If I Die A Thousand Times

The Palace

"Lee Soui mama," inside Geoncheonggung, the Head Eunuch reads aloud from a yellow scroll, "having committed the most serious and barbaric crime against the Queen, is now stripped of all titles and privileges and is sentenced to death by poison. The sentence should be executed immediately and supervised by Eunuch Kim. Lee Soui, do you accept this sentence?" 

"Yes, jeonha, I... accept this sentence." Kneeling before the eunuch, Sungmin speaks calmly. 

Eunuch Kim could not help staring at him for a while. For some reason, his hands cannot seem to stay still. With considerable force, he uses his right hand to keep his other hand from shaking. In his fifty years in the Palace, serving three Royal generations, he had never seen the things that he has seen in the last few years. Never has he thought one day there would be such drama in the Palace. Undoubtedly, the Palace is a place ridden with drama and plots and schemes to win the King's favour, but he had never, until today, seen a concubine kill the Queen, then confess to the crime and accept the punishment so calmly.

Four years ago, when Sungmin first gained the King's favour, Eunuch Kim had his doubts about the young man. Sungmin's ascendance in his ranks was too quick, as if he had used some kind of dark magic to seduce the King. But as time went on, he had seen the positive changes in the King's life, and seen how happy and comfortable he had felt in the other's company. Plus, he had seen with his own eyes how modest and well-mannered the concubine was. Only then could he truly let his doubts go. Until a tragedy like this happened.

"Eunuch Kim," he suddenly hears the young man still kneeling before him speak up again, his voice as calm and gentle as ever, "if the sentence is poisoned wine, then... can I have chestnut wine?"

In Sungmin's mind, the sweet scent of the chestnut wine and a tall and dark figure suddenly appear as clear as day.

The eunuch is stunned for a moment at his request, but only nods his head in response. This, after all, is not the most unacceptable request that he has ever received.

"And... can I have some time alone with my servants to make some arrangements for my family? It should only take one hour. You can place more guards around Geoncheonggung to make sure I don't escape or do anything to harm others."

For some reason, Eunuch Kim is not at the slightest worried about him escaping from his residence.

"Sure, doryeonnim." He says, signaling for the rest of the eunuchs and guards to leave the room and wait in the yard.

When there is only Sungmin, Jongwoon and Himchan in the room, the two servants kneel down before him and bow their heads to the floor.

"Doryeonnim, did you do what you did because of us? Because you wanted to prevent our plan?" Himchan asks indifferently. In his heart, the answer is already as clear as day.

"Doryeonnim, this is all our fault. What... what can we do to save you?" Jongwoon suddenly stammers his words. In his voice, Sungmin can sense a tinge of panic and fear. He helps his two servants sit up and gives them a soft smile.

"This is not your fault. I would have done this with or without your planning to harm the Crown Prince."

"But..."

"No buts. I called you in here because I have a few things I need you two to take care of before I go, not because I want to assign blame." 

Sungmin stops to look at his servants before taking a deep breath.

"Doryeonnim, I want to go with you." Jongwoon suddenly voices his request more coherently than he has ever spoken. "I want to die with you."

"Nonsense," Sungmin replies adamantly. "There is no need for you to die with me."

"Doryeonnim, your father took me and my brother in since we were just kids. We would have starved on the streets if not for you and your father. You gave us a home, and a scholarship to study at the academy. My sole purpose growing up was to protect you. I... honestly don't know what else to do other than protecting you."

"Jongwoon ah," Sungmin gives him the brightest smile he could at the moment, "just because my life is over does not mean yours has to be. You have so much potential and kindness." He pauses for a moment and quietly wipes the tear on the other's face. "And it was my honour to have a servant like you. I don't know how I could have survived in the Palace without you."

"Now, no more nonsense. No one is going with me. I have jobs for both of you to do."

"Yes, doryeonnim." 

Sungmin stops for another moment to take in the familiar sound that he has heard a million times before, but that from now on, he will no longer have the chance to hear.

"First of all, I need you two to not report this news to my father and to Kyuhyun."

Jongwoon and Himchan are both stunned by the request that their master has just given them.

"I know it is part of your jobs to report news to my father and to your Master," Sungmin continues, "and I know you were going to write to them to come to save me, but think about the things that they will do, the lengths they will go to to get me out of here. I know my father and I know Kyuhyun better than anyone else. More people from Seowangmyeong and the Children of the Mountains will get hurt. They are all your family and your peers, aren't they? I believe neither of you wants to see more people get hurt. The fatalities and the injuries that we have seen so far are more than enough."

"But, doryeonnim..."

"I said no buts." Sungmin is insistent. "The second thing, I will need Himchan to do for me."

Carefully, Sungmin takes out three small emergency flares from inside the sleeves of his shirt.

"Take these three emergency flares. Go to a mountain or a forest as far away from the Palace as possible, and fire them. That way, you can attract your Master's attention away from the Palace. He will not know about my death sentence until after I'm already gone."

Himchan hesitates for a moment. His hands are shaking uncontrollably, and he suddenly has a burning feeling in his nose.

"Jongwoon, I will need you to do the third thing. This will be the last thing you ever have to do for me."

Jongwoon shakes his head violently. But Sungmin continues with his request despite the look on his loyal servant's face as if he is about to burst into tears.

"I want you to get out of this Palace and get out of the Operation. Go live a peaceful and ordinary life. There is nothing here for you now except for violence and secrets and revenge. And I don't want you to live that life. I want you to live a peaceful, ordinary, and happy life. Just like me, you never really belong in the Palace. You will be happier on the outside. Take your brother with you. He is paralysed now, he needs your care the most." Hesitating for a second, Sungmin continues, "And... take Ryeowook with you."

"Kim Sowon mama?" For a moment, Jongwoon feels a blush saying the other's name.

"Yes." Sungmin stops for a second to smile at him: "He likes you. And he does not belong in the Palace either. And now that I can no longer protect him, I can only entrust him to you. Can you do this for me?"

"For you, I would do anything, doryeonnim."

Sungmin gives him another soft smile.

"Then leave tonight, when nobody expects you to. Throw on some disguise and leave this place forever. Start a new life"

"Doryeonnim," Jongwoon feels his voice starting to break, "as you are giving me a new life, can I ask you ... to give me a new name?"

Sungmin looks at him proudly.

"How about... Yesung?"

"Yesung?" The name comes out of his mouth as easy and elegant as ever.

"Yes, Yesung. It means an artistic voice. It really suits you. I've always liked your voice."

"Then, I, Yesung, bid my master, Lee Doryeonnim, goodbye. You have been the kindest and most gracious master I have ever come to serve. Once your servant, I will always be your servant. I will never serve another master in this life or the next life. I shall fulfill your final requests, even if it means shedding my blood and crushing my bones. I will follow your orders until my last breath."

As he finishes the last words, Yesung starts to bow to Sungmin. Three bows. Head touching the floor. Next to him, Himchan also starts to bow. 

The ritual of an eternal farewell.

"Doryeonnim, may I ask you something?" Himchan looks at him solemnly when the ritual is complete.

"What is it?"

"Is it worth it? To lose your own life here because of her?"

Sungmin gives him a gentle smile. He understands what Himchan is referring to.

"Of course. It is not only worth it, it is the best way. The Queen's hatred has grown out of control. It has proven to be fatal, and it will destroy more lives if we don't do anything to put an end to it. On the other hand, members of Seowangmyeong and the Children of the Mountains also want revenge for their lost ones. She took away their family, they will try to hurt her family back. It is this logic. So, taking her life is the only way to stop the conflict from getting more out of hand. The Parks are now in ruins, she no longer has any other family to take revenge for her. The Crown Prince is still too young. Her Head Court Lady is the only other person who can do such a thing, so I had to take her life as well. Now I will have to die to pay for their deaths. Three lives, to protect the lives of thousands of innocent people. It was a bargain, wasn't it? Even if I have to die a thousand more times, I would do it all over again."

A tear suddenly rolls down his cheek. Sungmin swears he is not crying. On his face, his usual gentle smile is still present. But the reality of his imminent death is only starting to hit him like the waves hitting the shore. 

"Himchan ah, can you do one last thing for me?"

Himchan nods at him passionately.

"When you see Kyuhyun again, can you tell him to go to the Wishing Tree? He knows where it is. Tell him to go there and look for my letter when we were in first year. At least, that will be my last words to him"

The last time they saw each other, he had promised him that they would see each other again.

But life has a way of interfering with people's plans.

Just like the Prince and the Princess in the story that his mother used to tell him years ago. They loved each other deeply, but in the end, were still separated because of war, conflict, and responsibility.

Just like his dreams of changing Joseon was deflected by the Palace, and eventually, crushed like an insignificant bug on a summer night.

Just like his wish at the Wishing Tree, however deep and genuine, was never fulfilled.

Sungmin hears the Head Eunuch start to come inside his room, on his hands, is a small tray with a bottle of wine and a cup. He signals for Yesung and Himchan to leave immediately, He would not want them to see him like this. 

Sungmin slowly pours the wine into the cup. The scent of chestnut makes him smile, but on his face, another tear has silently rolled down his cheek. He swallows the whole cup without hesitation. The wine has a slightly sweet taste, with no scent or taste of the poison. 'This is a nice way to die', he thinks to himself. If he had to die a thousand times, he would want to die like this every time.

The poison does not take long to be effective.

Within minutes, Sungmin feels an excruciating pain in his stomach as if a million daggers at a time were trying to tear up his insides. He suddenly can taste the blood in his mouth. On the floor, drops of blood and sweat drip down uncontrollably.

His vision has started to get blurry. Then, suddenly, in front of his eyes no longer stands the solemn-looking eunuch, but a cozy bedroom with a vase of bright pink flowers on the table next to the bed and a blanket in a lighter pink. He recognises this room. 

It was his bedroom in the Lee's residence when he was little.

On the bed, a five-year-old boy is smiling at the woman sitting next to him. Next to her, a tall young man sits calmly.

His mother.

Alive. Happy. And well.

His father.

So calm and free of any worry.

Then the vision before Sungmin's eyes suddenly shifts to another.

This time, he is a little bit taller. He is standing in the forest near the Lee's residence. Next to him, a boy around the same age sits with his head buried in his arms and legs.

Everything has suddenly started to come back to him. A piece of memory. The first time that they met each other. How could he ever forget?

Before Sungmin could call out to the young boys in the forest, everything around him goes dark.

Next to him, the Head Eunuch pronounces loudly and clearly.

"Lee Sungmin is now dead."

~~~~~~~

END PART II: CHILDREN OF THE MOUNTAINS

A/N: The main obstacles for Kyumin are now almost over. In Part III, Kyumin will not be as angsty :) . Also, in Part 3, the rest of the couples (Hanchul, Eunhae, Kangteuk) will have their own stories and endings (happy or not depends on my mood ;)

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Comments

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hyukminheekyu
#1
Chapter 66: Welcome back! I've been checking about your updates almost everyday. Thank you for not abandoning this story & hopefully you write more KyuMin stories. You are a good writer :)
hyukminheekyu
#2
Chapter 53: Finally you are back?! Welcome back!

Where have you been? Please continue to update, it is a nice story. Please don't leave us hanging again :)
Sugayeon
#3
Great!
magicelf #4
Can I translate this story into my own language? no problem? I really liked this story♥︎♡♡♡♥︎
magicelf #5
Thank u for writing it♥︎
khimqtqt14 #6
🖤💖💗
lindatan #7
Chapter 32: Tats was so great for Min & Kyu . So calmly & happy being together
lindatan #8
Chapter 15: Thanks authornim for updating this story
lindatan #9
Chapter 11: No matter who & where he is at , he’s always your Sungmin
lindatan #10
Chapter 10: Hope both of them can stil be friends after Min marriage . He need a friend to talk to , a friend whom can stay by him . Thanks authornim for updating !