Act I, Scene III: Conflagro

Gangnam-gu, Seoul, South Korea - 1701 hours

In the blink of an eye, the photo of the otter named Neem eating mangosteen goes up in flames.

Yelping, Kyungsoo drops the flaming photo and spreads his arms protectively in front of the bed, stomping on the fire as it spreads - he doesn’t really care about Jongin, Jongin can burn into a crispy idol pig-in-a-blanket for all he cares, but if his bed burns down, Kyungsoo can make no promises about what he will do.

“Yikes. Sorry about that,” a voice says from outside his window, sounding distinctly not-sorry. Kyungsoo almost hurls his slipper at the speaker in his distress, but he realizes at the last second it’s not Baekhyun back to make his life miserable again. Instead, waving cheerily at him from the scaly back of an enormous, painfully fluorescent green dragon is G-Dragon himself.

“I haven’t quite learned to control this bugger yet,” the rapper continues, holding up the expensive-looking Italian leather reins looped around the dragon’s neck. “It’s kind of like those damn claw machine games, you know? You can yank on the reins, but you never know what you’re gonna get. Completely unintentional, that fireball. Oops.”

Again, Kyungsoo notes that the other idol looks delighted in a completely intentional way at the sight of the smoking otter-Neem-mangosteen photo, which has coincidentally spread its flames to one of EXO’s past concert posters on his wall. “I would tell you to get out, but you’re already out,” he says, scowling. “Are you going to tell me why you’re riding a fire-breathing dragon outside my window?”

The smirk on the rapper’s face grows into a gloating grin. “My fans bought this sweet ride for me. They decided I ought to have a method of transportation that fits my name - a fashionable green dragon for fashion icon G-Dragon, see? I have the best fans in the world, so considerate and clever and rich and -”

“Does that mean the G in your name stands for green?”

The grin on G-Dragon’s face drops, and his dragon mount growls deep in its throat, which glows faintly orange with contained fire. Kyungsoo gulps, eyeing his bed, and continues hastily, “That doesn’t explain why you’re outside my bedroom window, anyway.” He kicks the flaming photo into the corner, where it is as far from his bed as possible. “Where are your members? Did your fans buy anyone a fire hydrant, by chance?”

Green-Dragon (the name sticks in Kyungsoo's head like Jongdae's tongue to a pole in the winter) shrugs and flaps a hand over his shoulder. “They’re somewhere behind me. And no fire hydrants, sorry.”

Staring out the window, Kyungsoo spots Seungri floating on what appears to be absolutely nothing behind his leader’s shoulder. “Well what is your fan-gifted ride supposed to be?”

Seungri scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I’m riding victory, fool. I’m V.I., yeah? It’s an abstract concept my fans came up with. I wouldn’t expect an EXO-L stan to understand - all you have is a fandom that comes up with dumb theories about hunks of rock in outer space.”

Kyungsoo contemplates sending Minseok and the monster vacuum after Seungri to out some of his insufferable ego. After a few seconds of thought, he’s about to crawl back to the living room and scream in Minseok’s general direction that he’s spilled red wine on the floor and to come quick, but a blurry blob behind Seungri catches his attention instead.