Upon waking up, Mina would gaze up at the painting in front of her. She placed it on the part of the wall where the sun didn’t directly shine on but still bright enough for her to see with light. The mere look of it brightened her day. It reminded her how fortunate she was to have someone who loved her. Her room lacked any pictures of herself as she wasn’t the type of person who liked to boast about her features, but she admitted that the painting made her glad she had that effect on someone.

She glanced at the box on her bedside table. She found that as the days passed, whenever she woke up and before she went to bed, she longed to talk to Chaeyoung. Even when they spent the day together or even with plans later in the day, that growing sensation would always, without fail, haunt her. She took the box and shoved it in her backpack before she got up to get ready for the day.

The house was quiet. She was accustomed to its silence, devoid of movements; nothing but the whirring of the air conditioner could be heard in its vast emptiness. That time felt different, however. She didn’t feel alone and for once she didn’t fear the stillness of her own world. She wondered then how the other people in their worlds felt. Were they as joyous as she and as optimistic even as the clouds in the sky formed to convolute plans of rain? Were they bouncing in the balls of their feet ready to begin the day with an upbeat heart? She could only hope that those people felt just as spectacular as she was.

Sana rummaged through her closet of clothes she rarely touched. They were pieces she found outdated and failed to reach her mother’s approval to toss them out because “there was nothing entirely wrong with them.”

Clothes were laid out on the floor and on her bed— underwear dangling from her chair. With the mountains of clothes she had, one would think she can easily find an outfit satisfying her thirst for an “appropriate wear for the occasion.” She was aghast to find her choices lacking. She wanted to wear different outfits whenever she was with Dahyun. She wanted to show her the different styles she had and hopefully compliment her on the choices she made. But as she expected, her girlfriend was harder to impress than she thought. For once, she wanted to hear from , You’re beautiful. When other people told her, it didn’t mean much to Sana. It didn’t strike a chord in her being as it would with other people. Therefore, she didn’t really dress herself to impress those around her. She dressed for herself, which was why it was difficult for her to pick anything while thinking about someone else.

Her phone vibrated and she glanced at Momo’s message. Get out, it said. Sana groaned. She quickly glanced at the clock and was shocked to find how fast the minutes passed her by. She was still in her bathroom robe without the slightest idea on what to wear.

There were two honks coming from outside her house. Sana grunted in frustration. She texted her, Get in here! Minutes later, Momo was bursting in through her door ready to scold when the piles of mess in the room caused her to stop.

“What in the world are you doing?” Momo asked, tiptoeing to avoid stepping on the clothes on the floor.

“Finding an outfit, what do you think?”

“Yah, we’re not going to the Music Awards or anything. It’s Mina’s house. We’ve been going there since we were kids. The hell are you trying to dress up for?” She crouched down and picked up a random pair of pants and a blouse and tossed it on the bed. “Wear that.”

“You don’t understand. I want to look good, but none of these outfits work. I’ve worn every one of them and none of them got a reaction out of her.”

“Out of who?” the older one asked, but then realizing it herself, she nodded. “Ahh, gotcha. I take it you’re still feeling that Dahyun’s going to leave you any minute now, huh? You’re worrying too much. I can see how happy she is with you.”

“Do you really?” Sana looked at her. “We’ve been together for almost 3 months now and there’s no progression in our relationship. It’s like we’re still stuck in courting phase. We always do the same things. We eat out, we talk, we text, calls, hold hands, and sometimes if I’m lucky, we kiss. But that’s it.”

Momo grinned, shoving her hands in her pocket as she gets embarrassed for even just thinking of it. “Just tell her you want her to take you to bed and be done with it.”

“I-I do not!”

“You’re a terrible liar. It’s written all over your face.” Her friend still had that smug look on her face. Sana threw a shirt at it to make it go away and Momo couldn’t help but laugh. She ended up walking around the room and picking up the clothes Sana tossed on the floor. “Want to also go shopping? We have some time after the salon.”

“If you can convince my mom to reactivate my card, then I’m all for it.”

“What did you do this time?”

Sana sighed, a hanger on her hand as she started reorganizing her fallen clothes again. “I may have went overboard paying for our dates all the time. My credit skyrocketed and she got mad.”

“Ooo. Dahyun doesn’t pay?”

“Well, it’s not that she doesn’t want to, but more like I always beat her to it. I know she’s not that well off so I feel bad whenever she pulls out her wallet. Girlie always carries cash with her and keeps checking it whenever she opens her bag to make sure it’s still there.” Sana chuckled, “She said she lost money one time and was scared she’ll lose it again. I can’t make her pay dude.”

“Well you’re going to have to without a card. Let’s go, I’ll pay for the outfit.”

The younger one beamed a smile and jumped on Momo to give her a huge hug, causing the other one to wince under her embrace. The two went to their salon appointment to have their eyebrows threaded and later shopping like teenage girls in the movies on a weekend.

Feeling the freshness on their brows and the freedom of their walk, they laughed and chatted like the good friends they were. It would be just like the old times if Mina were with them, but their friend opted to be left out so she could prepare the house, though not that her house needed that much preparation as it was always sparkling clean.

As they promenaded around the shopping district, Sana couldn’t help but worry. Momo rang some truth in her words earlier, she admitted that. It wasn’t that Sana was desperate, she just didn’t know how Dahyun felt about it. Was she not pretty enough to be wanted? Did she not affect her to such a degree that her girlfriend wouldn’t be able to control herself? What was stopping Dahyun?

Sana felt that she shouldn’t be thinking about such things. That wasn’t what she was after. She wasn’t so thirsty as to complain that they barely passed kissing phase, but watching movies of people pouring their love for each other and hearing stories from the ladies on social medias how much affection they have for their boyfriends made her envious. She wanted to know what that felt like.

The day Sana lost her ity, the clouds seemed lonelier than usual. The room domed in on her like a prison and she felt utterly cold. The boy was kind and he was gentle, but nonetheless, Sana didn’t feel anything. Her mind wandered off, ultimately being somewhere else. Did I eat lunch today? at one point, she thought. Why is he sweating as if he’s running a marathon? The stories she once heard were nothing like what she was experiencing. It wasn’t all flowers and green grass, the waterfalls booming down on her and sending her to wonderland.

She couldn’t distinguish his face due to the lack of light. The window of his room stared right in front of them. At least she was glad that his room faced the abandoned lot right across his house. She could transport herself outside, live on other things and forget about the boredom of . Sana was ashamed of herself for that scene. She wanted to bury it and void it as her first time. It wasn’t special. It wasn’t even worth a story. There was no love at all, and nothing that could make her want it.

But Sana didn’t lose hope she could still feel that handful of happiness people are supposed to feel when they made love. She still wanted it, and she hoped that Dahyun would be the one to provide it for her. But goddamn, her girlfriend was more dense than she thought.

~

The doorbell rang and Mina rushed to open it to see Chaeyoung and Dahyun on the other side of the door. The Japanese beamed a smile and urged them inside.

“You didn’t have to ring the bell,” Sana told the newcomers. She popped a strawberry in and Mina pulled the bowl away from her as the pieces of fruit slowly disappear into Sana’s stomach. She had saved them for Chaeyoung to eat.

“They’re normal human beings. They don’t just barge in like you.”

“Well that’s what happens when you leave it unlocked,” Sana said with a laugh. “Also I thought you said you were forbidden to bring anyone home?”

“Well, my dad said without adult supervision. That’s why Sungyeon here.” Mina smiled at the cheekiness of her use of loopholes. Technically she wasn’t breaking any rules and it wasn’t like her parents were going to know either way.

“Yup. I’m letting myself be used.” Seungyeon placed a pitcher on the table and went back to the kitchen to take out the rest of the food.

Chaeyoung shook her head as she smiled at her disobedience. The doorbell rang again and because Chaeyoung was still standing near the door, she opened it. Behind it was Jeongyeon wincing as Jihyo and Nayeon seem to be arguing about who can drive better, and Tzuyu standing in the front with a smile on her face. “She really wanted to party, doesn’t she?”

“This is your idea of a party?” Jeongyeon chuckled. “We need to take you out more, Chaeng.” They went inside and when Momo caught sight of Nayeon, she almost choked on her snack.

The oldest Japanese leaned in to whisper to Sana, “Do you think it’s okay for Nayeon to be here?”

Sana shrugged, “Why not? It’s not like there’s any beef between any of them. Mina’s with Chaeyoung now. You don’t think Mina’s still hung up on Jeongyeon, do you?”

“I don’t know. The girl barely confides in us anymore. I never know what’s going on nowadays.”

“That’s you everyday anyways.” Momo jabbed her friend on the side and she winced.

Mina had never had this many people in her living room before. She always made do with two friends and never bothered to make any other ones. A sight of 9 more people in her home that she could call friends made her feel warm. Imagine! She made so many friends in such a short time! She would laugh at the thought if someone told her a year before that she’d be making so many.

When did all start? she thought. She recalled her days, how she usually spent them and why she buried