A/N: Hello to everyone who is kind enough to check out this story, subscribe, comment and give me upvote! Thanks so much! 

So this is my first fic ever. I actually have marinated this story for a few years now, but never really gotten around to write it. Beside this one, I have ideas for a few more stories, and actually have written some of them, but for now, I think I will spend most of my time on this story. Please bear with me on this story, readers! Since I have all of my ideas in my head, and I actually have the ending in my head already, but the writing is really hard. I find that I'm very bad at it. And I'm very lazy as well. So please don't  give up on me and this story, since I will not give up on it either. And, since this is my first fic ever, I want to hear everyone's opinions on it, whether it's good or bad, I want to hear them all. So please don't hesitate to give me comments :) Thanks so much for everything! I have published Chapter 1. Chapter 2 will be out very shortly.

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PART I: IN THE BEGINNING

Chapter 1: Lee Sugyeong

Joseon 1618,

Gyeongbokgung.

Gyeongbokgung is one of the five Royal Palaces in Joseon. Of the five palaces, Gyeongbokgung is the largest and grandest, hence, for more than 300 years now, it has always been used as the place of residence by the Royal family and the place of meeting between the King and state officials. Gyeongbokgung has the harmonic combination between manmade and natural elements, which highlight the core values of ancient Joseon people: nature and man. Thus, on almost every building in Gyeongbokgung, we can find features of nature printed on the roofs, pillars and wallpapers. The theme colour of Gyeongbokgung is brick red, with green patterns that further emphasise the elegance of the red.

Other than a place of residence and official meeting to discuss national affairs, Gyeongbokgung also has a special hall dedicated to royal banquets and state events, named Gyeonghoeru. Gyeonghoeru was built on an artificial and rectangular lake, as if it was an island standing on its own, with three stone bridges connecting the island to the main palace grounds¹. The outer perimeters of Gyeonghoeru are supported by square pillars while the inner columns are cylindrical, in order to represent the idea of Yin and Yang. What makes Gyeonghoeru even more unique is that its stone pillars were decorated with sculptures depicting dragons rising to the sky. The corners of the balustrades around the island are decorated with sculptures depicting twelve Zodiac animals.

Gyeonghoeru was built by King Taejong in 1412 as a special place for royal banquets and state events. One such occasion is the ceremony due to occur today to officiate the entrance of new concubines into the Royal Palace, Gyeongbokgung. Unlike the Queen Consort, the King's concubines, who had never been in the Palace before, have to go through a formal ceremony, attended by the King, the Queen, and the rest of the Royal family, to recognise their presence in the Palace and celebrate their imminent bond with the King. Commonly, the concubines officiated in this ceremony are noblemen's sons and daughters, sent to the Palace to strengthen the family's relationship with the Royal Family, or simply because the King had personally chosen the concubine himself.

But, in the case of the Lee family, Lee Youngwoon's reason for sending his own son to the Royal Palace as one of the King's concubines goes beyond any conventional reasons.

Standing in his own dressing chamber in the Lee's Residence preparing for the upcoming ceremony that he is to attend today, Lee Youngwoon ponders his reasons for sending his own son to the Royal Palace, a place notoriously ridden with political conspiracies and concubine plots and schemes. He cannot stop his own stomach from feeling the twitches and pains at the thought that his son would be caught up in all of the rot and evil amidst the most glamorous place of the whole kingdom.

Not a day goes by that he does not regret his decision. Not only the decision of giving in to his own son's pleas to marry him off to the King so he can be his eyes in the heart of the Choi government's operations, but also the decision to involve his son in his own resistance force in the first place. Although he knows that Sungmin's place is probably the safest place to be to carry out his tasks for the mission, hiding in plain sight. The King would never suspect a mole within his own Consort, let alone a consort coming from a noble family like his own. He has made sure to use aliases whenever he has to be out on the field to do his business. He has made sure to publicly stay away from the families involved in the rebellion all those years ago, so that he and his family would not be seen as accomplices, and so he can carry on their work without suspicion from the King and government. But, however careful and elaborate his plans are for the future, he did not expect the one enemy that he could not protect his son from: his son himself. 

He did not expect the day that his son had come before him, begging him to join wrestling and martial arts classes because they were his true passions, not poetry and calligraphy. The first time he succumbed to his son's pleas, he did not know at the time, was also the beginning of all of his mistakes to come. The second time, he remembers, was when Sungmin came to him, asking to be part of the resistance force. He remembers he had been firm with his son, saying no constantly to the begging eyes that were threatening to cry and the lips that bit so tightly together he thought they were gonna bleed. He was just like how his mother used to be, strong and stubborn. But then, he realised that it was the more reason he had to be firm with his son if he did not want to lose him. So, he did not budge. But for the following two weeks, his son had done all of the research regarding the cause and tagged along with everyone he knew was in the rebellion, even though he had forbidden him to do so. In the end, giving in to all of his son's pleas and determination, he agreed to let him be part of the rebellion, but only in the planning and logistical stage of it. That was enough for him to score the most cheerful smile from his son and the tightest hug he had ever received from another person. But he did not smile back at his son. He cleared his throat and looked at his son with all of his seriousness: "I'm serious, Sungmin. I cannot lose you too.". As if knowing his father's worries, he only replied with a smaller smile: "I know, abeonim.".

Now that he thinks about it, everything that he had ever done for Sungmin seems like a mistake that had opened the dangerous path that he is walking on today. Perhaps he should not have introduced Sungmin to his political ideas, which seem to have influenced most of his life choices today. Perhaps he should not have walked Sungmin to all the slumps and villages to teach him about the unfortunate and the suffering that he was spared in this world.  Perhaps he should not have made his son read all those foreign books on politics and economics to introduce him to the academic world that most would not have known about. Perhaps he should not have allowed him to take wrestling and martial arts classes, so that he would not get involved in fights and rebellions even if he wanted to. 

Perhaps he should not have told Sungmin that his own mother was in the resistance force as well.

Perhaps he should not have told him about Jo Kyuhyun's true identity.

Perhaps he should not have said yes to his son's crazy idea of becoming one of the King's concubines.

Perhaps...

Perhaps...

Perhaps...

What if...

What if...

What if...

The million regrets and questions keep spinning around in his head, torturing him for his stupidity and recklessness. Even though he is aware that all of his choices were exactly what made Sungmin the person he is today, a strong, intelligent, kind and determined young man, every time he thinks about the dangers that surround his son, he cannot stop himself from imagining a reality where he had done the opposite of what he had actually done in his life. Even if that means that his son might be a heartless brat somewhere, he would be relieved to see that his son was safe. Every time he has such thoughts, he is urged to take his son home and lock him in a safe and untouchable place, where no one can ever hurt his son. 

But, again, as much as he knows about all the dangers and hardship from the outside world, he also knows his son more than anyone else. He knows perfectly well that if Sungmin is determined to do something, even he would not be able to stop him. He knows that his son would sneak out of the residence and enrol in martial arts classes even if he did not allow him to do so. He knows his son could borrow books from other people if he wanted to know more about the world. He knows that Sungmin would visit those slumps and villages even if he only heard from them from people on the streets. And more than anything, he knows that his son would take part in some other activities with other groups if his father would not allow him to be part of the family's operations. Then, isn't allowing him to do this a safer way to do that? To keep him closer to me? He thinks to himself. If he cannot stop his son from getting into trouble, he would deal with troubles together with his son.

A knock on the door to the chamber cuts his series of thoughts. Slightly adjusting himself and clearing his throat, he asks aloud:

- Who is it?

From outside, a young female voice replies to his question softly:

- Lee seonsaengnim, it's Leeteuk yeonggam mama².

- Let him in. - Youngwoon replies.

When Leeteuk has been shown inside Youngwoon's chamber, he gives a signal to all of his servants to retire. All alone in the large room together with the other man, the man that was called Leeteuk takes a closer look at the other man, then reaches out to the belt that is slightly skewed to the left on Youngwoon's formal hanbok, and repositions it carefully:

- Your belt is askew, Youngwoon-ah.

Lee Youngwoon does not say anything. He merely lets the other man adjust his outfit for him while revelling in the warm and gentle touches from the other man. After a moment has passed, Leeteuk speaks out again:

- How do you feel about today? - His voice is soft and gentle, and Youngwoon can hear the obvious concern while he is speaking. He remains silent for another moment, thinking carefully about what he was feeling and pondering what to tell the other man.

- I can't imagine how scary it must be for you right now. - Leeteuk speaks up again, this time looking right into his eyes.

Youngwoon lets out a slight scoff. He nods his head in agreement, still failing to find words to describe his feelings.

- It is an important day, no doubt. - Leeteuk continues - But not only because today our mission can officially begin, but also because today, our Sungminie is getting married. To our greatest enemy. To the most powerful man in the whole kingdom. Nevertheless, he is getting married. And this day should only be about him. It's his big day. He will only have it once in his life.

Youngwoon feels his heart twitch at Leeteuk's words "once in his life". It was true. This day will only happen once in Sungmin's life. It should be with someone he truly loves and wants to spend the rest of his life together with. But instead, he is getting married to their biggest enemy.

- I always thought this would be the happiest day of his life, as well as of your and my life. I thought that whoever our Sungmin ends up marrying would be the person he loves with all his life. I never expected him to do this. - Stopping his speech for a moment, as if trying to hold back his tears that are about to burst out of the corners of his eyes, Leeteuk clears his throat to adjust his voice. - But we are only the people standing out here looking in at him. He is the one in the Palace, Youngwoon-ah. Despite how strong and stubborn our Sungmin is, I know he must be really scared and alone right now. So, we have to be strong and supportive of him, don't we?

At the end of his sentence, Leeteuk looks into Youngwoon's eyes again. This time, Youngwoon looks back into the other's big dark eyes and utters a "Yes" so softly that Leeteuk almost does not catch it. They stand there for another while, each with their own thoughts spinning in their heads. Neither of them notices the knocks coming from outside the doors, until the third time, the same female voice from before speaks up:

- Lee seonsaengnim...

- What is it? - Youngwoon replies.

- The palanquin is here. To take you to the Palace for the ceremony.

Youngwoon turns to Leeteuk for one last look. Getting a slight nod from the other man, Youngwoon makes a turn towards the door, while speaking out to his servants:

- I'm coming.

Leeteuk follows Youngwoon outside to where the palanquin is. He stands there and watches Youngwoon get inside. Before he shuts the curtain that separates the palanquin from the outside world, Youngwoon turns back to Leeteuk, and gets a smile of encouragement from the man. He smiles back, then carefully shuts his curtains. Leeteuk watches the palanquin get out of the gates to the residence, then down the street, until the vehicle and the four men that were carrying it were not visible anymore. He feels his eyes starting to blur again, and lets out a sigh.

******

Back in the Palace,

Sungmin watches the two court ladies dressing him with the formal royal hanbok. The smoothness of the silk touches him on the hand, and he can feel the softness outside his white undergarments.The court ladies have finished putting on him the red oversized dress for the formal royal ceremony. Now they are putting on him the red Hwarot. The Hwarot is a long embroidered robe, with long and wide sleeves that cover the wearer's hands³. On the sleeves are three strips of red, blue and yellow, and at the end, wide white cuffs. On the cuffs are embroidered small pink flowers, and Sungmin was immediately reminded of some memories back in his childhood. Of playing around in the woods in the spring when the flowers had bloomed and carpeted the ground with a bright pink colour. Of the servants in the Lee's residence decorating his room with the flowers because of their bright colours and their comfortable scents. And, of the day standing on the edge of the woods giving the news to his best friend that he was getting married to the King.

The court ladies finish their job by putting the royal crown on him. A soft coronet covered by black silk, and filled with cotton and soft paper. On top of the crown are elaborate ornaments made from pearls. A sign that he would belong to someone else, a few hours from now.

After they are finished dressing him, the court lady on his right hands him a square mirror. He looks at his reflection in the thing that is bigger than his head. The Hwarot is as glamorous as it can be. The red silk is about the softest and most luxurious thing he has ever seen in his life. He looks again at the crown on his head, then back at his face. A mediocre, bland face. He is aware he does not possess an extraordinary beauty that can arrest any man's heart if he wants to. Nor does he possess a charisma that can capture anyone's attention if he wishes to. Now that he is in the Royal Palace, he is even more aware of his inferior looks and charms. The crown on his head only points out the contrasts on his face: a mediocre beauty, in contrast with the glamour and charm of the crown. He feels out of place wearing this outfit. He feels out of place in the Palace, surrounded by people he does not know and does not share the same values.

Busy with his thoughts, Sungmin does not notice the group of eunuchs that is approaching him to take him to Geunjeongjeon, the main hall where the ceremony is about to occur. Only when they have stopped behind him, and the head eunuch calls out to him, that he is slightly startled and turns to the group of people. He nods his head, then slowly heads out of the door, to the main hall. The group of court ladies and eunuchs follow him.

******

- Lee doryeonnim⁴ approaching.

The eunuch calls out his name when he almost reaches the main hall. He keeps his head low. He can feel the main hall crowded with the royal family, even with his head down. His family would be there too. He wonders what his father is thinking of him. Of the useless son that has always brought troubles upon him since he was only a young child. The son that is getting married too soon when he has not yet done anything to repay his father. Sungmin feels his nose burning at the thought. His eyes start to blur. But he tries to push back that feeling that will make him burst out of tears and run back to his father for safe haven. He has always been good at hiding his true feelings and pushing back the tears that threaten to burst out of his eyes. So, he would do it this one more time.

As he comes closer to the front where the King and the Queen are seated, he sees his father sitting near the front. The King and the Queen are seated on a stage, positioned higher than the main ground. There are chairs surrounding the King and the Queen, seated slightly lower than their chairs, for princes, princesses and other concubines. Then, down on the ground, on the front row of chairs, was his father. He has been living with his father long enough to know that that pose of his father is used only when he is anxious and concerned about something, with his hands placed rigidly on his thighs and his eyes glued to his hands. Sungmin can easily guess what his father is worried about.

As the eunuch calls out his name, everyone has turned their eyes to him, including his father. As much as it is a rule to keep his head down, he tries to take one look at his father and gives him the smallest smile, so that no one would notice. Upon seeing him, his father looks slightly relieved. He sits back in his seat, more relaxed and comfortable. As he comes up the stairs to the stage, he steals another look at the crowd, scanning for somebody else. There is one more person that he wants to find, and he knows perfectly well that he is going to be here. But he fails to find anyone resembling the person he is looking for. Disappointed, Sungmin lowers his head again to focus on what he is to do next. 

Sungmin's walks stop when he is standing right in front of the King. Then, he puts his hands together above his head and lowers his knees, his head touching the ground.

- Jeonha⁵ 

He greets the King softly and respectfully. The King does not say anything. He merely looks at him and lets out a small smile to be polite. Sungmin imagines the King has done this hundreds of times, so that it has become a routine to him now.

With swift movements, Sungmin stands up, moves to the Queen's side, and kneels to greet her the same way he has done with the King.

- Wangbi mama⁶.

The Queen gives him a big and warm smile. For a short one second, Sungmin feels his heart pounding less vigorously in his chest.

Then, the head eunuch takes out a red roll of paper, and proceeds to read aloud from it:

- Lee doryeonnim, from the Lee clan, born to Lee Youngwoon and Yoon Minyoung, has received extraordinary grace from his Royal Highness and is awarded the title Sugyeong mama to become one of his Royal Highness's consorts, to join the Royal Palace, to help Wangbi mama in organising and managing naeoemyeongbu⁷, and to reside in Geoncheonggung⁸ in Gyeongbokgung. Do you take his Royal Highness's grace?

Sungmin stands up and kneels before the King, bowing his head to the ground:

- Yes. Thank you, Jeonha.

He then turns to the Queen, and bows again:

- Thank you, Wangbi mama.

The King slightly nods at him. With that, the eunuch signals for him to get off the stage. He follows his lead. And, upon his exit out of the main hall, he sees them. The eyes that are glued onto him, probably ever since he has entered the hall. The eyes that seem like swallowing him whole and spitting him out. But at the same time, so gentle and loving that have made him fall in love with all those years. The eyes of his best friend. The eyes of the person that he had thought he was gonna spend the rest of his life with, and he still wants to. Jo Kyuhyun's eyes. The sad and longing eyes. Or, angry and vengeful eyes? Angry with Sungmin for leaving him. Angry for getting mixed up with his greatest enemy. And, for a short minute, Sungmin thinks that he sees that those eyes are filled with regrets, too.

But he does not look at those eyes for too long. He turns back to look straight ahead. Not because he is afraid he will break a rule staring at another person during a formal ceremony like this one. Or not because he is afraid anyone is gonna notice his behaviour and suspect him for something. If he is afraid of anything, he thinks that it is those eyes that he is afraid of. He is afraid that looking at those eyes for another minute will bring out the tears that he has been struggling to hold back. He is afraid that he would run back to that person, to seek a hug from him, a ruffle on his hair, a note of that warm voice, and a kiss on his eyelid. He would not be able to complete his mission looking at those eyes.

So he looks away from them.

Because he is now Lee Sugyeong mama of King Choi Siwon.

*******

Notes:

1. Taken from Wikipedia: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyeongbokgung#Gangnyeongjeon

2. Yeonggam mama: an honorific for high-ranking officials in Joseon class system.

3. Hwarot: Korean traditional wedding garments, slightly more expensive than wedding garments for commoners.

4. Doryeongnim: an honorific used by a servant to address a young master/employer's son.

5. Jeonha: honorific to address the King, used by everyone lower than him, except for the Queen Dowager.

6. Wangbi mama: an honorific to address the Queen.

7. Naeoemyeongbu: the body of goverment that is organised and managed by the Queen. It includes all the affairs regarding concubines, courtladies, princes, princesses, crown princes, crown princesses and crown princes' concubines.

8. Geoncheonggung: a residential gung in Gyeongbokgung.