A pang of pain shot through their heads as a faculty member smacked it with a rolled up notebook. Mina and Chaeyoung instantly pulled away from their fantasy and snapped back into their reality. “This is a place of learning people!” the coach of the cheerleading squad yelled loud enough for everybody to hear. “Do whatever you want outside of school, but in this territory, you are to limit yourselves to holding hands.” Everybody seemed to snap out of their own trance as well, because they started piling out of the cafeteria. The coach glared at the two for a moment, then she clicked her tongue, muttering under her breath all the while, “How can these children get together so easily when a grown adult can’t even land a single date?”

While the crowd passed them by, the students moving amongst themselves, sparing them the slightest of glances, the two felt all of a sudden shy as they looked at each other. Mina smiled at her, “You heard her.”

“What?”

“We can hold hands.” Mina took one step forward, and like an embarrassed grade schooler, she slowly reached for Chaeyoung’s hand. But the younger one pulled it back, causing Mina to pause and look at her with a disappointed face.

Chaeyoung held up the palm of her hand at her, “Wait. We’re official, right? Right now.” She pointed at the two of them, “We’re dating, right?”

Mina’s eyebrows shot up. “Doesn’t that go without saying…? I kissed you and you kissed me. Doesn’t that mean we’re  together now?”

“I mean, others do it quite differently so I have to make sure. Dahyun told me Sana confessed to her, but they weren’t official then. Sana said she wanted to court her first, before she asked her to be her girlfriend. I don’t know what kind of process you do and I don’t want to assume.”

“Sana? Court?” Mina laughed, but Chaeyoung’s face remained serious, so she stopped. “Oh, you’re serious. Really? What day and age does that girl live in? Aish. We’re dating! Starting today,” she quickly took hold of her hand and huffed. “You’re my girlfriend.”

As the Japanese led her to their next class, the pressure of her grip remained soft and gentle. It reminded Chaeyoung of when they held hands for show, except this time it was for real. The hallways they walked through seemed different to her then. Maybe it was because just a few minutes ago, they were the center of gossip, but perhaps it was something else that she couldn’t pinpoint. The younger one would look up at Mina every now and then, and she would get greeted with a warm smile as if comforting her without even asking for the need to.

They should’ve known that word didn’t cease that quickly. Even in class, right behind their backs, people talked about them. They didn’t need to hear everything to know that the topic of their discussion was that whole happening in the cafeteria. However, there was a change in how the word got out. It went from “Mina paid someone to be her girlfriend” to “Chaeyoung declared her love and kissed her in front of everybody. It was like a scene out of a movie.” Teenagers really do love to put a spin on everything. Everytime Chaeyoung heard it, she would immediately get embarrassed and long for a moment where she could hide in a hole until they all forget about it.

The moment the after school bell rang, Chaeyoung pulled out the hoodie she kept in her backpack and wore it over her uniform. She pulled up the hood over her face and tightened it. Mina watched her throughout the whole thing. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m scared,” the younger one spoke, trying to look at her through the small space of the hood. “Everyone is reminding me that I so boldly kissed you in front of that many people and I’m scared. Of myself. I mean, who was that Chaeyoung and where did she come from? So, I don’t want people to see me until I know her myself.”

“But I won’t get to see your face...” Mina reached over to pull down the hood from her head, but Chaeyoung lightly slapped her hand away. The Japanese reacted with exaggeration and held her affected hand. “Yah. You’re so violent. It’s cute.” She grinned.

Chaeyoung gave her a playful push. They walked through the hallways together, laughing as if they had nothing to worry about. They turned a corner and crossed paths with Jihyo.The older girl looked relieved the moment she saw them. She grabbed Mina’s arm with urgency. “Perfect timing! Let me treat you to something. What do you want? Samgyeopsal? Bossam? Samgyetang? You name it!”

“W-what? Why?” Mina looked at her, confused. Then her eyes widened and she pulled her arm back. “I’m not filling in for you again! Do your own job as president.”

“It’s not that,” Jihyo chuckled. “I just wanted to thank you. When I said make a bigger scandal, I didn’t think you’d actually do it. Well,” she turned to Chaeyoung and smiled. “I guess I should thank you for turning it into a romantic story. I would’ve felt bad if it was an actual scandal that would ruin the rest of Mina’s high school career.”

“Are you happy?” the Japanese gave her a playful hit. “I bet your face lit up when everyone started talking bad about me. Are you that happy?” Jihyo beamed a smile at her and nodded. Mina bit her lip and pulled up a threatening fist. “Samgyeopsal.”

“Alright! Let’s go!” Jihyo puffed out her chest and marched through the hallway with exaggeration. Chaeyoung couldn’t help but laugh at their interaction. It seemed that in the short amount of time they spent apart, Mina had made such a great friend. Although she felt sad when it happened, she supposed their fake break up had some benefits.

A somewhat awkward silence permeated around the table. Mina was under the impression that, at most, it was just going to be Jihyo and Tzuyu joining them, and it seemed that the rest of the gang didn’t expect her and Chaeyoung to be there as well. Jeongyeon silently fidgeted in her seat and Nayeon kept quiet to herself. Mina cleared , “I didn’t realize it was going to be a party. Are you treating everyone here?”

“You’re paying?” Jeongyeon looked at Jihyo with a smile. She lightly pumped her fist.

“Yah, why would I pay for you? You’re wealthier than me,” Jihyo said which caused the other to slowly settle her hands back on her lap.

Should I call Momo and Sana too? Mina thought. She wanted to at least be able to talk comfortable with someone while they ate and she felt like she would be left out of the conversations since this was Jihyo and Tzuyu’s group of friends. And frankly, having your girlfriend and your ex in the same table didn’t usually scream out friendly. But to her surprise, Chaeyoung spoke to Jeongyeon as if there wasn’t any hidden past between their relationship. They laughed and they teased each other the same way they’ve always had.

As they ate, Jihyo kept glancing over her shoulder and across from her, to her left and to her right. Mina followed her gaze and figured out the subject of her attention. Her mother was running around the restaurant, tending to her customers’ needs.

The Japanese narrowed her eyes at her. “Jihyo, you didn’t bring us here to help you come out to  you mom, did you?”

Tzuyu turned to Jihyo, “Did you bait them here?” Jihyo only returned the question with a smile that said guilty. The youngest one nodded at Mina and spoke in a low tone so only those at their table could hear. “She’s been watching romance movies with her mom to ease her into the idea. Then, she started recommending LGBT shows to her as if what she was doing wasn’t so obvious. Last night, after a week of trying to clue her in, her mom said something positive about the plot. So now, she’s convinced that her mom might actually be okay with her dating Nayeon.”

Mina leaned in and whispered, “But what does that have to do with us?”

“She thinks her mom won’t make a scene if her friends are here. The more people, the less the impact.” Tzuyu took sips of her water and gestured her head towards Jihyo. Mina turned to the older one and watched her keep her eyes on her mother. She was tapping her fingers on the table and moving her legs as if she was impatient.

The Japanese sighed, “Why don’t you just tell it to her straight?” Jihyo turned to her. “One way or the other, she has to know. It’s not like you can twist words around to make it sound less than the fact you’re dating someone, and that someone is a girl.”

“You make it sound like it’s so easy. Just because your own mother is okay with your preferences doesn’t mean my mom will do the same.”

Mina paused. Jeongyeon stopped eating to look at her. She looked at Jihyo, then back at Mina, and then resumed eating.

Jihyo watched the whole exchange and felt the hesitation of the words they wanted to say next. She leaned her arms on the table, “Don’t tell me...”

The Japanese swallowed and picked up her chopsticks once more to occupy herself. Jihyo turned to Chaeyoung as if looking for an explanation, but she already knew the answer to her own question. She scoffed, “How can you give someone an advice you yourself haven’t taken? Then, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell my mom upfront, no hesitations, no trying to get out it, if you tell yours.”

“That’s not the whole point. My situation is different.”

“How is it different? We’re both in love with the same gender as our own. It’s the same situation.”

Mina sighed, “My mom isn’t the problem. My dad will disown me.”

“And you think my mom won’t?”

The Japanese all of a sudden slammed her chopsticks down on the table, which caused everyone else to flinch and look up at her in surprise. “You’re mom won’t leave you out on the streets to starve now, will she? She’ll get mad, ground you for the rest of your life, but she won’t stop loving you. I know because I saw the way she treats you. My dad...” She felt tighten, and she bit her lips to control her own emotions from exploding. She sighed and spoke in a lower tone. “My dad never saw me as anything more than a trophy he can brag about. If there’s nothing to brag about, I’m nothing more than a freeloader in his own home.”

She stared down at the table, afraid to meet any of her peers in the eyes. Those words, she had never uttered them out loud. It was always in her mind, getting buried by all the other excuses her brain convoluted up to make herself feel better. But saying it out loud made it seem more real, and she realized then that it was the reality she didn’t want to hear. She got up from her seat. “I’m going,” she said. She took out her wallet and placed a 20,000 bill on the table. Then, she left without another word.

Everyone else watched her back disappear through the door. Silence permeated around them and no one moved for a moment. Nayeon was the first one to say something. “Isn’t anybody going to go after her?” she asked.

“She probably wants to be alone right now,” Jihyo said. “I think it’s best that we- yah, Son Chaeyoung.” She watched the younger one get up and leave as well without saying words of goodbye. “Where are you...going….” Her words vanished through the air as Chaeyoung had already left through the door.

Chaeyoung ran and finally caught up to Mina. The Japanese’s back shook ever so slightly. No sound came from her, but Chaeyoung knew she was sobbing. The younger one reached out her hand in hesitation, eyeing her shoulder as it bobbed up and down. She pulled back her own hand and merely walked alongside her.

No one spoke for a good while. The two walked the streets of Gangnam-Gu, passing by the various establishments in the area. A Subway swarmed with students from their school just out of their afterschool activities, a salon filled with ahjummas on a weekday afternoon chatting away with their stylists, a neighborhood bookstore with its sign a little lopsided, a street vendor setting up for the night to remain there until dawn. All the scenes they passed remained a blur as the silent shakes of Mina’s breathing filled her mind. Chaeyoung waited patiently. She was always so patient that she was sure it was one of her redeeming qualities.

It wasn’t until they reached Suseo-Dong that Mina started to speak. Her voice came parched and it was so low that Chaeyoung had to put all her attention to every word spoken to hear. “Thank you,” she said.

Chaeyoung wasn’t sure why she was thanking her, but she smiled. “You’re welcome.” Her hand that she had kept by her side, avoiding the habit of shoving it in her pockets in the small case that Mina might want to hold it, slowly reached over to grasp her girlfriend’s cold hand.

“I’m sorry… But I’m scared. I’m just not ready to face my dad. If all possible, I wanted to keep everything from him and avoid confrontation.”

“It’s okay.”

Mina turned her head to look at her, “Are you really okay with that? We’d have to be secretive, lie to them about our relationship and pretend. Are you really… okay with that?”

The younger one shrugged. “Just because the whole world doesn’t know, doesn’t make it any less real. You know how I feel about you and I know how you feel about me. That’s all that matters.” She reached over with her other hand and clasped their intertwined hands. “I know that there will come a time when you’re ready. I believe that. That’s why I’ll wait. Until then, don’t be sorry for how you feel about me.”

Mina chuckled, “You’re so cool.”

“I know.” Chaeyoung smiled.

“And so full of herself.” The Japanese linked her arm around hers and kept her close as they walked.

~

Mina and Chaeyoung spent the rest of their night walking around the streets of Seoul, trying out various street food and watching the street performers emerge under the lights of the city. If Mina could stay like that for the rest of her life, she would be content. She felt nothing but happiness, holding the one she loved and feeling the warmth of her skin against her own. But unfortunately, she had to go home.

She got home so late that for once, she came home to a house of people. Her mother was already washing dishes on the sink after their dinner and the evening news was on at a low volume.

Her mother looked back from the sink when she entered, “Oh, yo