Touch of Hades
by: Emilieee
 

title (10/10)

Ok, the title is sick. Without a doubt unique and fitting. There's not really much to say here besides you did a great job. From what I'm reading so far, the title is fitting in both theme and mood. It's just a really solid title. Period.

description (10/10)

Your description is also really great. Right off the bat, I'm interested Jongdae's touch of death and what the consequences will be for both Yena and Jongdae because of the ruined hit. Aside from that, I'm fiercely curious about Jongdae's touch of death, what the Styx is, and the entire world you're winding up to create. I'm ready to dig into this fantastical, action-packed, melancholic, and poignantly bittersweet romance.  

I do have something I want to say regarding the tense that I didn't take points off for because it's not technically wrong; the tense of the description and the story don't match. It's honestly such a tiny thing. I'm just a stickler for keeping everything as consistent as I can. You can keep the description in present tense or change it to past tense like the rest of your story. Totally your call on that one. A little tip though? If you ever decide to publish the story and send a query to a literary agent with a present tense synopsis and a past tense manuscript, they may just pass on it. Some literary agents have so many queries to read, the tiniest mistake can push them to skip over yours. 

plot (30/30)

What I'm reading so far is gripping and wonderfully paced. Being at chapter nine, the main conflict is well on it's way of being fully realized. Yena is possibly more deeply involved with the Sicari than Jongdae could've ever imagined. Her cousin is an assassin working for the Sicari who they are now wanting to kill off for some reason. There's also the question of why Yena resembles Jongdae's long-dead lover and is immune to his touch. It's an ambitious order to fill, but engrossing nonetheless.  I'm giving full points because it has such great potential at this point to be a knock-out fic and I'm sending goods vibes so you can continue and finish strong. 

characters (20/25)

You have quite the list of characters; so, for this portion, I'm going to focus on Yena and Jongdae. I know you are particularly interested about my thoughts on your characterization, so if you'd like to know my thoughts on any of the other characters, feel free to ask!

Yena: Her character is (bare with me, I'm going to absolutely abuse this word) consistent. I feel like I know Yena personally. She feels real to me. She has quirks, negative and positive. She never has to say "I'm a pretty awkward and clumsy person" for the reader to know it. In the first chapter she goes tumbling down subway steps with a whole cello on her back and gets in the way of an assassination just trying to catch a train, because it's Yena and she's always late for something. She's also naive. Even when everyone is trying to tell her not to get too comfortable at the thought of being around Jongdae because meeting coincidentally in another country is an extremely suspicious coincidence, she comes to the innocent conclusion that he's "probably not" stalking her because she just wants to believe the best in people. Although, I'm sure Jongdae being easy on the eyes has a little to do with her resolute stance. Overall, I'm really enjoying reading the story through her eyes. She's a great protagonist. Seriously, kudos to you. 

Jongdae: Consistent, consistent, consistent. A rich, successful hitman who loathes his job? Great. Love that. Being slave to the Sicari, he has no choice but to use his powerful and terrifying abilities to do their bidding. Regardless of his high status, he can't and probably never will take pride in what he does. He has such a bleeding heart. I know this from the moment Jongdae, a practiced and seasoned hitman, is helping the man with his scattered papers on the subway and finds himself worrying for the man's family. Even if the man isn't blameless, he has people who expect him back home. He's privately compassionate and publicly indignant when the people he cares deeply for are threatened. He has learned to control his personal aversion for his work in order to protect his loved ones. He's an intriguing character to read and I think you nailed the nuances of Jongdae having a personality and profession that are constantly at odds. 

grammar (7/10)

I would have more to say in this section if text selection was enabled and I could give examples straight from your story. The grammar nearer the beginning of the story is extremely awkward and choppy. However, as the story progresses it gets significantly better. Either you got a beta reader or your grammar just improved over the course of the year you've been writing this story, which wouldn't be strange at all. There are still parts that are a bit awkward, a few  little typos, and problems of some run-on sentences. But, overall, I'm able to enjoy your story for what it really is instead of getting distracted by the grammar, as was a bigger problem in the first few chapters.  

narrative ability (8/15)

My biggest problem here is the switching P.O.V.s. In some chapters it's consistent. In others, it's not. I really advise against switching P.O.V.s within the same chapter. It just gets messy at times and is honestly not needed. I do notice your earlier chapters are consistent in that you only switch P.O.V.s once within the same chapter, with Yena and Jongdae both having one, distinct section. But as the story goes on the consistency goes away. 

It's a bit slow and difficult to get through in the beginning because the grammatical errors are so glaring. However, it becomes more of a pleasure as the grammar improves and the plot unfurls. Your plot is compelling, your main characters are complex, and it's paced well.