasps sharply, I can’t tell, but all I know is that this tobacco breath doesn’t suit her, at all.

She stares at me, “I did but–things–came in the way.” I can’t stand seeing her like this, even kitties cuddling wouldn’t make my heart feel lighter. I pinch my lips together, I don’t know what to say, I wish she would talk to me.

Her tense face still forms the birth of a smile, “ Just this time, please.”

The desperation in her voice and the way her forearm shakes in my grip scares the hell out of me, therefore, I don’t have it in me to deny her. I let go of her without a word and walk closer to the railing, tightening my sweater around me. I watch her go back to her initial position in my peripheral vision, thumb flicking the wheel, cigarette perched from her lips and head tilted forward.

After four tries and no flame, she gets impatient, shaking like a leaf. I step closer to her and wrap my hands around hers to stop her frantic movements, “I’ll do it for you.”

She faces me and leans in, if she didn’t have the cigarette stuck there, the situation would have been misread and my heart swirls at the thought. Gosh, what did I say ? This is not the moment. I focus my attention on the lighter instead of her red-rimmed eyes and finally flick that darn wheel. The flame shines through the darkness right away, flickering languidly and she stares at it as if it is her salvation.

Ironically, her first inhale seems to bring back life into her and I hide away the lighter into my pocket to be sure it’s her last cigarette of the week end. I lean my weight over the wrought iron railing, trying to ignore that sickening smell. If it can make her feel better, I just have to accept it for now.

After a minute, I can’t bite my tongue anymore, “Do you want to talk about it ?”

The way the trees are swaying with the wind soothes my nerves and I decide that not casting her a glance is the best thing to do. Who knows, maybe it will help her get everything off her chest.

She sighs, the smoke actually warming up my face, “It’s just...these days, I feel lonely–No–overwhelmed. I’m always on someone’s back, I wish I could just relax for a week, stop worrying about Yeojin, if she’s gonna fail her class or set the whole campus on fire.”

Oh. I didn’t know she’s been this concerned. Of course she’d be like this with her little sister, but to be this rattled, we must have failed her. Why couldn’t she confide in us– in me–sooner ?

“You know, I’m pretty sure Yeojin enjoys school- as unexpected as it may sound- she cares about her grades, if you slack off a bit and take some time for yourself, she will still do good.” I break my one rule and look at her, what I said seems to make her feel a little more at ease.

“And she’s not going to set a fire, she’s all talk, like Hyejoo, don’t worry about that.” I joke lightheartedly, bringing a chuckle out of her.

She puffs out smoke, “She better not, or I’ll kill her myself.”

I laugh with her and without thinking, I side step and hug her side. As a normal reaction, she tenses but soon, she steps on the of her cigarette and leans her head on my shoulder, returning the embrace.

“Don’t keep things bottled up when you have me– us.” I blurt out almost inaudibly. Damn, don’t get sentimental right now.

She nods and tightens her arm around my waist. My head buzzes so loudly I nearly don’t catch what she says next, “ There’s so many things I wish I could tell you.”

What ?

I lean away to look at her and she gives me that look, the look that is damn nearly impossible to decipher, with this emotion I wish I could understand.

This particular tension settles in and I can swear her gaze moves down to my lips. What are you thinking Jo Haseul ?

I can’t stop the words slipping past my lips, “I think I li–”

“Guys ! Come back in we’re going to play a game–” Yerim bursts out the door, “Oh–my bad, didn’t mean to interrupt.” Her cheeks get redder as the painfully dragging seconds pass and she scratches her neck. Did she even interrupt something ? , what was I about to say ? I need to be careful, I can’t ruin our friendship with nonsense.

Haseul breaks our embrace, my body feeling much colder without her pressed up against me. Yerim clears probably to hide the elephant in the room but it only adds to the awkwardness, “We’ll wait for you two to come back in then...”

She hurriedly closes the doors shut behind her and it’s silent again. Oh boy. We’re not gonna make out or something.