January

Sehun spends the third anniversary of the accident curled up on Jongin’s arms. There is a movie playing, though the volume is so low it’s white noise. Their legs are tangled together, unsure of where one person ends and the other begins. Jongin’s steady of Sehun’s brown hair lulls him into a comforting headspace.

Sehun’s mind wanders back to the ocean. He doesn’t dare dip his feet in, but he stands a good distance away to stare at the dark waters. The ocean is always cold, but today Sehun is warm. He feels like he won’t fly away if the wind blows too hard. The cloudy sky doesn’t scare him. He is safe.

A step, and then another. Sehun walks slowly until his toes are being lapped by frigid waters. The sand sticks to his feet only to get washed away by the water. It’s coming up to his ankles now. Sehun suddenly doesn’t feel so warm anymore. He frowns, glancing to the sky and seeing even more dark clouds that roll in. Is he safe? He must be, yet he can’t help but feel like he’s going to drown.

The water becomes rougher, crashing in louder and larger. Sehun takes a step back, but the waves follow him. His knees are wet now, pants soaked through. His left ankle begins to throb and Sehun stumbles back, falling into the sand. It sticks to his clothes and skin, burying him in its coarseness and Sehun feels the water pull him in. He struggles, but the water has no definite form Sehun can kick or fight away. It dunks his head under and Sehun feels water fill his nose, mouth, and lungs.

Just as he begins to surrender to his captor, Sehun feels hands pull him up by his armpits and suddenly, he can breathe again. He gasps and sputters as the hands pull him to shore. Through the mess of hair, water, and sand, Sehun sees that the skies are somewhat clearing. He coughs up water once they touch land, holding himself up with weak arms. After all the water is gone, Sehun purges his stomach.

“I saved you. You let me save you.”

Sehun wipes his mouth with he back of his hand and finds Jongin, panting and soaked clothes sticking to his skin. “What?” he says weakly.

“You’ve never let me save you. You always swim out further and further. But this time, I got close enough to pull you back.”

Sehun rolls away from his puddle of vomit and lays on his back. His chest rises and falls with labored breaths. “Thank you, Jongin. For saving me.”

“Thank you, Sehun, for letting me save you.”

February

“I think I want to drop out of school.”

“No.” Sehun brushes cookie crumbs off of his textbook onto Jongin’s side of the table. “I won’t let you.”

“Let me live my life. I hate school. I’m almost graduating but I still have no idea what I want to do with my major.” Jongin lies his head flat on his textbook while staring out of the window.

“It’s kinesiology, you can do a lot of things with it.” Sehun gives Jongin a pointed look. “You need to start thinking about those things.”

“What if I become a house-husband?”

“What.”

Jongin lifts his head up and runs his fingers through his hair tiredly. “Honestly, I’m really thinking about it.”

“Who’s going to want you to be their house-husband? You can’t even cook,” Sehun laughs.

“I can be your house-husband,” Jongin offers.

“I’d rather you get a college degree.” Sehun chucks a piece of cookie at Jongin, which he catches with his mouth. “Or become a circus seal. That was such an amazing trick,” he gushes sarcastically. “I can say that my boyfriend is part of a circus act.”

“Shut up.”

March

Kyungsoo leads the way into the dark theater, hand holding Sehun’s tightly, so he doesn’t get lost. He finds two open seats closest to the stage and ushers Sehun in. Sehun settles into the seats feeling a little uncomfortable with how close everyone is and how suffocating it feels with only dim lights.

“You doing okay?” Kyungsoo asks. He puts a comforting hand on Sehun’s thigh and squeezes. “It’ll start in ten minutes.”

“Why aren’t you in it again?” Sehun whispers. “I thought you were in the performing arts department too.”

“I didn’t participate in last semester’s performance and I liked that I had more time to do other things so I didn’t do this semester’s either. I helped out with props and stuff but that’s about it.” Kyungsoo leans his head onto Sehun’s shoulder. “Jongin worked really hard this year. He’s doing a solo, a duet, is the main dancer for one of the choir performances, and the opening act.”

Sehun feels his heart fill with joy and pride at Kyungsoo’s words. “Is he really that good? I’ve never seen him dance before.”

Kyungsoo makes a noise that almost sounds like a moan. “He’s so ing good, I can’t even explain it. All of the underclassmen look up to him and the few seniors that are left respect the hell out of him. He might be elected as leader next year for the dance troupe.” Kyungsoo quiets down at the end. “But that’s supposed to be kept secret. I only know because I eavesdrop when I paint and the dancers are really loud.”

The lights dim even more, and when the curtains pull away, Sehun is enraptured by the way Jongin seems to fill the entire stage and Sehun’s world.

April

“Have you guys done it yet?”

Jongin chokes on his drink and Sehun freezes with his eyes wide open.

Joonmyeon slaps Baekhyun on the back of the head and hisses, “what the hell?” in a quiet voice when half of the café looks over to their booth. “You don’t go around asking people if they’ve had , what kind of heathen are you?”

“I’m just curious about the mechanics!” Baekhyun defends. “Can’t a guy be curious?”

Sehun blinks owlishly. “Well, yes? But…no?” he stutters. “Why here of all places?” Sehun’s one hundred percent sure his face and ears are bright red.

Baekhyun shrugs. “You give each other eyes and pretend like we’re not here, when we are here and I feel like I’m intruding on my parents.” Baekhyun ducks out of the way of Joonmyeon’s smack but isn’t ready for Jongin’s leg to kick him under the table. “ you!”

The entire café glares at their booth. Again.

May

Sehun holds back another sob and shakes his entire body. He can’t even keep his legs steady as he staggers to the front door where he hears Baekhyun banging incessantly. When he manages to unlock it, the door swings open, nearly knocking Sehun off balance, and Baekhyun barrels into him, a mess of arms and legs that pin Sehun to the wall.

“It was very minor. Just a bump. Don’t worry, Jongin’s just talking to insurance and the other driver. There’s just a dent on his car. He is fine, Sehunah.” Baekhyun Sehun’s hair just like Jongin and shushes him softly. “It’s okay. He’s okay.”

Sehun’s heart is still pounding and even though the rational part of his mind sees the reason in Baekhyun’s words, he can’t stop the tears from coming and the cries from bubbling out of his chest. “I was so scared when he called,” Sehun hiccups. “I thought…I thought-”

“Don’t think about that. He’s okay. He just wanted to tell you, so you’d know that he’d be home late. He didn’t want to worry you,” Baekhyun comforts. “He called me over because he knew you’d still freak out.” Baekhyun lets out a small laugh. “You’re such a baby.”

“You’re really bad at comforting people.” Sehun punches Baekhyun’s back with all the strength he has – which, at the moment, wasn’t much. “I’d rather he called Joonmyeon or Kyungsoo. You’re really bad at this stuff.”

Clicking his tongue but still Sehun’s hair gently, Baekhyun chides, “Be thankful. I’m all you’re getting until your man comes home.”

June

“Are you ready?”

Sehun shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut. “No, no, nope. Not doing this. Not today.” He stays planted on the sidewalk with his hands curled into fists by his side. “I can’t do it. Nope, nope, nope.”

Jongin puts his hands on Sehun’s shoulders and holds them there, thumbs rubbing circles into Sehun’s skin. “Take it slow. I’m not throwing you into it. One step at a time.” He tilts his head to look Sehun in the eyes, though they were currently shut tight. “Take a step.”

Sehun lets out a shaky whimper and shakes Jongin’s hands off his shoulders. “I can’t. I can’t, Jongin,” he protests.

“Come on. Just one step. You can do it.” Sehun feels Jongin come closer and wrap his arms around his waist. “A single step. It can be really small, but one step is enough.” When Sehun begins to whine again, breaths coming out in sharp puffs, Jongin switches tactics. “Okay, okay. You don’t have to do it. Just open your eyes. Come on,” he urges.

Sehun swallows thickly and his tear covered eyelashes flutter open hesitantly. “I don’t think I can do it. Let’s take the bus. I can do buses.”

“Do you want to try again in a bit, or are you sure you want to take the bus? We might have to wait until next week for open seats.”

Sehun makes an upset noise in the back of his throat at that. “Wait. No. I can try. Just…can we do this again in five minutes? I feel like I might faint.”

Jongin nods and moves so he has his arms holding Sehun steady in case he falls. “Do you want to go back to the apartment or just sit here?” When he