I woke up and the heady feeling that something good is in store for me is not fading. I have this practice, before I open my eyes and start the day- I keep my eyes closed and go over the day. Plan out the things I will do and recall what I did the night before. But today, I only have one person in mind. Key. Finally, I can allow my mind to think about him alone and not think about the consequences. I shift and turn to the side, expecting to see him staring back at me. I have the inkling he is an early-riser and a light sleeper. 




“ good-” I start off but what greets me is an empty bed. Well, as good as empty, cause he is not here. I sit upright at once, looking around? Where did he go? Did he slip off while I was asleep? Is he regretting everything? A dozen more questions pop in my head and I hear a knock on my door and I am relieved. 




He is still here? 




“ why are you knocking? You can just open the door~” I say sweetly and swing the door open, only to find Jinu, in his track suit looking entirely unimpressed with me. . 




“ oh, Goodmorning! I thought you were someone else, ”




“ I gathered.” He says and narrows his eyes, pushes me aside and looks around. 




“ are we having a routine check in my room that I didn’t know?” I snap and he glares at me. I sift through my mind, wondering If I did something wrong for the past 24 hours to make him this mad. I have not broken any rule, 




“ You have no idea, ” he hisses and throws a letter at me. I catch it and the black envelope is in my hands, I look at it and he tells me to open it. A white paper is inside, with words scribbled in black ink. What was written made my blood boil. The stalker has Key. 




“ How is this possible? He was here- he- ” 




How did that happen? He was in bed, right next to me.I held him in my arms. How did the stalker manage to lure him away from me? 




“ I know, I know about the two of you. He resigned from the royal guards, the letter was dated yesterday.”




I couldn’t help but feel frustrated. He chose me. He chose us. Leaving his life and the opportunity to become one of the royal guards. It’s not going to be easy if we decide to let the relationship continue. And now, because of me, he is in danger. 




“ Did the cameras get anything? The guards?”




“ No. ” Jinu replied, looking around my room, trying to look for clues. 




“ Where do we even find him? Where do we look?” I pull my hair, clearly helpless of this situation. Normally, kidnappers will give a time and place, even a ransom money to be delivered. But this has absolutely nothing, like I have to go to the nearest abandoned warehouse and show myself. Am I the ransom money? 




“ I think this person will send another note in an hour or so, waiting for you to get up. Look, Onew, we need help. I need clearance.”




I stare at him, I don’t have any idea what he is talking about. 




“ Look, Contrary to popular belief, the royal guards assigned to you only have level one clearance.”




“ You mean, you  just have jurisdiction in place I go to? And limited?” I tell him and he nods. 




“ Yes, and for something like this, we need the highest clearance. The Queen has eyes and ear everywhere. She knows, in some way, who your stalker is. ”




My mind is reeling, the Queen knew all along? She had some clue who this person is but she still wouldn’t help me. Why should she? If I knew something about her, is that she has the value of knowledge. She knows something about everyone that can either make or break them. The reason why she has stayed in power for so long. I just didn’t know she will use that against me, against us, her family. 




“ I understand. ” I say lightly. 




“ Onew, you know the Queen, ”




“ You don’t have to give me a pep talk, I understand why she did it. She needs a control over me.’




“ She only wants the best for you,” he offers as he leaves the room. 




“ what she thinks is good for me. ” 




As he closes the door, I feel the dread come over me. Maybe I cannot have everything after all. Maybe, last night was just a taste of something I can never have. Pulling out of my phone, I sent messages to my friends and at the first send, someone immediately calls me. 




“ Onew, what happened?” It’s taemin. 




“ he’s gone, the- that crazed took him away.” 




“ is there a drop off point? ” 




“ no, that’s it. Nothing. Jinu already looked for Key everywhere, thinking that this can be a hoax. We are waiting for another letter. ”




“ Okay, we will come down there.” 




“we?” I ask and I hear him cough. 




“ Minho & I, we had breakfast together and we will go there-” he says nonchalantly and the temptation to ask him questions is there but I have no energy for it. 




“ Okay, ” I say and I hear another knock on the door, but this one is persistent. Only one person knocks like this, Jonghyun. 




“ I heard, I asked around, no one saw Key come back in Stanley. Even Mir, his roommate.” I tell him to take a seat and I look defeated it’s almost irritating. I know I should be out there, looking for him or shouting in the heavens, but I know I have one choice. Jonghyun reads my mood and he shoots me a knowing look. 




“ so why are you cooped up in your room?”




“ it’s the Queen.”




His eyes widen, “ the Queen got Key kidnapped? Are you sure?” his voice rises and I tell him to keep it toned down. “ I mean, why? It’s not like- Key is her employee but he resigned- ”




“ No, I thought about this actually, but I brushed It off. A stalker, a stalker that threatens the prince? Ofcourse the Queen will have that in a minute but she let it pass. She let that person get to me.” Finally, anger is thick in my words and Jonghyun looks at me in disbelief. 




“ You mean, she expected this all along. ”




“ she knows that I will need her help, and when I do, she will be right there- giving me a condition.” 




“ that’s cruel, but she is the Queen of this country. I can’t say I expected any less,” Jonghyun replied and I cant help but agree. I was destined to fall into this trap in the beginning. I bet the Queen doesn’t know I will fall for Key but it’s still on her side anyway. 




“ I will call her, I will talk to her, ask her to give Jinu clearance. ”




“ she used someone inside this university, atleast we can find out who that is.” Jonghyun voiced out and I wish it was that easy. 




Taemin and Minho arrive and I smile at them, giving the semblance that things are under control. We fill them both with what happened and Minho is frustrated. Like me, he hates to have no choice and fall into traps. Taemin is like Jonghyun, he is surprised at how cruel the Queen can be but at the same time- almost condones it. Unlike me, Taemin is used to these power games and politics going on in the royal families. 




“ You have to go back to the palace. ” Taemin advises and I groan, I have do this sooner, every moment I stay here, Key is captured and without me. I make myself presentable and they all help me with what I am to say. I mean, what are 4 boys a match against the Queen of the country? We think that if we combined our ideas, we can outwit her. But it seems unlikely. The Queen probably plotted this for years and they have less than an hour. 




“ We are dealing with the most powerful woman in the world and a psycho- I don’t think we can fare that well. But goodluck,” Jonghyun put it lightly and I punch him playfully. Jinu arrives and he ushers me outside. 




“ she is expecting you,”




“ ofcourse.” 








// 




The Palace once was the safest places in the world. Some people may say it’s obvious, ofcourse- it’s a palace- with guards and all. But because this is my house, were I grew up. The familiarity and seeing no strangers in here. Every face I pass, every room I turn is close to me. They all have a story about me and who I am. Now, as I enter this fortress, it seems like a prison. I guess that happens to the best of us, we all end up hating the one thing we love the most. When love is no longer enough, we choose to hate. 




My mother looks at me, as if telling me to just bow down and follow the queen. I cannot tell her off, what I do will affect her as well. This is not about me anymore. It’s about upholding the practices of royalty. I cannot just step all over it. 




“ Onew, please- ”




“ please what?” I cut her off, she could slap me if she wants to but she does not do that. Instead, she looks me in the eye, willing me to be stronger. 




“ Onew, you just have to follow her. You had your years in the university, you had them already. Now is the time to return to us, to your family.”




“ did you know about this? Why did you have to resort to being partners with a psycho you cannot understand?” 




“ We, look, I had no idea. She wouldn’t want you harmed-”




“ I had enough of this, where is she?”




“ waiting for you in her sitting room.”




Almost like poetic justice, the same sitting room I defied her. The same room where she granted my freedom and I was able to talk to her levelly. The same space she takes everything away from me again. Opening the door, I see her seated quietly, teacup in hand. She gestures for her maids and secretary to get out and leave us alone. 




“ what do you want?” I say bitterly, no love lost in here. I tell myself. I only have so much love to give her and this family. But it seems like, she sees all of us as pawns for her game of chess with the world. I wonder if she ever saw me as a grandson. 




“ no greetings for me?” she quips and smiles at me.  “Did the university fail to teach you manners?” her face relaxes into something serene, but in her eyes, I see it. The triumph. The victory. 




“ My manners are just fine. ”




“ ofcourse, ofcourse, why are you here then? ”




“ You know why, why did you allow this to happen?” I shout at her, sounding like a five year old complaining about the rain. But she seems to be startled. 




“ I don’t have any idea what you are saying. ”




“ Don’t lie to me, I am your grandson, not a political figure you have to trick. I can stand the truth, ”




“ If you did, then this would not have happened.” She said evenly and walked towards me, “ I always get what I want, no matter the cause. You shouldn’t have defied me before.”




“ where is Key?” I ask, impatient. 




“ he is safe, and-”




“ how can you even do that? Resort to confiding to a stalker. ”




She smiles at me. “ Your stalker? He is closer than you think.”




So he is a male, as I suspected. 




“ Close enough to snatch Key while we lay in bed together.” I gritted my teeth, trying to shock her with my words. I can be as crass as her right now. 




“ I will give the clearance to Jinu and you can find them.” She Tells me and I close my mouth, I have to stop from cursing her and doing more damage. 




“ what do you want?”




“ Simple. Spend your last year in Paris. Then spend another two years as a diplomat.” 




“ You want me to uproot my entire life in here and go to a foreign country on my own?”




“ a prince’s life is never easy,” she admonishes and I turn away. 




“ I will give you what you want. Just tell me where Key is, and tell your hired-stalker to get off my back. ”




“ oh, he is not hired. He came to me, he came to us, he genuinely likes you. I will let you take care of him. Dear, put him off lightly, he loves you so.” Her words infuriate me. 




“ How can you that? Whoever he is, he is not in his right mind. You shouldn’t have taken advantage of him! ” I say and she looks at me, amusement in her eyes. I recognize this look, the same one she gives me when I say something childish and innocent. 




“ I need you to do your duty and I don’t care who or what I will associate myself with to get it. I couldn’t talk to any of the royal security because they have an oath to you as well. What I needed was someone willing, someone who will never sell me out. ” her voice is even, like she is explaining a fact of life and not some insane excuse for her actions. 




Clenching my fists together, trying my hardest to not lunge at her and choke her to death. Now I understand why people kill and harm out of rage. Sometimes the rage is just too much that you have to let it go. But I have to control myself. 




“ this is the last time that you will control me.” I seethed and she falls silent. 




“ we will see about that.” She counters and I leave the room. 




I have never felt so alone in my entire life. 




//




   
“ What happened?” Taemin asks me as soon as I arrive back in Eagle house. Jinu is now doing his best to find where Key is. This whole country is filled to the brim with security, we can find anyone with the right clearance. And it’s not like Key doesn’t know the security system of this country, he might leave clues or what. This is my only hope. 




“ I have to move to Paris.” I say and both jonghyun and minho turn to stare at me, bewildered. 




“ You cannot do that, you will be president of this house next year. ” Minho says and my heart twitches at the thought. This house, Eagle house is close to my heart. This place made me feel free. But I have to let this go to keep Key safe. 




“ Kangta said something about you not being the president next year,” jonghyun said and I feel my stomach lurch. I disappointed him too, 




“” but why? “ 




“ I don’t really know. We were at a party over at Stanley, same night you and key locked yourself up. He told me, ” Jonghyun’s face turns all weird, like he realized something and he looks at me. “ he told me that the Queen won’t let you stay here for long.”




His words ring in my ear. How does he know that? As far as everyone is concerned, the main problem is a stalker trying to harm others to get to me. Even in the press conference, the Queen never said anything. 




“ Man, I don’t know, I was pretty drunk, but I remembered that cause he sounded so serious- you don’t think?”




Taemin looks at me, as if telling me that this may lead to something. I try to reason with myself, Kangta? He cannot do this to me. But Minho stands up and tells us that we should go to his room and ask him straight away. Minho is always the type to just ask a person if there is a problem, unlike us who go behind each other’s back. We quickly make our way to the senior’s hallway and walked to his room. I knocked thrice  and no one is answering, I resolve to just let it be and come back later. But Taemin is insistent, he asks Minho if we can break in, he reasons that this is important. 




“ we need to know,” Taemin says simply. 




“ Kangta will kill us if he finds out we broke in,” I counter and Jonghyun is not sharing my sentiment. 




“ Kangta will listen to us if we tell him the truth, That man doesn’t get mad as long as you explain everything to him.”




Minho has no choice but to try and bust it open, I don’t really know how he learned to pick locks here. That is the problem with the Senior Hallways, it’s the oldest set of rooms so they don’t have built in security locks. They say it’s because they are older and can protect themselves. As we enter his room, it looks pretty much the same as the others but it looks bigger. 




“ what are we looking for ? ” I ask, I don’t even know why we are here anyway. 




“ anything that will give us clues, ” Taemin says levelly and we look around. Jonghyun is busy looking at papers and his study desk. Minho is unwillingly helping taemin look through his closet as I play lookout. But really, we shouldn’t be invading his privacy like this. I step towards his bookshelf and something catches my eyes, It’s a photobook of me. I remember this one, this was published during my first year in highschool. I remember signing copies of this before. Why does he have this? I reach out to touch it and with curiosity, I yank it away. 




Then something eerie happens. The bookshelf opens, It’s a door. 




“ guys- ” 




Taemin is the first one at my side and Minho looks surprised. Jonghyun on the other hand is torn between being scared and thinking how he can use this secret room to his benefit. We all go in. The room is the size of the en suite bathroom, added a fourth space in it. But as soon as I pull a thread to illuminate it, I am stunned. 




A shrine. This is a shrine for me. 




“ holy ” jonghyun says. 




. Really. Pictures of me, papers upon papers of information about me. Like, if my Wikipedia page will be printed and posted everywhere- this might as well be it. I see letters as well, not all addressed to me but some are even verses. 




“ camera-” Minho points on top and I freeze. He knows we are here, he monitors this room. My phone rings and we all look at each other. 




“ pick it up, I will tell Jinu to come over.” Taemin says and I place my phone on speaker. 




“ so , you’ve caught me. ” Kangta. I am sure. This is him. I want to ask him a lot of questions, tell him a lot, and yet all I can say is – 




“ why?” 




I can hear him chuckling on the other end. 




“ You wouldn’t understand, but the Queen did.” 
“ the Queen wants me to move to Paris, bet that wouldn’t be good for you.” I say back. 




“ better for me. This country is polluting you, you are associating with people you shouldn’t. it’s high time you move, you live in a country where you can be alone. Where no one can touch you- ofcourse, I would visit you from time to time. ”




My heart hammers and I get goosebumps from his words. It’s not the entire insanity of it, but the tone of his voice- like he knows that this is a noble gesture and that onew should thank him. Kangta actually thinks he is saving me. Jonghyun is mouthing something at me, telling me to move, to let Jinu track the call. Minho on the other hand is dumbfounded, Kangta is one of his heroes in the world and this might be too much. Later, I will explain to him that the Queen is at fault. Really. 




“ I see the Queen already sold me out, ”




“ Kangta, I won’t press charges. Just tell me where you are, I can take you to a good institution.” I plead to him and Jinu shakes his head, 




“ tell your friends they should stop doing this. They are cornering me, I don’t want to feel like this.”




“ Okay, ” I tell him immediately. “ Okay, I will tell them to back off. Where are you? Can I talk to Key. ”




“ You can, you can if you come here. Alone. I will give you Key, in exchange of the satchel behind my bed. ” he tells me and Minho goes over and picks the satchel. It’s an old satchel, the one we were given back in higschool. 




“ don’t open it- I will know if you did.” He warns and I snatch it away from Minho. 




“ okay, where?”




“ where else onew? The first place we met.”




“ St. Andrew’s Highschool.” I whisper and the phone line is dead. 




As soon as it did, arguments immediately erupt. Everyone wanted me to do something different. I am not stupid enough to go there alone, I will be wired and there will be back-up a few steps behind.  The plan is I go there, do the exchange and Kangta will be caught after a few hours. I don’t want him to be put in prison, he needs help. His mind is not rational. 




I should be angry at Kangta but I feel more sympathetic.




//




St. Andrew’s changed a lot over the years. During his year, they added a lot more in it because someone from the royal family is there. The patrons of the school are also funding it like crazy. He walks towards the gym. The old gym. That is the place he and minho first met Kangta, when he tagged along minho for his time to sign up as a member of the sports club. He is right. There he is, standing at the center with Key, tied up and bound- on a chair. 




“ KEY! ” he shouts and Key looks up, and the hope in his face in tangible that Onew’s heart clenches. 




“ not too fast prince,” Kangta says,




“ I have your satchel.” He says evenly and walks over to them. He looks around , looking for a sign of other people. Key is gagged and Onew wants to pull it out but he has to wait. 




“ I knew you would come for him,” Kangta says. 




“ I would, But I also came for you Kangta.” He replies and the latter looks surprised. 




“ stop lying, just give me the satchel and don’t let your guards stalk me after. ”




“ Kangta, look-”




“ I love you Onew.” His words almost shake the ground. Just the sheer weight of the declaration at this moment. Like those words should explain everything. “ I watched you, ever since high school. I knew you wanted out, I knew you wanted to be away from the royal family. When you finally went to lancelot, I took you in and - ”




“ You shouldn’t have done that. You hurt people, ”




“ it was necessary,” he says defensively. 




“ But now you will be free, can’t you see that?”




“ You just pushed me away from my family,” Onew retorts and throws the satchel to him and he moves towards Key. He immediately removes the gag and Key looks up at him and says, 




“ you came for me.”




“ ofcourse I would, ” he says earnestly and unties the knots. Kangta keeps looking at them, as if deciding what to do next. 




“ where are your guards?” he asks- 




“ they are not here, I came alone.” Onew answers and  he hears jinu speak on the earpiece. ‘leave now, ’ Key looks at him knowing what they are supposed to do. 




“ you better be true to your word, I have to go-”




“Kangta, I can help you.” He says and Key pulls him, “ Onew, we have to go. ”




“ The Queen said I will do you and this country service if I did, and-” Kangta says and Onew turns to him. 




“ You were my friend, you should have chosen me above anyone else. Even this country,” he says finally. 




Kangta’s face morphs into something close to despair and Onew can’t bring himself to care. He hears more words, but he tunes it out, holding onto Key. He thought, that first day he knew he had a stalker that it will end badly. That he had to harm that person, but he never expected it to be this easy. And that in the end, he is the one to have to sacrifice. Really, The Queen played this game well. 




“ let’s go home,” Key takes his hand and he squeezes back. 




// 




It’s the last day of Junior year and the day that he has to fly to Paris. His friends tell him to try and reason with the Queen or escape but he is a man of his word. They can visit him, he says and as he looks at Key, right there, waiting for him in the hallway of his University house. He feels like everything has gone full circle and yet, they can’t seem to meet in the middle. Like Destiny is just making them meet for a span of time and have them separated for the rest. There is a Chinese myth, saying that everyone in the world is tied up in red strings and are all connected. He wishes it were true and they will always find a way. 




“ hey” Key greets him , taking his hand in his and leaning over naturally, kissing him fully on the lips. A simple gesture, a swipe of their lips and he opens for more. He is drunk with this. How he thinks he can go one for three years without this is ridiculous. 




“ came here to sabotage me?” Onew asks and Key smiles, handing him something. It’s an envelope. With something in it, but the envelope is thick that he cannot guess what is inside. 




“ don’t try to guess what that is yet,” he warns him and onew pockets it. 




“ you are leaving then,” key says and he pulls him closer. 




“ I have to,”




“ Paris is lovely, you won’t even notice everything else.” Key offers and Onew wants to wipe that sadness in his face. 




” I doubt that, you are all I want and you are back here in Wiltshire.” He responds and he want to move this conversation in his room, but the moment is right here. In this dark hallway, how ironic. 




“ and I will find you again, like I did before. Can’t you see?” Key smiles, Onew looks at him, confused. “ I was in between houses, an orphan, and somehow- we met that night. After that, I was absolutely sure the royal guards won’t take me in. but they did, and they assigned me to you. I would always find you, no matter how they try to take you way from me. ” 




Onew is breathless with the declaration and he wants to answer but he is stuttering, what does one say to that? 




 “ I love you. ” is his only reply, and really – that is all there is. Nothing more. How can he compete to what Key said? Key’s eyes sparkled and he clutched his hand. 




“ and I love you, but not now. I think, I really think that this is not our time yet.” Key offers. 




“ how can you say that? We have been apart for too long.” Onew complains, 




“ You, you still have to do your duties. The world already sees you as a poster boy, everyone loves you. But the world officials still have to see you in a serious light. Like an equal. ” his words ring true. Onew wants recognition from world leaders and he knows he has to work hard for it. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you are a celebrated member of the royal family and too young. But this work and training as a diplomat will help him. It will. 
“ and I, I want to finish this. I am still on scholarship and it’s only a year.”




“ then we must wait,” Onew says finally and pulls Key closer. “ come on, let’s go to my room.” He says without thinking, really, he just needs Key closer and the latter laughs. Onew can’t still do It right, can’t still wrap his head around this. Whatever this is intimacy they have. 




“So you’re just tired, and you want a good night’s sleep,” Key says flatly, moving his arm up to his eyes again. Onew frowns and grabs his wrist, feeling the touch like an electric shock up his arm. From the way Key’s eyes widen, he knows he feels it too, they haven't touched intimately eversince that horror that happened. they kissed and all but nothing more. 




“No,”Onew says softly. “I—I don’t want to sleep.” He leans down over Key, his heart beating wildly in his ears, and somehow he can feel Key’s heartbeat, too, pulsing through him like the headache, like the shock that’s still traveling through his body and setting his nerves on fire. Key is frozen, staring up at him, in a bed that smells like Onew and Onew hopes he wants this too, hopes that losing all those clothes in bed means what he thinks it means.That they will not regret this when they wake up tomorrow and realize that they have to be apart once more. 




Onew says, “I want to kiss you,” and Key swallows hard, he feels so stupid for even asking. when only minutes ago, they kissed outside. but this is something more, it will not end with just more kisses. 




Key whispers, “Okay,” and Onew sinks down and presses his mouth to Key’s.








What follows is a blur, only because Onew can barely believe that it’s really happening. He gets to learn that Key taking off any kind of clothes, whether they’re his own or Onew’s, is insanely hot, possibly made hotter by the fact that suddenly he’s shy about it, covering himself up when Onew looks too long. Onew yanks his hands away, whispers platitudes he truly means, kisses Key’s eyelids when they flutter closed in protest. 




And the way that Key  looks at him—it’s hard to believe, then, that Key belongs anywhere but in Onew’s bed, in his arms or all over him. It’s almost enough to forget why this is such a bad idea. that by all intents and purposes, what they have is bad news. but it doesn't feel that way. who is he say anyway? 








He pushes that thought aside, knows he will deal with it in the morning. Now, he focuses on the slick slide of their bodies against each other, the utterly satisfying burn of Key as he is buried inside him, pressing deep like he wishes he could never leave. Everything is sharp and hot and sweet, and Onew isn’t even going to bother comparing it to with other people, because it’s not good or great or even fantastic—it’s everything, all encompassing, something that his body has been crying out for for so long that he can’t imagine ever not wanting it. 




After, he lies down with Key curled around him, finally touching after all those nights of carefully maintained distance, and it’s so ing perfect that it hurts that it’s over. He doesn’t know if the problems are gone for good, can’t muster up the will to get out of this bed and check. Onew just tucks himself in closer to Key, and knows it can wait until morning, tries not to dread it.












Onew wakes first the next morning. He almost wants to roll over and go back to sleep, just to wait until Key is up and prolong separating for that much longer, but he doesn’t. Instead he thinks of his supposed new life in Paris. the media storm about to hit with his departure and what will actually happen there. add the two years that he will train as a diplomat and meet people. Like his whole life is literally ahead of him, everything he ever wanted if he just opened the door and stepped out. if only he had the courage to leave Key. 




He gets out of bed, kisses Key on the forehead, and goes quietly back to packing his clothes. he planned to do that last night, but ofcourse- he didn't. he takes what he can, the rest, he can let people from the palace box them and take them out. he thinks of his friends, Minho who is now on the top list to be the president of Eagle house. Jonghyun, who is a shoo in to be the president of Stanley. and his cousin, Taemin who is happy with his freedom. There is a pang in his chest, thinking that he should have never stepped foot here. never should have allowed himself to experience this, cause he will keep looking fot it. But still, if ti weren't for Lancelot, he would have never met Key. Maybe everything is meant to be. despite all the ups. 




Onew finds one of Key’s hoodies tossed on the sheets, a pair of his pajama pants crumpled on the floor. He grabs them both and stuffs them in his suitcase before he can stop himself. Then he goes downstairs to leave. It's classic and almost crass for him to leave this way. but he can’t stand to let Key wake up and drag it. He needs to face his new life. 




As he sees Jinu open the car door for him, he nods and keeps his head down. This is his goodbye.