When Ten had walked out of the practice room, Johnny had stood there feeling a medley of emotions. He was so upset, he could feel his body shaking. He wanted to shout and cry at the same time. He wished he had just gone back with the others because anything would be better than what he was feeling now. He had thought that things were fine. He had thought he could make it fine. Turns out he couldn’t do anything.

He willed himself to pull it together at least until he was out of this place. With trembling hands, he grabbed his bag and cap and walked to the service stairs that lead to a backdoor on the ground floor. He was in no mood to meet anyone.

And yet when he let himself out into the cold night air, he found himself stopping by the figure who was sitting huddle on the edge of the stairs.

“Yuta?” he asked, his tone incredulous.

The figure moved slightly. “No, umm, it’s not me. Please ignore and move on.”

Johnny crouched down beside him. “Didn’t you go back with the others? Since when have you been outside here? You must be freezing.” He reached for his hands and it felt like he was holding ice.

Yuta giggled. “Everyone is too ing busy. Taeyong was busy with Jaehyun. And Winwin…well, him. He thinks he’s a prince.”

“Are you drunk?” Johnny helped him to his feet but he could see how he was swaying.

Yuta smiled. “Just a tiny bit. It feels amazing. I can’t feel anything. Take that Winwin!” He threw an empty can towards the fence.

It was then that Johnny realized that Yuta was sitting with a bunch of mostly empty beer cans throwing them at an anime version of Winwin he had drawn clumsily on the fence.

“I don’t care about him,” Yuta told Johnny.

Johnny sighed. “Let’s get you home, okay? We’ll talk about why this is all wrong when you’re sober in the morning. Come on.”

Yuta didn’t budge. “I don’t want to go home. I want to have coffee.”

“Now? I don’t even know what coffee on beer does to a person. I’m taking you home. End of discussion.”

“You’re being mean to me. Everyone is being mean to me. What did I do to deserve this?” Yuta sniffled.

“Okay, okay, we’ll get you coffee but then you’re agreeing to come home with me. Okay?”

“Okayyy.”

“Starbucks?”

“Yes. And you, stop smirking at me.” Yuta stuck out his tongue at the Winwin drawing on the fence.

They walked quietly. Johnny looked at his friend and felt a twinge of guilt. He had been so wrapped up in his own problems, he hadn’t even realized that Yuta might be suffering. Whatever tonight was, there was obviously something way too deep going on between Yuta and Winwin. He took off his hoodie when he saw Yuta shivering.

“Here,” he said, “you may not be feeling it but I can hear you teeth chattering with the cold. Sorry it might be a bit sweaty but I think you might turn into an ice block otherwise.”

Yuta took it without a word. He opened his mouth and then shook his head.

“What?”

“You know, I think I’m a lot drunk.”

Johnny laughed. “You were angry at Winwin. Yes, I would say you’re ‘a lot drunk’ because sober Yuta is never angry at him. You find excuses to clear his name.”

“No, I wasn’t angry at Winwinie, I meant that I couldn’t find our dorm. I was going to go back home after buying some beer but I just couldn’t find the place so I went back to where we were practicing. I was feeling tired so I thought I’d sit down for a bit and next thing I know…”

“Next thing you know, the great Johnny has rescued you?””

“No, I see my friend looking like he’s crying and I was like, Johnny? Why is he crying? Why are you crying?”

Johnny stopped. “I am not.”

“You aren’t?” Yuta squinted at his face. “Oof, you’re out of focus.” He stared. “You aren’t? Guess I am drunk but you have to admit I am an easy drunk to take care of.”

“I prefer a drunk Taeyong over you right now.”

Yuta laughed. “He’s so difficult to handle. What are you saying!?”

They entered the coffee shop together and soon they were seated across from each other, feeling the cold thaw. Johnny found himself calming down and inadvertently, his conversation with Ten kept replaying in his head and while he knew Ten had been wrong in saying all that he had said, he was forced to admit to himself that he wasn’t absolved of some guilt too. And that hurt him.

Yuta was telling him how much he hated Winwin. “Like his smile, ugh, why is it so beautiful? Have you seen him smile, Johnny? Don’t you hate how wonderful he is? Because I do. His voice is soft and I hate how I want to listen to him always. You know, he sounds just as beautiful when he speaks Japanese. I hate him.”

Johnny laughed again. “You keep using that word. I don’t think you know what it means because I’m pretty sure you mean you love him.”

Yuta stared. “You’re crying again.”

Johnny frowned and touched his cheek, looking surprised at the moisture. “No, I am not.” His face crumpled. “Oh god, what is happening to me?” His shoulders shook. “I’m so sorry. I know you are sad and I should be strong for you but oh god, why can’t I stop crying?”

“Joh—”

“Let’s leave,” Johnny said, getting up.

They walked out and Yuta’s head must have cleared in the air because he sprang to action. He rubbed Johnny’s back. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. You can tell me.”

“I thought I had it under control but it hurts so much. All the time. I really thought that I was managing it but now he’s upset too and I hate this, I hate hurting him and I am so…”

“Angry at yourself?” Yuta said, softly, his eyes filled with understanding. “I know I am the last person who should be giving this advice, but you shoul