Onew’s Point of view

            My rebellion is childish and uncalled for but I have to do this to have my way around things. The Queen finally allowed me go back to the university with one rule, that I call and tell theme everything that happens to me. And if one more attack happens, I will have to be pulled out. I am not entirely sure that the stalker will stop, but the need to go back is immense. It’s been two days since I’ve stayed here in the palace. Two days and I haven’t see Key. Jinu tells me he came back to the university.

He is one of the reasons why I cannot wait to come back.

He won’t even answer my calls.

Why as I wrong? I second-guess myself everytime but that kiss is something I cannot question. I felt it, an out of body experience and I know it’s not a one-way thing.

Jungsu (Leeteuk) greets me as I enter the sitting room for the last time, tomorrow morning, I will be coming back to the university.

“ I know you would change her mind, you’re her favourite anyway,”

“ are you sure? I doubt that.” I answer back.

“ You are, she cannot say no to you. You are like her little explorer, she allows you to do everything and learn on your own. Unlike me, unlike us- unlike out father who was pampered to death.” He responds.

I have to agree. Our father was brought up in strict values and old ways from the royal family. He was never allowed to do things that a common person would do. Everything that he did was for royalty alone. The perfect royal son, always following the family. But I am different, I would like to believe that I am. Or maybe because we live in a different time, the people needs a prince that they can reach out to. A prince that they see walking around, one who will shake their hands and carry their child for a picture. A prince who they can see in a magazine and hear on interviews.

That’s me.

“ But everything is uncertain, the agreement is if there is one more attack, I have to go back.”

“ then you have to do your best to find out who this stalker is. You are the only targeted like this Onew, I think this is personal. Like this person genuinely likes you to go this far. ”

I gathered that conclusion long ago. No letters are sent in the palace , everything was in the university. It’s safe to deduce that the person is from the university and probably even someone I talked to during classes. Worst, someone from Eagle House.

“ I will do my best. ” I answer him he breathes deeply and stares at me for quite some time. This only means one thing. He has something he wants to tell me.

“ out with it,” I tell him flatly and he smiles.

“ you know me so well,”

“ofcourse, I am your brother- we may not be together like we did before- but I know you.” I tell him and encourage him to talk. We are the only ones who can talk like this, like normal people without the weight of the royal family. It’s been an unspoken rule between us, that when we talk about our problems, we will not think a solution that takes into consideration who we are. It’s just like two brothers who needs an honest opinion.

“  are you pressured by the drug problem?” I ask. This is the number one problem in Wiltshire, illegal pushers are coming in- we don’t know yet who is the mole at the customs and bureaus. The media is eating this up and the people are restless to have it resolved.

“ no, we are making progress.” He smiles.

“ so, what is it? ”

“ it’s about Sora.” He breathes out and I feel an alarm in my head go off. Is something wrong? No. this can’t be. I love my brother, he is my idol. Aside from the fact that he is intelligent man and an efficient prince, he can also have a good love life. They are a perfect match. Been together since their freshmen year in college. It’s like seeing your favourite pair of people probably fall apart.

“ what? What happened?”

“ I think we have to part ways.”

“ what do you mean exactly by part ways?” I ask him.

“ She wants to get married and I can’t.”

I am stunned. Jungsu does not want to get married? I always pictured them getting married, with the media from all over the world witnessing it. With me, as the best man and Sora’s sister as the maid of honor. I’m pretty sure mom already chose the colors to use. But, why now?

“ What do you- ” I ask and he looks at me, exasperated. I can’t believe this- I don’t’ understand my brother anymore. Like he is not the same person anymore.

“ what happened?”

“we grew apart, and I- I cannot see myself with her.” He responds and he looks away, almost pensieve. “ I thought back then, and I know all of you are waiting for us to get married. And I allowed myself to think that to. I thought it’s what I want, cause it’s what you all expect from me. But one day, I woke up and realized that- I cannot. It’s almost surreal, how you feel like you have everything figured out and wake up one day to find out that you are not happy.”

I wanted to reach out, wanted to pester him some more.

“ did you have a fight?” I stop for a moment and finally ask, “is there someone else.”

He laughs at that, “ look at you Onew, you’re like a showbiz host.”

I pout at him and he laughs even more.

“ no, there isn’t anyone. If there is anything like, falling out of love. I think this is it.” He says solemnly.

“ does she know?”

“ I think so, in a way she knows that things are different. But I will talk to her, when we meet again. ”

“ Wow.,” I say, I mean- what more can I say? Do I say sorry? Do I give an advice? “ Just, I never thought this would happen. But if you’re not happy and it feels like a business partnership and nothing more- then-”

My voice slips and he takes a sip from his tea, I follow suit and make my own. He crosses his legs and eyes me.

“ how about you? ” his question startles me and he notices it. “ oh god, you are hopeless. Who is he?” he asks lightly. It was never an issue between us and the entire family. They know that I fancy men and my mom thinks that won’t be an issue- with the world growing more accepting. My mother thinks that since I am gay, I will magically have an impeccable sense of fashion and come with her on spa trips. But sadly, I didn’t. I remained me. The media hints at it, but I never said anything. I just haven’t met someone who was worth it.

“ it’s someone- from school.” I mumble. Jungsu does not know about the hallway guy. So this will not be as easy to explain as it was for taemin and minho.

“ really? From eagle house?”

“ No. Stanley.” I answer.

“ You are answering in less words than usual, what are you hiding? “ I sip more tea and his eyes narrows at me. I just wish this conversation will end or something important will come up. “ Little brother, please do not hide something from me. Trust me, it will feel better if you just tell me what It is.”

Somehow, I highly doubt that. Telling this to him will only make him realize how wrong this is and he will proceed to lecture me. Which is alright and actually fitting. It only intensifies my longing.

“ He happens to be apartoftheroyalguards.” I says quickly and he raises his eyebrow,

“ did you just say that he is part of the royal guards?” I can only nod and he suddenly double in laughter.

“ oh. My. God! You are one kid, specially screwed up, you know?”

“ thank you for the vote of confidence. ” I say pointedly and he continues to laugh.

“ does he feel the same way?”

“ I think he does,” I stop short and continue, “ it’s complicated. You know, I have a lot going and he has too.”

“ nothing is actually complicated. ” Leeteuk tells me lightly. “ you are both unattached. Strip the fact that you are a prince and he is a commoner who happens to be your bodyguard. Take that all away, I mean, what stops you from just seizing the day. What is stopping you from telling him that you like him?”

His words reverberate in the room. I have never asked myself this, I have never allowed myself to look at this perspective. In a way, I am sabotaging myself. Now that I think about it, Key is always the one who is doing a gesture. In that closet, he was the one who talked. He was the one who kissed me. The one who embraced me, flirted with me in that party. Am I selfish?

“ we have to wait,” I say in my defense.

“ people tell us to wait and wait- what are we really waiting for?”

“ we wait to think about things, so that when we finally make that leap- we are sure. We can leap without looking back.” I reply back and he smiles at, as we look over the window and the first drops of the rain decided to fall.

“ and when you waited that long, has it made you more sure? If you waited, will everything be more worth it?”

I had no answer to that.

//

Returning to the university created more buzz than necessary, everyone thought I will not come back and drop-out. But here I am. I had to immediately go to classes and talk to professors and pass my works. It’s like first day of classes all over again, going around the campus and sitting down just to catch my breath and drink.

I have not talked to any of my friends yet, aside from that small hi and hello, are you fine from Minho.

Finally coming back to Eagle house is a blessing, they all welcome me back along with the council. Kangta is beaming and I am relieved that I will not disappoint him further.

“ how are things going?” I ask.

“ fine, two days without you- nothing major happened really. I knew you would come back.”

“ finally, someone who believes that,” I say and he frowns.

“ what do you mean? The Queen allowed you to come back here. ”

“ yes, but she never believe that I can actually stay here for long you know? Remember when I told you she was the only one who immediately said yes when I decided to go to the university? Well, she told me she hoped I will learn from my mistake.” Bitterness is thick in my tone and I want to wipe it off.

“ well, that man, but you’re here. Aren’t you? Members of the eagle house are not quitters you know. ”

“ I believe that more everyday.” I smile at him and it dawns on me. I should not quit. I should not give up on anything, no matter how hard it is. I refuse to back down. I need to find him, I need to talk to him. No more waiting for him to rise to the bait just because I am too afraid to take a chance.

“I need to be somewhere.” I say quickly and I dashed off. Not even bothering to clean myself or change clothes.

I must take a chance.

Minho suddenly stops me just before I get out,

“ Onew, we need to talk first.” His tone is serious and I follow him. We enter the meeting room and he pulls out two letters.

 “these two are in your bed, those past days that you were not here.”

I snatch it from him,

“ thanks-”

“ look, I am only giving this to you cause I cannot stand you ing that you are cage din that palace okay? Don’t even tell anyone, I hate to be at the wrong side of the queen or even Jinu.”

“ promise,”

We both open the letters and there it is. Pictures of me during the festival, two of them. And five prints of me enjoying the bonfire party and one of them is a close-up of me taking the drink that Key mixed for me. My heart doubles over, does this person know about us?

There is also one letter.

Prince Jinki,

That sacrifice was for you, since this is a day for you.  Day to honor you, if it was me, everyday will be dedicated to you and everyone should bow to your mercy. Like I do. You are perfect and the world will soon know that, they take you for granted, wearing their matching shirts and screaming. They love you and your face, your royalty. But I am the one that loves you best. I am the one that will be there for you even if everything is taken away from you.

They took you away from me. They cannot take you away, I will get you out, don’t worry. I am watching you. And I am not changing my promise, I will take you away and give you freedom. I will save you, I will do anything, lie, cheat and kill for you.

Just tell me the word and your wish is my command.

Yours truly.

“ how about telling that person to leave you the alone.” Minho hissed and I closed the letter once more.

“ I don’t know where she gets the idea that I want to be free from the family. I am independent, but I will never abandon the family.” I say.

“ that person is crazy, probably some made up story in her head. ”

“ let’s just hope she won’t do anymore sacrifices, but I thinks he has an accomplice. One person cannot do this on her own.”

We look at each other for a moment and he taps my back.

“ seriously man, welcome back! I am so relieved, it’s not the same.”

“ are you going cheesy on me?” I laugh and he punches me.

“ don’t get used to it, where are you going? Jonghyun’s party?” He asks.

“ JONGHYUN HAS A PARTY?” I almost shout.

“ yes, a party in his room actually, the idiot wanted to make one in honor of you returning as an excuse.”

“ I don’t remember being invited, if it’s in my honor, I think I should be invited.” I frowned.

“ you are, he wanted to call you – but things are crazy over at Stanley.”

“it’s always crazy over at Stanley.”

We both make our way to Stanley and it’s 7pm. I can hear the loud music, trust Stanley to have a party on a school night. As we opened the door, I am greeted with cheers.

“ I thought the party is just at jonghyun’s room and floor?”

“ well, it seems like the whole house was invited anyway.” Minho says with a flourish and we walk towards jonghyun’s room. 4^th floor, farthest room on the right. As soon as we opened it, Jonghyun is there with people I recognize. Everyone with drinks and food on hand, either talking or dancing. Some are playing videogames.

“ you having this entire suite on your own will forever be unfair,” I say out loud. He laughs and hugs me.

“ Man! I missed you! Really,” he beams at me. “ you like the party for you?”

“ I was not even invited,”

“ but you’re here!” he seems unfazed and leads us to the couches, introducing us to people even if they all know who I am. I take a cup and look around. I need to find him.

“ where is key?” I ask casually,

“ just somewhere, look for him, I think I saw him minutes ago” Jonghyun smiles at me and before he can even tease me, I disappear to look for him. Everyone I asked seemed helpful enough to tell me where he is. Finally, is spot him outside a room, I recognize that as stanley’s council meeting room.

“ hey! ” I greet him casually, and he jumps.

“ hi!”

“ did I surprise you?’

“ no, ” he lies through his teeth and I smirk at him.

“ wanna talk?” I ask and he backs away,

“ No, I am not actually supposed to be in this party anyway. Jonghyun insisted, I have a big test the next day,”

“ just for a moment, you’ve been avoiding me you know.”

He still refuses to meet my eyes so I crowd over him, making sure he feels trapped.

“ I am not.” He says finally and meets my eye.

“ then come and talk to me, why? You scared?” I challenge him and knowing Key, he refuses to lose. He is one of the most competitive people I know.

He nods and opens the door. I am right. This is the council room for Stanley.

“ nice room-”

“ yeah- ”

“ why is it open? Someone could mess this up,” I ask.

“ no one is dumb enough to trash this place, the council will have our heads. Our president, heechul seems to be the biggest goof ball in the world. But his blood type is AB, so when he gets mad- he becomes a different person. ” he explains.

“ oh, ”

“ Look, Onew, what happened- I- overstepped my boundaries. I-” Oh my god. I cannot believe this. I am witnessing a rarity, seeing key all flustered and unsure of himself. Did he actually think I have somebody else?

“ what are you talking about?” I say impatiently,

“ I am saying sorry, I took advantage and I mean, you are obviously dating someone.” He rambles on and walk towards the door but I stop him. “ and I have to study now, this is a bad idea.”

“ I am not dating someone. I am single.” I tell him this and he stops short.

"are you," he said. "So you're all alone?"

I took advantage. It was too easy. "Well, not at the moment," I said, downing the last of my drink. I can play this game if I wanted to.

He lifted his glass, and I watched surreptitiously as his lips molded around the side of the cup before he tilted his head back, the alcohol disappearing into his perfect mouth. I thought I saw a one-sided grin behind the glass.

I looked away. The focus on his lips had been a bad idea. I really didn't want to rub one out after he left so I tried to think of other things that were infinitely less enticing. Then, he announced, "Okay, that’s something cleared up. I really have a test, and it’s important. I think I better get going…" His voice fell away, and I smirked as I came to a quick realization: he didn't want to leave.

I would have him yet.

"Yeah, okay. Well, I guess I'll see you around," I said nonchalantly. I got up and walked to the door, and he followed me. My palm was on the handle, moving to turn it, when I felt his hand brush my wrist. His fingers clasped around my arm, and I looked back at him. When he moved his eyes from my wrist to my face, conflict raged behind the green, and I knew what was going on.

"Do it," I challenged, hoping my words would be enough to goad him into action. I could still taste the whiskey I'd just imbibed, and I could almost feel the silk of his tongue in my mouth.

His lips parted, and I dropped my hand from the doorknob, refusing to make this easier for him.

Key took a tentative step toward me, and his hand traipsed its way up my arm, stopping at my shoulder. "I…I don’t"

I only stared at him. He is thinking about it too. That night years ago, and what happened in my bed. We cannot act like it did not happen, act like it did not mean something. I have to make him let go completely. His admission was the first step.

Then, I watched in satisfaction as he his lips and moved toward me, angling his face slightly upward to make up for our height difference.

His lips were soft and uncertain at first, but when I moved mine against his, a soft moan came from his mouth, and his hand slid from my shoulder to behind my head, knotting in my hair. I found his belt loop with my right hand and yanked on it, pulling him into me so that I could feel his chest against mine, and his left arm hooked around my side as his hand settled in the place between my shoulder blades.

I turned us, pushing him so that he was against the door, and slowly but surely, my tongue invaded the heaven that was his mouth.

I pulled my lips away from his and softly nibbled on his earlobe. He groaned again, and I whispered, "Thought you had to go?"

His voice came out ragged and breathy, and I felt my length rise to half-mast at the sound. "I…I do…I mean…."

I smiled to myself and stood up to my full height, looking down at him through hooded eyes. "Go on, Key, before I take advantage of you."

All of his nerves seemed to disappear again once I finished my sentence, and he smirked up at me. "Well, we can't have that now, can we?"

And with that, he turned the handle and slipped out of the room.

Key was like no one I'd ever met. I wondered how he could be both nervous and confident and almost cocky all at once. It was strange, how he was so unsure that I am serious about this, about us. How he quickly came up with the idea that I will not want him. This is step two and I don’t care if we have hundreds more as long as he takes it with me.

Now, more that ever, I am sure. I will have him.

==

A/N:

1. If you like this story, please subscribe or recommend this to friends. thanks!

2. Posting schedule: 

Chapter 7 : March 9, 2012
Chapter 8 + Epilogue : March 16, 2012