He was next. He’d been so impressed with Soonyoung, who had gone right before him, that he felt like he was going to pass out. Soonyoung had sung and danced a smooth and y number that, weeks ago, would have made him feel hot and flustered. Now it just made him feel inadequate. His stomach churned and he felt like he wanted to throw up. But then his name was being called and the spotlight was on and he had no choice but to walk out and stare into the endless black abyss of the crowd.

 

“M-my name is Lee Seokmin and I’ll be singing Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls,”

 

A flash of bright light drew his attention to the back of the auditorium where the door was cracked open. He saw a figure slip inside and his heart began to pound in his chest as he saw Joshua walking down the centre aisle to sit near the front. The black abyss of the faceless crowd suddenly had a face and a meaning and a purpose. He felt the emotion rising up but didn’t let it reach his eyes as he began to sing the words Joshua had introduced him to and helped him to learn so diligently.

 

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now   And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight   And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am   And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive   And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

 

He sang the words and poured his heart out on stage for the man who would never know. The man who sat and watched, who accidentally and unknowingly taught him how to feel and how to love, who would never understand the moments of truth in Seokmin’s lies and his own. Who could never understand what Seokmin would give up to be able to stay in his arms forever.

 

He sang and remembered that night, the night Joshua gave him his first real kiss in front of the whole world, and made him feel like he was in a movie. And he felt so broken inside as he sang and tears filled his eyes and he couldn’t fight them. He was so lost, he didn’t know how he was going to let this end, how he could ever forget the taste of Joshua on his tongue, the warmth of his breath buried into his neck.

 

He wanted to live this lie forever because he didn’t know how to make it the truth.

 

 

 

 

Joshua sat in the audience mesmerised. He’d heard Seokmin sing when he was helping him with the song but he’d never heard him really sing. Not like this. Loud and strong, his voice was beautiful, the words clear and filled with genuine and overwhelming emotion. Standing in the spotlight he looked and sounded like an angel and Joshua felt a lump in his throat formed as he listened to his favorited song reimagined in a way he’d never expected. There was no accompaniment, no microphone, no movement. Just Seokmin and his beautiful voice, his eyes