4 :  r e s t a r t

Jeju had always been quiet at night, and it was especially so tonight. By half past nine the streets of Jeju were empty, and any person on foot would have had nothing but the street lamps as company. Thankfully, Donghae's family had their own car, so there was no need for them to walk an inch. They drove steadily on the bumpy roads of Jeju, making their way to Seogwipo. The holidays had arrived and the Lees had made it a tradition to drive from their main house in Busan, Seoul to their holiday house in Seogwipo, Jeju to spend time together away from the bustling city life. Donghae sat in the backseat alone, holding onto the corners of both his parents' seats as he peered through the windshield. The family had been in the car for nearly the entire day, making pitstops every now and then to use the restroom or get snacks.

"Appa, are we reaching anytime soon?" Donghae asked, glancing at his watch. "My favourite show starts in twenty minutes."

Donghae's father squinted, looking at his son through the rear-view mirror, keeping his hands firmly gripped onto the steering wheel.

"We'll be there in fifteen, Donghae," was his father's firm reply.

Stirring uncomfortably in his seat, Donghae sighed. The last episode of his favourite drama, 'The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince', was due to air that night, and Donghae wanted to catch it upon being aired. He hated being left out of the loop on the latest episodes of his favourite television shows and a re-run of the episode probably wouldn't be telecasted anytime soon. Donghae's mother smiled, turning her head to look at her only son, who was sulking away. The sight of her son's pout made her nearly forget that the boy was turning twenty soon.

"Donghae ah, isn't it more important that we arrive at the house safely?" she nagged, her voice as motherly as it could possibly get.

"Yes, eomma, but I really need to find out what happens to Yoon Eunhye's character in the last episode," Donghae answered as if to justify his bratty behaviour. "I made a bet with Kyuhyun that her character is going to die. Money's on the line, eomma."

Donghae's mother watched as the boy heaved another sigh, resting his head on one hand while tapping his fingers on his lap with his other hand. She shook her head, breaking out in a soft smile. Donghae may have been turning twenty soon, but in her eyes, he was still the same baby boy that she had cradled and cared for since 1986.

Just then, the car's headlights began to flicker. Donghae perked up instantly, a sudden wave of anxiousness washing over him.

"Appa, w-what's happening?" he asked, his voice quivering slightly.

His father continued to steer the wheel, following the bendy roads of Jeju despite what was happening to the headlights.

"It's nothing," he reassured, keeping a straight face. "Maybe the bulbs are nearly out."

Donghae's mother turned around, forcing a smile to calm her panicked son.

"Don't worry, Donghae," she comforted. "we're almost the—"

All of a sudden, the car was blinded by a bright light coming from the opposite direction. A loud horn blared at them repetitively and in seconds the sight of a black SUV charging unsteadily towards them forced Donghae's father into swerving the car to avoid collision. However, it was too late. The SUV collided into the side of the Lees' family car, causing the car to swerve left and overturn several times. Shrill cries of hysteria and panic filled both the car and the quiet roads of Jeju; house lights had begun to flicker on upon the sounds of tyres screeching and cars crashing and—

"NOOOOOO!"

Donghae's eyes shot open. He gripped the sheets beneath him, beads of perspiration trickling down his forehead as his heart raced like the beat of a drum. He stared at the ceiling, panting. It took him a while to realise that he had just had a nightmare. It was the same recurring nightmare that he had had for the last seven or so years. By now Donghae had grown so accustomed to it that he no longer cried upon waking up. Instead, he sat up, throwing his face into his hands, his head throbbing. He looked at the analog clock on his bedside table and read the time: 3:27 AM. Donghae had gotten home no more than two hours ago. He was still in a dress shirt and formal pants, his tie hanging loosely around his neck. He had spent the night having dinner at a restaurant with Hyukjae, followed by a little drinking spree in celebration of his birthday. He was the only one who drank, however. I don't drink and I never will; at least not when I'm driving, Hyukjae had explained as he watched Donghae down a couple of shots.

Once he had gotten a hold of his breath, Donghae clambered out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He the tap and ran a bath for himself, pouring a lavender-scented liquid into the bath tub before proceeding to undress himself. Once the bath was ready, he climbed into the tub, groaning from the throbbing headache. The warm, soapy water blanketed him, lapping at his skin. Donghae tried to fight off the hangover, struggling to recall what had happened moments before arriving home. He remembered Hyukjae sending him to his doorstep. He remembered the auburn-haired man asking for permission to stay the night, and him denying him the chance to. He also remembered how he had stolen a kiss on the cheek to, in his words, "make up for loss time". Donghae groaned once more, this time at the recollection of what happened before he had gone to bed. Why did I let him kiss me, he asked himself, hitting his head in frustration. Aren't I being too easy? He slid down the bathtub, continuing to soak in the water as he mentally cussed at himself.

Early the next day, there was a knock on the door. Donghae, who had already gotten up, rushed to get it. He wasn't expecting anybody, so the sound of a visitor made him both anxious and relieved. Afterall, he was still recovering from a hangover, and had started to feel lonely. Donghae unlatched the door, turning the handle before pulling it open.

"Good morning!"

Donghae opened his mouth in shock at the sight of the man standing in front of him.

"Kyuhyun ah!" he exclaimed, embracing his best friend tightly. "What are you doing here?"

Kyuhyun, who was dressed to the nines in a white dress shirt, grey vest, matching pants and a navy blue blazer slung over one arm, removed his shoes and stepped into the house. He set a white paper bag onto the dining table before sitting on the couch, quickly making himself feel at home. He grinned as his friend started towards the kitchen, scrambling for all the things he needed to make his best friend some tea.

"I'm here to visit you, of course!" Kyuhyun answered, making sure his voice was loud enough for Donghae to hear from the kitchen. "I felt bad for not being able to spend your birthday with you so I decided to surprise you. Knowing your boring , I bet you didn't make any plans for today."

Donghae emerged from the kitchen with a tray seconds later, setting it onto the coffee table in front of the couch. He stirred the teapot before pouring piping hot tea into the two teacups he had washed in the kitchen earlier on.

"Don't lie to me," he joked, scanning Kyuhyun from head to toe. "You wouldn't dress up like this for me. Tell me the real reason why you're here."

Kyuhyun tut-tutted disapprovingly, taking a sip from one of the teacups.

"Why do you always make me sound like an ?"

Donghae smirked. "Simple, it's because you are an . Every fibre of your being makes you an ."

"True," Kyuhyun agreed. "but not today! Today, I'm taking you on a belated birthday date. Your outfit is in the white bag I put on the dining table."

Donghae glanced over at the white paper bag that Kyuhyun brought. He furrowed his brows.

"It better not be something stupid," he warned, "or else I will not hesitate to kill you."

Kyuhyun gasped and pretended to choke on his tea, setting the teacup down. Then he stood up, walked over to the dining table and picked up the white paper bag before retreating back to the couch. Kyuhyun overturned the bag, emptying its contents onto the couch. Out fell a white dress shirt identical to his own, and an olive green blazer and tapered pants. Donghae's mouth fell open.

"Still think it's stupid?" Kyuhyun snickered, leaning back with his arms outstretched.

Donghae picked up the clothing articles one at a time, his face filled with gratitude. He ran his fingers over the fabric of the blazer before folding it and placing it on his lap.

"Oh my god," he started, "it's been a long time since I dressed up at all. I ing love them. Plus, you picked both the pants and blazer in my favourite colour."

"Well, happy belated birthday, kiddo," Kyuhyun replied simply, the corners of his lips ascending into a smile.

Donghae continued to gloss his eyes over the clothing pieces, grinning to himself. It made Kyuhyun feel extremely content seeing his best friend this elated, although it really didn't take much for him to have picked the gift for him. He'd known Donghae for roughly thirteen years by now, so figuring out what his best friend would like came naturally to him. He had always been protective of Donghae, and all the more so after he lost his memory. He would do anything to ensure that his best friend was safe and happy, which brought him to his hidden agenda of meeting Donghae that day.

"Anyway, Donghae," Kyuhyun began, combing his fingers through his hair. "How was your birthday?"

Interlacing his fingers, Donghae beamed. 

"It was good."

"I'm gonna need way more than that, my friend " Kyuhyun quipped. "Spill the beans."

Shrugging his shoulders, Donghae tilted his head and sighed.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Don't make me make you say it," Kyuhyun warned.

"Okay, okay, fine, jesus," Donghae surrendered, rolling his eyes. "I had lunch with Hyukjae..."

"And?"

"...and dinner."

"I'm waiting."

Donghae threw his head back, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He turned to look at the raven-haired man seated next to him.

"And I found out a ton of stuff from before I lost my memory," he concluded, looking out for Kyuhyun's reaction.

Kyuhyun didn't react, though. Instead, he picked up his teacup, finished the tea and stared back at Donghae, waiting for him to share more information on what had happened the previous day. He really wanted to know what the brunette had gotten up to on the day he turned twenty-seven, and would not drop the topic even if his life depended on it. He knew his best friend too well and doubted that Donghae had spent the day so uneventfully. And so he waited for an explanation. Donghae, knowing this, thought carefully about what he should and should not reveal to his best friend of thirteen years. He reached beneath the coffee table, taking out a small, brown box that had a bow on its lid.

"Apparently, according to Hyukjae," Donghae said as he opened the lid of the box, revealing a stack of polaroids. "we were lovers."

Kyuhyun choked on his saliva and started coughing violently.

"What?!"

"Yeah, and that's not all. He told me that we knew each other from high school. Apparently we went to the same high school and began dating secretly after a few months of knowing each other."

Donghae started to take the polaroids out of box one at a time, before handing them to Kyuhyun. There were five in total, and all of them featured the same couple; one of them, a raven-haired adolescent man that couldn't have been any older than twenty, and the other, Kyuhyun recognised, was Donghae. Donghae continued to explain.

"He told me that we were separated after graduation because his parents made him further his studies overseas. He even mentioned how I moved on to college with you. He knows your name, Kyuhyun."

Kyuhyun's eyes rolled up and he started to think about what Donghae had just said. It didn't make sense to him.

"Donghae, you know that doesn't make sense. If you guys had known each other and even dated in high school, don't you think I'd have known about it? Don't you think I'd have at least recognised his face when I found his picture in that online article? C'mon, I've known you since we were fourteen."

Donghae shrugged. The man had a point; he always did; but Donghae didn't have enough information about himself to confirm or deny anything. Considering the fact that more than half of his memory had been wiped out and he had no surviving family members to help him remember, the only information Donghae could rely on to make any sense of his forgotten past, was whatever Kyuhyun had told him about himself, and whatever Hyukjae had revealed the previous night, and would be revealing in the days to come. Donghae tried to reason with his best friend using what little information he had.

"Well, he did say we dated in secret. He didn't tell me why we dated in secret, though."

"Uh, maybe it's because South Korea's a nut and gay men can't be out in public without the entire world coming after their blood?" Kyuhyun suggested patronisingly.

"Maybe," Donghae contemplated, his voice quiet, "or maybe nobody knew we were gay."

Kyuhyun grimaced, looking thoroughly insulted.

"What are you talking about?! I knew you were gay!"

"Yeah, but have you always known?"

"What?"

"I'm asking you," Donghae repeated, "if you've always known."

Kyuhyun was silent. This time it was Donghae's turn to pick up his teacup and sip at the cold tea, waiting expectantly. Kyuhyun's face had contorted into an odd expression, and Donghae couldn't read it. He waited patiently for Kyuhyun to come up with an answer. Kyuhyun, on the other hand, was flipping through the polaroids one at a time, trying really hard to recall whether or not he had ever seen the face of the youth hugging young Donghae in real life before. He kept thinking for a bit more, before placing all the polaroids back into the empty brown box that was now on the coffee table.

"Ah," he piped, as if he had reached an epiphany. "I think I know why I don't know who this Lee Hyukjae bloke is."

Kyuhyun paused, looking at Donghae.

"I think it's because you only came out of the closet on your twenty-second birthday..."

Donghae set his teacup onto the table, reaching for the teapot. He poured some tea into the cup and took a sip.

"...but why?"

As Donghae took sip after sip of tea, Kyuhyun kept thinking.

"Don't you think it's weird you kept your relationship with Hyukjae; not forgetting your uality; a secret from me?" Kyuhyun questioned. "Me, of all people. I find the whole thing really suspicious, and I'm seriously worried this guy isn't all you think he is. Were you two really in a relationship, or did he make this up?"

Kyuhyun covered the box and returned it to its position beneath the coffee table. He shuddered.

"You know what? it. Let's not think about it. It's making my brain hurt," he said firmly before pointing to the clothes that he had bought for his best friend. "Go and get dressed, loser. I'm here for a good time, not a long time, and definitely not to analyse the bloke whose you ."

"Okay first of all—"

"Shut up."

Kyuhyun pulled his best friend off the couch with one arm and grabbed the clothes with the other before shoving them both into Donghae's bedroom.

"I'm giving you half an hour to get ready, or else I'm leaving. We have a looooooong day ahead of us."

Kyuhyun shut the bedroom door. On the other side, Donghae sighed. He undressed himself, putting on the clothes Kyuhyun had gotten him instead. I really ing wish I knew who I was and what happened before I lost my memory, he thought.