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Interlude III: Hora Somni
Twelfth-Floor Corridor, Hogwarts, World #7991

Off in World #7991, pounding his head against the edge of his picture frame, Kyungsoo is about ready to lose his patience with the two idiots arguing in the twelfth-floor corridor.

“You don’t get it,” insists Gryffindor’s pride and joy, stamping his foot. “I’m Harry Otter! They call me Otter-nim! I’m the Boy Who Lived, not you!”

“Well, I’m the Girl Who Lived,” says the Girl Who Lived with a sniff, “and you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that I claimed the title first.”

Kyungsoo hurls his shoe at them. It doesn’t hit them, of course. Being stuck in a portrait, he can’t do any real damage, he thinks disappointedly. What a shame. Here he was, just about to tuck himself in for his mid-afternoon nap, when along came the Nincompoops Who (Unfortunately) Lived shouting up a racket right in front of his portrait.

“Hey, you bastards,” he says crossly, waving his arms to get their attention, “I’m trying to take a nap here. Mind moving this kerfuffle elsewhere?”

“Just a minute,” Harry Otter says, completely ignoring Kyungsoo, “you claimed the title first? I became the Boy Who Lived when I was a baby! I defeated He Who -”

“Yada yada,” the Girl Who Lived interrupts with an imperious swish of her robes. “Your mummy saved you. Big whoop. I rose to fame through my own prowess.”

“They argued just like this in front of my portrait in the Gryffindor common room for hours yesterday,” a portrait of Sir Minseok the Meticulous tells Kyungsoo conversationally from his position across the corridor. “I had to vacuum all night to clean up the dust they scattered into my frame from gesticulating too passionately.”

“Er,” Kyungsoo says, not knowing quite how to respond. Sir Minseok has always been considered somewhat of an oddball, even for the twelfth-floor corridor. “I’m… sorry?”

“Oh, no.” Sir Minseok smiles blissfully, eyes all starry. “It was glorious. I got to try out my new Dyson V12 Torque Drive vacuum because of them. Those Muggles really know how to make cleaning devices.”

Kyungsoo isn’t sure how exactly Sir Minseok got his hands on a Muggle cleaning device, but he’s fairly certain Sir Minseok, Sir Junmyeon, and the Fat Lady have started a lucrative black market trading ring to sell illicit objects to other Hogwarts portraits. Last week, word had it that Lord Yixing’s portrait in the Hufflepuff common room was caught hiding a unicorn in the grass (Yixing claimed he had “no idea” how it got there. Poor wizard cried for days when the headmaster confiscated the creature).

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says a little desperately, “any chance you’ve got a sleeping draught of some sort? Wizard-made, Muggle-made, I don’t care.”

Sir Minseok eyes him carefully, smoothing down his robes. “I might. For the right price. Why do you need it?”

Wordlessly, Kyungsoo gestures at the Nincompoops Who Lived, who are both red in the face and positively shaking with fury.

“At least my Patronus is cute,” shouts the Girl Who Lived, spittle flying. “Yours is just a fat! Hairy! Otter!”

Harry Otter-nim wheezes in rage. “Take it back! He’s not fat, he’s not! And he’s perfectly well-groomed, excuse you!”