Hongki kicked away the nearest empty can which was lying by his feet as he roamed the streets of Seoul alone that night. He was feeling frustrated, disappointed, enraged...all emotions in one.

It had been 3 weeks since he had last seen her. 3 weeks since they had last spoken to each other. She was busy with her own schedules and he was busy having comeback promotions with the band.

He had her number; he managed to get it from Jaejin who had to ask for it from Nicole.

But he hadn’t even attempted to call her or leave her a message in the least.

Perhaps, his overwhelming pride as a man wouldn’t allow him to make the first move. As much as he missed her, as much as he wanted to talk things over with her...his mind was too stubborn to do anything even though his heart was aching for her presence.

He had confided in Jonghun about this matter. Jonghun, being the sensible leader he was, had advised him to just give it time and concentrate on their promotions for the time being. He also said that Jiyoung would come around when she was ready to.

For the first time, Hongki wanted to tell his band-mate that he could be wrong.

As he walked farther up the street, with his mind still occupied with thoughts of her, Hongki stopped by a small convenience shop to get himself a bottle of his favourite drink.

He was thirsty, and not to mention he was actually comfortably with the ahjumma seller there. Maybe he could have a small chat with her, to temporarily take his mind off things.

“Ahjumma!” he greeted her happily as he placed the bottle on the counter in front of her. “How have you been?”

The elderly took awhile to recognise him with his new hairstyle. She peered at him closely from over her glasses before breaking into a wide smile.

“Hongki-yah!” she replied his greeting just as enthusiastically and walked around the counter to give him a hug. “Aigoo, it’s been awhile since I had last seen you. You look different, but still handsome!”

Hongki smiled a little shyly at her sincere compliment.

“Ah, ahjumma...it’s because of my hairstyle, see. I changed it, since we’re having our comeback now. Have you been watching us on the television?”

“Of course, of course I did. You boys have all grown so much! Why didn’t you come along with the rest? Where’s Jaejinnie? I miss him.”

Hongki stuck out his bottom lip at her and pretended to sulk. Jaejin had always been her favourite among them, although Hongki was pretty sure he was the one who doted on her the most.

“Jaejin didn’t come with me today. I walked here all by myself just to see you and you’re asking for him?”

She hit him lightly on the arm and proceeds on to pinch his two cheeks. If it was anyone else, he would’ve avoided it at all costs. But with her, he loved to be adored like a little boy.

With Jiyoung too...

“Ah, don’t lie to me Hongki-yah. What would you be doing, out here all alone at this time? Is something troubling you, my child?”

Hongki’s face fell and his smile faltered when she brought it up. People had always said he was the kind of person who was easy to read – an open book. It’s through though. No matter how hard he tried to conceal his emotions, he always ends up revealing them.

“You are having a problem, aren’t you?” she continued when he remained silent. Slowly, she started to caress his cheek lovingly, like how any mother would. “Whoever made you sad like this?”

“Ah-ahjumma...” his voice was starting to crack and he didn’t like it at all. It was time for him to go. “I-I’ll just pay for this okay?”

He started to take out his wallet but she placed her hand on top of his and gave him a kind smile.

“It’s okay, Hongki-yah. Take it as a treat from me. Even if you won’t tell me what’s bothering you, I hope that when you’re drinking it, you’ll be able to feel better somehow.”

Hongki forced out a smile for her.

“Thank you, ahjumma. I better get going now before my manager come looking for me. Take care of yourself!”

She nodded her head in understament.

“You too, my child. You too...”

Jiyoung was wandering around alone that night, not quite knowing where to go or what she was supposed to do.

Ever since that small...maybe huge argument she had with him weeks ago, she’s been feeling restless and unsettled about the whole thing. His betrayed expression when she broke her decision to him would forever remain in her memory. She was definitely feeling guilty about the whole thing but at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to retract back her words.

KARA had merely managed to overcome a crisis early last year, their fans didn’t need to be hit with more shocking news.

But the bottom line was, was she actually doing this for her fans...or for herself?

What happened to the feelings she once had for him? The burning passion, the undying love she had once vowed to keep alive forever? Could it be possible she had finally moved on for real?

What if those feelings hadn’t emerged last time? What if they hadn’t done that show? What if they didn’t make the effort to be friends with each other? What if they had decided to just keep a platonic relationship between the two of them, just like the rest of their group members?

Would Jiyoung have gotten to know a different Lee Hongki? The one who doesn’t cry easily, the one who didn’t shower her with his unconditional love. The one who didn’t hold her hand and promised to be by her side forever.

Oh the promises they made when they were younger.

He wasn’t her first love – but he was definitely her special love.

She stopped walking at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn red before she could cross it.

At that moment, she felt her phone vibrating from her jeans pocket and she took it out lazily. Seeing her mother’s name flashing on the screen, she slid across the answer icon and pressed the phone against her ear.

“Yeah eomma?”

“Jiyoung-ah, where are you? You were supposed to be home about half an hour ago! You said you were only going down to the nearest shop!”

“I know...I just carried on walking and didn’t realise it had gotten so late. But I’ll be back home soon eomma.”

As she continued to listen to her mother’s excessive nagging about how tired she was going to be at her schedule the next day, the traffic light finally turned red.

She took the first step to the other side of the road, while still convincing her mother that she would get home in time.

“Eomma, don’t worry. I’ll be reaching home soon and I’ll go to sleep straight after that okay?”

Just then, a sudden bright flash of lights startled her and she turned her head to the left instinctively to see what it was.

That was probably the worst decision she has ever made in her whole life.

She’s always heard of these things happen to somebody else, and she had always watched this kind of scenes in the typical Korean dramas. They even taught her what she was supposed to do if it were to ever happen to her.

But when you’re pushed into the situation all of a sudden, without even given the time to react the right way...Jiyoung’s mind immediately went into a blank state. Her brain froze momentarily and she just stayed rooted to the ground, unable to budge her two feet away.

And she could only watch helplessly as the black car, which was probably driven by a drunk driver judging from the way it was moving, coming towards her at full speed.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to just break down and cry his heart out.

Why was everything so hard for him...so hard for people like them? Why does it seem like love is such a sinful thing for the both of them even though they probably owned one of the purest and sincerest love.

Hongki reached his hand into his coat pocket and took out his iPhone which had been vibrating incessantly since just now.

Jonghun.

“Hello,” he answered the call in his laziest voice. He didn’t feel like entertaining anyone. He wasn’t ready to go back to the dorm and face s just yet.

“Lee Hongki, do you know what time it is? Our call-time for tomorrow is at 6am!”

Hongki rolled his eyes even though he knew Jonghun couldn’t see him.

“I’ll be back soon, okay? I’m just...taking a walk...”

“Manager hyung is not going to let you in if you don’t get your back her in 15 minutes time!”

Hongki groaned out loudly and was about to retort something back when he caught a familiar movement from the corner of his eye.

His eyes widened in surprised when he saw who it was and what exactly was about to happen to her.

Without thinking further, Hongki immediately broke into a sprint, desperate to get to her before the car did.

“Hongki! Lee Hongki!”

Jonghun listened intently but all that he could hear was rustling, confusing noises coming from the other end. Hongki sounded breathless, like he was actually running in a marathon.

“Yah! Are you running back here now?”

No reply.

Jonghun was getting anxious. Hongki didn’t end the call or said that he would get back to him later, but instead he left the line hanging.

What exactly was happening?

Behind him, the other members were sprawled on the sofa, watching a late-night television show. At Jonghun’s anxious voice, Jaejin looked up from the screen and poked him lightly on the back.

“Everything okay? Is he coming back home now?”

Jonghun shrugged his shoulders, indicating that he wasn’t sure himself.

Just then, he heard a really loud deafening thud, probably coming from a really deep impact of something or someone getting hit...

Jonghun felt his stomach twisting into tight knots and his heart beating ten times faster than usual.

“Hongki!”

Just mere seconds before the car could make contact with her body, she felt someone pushing her out of the way in a really hard and impulsive manner. She fell onto the sidewalk and hit her right elbow brutally on the concrete pavement.

Only then did Jiyoung come back to her senses. The glaring lights, the blaring sounds, people coming out from the shops...

Somebody lying down on the road with a pool of blood engulfing him, inches away from the car who had hit him...

Somebody who had taken over her spot of getting knocked down...

Somebody whom she knew fairly well...

She couldn’t quite recognise him because of the blood that had smeared all over his face but then she saw the bracelet which had rolled out of his pocket when he was thrown back down by the impact.

She glanced down at her own shaking hand, the exact replica of the silver bracelet staring back up at her. She was almost afraid to look because it meant that only one other person could posses the same kind of bracelet.

And she didn’t want to believe that it was really him...

She crawled towards his lying body cautiously, frightened of what she might see. Some of the on-lookers nearby was calling for help, some reaching out their hands to help her, some whispering her name when they realised who she was; but she ignored them all.

She could only see the bruised and broken body in front of her, lying still and motionless, making her heart sank in even deeper. Slowly, she reached out a trembling hand to touch his face and turned his head delicately to face her.

She almost dropped him back down when she saw who it was with her own two eyes.

It was really him.

It was really Hongki...

She buried her head deep into his chest and broke into loud sobs, shaking him uncontrollably and wailed out for him to wake up.

But no matter how hard or how loud she cried out for him, it was all a little too late.

He had gladly died in her place for her and he wasn’t going to come back.

Ever.

2 years later

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

Jiyoung took her eyes from the scene in front of her for awhile and looked up curiously to see who had decided to join her. A small smile appeared on her face when Jonghun’s warm, tender face greeted her with a sincere smile.

“You don’t mind, do you? If I want to join you for awhile?”

She scooted over to make some space for him on the rocks.

“Sure, have a sit.” She patted the space beside her lightly and he gladly placed himself down next to her.

The two of them sat in silence for a whole of five minutes, just staring into the open sea with the wind blowing in their faces soothingly. Looking at the wide sea always made her calm and it had almost become a daily routine for her to come by whenever she didn’t have any schedules with the members.

Jiyoung had just turned 20 a few weeks ago. She has grown into a fine, young matured woman; her beauty blossoming even more with her adult age. She had slowly recovered from the past and learned how to move on with her life. Every once in awhile, the memories did hit a few sore spots but she always managed to get back up on her two feet and wiped the tears away with a strong mind.

KARA had also managed to get over their slump, and now they are even more bonded than ever. They say, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ Jiyoung finally understood what it meant.

Though, the same thing couldn’t be said about her ex-boyfriend’s band. Throughout the two years that had passed, she hadn’t heard a single word about the band resuming or stopping their activities. They just remained stale, hiding quietly in a corner even though their fans never failed to give them support and encouragement.

The loyal ones though. Those who couldn’t bear to stay...had left.

Jonghun didn’t blame them. He would’ve done the same thing too, if only the sense of brotherhood between the five of them hadn’t been so strong.

“FTISLAND is making our comeback soon.” He was the first one to break the silence between them.

Jiyoung turned to face him and smiled pleasingly at the news.

“Really? That’s good! But...” her voice trailed off, not knowing how she should portray the question without sounding too absurd or awkward.

Jonghun understood her nonetheless. He gave her a warm smile and shook his head slightly.

“No, we didn’t get a new vocalist. I mean...we tried. But after all those auditions, none of them felt right. Nothing felt right. So we decided to just let it be, the four of us. Jaejin will take over the position of main vocalist in the band.”

“Oh...T-that’s good. So...how are the other members now? It’s been awhile since I had last heard about any one of you.”

Jonghun’s eyes travelled back towards the sea as he answered her question carefully.

“Well, before we decided about this comeback...we went out separate ways for awhile even though it wasn’t official. Seunghyun and Minhwan got into the same university and they continued their studies in their own respective majors. Jaejin went back home to his family to spend some quiet time with them. And I...I gave out guitar lessons to a small class of students. It was all just for a short while though...”

He paused for a moment and picked up a random wooden stick which had fallen off from a nearby tree.

“Before we all decided that we can’t just possibly give up and stop our dreams like that. Hongki...he wouldn’t have approved of it...of the way we were leading our lives. Especially not because of him. He wouldn’t like it.”

Jonghun chuckled softly but Jiyoung could detect the hint of sadness in his eyes. Even the wistful look in his eyes hasn’t completely disappeared.

He didn’t need to say it. She understood him enough.

“Do you think he’s watching us from above?” Jonghun pointed up high at the sky and nudged her lightly.

Jiyoung looked up at the direction he was pointing at and smiled a genuine smile.

“I’d like to think that he’s always keeping a close watch on us.”

Jonghun narrowed his eyes into tiny slits and pretended to frown in displeasure. Jiyoung gave him a curious look.

“What’s wrong?”

“If he’s always watching down on us...do you think he’ll approve of us being together?”

He had said in a joking manner and it made Jiyoung laughed out loud, something which she hadn’t been able to do in ages. She nearly toppled over if Jonghun didn’t manage to grab hold of her wrist and kept her steady.

“Ah, oppa...” her eyes twinkled cheerfully as she hit him lightly on the arm. “See, what you made me do!”

Jonghun laughed along with her, he was happy seeing Jiyoung being joyful and carefree like this; but only he knew about the things and feelings he had kept hidden inside.

He glanced up at the calm, blue sky once again and a smile appeared on his face unconsciously.

Perhaps Hongki knows about it too...

 the e n d ~