“Hello? Are you listening?” Sungjae waved a hand in front of you, trying to get your attention. He had been going on about his basketball practice with the club while the two of you waited for Joy to finish her group discussion.

He only stopped talking when he realized that you were having something on your mind. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

You just shook your head, unsure of how to answer him. You remembered how vulnerable Jiyong looked like the other night, how tired and desperate he’d look when he uttered those three words. Surely it was a mistake. Jiyong hated you and he was dreaming. He was apologizing and begging someone and that someone wasn’t you. You weren’t worried about his “I love you”, you were just wondering what was he dreaming about to the point that he was sweating and crying in his sleep? What happened? He was screaming and yelling and wouldn’t wake up.

Three days have passed since then and you didn’t see Jiyong at home. He locked himself up in the room when he realized that you’ve seen him in that state. He refused to come out and you didn’t pester him either.

Sometimes, you heard muffled screaming coming from his room but you didn’t dare to knock. Jiyong’s reaction to you knowing about his screaming didn’t go well. He was really angry, probably embarrassed too that he almost broke the coffee table. His face was red with what, you couldn’t tell. It could be shame, it could be anger, it could be anything and you didn’t want to find out what.

“I’m not thinking of anything. Just some girls’ stuffs.” You said.

“Oh! About that Taecyeon guy?” You could hear the playfulness in his voice.

Of course you’ve told your friends about your crush but you didn’t tell them about the part where you were assaulted and almost became a victim. You preferred to deal with that one alone. It was hard trying to get rid of that memory; sometimes you flinched when Sungjae touched you or when a guy called your name. It couldn’t be helped, your body seemed to be on defense at all times now.

“I have no idea when I can see him again.” It was true. You didn’t have a clue where he stayed, or which university did he go to. Yesterday, you did take a walk towards the basketball court where you first saw him but no one was playing there and he didn’t drop by the restaurant for a while too.

“I’m sure you’ll see him again soon enough, don’t worry about it!”

You could see from the corner of your eyes that he was about to pat your back that you tensed your body up, forcing yourself to just take it but Sungjae stopped halfway. He looked at you worriedly.

“There’s something I want to talk about with you and I need you to be honest with me…” He said, changing his position so that he’d face you. “What is really bothering you? You seemed tensed lately.”

“I’m not.” You shook your head, trying to shake his question off. It was not something that you would want to talk about right now.

But Sungjae knew better. He knew that you wouldn’t want to talk about it but if he didn’t pester you, you would bottle it up and it will eat you from the inside because he knew for a fact that you would not bring the subject up again.

“No. We’re doing this. You need to be honest with us. If you don’t want to tell Joy, at least tell me. We’ve been best friends for as long as we could remember.”

You looked around you, making sure that no one was nearby to hear what you were about to say next and most importantly, you were making sure that Joy was nowhere near you. This was going to be tough but you knew Sungjae was right. You had to talk about this with someone and Sungjae was your best friend and you trusted him. You would willingly jumped off a cliff, having full trust on him that he would jump after you to save you.

With a deep breath, you opened your mouth, trying to tell him what happened but nothing came out. This was harder than you thought. You didn’t know where to start to be honest. Again, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. Your brows creased together as you were thinking hard on how to tell Sungjae, on where to start and again nothing came out from you.

Sungjae didn’t complain, instead he only waited patiently.

“Look at me.” He said softly. “Calm yourself down and look at me…”

“It’s not that simple…”

“I know but you have to do this. Don’t take the burden yourself. Me and Joy are here for you just as how you were there for us too.”

Hesitantly, you took a deep breath again and this time, you poured everything out.

Sungjae listened to you intently and he had a mixed expression on his face. Just as how you’ve told the police, you left out the part where Jiyong saved you. Sungjae then covered his mouth in disbelief. He wanted to give you a hug but refrained himself. He noticed how you flinched whenever he made a move to touch you or whenever he called or yelled your name loudly. Now it all made sense. At first he thought you were just stressed out over your studies but it was something else.

“You know I wouldn’t hurt you.” He said. “I would refrain myself from touching or making any physical contacts with you until you are ready. Until you’ve felt better. Until you’ve collected yourself again. Joy and me can only be here as support but the rest is up to you. We can only do so much.”

“Thank you, Sungjae.” You felt relieved that he understood you.

Sungjae felt terrible for you. He felt anger boiling inside him too and if he ever found out who did that to you, who knew what would happen to him.

“I won’t tell Joy. It’s not my place.” He assured you and again you thanked him.

At times you wondered what did you do to deserve such a good friend like Sungjae?

Finally, Joy appeared. She had a few files in her hand and was struggling with her bag. Sungjae took her bag from her; it was heavy, filled with her laptop, purse, charger, phone and some other notes inside. You took two files from her.

“These are a lot!” You said. “What is this anyway?”

“Oh this? Just some references for me.”

“What references?”

“For my final year project! Have you thought of what you’re gong to do for yours yet?”

Truthfully you did give it a thought. You did some research but came up with nothing. You didn’t want your final year project to be something that just had to be done. You wanted it to be something meaningful but so far, nothing.

That evening, you spent your time being cooped up in your room with your door opened. It felt stuffy in there so you decided to open up your window, even though it was raining outside. You felt better when the cold gentle breeze hit your face. You love it when the scent of moist earth hit you in the nose. Rainy days were your favourite. It helped you to calm your nerves.

Now you were staring at the empty canvas on your easel. Every inch of you itch for the paintbrush to dance on the canvas but nothing came to mind. You remained staring at the white canvas for a solid five minutes before turning around, wanting to get out of your room and maybe spent the time out in the backyard alone in the rain.

That was when Jiyong came out of his room.

The two of you locked eyes for a brief while until Jiyong tore his gaze away. He was always the first one to look away. It made you self-conscious at times. You waited for him to walk away but he didn’t. Instead, he stayed rooted to where he was standing.

Then flashes of him screaming and crying in his sleep flooded your mind. The sleepless nights you had because of him.

“I have something to ask you.” Stop it. Stop it!

Now you had his attention. He neither smiled nor frowned. Just a blank uninterested face. “What is it?” His voice sounded bored.

Your mind screamed for you to stop but you couldn’t help it. This had been going on for a while now and you were going to live here with him. You were going to find out what happened sooner or later, might as well just ask him now. “What were you dreaming about every night?”

“Excuse me?” He looked confused.

“I heard you every night. Your screams, your cries and you were begging someone. What were you dreaming about?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“And that other night too, in the living room. I thought you were going to die in your sleep. You were crying so hard and begging for forgiveness- then you just- suddenly you cupped my face while looking at me and just say, “I love you’.” You didn’t know why you brought that up. You could have just stopped at ‘begging for forgiveness’ but clearly that bit where he said I love you to you bothered you a bit.

Jiyong froze. When his face froze as he forced a swallow, you knew you’ve hit a nerve.

“It’s none of your business.” His voice was restrained.

“No, it is my business. We’re housemates-”

“I didn’t ask for a housemate!” He stormed into the living room. “Seunghyun shouldn’t have rented this place out! It’s my place!”

Not wanting to lose this argument with him, you followed him. “He was only trying to help me!”

“He could have chosen any other place but not this! THIS IS MY HOUSE!” His face was getting red. He was losing his temper. “I was only gone for a brief while and he rented my place out, WHAT IF I WAS GONE FOREVER?! WHAT DO YOU THINK HE AND THE OTHERS WILL TURN THIS PLACE INTO?!” Out of frustration, Jiyong picked up a glass vase and threw it hard against the wall. You screamed, closing your eyes as the shards of its glass pieces scattered and a few scraped you on the hand and scratched you on the face.

When you opened your eyes again, you could see that Jiyong was breathing heavily. He was angry. Frustrated and upset too. You wondered how long he had pent up his anger? He turned abruptly to say something more but stopped, shocked to see the scratch on your face and your bloodied hand. He could see the small shards of glasses sticking on your wound.

“_____,” Guilt was written on his face. He didn’t mean to hurt you. He was just angry and frustrated with everything. “_____, I’m sorry.” As if he was tired, he collapsed on his knees. “I’m sorry…” He said again.

You didn’t know what to do. At this moment, Jiyong looked vulnerable just as how he did the night you saw him screaming. He looked as if he was tired, as if he had been fighting with something and had finally given up.

“I’m fine, Jiyong.” You started towards him. When you held out a hand to touch him, to comfort him, he pulled back abruptly.

“No, no- don’t come near me.” He wheezed.

You didn’t see the icy cold Jiyong that you usually saw. Right now, in front of you was this person who was hurt, someone who had pent up his anger for a long time, someone who just wanted to be forgiven.

After Jiyong calmed down a little, you approached him again. This time, he didn’t tell you to go away or not to come near him. When you sat beside him, he didn’t say anything. But he did look lost. He couldn’t even look at you out of shame for hurting you.

“I’m sorry, _____. I’ve lost control.”

You just remained quiet. You couldn’t say it’s alright because you were hurt, but you couldn’t say that it was his fault either.

“If you’re really sorry, then help me clean my wound.”

He didn’t waste any time in helping you out.

The two of you were in the kitchen now and you sat down on one of the stools at the bar, just watching Jiyong taking out the first aid-kid he had kept in one of the cabinets. Carefully, he took all of the shards of glasses that were still sticking to your wound; you didn’t feel so much pain then. Not until when Jiyong started to run cold water through your wound. It stung so bad that you balled your hand into a fist and your face turned red. Seeing how you were struggling, Jiyong told you that it was fine if you want to grip his hand hard in order to endure the pain.

Finally, after he cleaned up your wound, Jiyong applied some meds on it, to prevent any infections on it and wrapped it with bandages.

Neither of you spoke for a long time, neither of you moved too.

“I'll clean the mess…” You were referring to the broken pieces of the vase that was scattered on the floor. “I should at least do something. This is partly my fault too. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Jiyong said nothing. His face was unreadable but his lips parted, as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it.

While you were cleaning up after the broken vase, Jiyong stayed in his room. Ashamed that he’d lost control of himself and hurt you. That wasn’t meant to happen. He should have kept calm when you pressed him. It was only rational that you’ve felt the need to know given the face that you’ve heard him every night. It was his fault too, he could have just ignored you and walk away but instead, he answered you.

Maybe he had wanted you to ask but just wouldn’t admit it. Maybe he felt like finally having someone to share his undying burden with. Maybe the source of his anger was not you pestering him but because of his own stubbornness.

“Maybe I should just tell her…” He contemplated.

The man buried his face and groaned in frustration. “What have you done, Seunghyun… You shouldn’t have rented this place out… This is a mess, this is a mess.” He muttered to himself, disheveling his own hair. “I’m a mess…”

That night, you left for work without even saying anything to Jiyong. It was obvious to you that he wouldn’t leave his room anytime soon. Your co-workers were shocked to see your bandaged hand.

“You really need to be careful!” Lee Joon scolded you.

“What happened?” Hyuna asked. She knew that you weren’t the clumsy type. If anything, you made sure to do things properly.

None of them knew that you were living with another man in the house so you lied. “I tripped over the carpet and knocked a vase down before falling onto it.”

Hyuna groaned as if she could feel the pain as well. “That hurts!” She cringed. “Please, please, please be careful next time.”

“Can you still work?” Seungho asked. He was concern about you but he was concern about the restaurant even more.

“Yes, sure. It’s no big deal, that’s why I’m here.” You pumped your fist.

Tonight was busy just like any other night. Your sleeves were rolled down, covering your bandage even if you were in pain when the fabric of your clothes grazed against the bandage. The grazing was subtle but it could still be felt. Your wound stung from time to time and at one point, you thought you were going to die because it felt really hot as if someone was burning it. But you didn’t complain. You needed busy. You needed something to distract your mind and not think about Jiyong at all. While you were setting down an order at a table, you heard Hyuna greeting someone very, very cheerfully.

“You’re here!” She beamed at the customer.

From where you were standing, it was hard to who it was but when the customer entered; you almost drop the tray in your hand.

It was Taecyeon and Hyojong, along with a few other boys behind them. They were loud and rowdy, laughter and awe escaped from them.

Taecyeon’s eyes were searching for something.

No, not something but someone.

When he spotted you, his eyes lit up and his smile widened. He waved at you and you returned it shyly. Hyuna ushered them to an empty table and started to take up their order. You could see that Hyojong was stealing glances at her. It was impossible not to. Hyuna was really beautiful and if you were a guy, you’d be smitten by her too.

You continued doing your job, taking orders and handing out the customers their food. Sometimes you went into the kitchen to help preparing the food when it got a bit overwhelming in there.

You were about to take another customer’s order when Hyuna suddenly cut in front of you. “Take the food to that table please? I got this.” She winked as she pointed at the mentioned table.

Of course, it was Taecyeon’s. Was she trying to play matchmaker?

But you were grateful for it nevertheless. You hadn’t seen him in days and right now you were working. Even when there was no new customer entering the restaurant, you couldn’t be seen relaxing with any of the customers you knew. It might tarnish the restaurant’s reputation.

“Hello,” Taecyeon eyed you as you set down their food at the table. “How are you?”

“Good,” You said, still putting the food on their table. “I see you’ve brought friends today.”

At that, his friends cheered, raising their glasses and clinked them together noisily. “THANK YOU FOR HAVING US!” They chorused.

You couldn’t help but to laugh along with them.

Taecyeon shushed them to be quieter, worried that they might bother other customers. Plus, he didn’t want you to get into trouble. “I’ve been busy with moving and unpacking.”

Your brow twitched. “Moving?”

“I just moved here. That day when we first met? That was my first day here in this neighborhood. I just came from Boston.”

“Oh! America!”

“Yep.”

“So, how do you find it here in Korea?”

This time, Taecyeon laughed. “A lot of things changed. The building… I see that the economy is improving. People are still as friendly as ever and…” He looked at you in the eye. “The girl here is beautiful.”

You blushed at his words. Man, what a sweet talker.

“I’ve stayed in Korea until I was 10, then I moved to Boston. I came back here every once in a while and now, I’m back for good.” He explained. “These are my old friends.”

“That’s.. that’s great.” You pursed your lips and tucked your hair shyly behind your ear. “I… better get back to work.”

“Oh, right right. Sorry to keep you.”

“It’s fine.” You shook your head. “Well, it’s nice to see you again Taecyeon.”

“You too, _____, you too.”

Hyuna and Lee Joon were waiting for you outside of the restaurant. Just as how they’ve promised, they will accompany you home. You were still inside, double-checking everything with Seungho.

“You can go now. I don’t want you to go home later than you should.”

“Are you sure you can handle this?”

Seungho gave you a look. “I’ve been doing this longer than you have, I’ll be fine. Just go.” He waved you as if you were an annoying fly.

Chuckling, you bid him goodbye and hurriedly stepped outside. In your hastiness, you stepped into a puddle and slipped. Somewhere in the background you heard Hyuna’s gasp and Lee Joon’s cuss as you were about to fall.

An arm quickly wrapped around your waist, stopping you from falling completely onto the ground. You didn’t expect to step onto a puddle the moment you stepped outside of the restaurant but turned out it had been raining and you just didn’t notice it.

“Be careful.” Taecyeon said, having one arm wrapped around you while the other holding up an umbrella, sheltering both of you from the rain.

You stared at that beautiful face of his. What was he doing here? You were about to feel giddy when a flash of the unwanted memory came into your mind. For a brief moment, Taecyeon’s face was replaced with the drunken man’s. Your breath hitched and you violently pulled away from him, which caused to you slip once again.

With his quick reflexes, Taecyeon was able to grab you by the forearm and pulled you against him and your bodies met.

“Are you alright?” He sounded concern. You blinked once, twice and tried to even out your breathing. This time, you slowly pushed his hand away.

He looked at you, confused as you looked down to your shoes, refusing to meet his gaze. Your head throbbed and another memory flooded your mind. Having to your body met with Taecyeon’s made you feel sick. Not because of him but because your body remembered that pressure you had when the drunken man was on top of you. “I’m- I’m fine.” You covered your mouth as you felt bile coming up your throat and dashed off in the rain, leaving Taecyeon taken aback and confused.

Hyuna and Lee Joon were there the whole time and witnessed what happened. She didn’t miss a beat in chasing after you while Lee Joon looked at Taecyeon and mouthed ‘sorry’ to him before sprinting after you.

“Wait! _____, wait!!!” Hyuna called. “_____, please wait!”

Rain was pouring down on you and you were glad for it. At least, your friends couldn’t see the tears that were streaming down your face. One more time, Hyuna shouted with all her might, hoping that you would hear her plead for you to stop running. And so you did stop running. Your back was facing her.

Hyuna didn’t move and neither did you. She just stood there, not knowing what to say but she wanted to comfort you so bad. She wanted to say that it was going to be alright. Lee Joon was just arriving when you suddenly spun on your heels and ran into Hyuna’s arms.

She embraced you, squeezing your tight as you cried. She couldn’t bear to see you like this, in the end she cried too. Lee Joon moved closer, wanting to hug you too but stopped himself as he remembered what you just went through. He only looked at you, feeling angry that things had turned out this way. Hyuna rubbed your back repeatedly, and pulled your head closer to the croon of her neck, letting you cry your heart out.

“I’m sorry,” Your words weren’t clear but Hyuna understood what you were saying anyway.

“it’s alright.”

“I can’t do this.”

“You don't have to.”

“I really like him-“

“I know,”

“I can’t go on like this- I keep on seeing his face-“

She knew who you were talking about but didn’t know how to respond to it. So, she kept on your head in hopes that it will calm you down.

“It’ll be alright. You’ll be alright.” She wished she had more to say. She wished she could just take the pain away from you. She wished she could turn back the time and accompany you that night.

If only she had insisted. If only she forced you to accept her invitation to accompany you home. If only she had been stern enough, this wouldn’t have had happen.

Little did the three of you know that Taecyeon was watching from afar. He watched how you were bawling your eyes out and how Hyuna was doing her best in comforting you. He also noted how Lee Joon stopped himself abruptly from touching you and just stood there in the rain while his umbrella sheltered you and Hyuna from the rain.

This was a moment that nobody should witness. Not even him. This was something intimate between the three of you and so, with a heavy heart, Ok Taecyeon walked away.