“Jiyoung? It’s time to go.”

I don’t want to...

“It’s okay unnie,” she told Gyuri who was hovering by the door. “I don’t feel like attending it. And besides, my presence wouldn’t be welcomed either.”

Gyuri let out a loud frustrated sigh and threw a glance over her shoulders. Nicole and Seungyeon had gone ahead earlier to accompany Jiyoung’s parents. It’s been hard for everyone, especially her family. People would take any chance that they can to satisfy their questions. It is not what Jiyoung’s parents needed at times like this.

Gyuri had offered to stay behind and join them later, together with Jiyoung. Even before this, the two of them shared a special bond – they could communicate with each other much more easily at times compared to the other members. Gyuri was like the second mother Jiyoung seek comfort in and the latter was glad to be her unnie’s confidante during hard times.

But right now, Gyuri felt like as if there was a barrier separating her and Jiyoung. A wall had been put up to isolate her from the rest of the world and it was making Gyuri feel desperate with every passing second.

She didn’t want to lose anyone else.

“Let’s go, Jiyoung.” She tried again for the last time. Because she knew that deep down, Jiyoung actually wanted to be present when they are going to bid their last farewell. “You know you want to do this, for him.”

The moment their black car pulled up in front of the entrance, Jiyoung immediately reached out for Gyuri’s hand and gripped on tightly to it. Her hand felt icy cold against Gyuri’s warmth touch, causing the latter to be taken aback a little.

“I don’t know if I should do this unnie.”

Flashbacks from the unfortunate night were starting to come back to her; the bright lights, the loud crash, the blood...

“Jiyoung!”

Gyuri’s urgent voice shook her back to reality and Jiyoung realised that she was actually sitting in the present. Alone. Without him.

He was gone.

She started to shake her head violently and yanked her hand away from Gyuri’s grasp. Instead of throwing open the car door and dashing out like Gyuri thought she would do, Jiyoung drew her knees close to her chest and buried her face down completely.

A second later, Gyuri heard the loud sobs creeping out from underneath her.

She was about to pull Jiyoung in for a hug and lied to her that everything was going to be okay, when suddenly there was a soft knock on the window. Gyuri looked up expectantly and saw Jonghun’s well chiselled face filling her view at once.

You’ve lost so much weight...

She couldn’t imagine the emotional hurt that was weighing down on Jonghun’s shoulders. He wasn’t only a band member, he was also Jonghun’s close confidante. Gyuri, and probably everyone else too knows intimate their friendship had been.

To lose your best friend, the one whom you called brother, the one you treated just like your own family...it must be killing Jonghun silently inside. The pain must be agonizing for him to bear, yet he was trying to so hard for everyone he cared about. He knows that if he sheds a single tear in front of any one of them, they wouldn’t be able to hold themselves together too.

Gyuri rolled down the window and Jonghun allowed himself to stick his head in.

“What’s wrong? It’s starting soon. Aren’t you guys coming in?”

Gyuri didn’t say anything, but instead she gestured towards Jiyoung who still had her head hung down low.

Jonghun understood instantly.

He opened the door without being asked and touched Jiyoung’s arm lightly.

He could feel her stiffening up at his touch but she didn’t pull away, which was a pretty good sign to him.

“Come on Jiyoung,” he called out to her softly, his voice filled with brotherly love. He knew how much they had loved each other. The least he could do now was to protect and comfort those who were still living, especially her.

“He’s waiting for you.”

Gyuri didn’t know how he did it; but Jiyoung lifted up her head and gazed directly into his eyes. Without another hesitation, she let herself being led out of the car, her gaze still fixed on him as though she was in a trance.

Because, even though she was actually looking into Jonghun’s eyes, it was only Hong Ki that she could see.

1 month ago

KARA and FT Island had another schedule together that day, along with many other idol groups. They had all gathered for the Golden Disk Awards, one of the most prestigious award ceremonies in the Seoul music industry.

They were all seated according to the tables which had been assigned to them. Although they weren’t sitting together, they weren’t really that far away from each other.

After that particular recording of Strong Heart, both idols could feel something different fluttering in their hearts when they crossed paths with each other. Even when they were apart, one couldn’t help thinking about the other and the old memories are constantly playing on their minds.

Their old flame was starting to rekindle again, this time stronger than ever.

A few days before the show, Hong Ki had confided in his leader about his thoughts.

Seeing the other members were already fast asleep, tired from the practice they had the whole day; Hong Ki decided to stay awake for awhile more and just killed time staring into the faraway distance.

Jonghun who was about to retreat back to his room, stopped in his tracks when he saw Hong Ki sitting in the living room with the television switched on but his attention was clearly elsewhere.

He walked over towards where the other guy was sitting and plopped himself down on the empty space beside him. It took a nudge to the ribs before Hong Ki finally realised that Jonghun has decided to join him.

“Oh! What are you doing here? I thought you were already asleep like the rest.”

“A penny for your thoughts,” Jonghun said simply.

“What?”

Jonghun resisted the urge to splash the drink that he was holding onto Hong Ki’s face.

“What are you thinking about? Don’t even try to lie or make a story up. It’s about Jiyoung, isn’t it?” Jonghun didn’t give him the chance to deny everything when it was all clearly spelt out.

“I...” he was trapped and he knew it. Besides, it was really no use trying to keep things from Jonghun. Eventually, he will find it out. He always does. “I can’t help it. I still love her and...ah, I don’t know. Everything’s so hard.”

“What’s so hard about it?” Jonghun asked casually, taking a sip of his bottled water. “Just talk things out and work it out between the two of you again.”

Hongki shot him a bewildered look.

“Are you saying this as my friend or as FT Island’s leader?”

“Both.”

“Yah, Choi Jonghun; this isn’t funny. You and the rest know why it ended last time. Are we seriously having this conversation again?”

Jonghun rolled his eyes.

“If you don’t want to have this conversation with me, why are you even thinking about it? Stop denying your own feelings Lee Hongki. You’re not only deceiving yourself, you’re hurting her too.”

Hongki sat up straighter in his position and gave Jonghun a serious look.

“We’re not the only ones involve in this. We have to think about our fans too.”

Jonghun heaved out a small sigh.

“If you’re honest with them, if you’re sincere in what you’re doing...I’m sure they will give you their blessings. Primadonnas aren’t that bad, Hongki. They’ve stood by us all these time, they love and accept us for who we are.”

Hongki’s expression turned into a skeptical one.

“Are you seriously urging me on with this?”

Jonghun slid off the seat and stood up tiredly while stifling a yawn.

“I don’t want you to go into another depression state. I don’t want he same thing, which happened 3 years ago to be happening again. History shouldn’t be repeating itself. Goodnight.”

He has decided.

He was going to confess to her once again.

He was going to make things right by the end of the night.

He would fix everything up and he vowed to never repeat the same mistake he had did before.

When KARA went up the stage to receive their awards, Hongki couldn’t help beaming happily at their achievement. He too, felt proud of the five of them, her especially. They’ve been through some rough times; he was glad that despite everything else they managed to stick together and strive for the better.

Her radiant smile while she was up there complements her simple beauty well. When she smiled, she lit up the whole room, brighten up the whole world for him.

He hoped that by the end of the night, she would still be wearing that smile.

“Jiyoung!”

She stopped walking when she heard her name being called. She turned around to see who it was.

She definitely wasn’t expecting him.

“Oh...oppa. Annyeong.” Again, with that respectful bow of hers.

The other members were trailing along behind him. When he cast a knowing glance at them, Jonghun caught the hint and steered the other boys’ attention away. Thankfully for her, her unnies seemed to be in a talkative mood and immediately broke into a conversation with the idol rock band members.

He started to near her slowly. Jiyoung remained frozen on her spot, not knowing what to expect exactly.

“Uh...congratulations,” he begin with a warm smile. “You girls deserved it.”

“Thank you. You too, FT Island did really great too.”

“Ah...really.” Hongki looked down on his shoes nervously. The words were already at the tip of his tongue, just waiting to be spilled out. But he was afraid, afraid of what her reaction might be.

Of course if he doesn’t take the chance now, Jonghun would probably do the honour of killing him later.

“Jiyoungie...I – there’s something that I want to tell you...”

He paused for a moment.

In his contemplation, other idol groups were passing them by, some congratulating both of them on the awards and their hard work. Among them, BEAST didn’t forget their manners too.

“Congratulations Jiyoung-ssi. And you too, Hongki. This has been a good night,” Doo Joon said in a friendly manner.

Junhyung wrapped his arm around his best friend’s shoulder, making Hongki squirmed uncomfortably. Any other time, he wouldn’t have minded. But he was feeling so restless, he just wanted them all to go and let him get over with it.

“We should all go for a celebration after this,” Junhyung suggested, ignoring Hongki’s protests. “What do you guys say?”

“Of course we should,” Gi Kwang chimed in. “Maybe KARA would like to join us?” His tone was hopeful as he looked at Jiyoung with pleading eyes.

Hongki eyed him judgingly from the side. If only he could pull her hand and dragged her away right there and then...

Being the polite girl she is, Jiyoung chuckled softly and pretended to muse over it.

“Ah, I’m not so sure about that. Maybe...if Junhyung oppa wants Hara unnie to tag along too?”

Junhyung grinned automatically while the other guys were slapping his back teasingly.

“Of course he wants to,” Doo Joon answered for him. “But Jiyoung-ssi, I have a feeling it might be inappropriate. You really don’t want to see these guys at their worst moments.”

“Ah hyung, why are you saying that?” Gi Kwang protested. “I’m not that bad. It’s only Junhyung hyung and sometimes, even Dong Woon too. Oh, and you!”

Doo Joon hit Gi Kwang jokingly on the arm while Junhyung turned back towards Hongki, who was fuming silently inside.

“So, what about you Hongstar? Do you guys want to join us?”

“No, I don’t think so.” He was trying to keep his voice under control. Gi Kwang was still staring at Jiyoung like a lost puppy. He was absolutely mesmerized by her, that was obvious. “We’re just going to head back to the dorm after this.”

“Ah, you’re not fun,” said Junhyung, shoving him away slightly. “Okay fine, we’ll see you around some other time perhaps.” To Jiyoung, he gave her a friendly smile. “You too Jiyoung. Tell Hara I’ll call her later.”

Jiyoung nodded her head in understament.

“Sure oppa. Annyeong!”

The both of them waited until the BEAST members had passed by them completely. Gi Kwang threw one last glance at Jiyoung and waved her goodbye.

She just smiled back politely.

“Do you like him?”

He didn’t know where that came from. Probably from his raging jealousy. But it was already out; he couldn’t take it back now.

“W-what?”

Hongki stuck out his chin at Gi Kwang’s back figure which was about to disappear from their sight.

“Do you like him too?”

Jiyoung just stared back at him in incredulity before breaking into a humorous laughter.

“No, not that way at all. I like him as a fellow idol, yes. But not in that interested-kind-of-way.” She studied his face carefully. “Why did you ask?”

“I was curious...” he mumbled incoherently.

“Okay...Anyway, what was it that you wanted to say just now? Before they interrupted.”

“Oh...that...Hmm, I don’t know if I should say this...”

Jiyoung’s heart was racing with every suspenseful second he was making her go through. She could pretty much guess what was playing on his mind but she wanted to hear it from his own mouth. She wanted him to say it out aloud.

Unconsciously, she took a step closer towards him.

“Just say it...” she said softly, gazing deep into his eyes. Everything and everyone else was tuned out of the scene momentarily. She could only see him and everyone else was irrelevant right at that moment.

“Jiyoung-ah...” he breathed, his own heart beating furiously as their faces got closer and closer. If the sensible part of him wasn’t nagging continuously at the back of his mind, he would’ve kissed her right at that spot, right at that moment.

Instead, he leaned in his face close to hers and brushed his lips tenderly against her left ear. His low husky whisper and hot breath were sending shivers down her spine and making her tingling with excitement inside.

“Meet me tonight, the same place.”

Jiyoung was still in a dazed. She didn’t know why she was there but she knows she has to. It wasn’t for her, or for Gyuri or Jonghun.

It was for him, it was for Hong Ki.

Her hand was still clutched tightly in Jonghun’s grasp as he guided her carefully towards where the ceremony would be held. As she walked on and counted her steps, she could feel the accusing stares from the people who were hovering nearby in small groups. Some were pointing fingers, others were whispering; but it was obvious that they were talking about her.

They are still blaming her.

I didn’t ask for any of it to happen, she wanted to scream out loud. I’m hurting just as badly, can’t you see?

Just then, something was thrown in her direction. A rock maybe? She couldn’t tell.

But it would’ve hit her in the face hard if Jonghun hadn’t stepped in front of her in time and caught it in his hand.

“There! There she is! That’s the killer who caused all this misery for us! She’s the bastard who killed him!”

Her small group of friends started chanting in protest too, following her lead. Jiyoung didn’t know what to do, except to just look down at her two hands guiltily. She wasn’t at fault, but they were blaming her like there was no end to tomorrow.

Gyuri couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She understood that the fans were all still devastated but surely, they needn’t be this harsh. This was absurd.

She was about to open to retaliate but Jonghun beat her to it.

“That is not a very nice thing to say,” he spoke in a calm voice. “And Jiyoung didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But oppa! If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be standing here right now. We wouldn’t be grieving over Hongki oppa’s death!”

It struck her like lightning, without a warning but a precise slash through the heart. She could feel her knees buckling underneath her and she would’ve dropped to the ground if Jonghun didn’t put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in protectively.

“We have all gathered here to pay our last respects for him. So please...” his voice was pleading now. “...I’m begging you. Stop this. We’re all hurting here. We all loved him and we will always love him. Let’s not make a scene here when we’re about to send him off for the last time.”

Jonghun’s tone was sorrowful enough but it was still filled with authority as a leader. Miraculously, they all shut up and didn’t dare to utter another word.

But that didn’t stop them from shooting dagger looks at Jiyoung. Even Gyuri was not spared from the death stares. In all their eyes, the whole of KARA was a murderer.

A/N I tend to get carried away when writing this story >.< Is it too long for you guys or are you fine with this?

Anyway, this won't be a long one. I'll probably wrap this up by end of this week or maybe earlier ^^

So...you roughly know what happened to our beloved vocalist (THIS IS JUST PURELY FICTION. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO MY BOYS ;A;)